Looking Back and Forward

On this last day of the year you may be reflecting on all that 2007 held and looking forward to what 2008 may bring. I could never imagine this past year would hold so many trials in such a short amount of time. And yet God has faithfully loved us and helped us through them.

There's a small verse tucked away in Psalm 105:18 and it is describing Joseph's trials when he was sold into slavery by his brothers. It says,
"His neck was put in irons." A commentary I read said, " The irons of sorrow and loss, the burdens carried as a youth, and the soul's struggle against sin all contribute to developing an iron tenacity and strength of purpose, as well as endurance and fortitude. And these traits make up the indispensable foundation and framework of noble character. Never run from suffering, but bear it silently, patiently, and submissively, with the assurance that it is God's way of instilling iron into your spiritual life. The world is looking for iron leaders, iron armies, iron tendons, and muscles of steel. But God is looking for iron saints, and since there is no way to impart iron into His people's moral nature except by letting them suffer, He allows them to suffer. Are you afflicted with opposition, misunderstandings, and the scorn of others? Do your afflictions seem as thick as the undergrowth confronting someone hiking through a jungle Then take heart! Your time is not wasted, for God is simply putting you through His iron regimen. Your iron crown of suffering precedes your golden crown of glory, and iron is entering your soul to make it strong and brave." F.B. Meyer

None of us knows what God has in store in 2008. But one thing I am sure of, whatever He allows to touch your life will come with meaning and purpose. The iron He has let touch my soul this year has made me stronger and braver. I have become a better wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister and teacher. I have learned how to bring my fears to God and to come away with a peace that passes understanding. I have learned to hear and heed his voice. I have learned I can trust Him to walk me through each day no matter how many thorns are on the path. I have learned to rejoice always and in everything give thanks. What have you learned this year? Look forward with assurance that He will never leave you or forsake you. He will be right by your side through the joys and trials 2008 will hold.

Today I will finish my year with yet one more medical procedure. A colonoscopy wouldn't be my choice but it's my doctor's. In the light of all I've been through it's just one more hurdle to go over as I run to complete healing. I am counting on His presence once again to be with me today. Another fasting, another trip to Scripps, another I.V., going to sleep again, in the recovery room again, one more iron infusion into my soul, more strength and bravery being imparted. As I close my eyes and drift off to twilight sleep I will rest in the assurance that my Father is still with me, still holding and comforting me and still whispering,"Trust Me, I Love You."

"Every difficult task that comes across your path-every one you would rather not do, that will take the most effort, cause the most pain, and be the greatest struggle-brings a blessing with it. And refusing to do it regardless of the personal cost is to miss the blessing.
Every difficult stretch of road in which you see the Master's footprints and along which He calls you to follow Him leads unquestionably to blessings. And they are blessings you will never receive unless you travel the steep and thorny path.
Every battlefield you encounter, when you are required to draw your sword and fight the enemy has the possibility of victory that will prove to be a rich blessing to your life. And every heavy burden you are called upon to lift hides within itself a miraculous secret of strength." J.R. Miller

I would rather not juice carrots and eat healthy. It takes a lot of effort and is a daily struggle. I would rather not be in the battlefield of cancer. My sword is too heavy and I am weary of the fight. And yet I know if I give up I will miss the blessing God has for me. I know within this heavy burden is a miraculous secret of strength. So I have a good cry, wipe my tears, put my hand in His and walk through the day with His peace guarding my heart.

What heavy burden is God calling you to lift? What difficult task would you rather not do? What steep and thorny path are you being called to travel? Look for the blessing along the way and the strength He'll give you to take one more step.

More Than A Conqueror

"In all these things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." Romans 8:37

Today in my devotional this is what I read. "He wants us to be "more than conquerors" turning storm clouds into chariots of victory. It is obvious when an army becomes "more than conquerors," for it drives its enemies from the battlefield and confiscates their food and supplies. This is exactly what scripture means. There are spoils to be taken. When you were struck with an injury and you thought you had lost everything, did you trust in God to the point that you came out richer than you were before? Being "more than a conqueror" means taking the spoils from the enemy and appropriating them for yourself. What your enemy had planned to use it for your defeat, you can confiscate for you own."

When Dr. Moon, of Brighton, England, was suddenly struck with blindness, he said, "Lord, I accept this 'talent' of blindness from you. Help me to use it for Your glory so that when you return, you may receive it 'back with interest'. (Remember the story in Matthew 25 of the master who gave his 3 slaves each some talents?) God then enabled Dr. Moon to invent the Moon Alphabet for the blind, through which thousands of blind people were enabled to read the word of God and come to know Him.

Paul's thorn in the flesh was never removed. Instead God used it for his glory. The ministry of thorns often has a greater ministry to those around you than the ministry of thrones. The greatest victory ever won was only after a crown of thorns had been placed on Jesus' head and he was crucified for the sins of the world. That victory is what enables each of us to be more than conquerors as we face our own battles.

I refuse to let cancer conqueror my body or my spirit. I am determined by His grace and with His help to take the spoils from the enemy. Throughout this entire journey I am going to trust God and come out richer than I was before I started. I am going to take my 'talent' of cancer and let it be multiplied for good in my life and in the lives of others.

I don't know what God has allowed to come into your life. No matter how difficult or long the trial is, persevere until you are more than a conqueror. Don't let the enemy steal your joy or peace. Trust God explicitly and walk in the victory He has for you. And when you stand face to face with your creator you are most likely to hear these words, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

Anchored In The Storm

Yesterday between doctors appointments I sat in a restaurant with Sewell eating a delicious grilled vegetable sandwich on whole wheat bread, fighting back tears of gratitude. It feels like I have been on this journey for a year and yet it has only been a little over 3 months. I remember the day I received the call from my doctor telling me I had cancer. I was shocked, numb and overwhelmed with the prospect of trying to figure out what to do. I knew very little about breast cancer and had no idea what questions to ask a doctor. I had just finished my appointment with a nutritionist and I was able to ask many questions and totally understood everything he talked to me about! I am eating and loving foods I never thought I would like. I no longer walk by cookies and cakes and feel sad and deprived. Carrot juice is something I look forward to drinking every day. I am feeling more rested than I probably ever have in my adult life. In the midst of the most stressful season I have walked through I am learning to get rid of stress and let peace reside in my heart on a daily basis. I am not afraid, confused or hopeless. I am enjoying a greater love with my husband than anyone should get to experience in a lifetime. And I owe it all to cancer. Thank you God for blessing me so richly!

As I look back I have truly learned the most profound and yet simple truth. When God sends the storm He wants us to cling to Jesus who is sitting in the boat with us. He is our life preserver. His word is our anchor. I have chosen to trust His promises to me. Just this morning I was again reading all the verse cards that have been given to me. Everyone one of them has come to pass. He has been my fortress, my rock, my refuge and my personal bravery. He has shown His great power in helping me, He has directed my path and has kept me in perfect peace. I could write pages of promises I have stood on and have come to pass.

Each day I have chosen to look at God and not the storm. The disciple Peter has been my example. When God called him out of the storm, he did not sink as long as he kept his eyes on Jesus. It was only when he looked at the magnitude of the waves that he began to be pulled under by them. It is a choice that you and I must make. Look at your circumstances and you will be overwhelmed with fear and panic. Look at Jesus and you will know a peace that passes any human understanding.

During my lifeguard training this summer we had to demonstrate to our instructor what to do if a drowning swimmer tries to grab us while we are attempting to rescue them. I thought of how panic in our own lives causes us to flail and thrash and grab for anything to save us. And yet God is the only one who can rescue us. He wants us to calmly and quietly reach out to Him and allow Him to pull us to shore. He will throw His word for us to hold on to. Grab it with all your strength. It will calm the storm raging in your heart.

I was celebrating a great lab report yesterday. My nutritionist said there are only small leaks in my boat that can easily be fixed! My triglycerides were 40. Normal is below 200. These are the chemical form in which most fats exist in food as well as the body. They can be made in the body from carbohydrates. My cholesterol dropped from 179 to 138. My estrogen levels were normal even though cancer is a hormone driven disease. But the most exciting thing to me were my lower than normal liver enzymes. Since the liver is the processing center for all toxins in the body it is good indicator of health. My liver is super clean and not diseased! YEAH! Let's toast with another glass of carrot juice which has been a major player in detoxifying my liver and the rest of my cells. I was also told I have a high level of white blood cells. My body is starting to become a leaner, cleaner, cancer fighting machine!

I also had a bone density test yesterday and should get the results of that soon. Now I need to make a few adjustments in my nutrition program and ride my exercise bike more to raise my HDL (good) cholesterol! I will continue eating what I have been. I was asked last night what I crave the most and I honestly couldn't think of anything. That truly is a miracle!

Please continue to pray for direction concerning Tamoxifen which is a drug they want me to take to prevent the cancer from coming back. It has some potential serious side affects. I also need wisdom about doing IV Vitamin C therapy. Our 21 year old daughterAshley may be facing surgery to remove a ganglion from her wrist in 2 weeks. Pray she can find God's peace and comfort since it will require her being off work during this time.

I am off to pack my salad for lunch and get ready for school. Thank you for rejoicing with me and taking the time to read the novel I wrote! God is so good. How can I say it in a paragraph?

Digging Your Ditches

"This is what the Lord says: Make this valley full of ditches. For this is what the Lord says: You will see neither wind nor rain, yet this valley will be filled with water, and you, your cattle and your other animals will drink. This is an easy thing in the eyes of the Lord.... The next morning, about the time for offering the sacrifice, there it was-water flowing from the direction of Edom! And the land was filled with water. 2 Kings 3:16-18. 20

This is a fascinating story in 2nd Kings of God's miraculous provision of water for the Israelite armies. What God was promising seemed impossible but nothing is too difficult for him. He had commanded the armies to dig ditches and He would fill them. In faith they dug.
A.B. Simpson says, "The greatest victory of faith is to stand at the shore of the impassable Red Sea and to hear the Master say, "Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today." (Exodus 14:13) As we step out in faith, without any sign or sound, taking our first steps into the water, we will see the water divide. Continuing to march ahead, we will see a pathway open through the very midst of the sea. It is the role of faith not to question but to simply obey. Dig the ditches and God will fill them. But He will do this in the most unexpected places and in the most unexpected ways. May we expect Him to work although we see no wind or rain."

Recently God has been impressing upon my heart that believing is seeing rather than seeing is believing. 2nd Corinthians 5:7 commands us to live by faith, not by sight. I am going to continue to believe that God is healing me even if I don't have medical proof yet. I am digging my ditches each day with good nutrition, supplements, rest, prayer, exercise and ridding my life of stress. I know my healing is coming. The ditches are being filled with good health every day. On a daily basis I am trying to be obedient to what He is calling me to do.

What about you? Are you listening to His voice to hear what He wants to speak to you? If He tells you the pace you are living is too hectic are you slowing down? If He whispers in your ear that you are exhausted, are you disciplining yourself to get to bed earlier? If your quiet times are hurried and sporadic, are you carving out time each day to be still and wait in His presence? All God wants from our lives is surrender and obedience.

I know God could miraculously heal me. I would much prefer that over the disciplined life He is calling me to. And yet I know this path will be sweeter and more fruitful in the long run. Digging ditches is hard work. Obedience always is and yet that's the place where Jesus meets us and changes us into His image. Step out in faith and dig. The water is coming!

BE DILIGENT TO REST!

"There remains therefore a rest for the people of God. For he who has entered His rest has himself also ceased form his works as God did from His. Let us therefore be diligent to enter that rest..." Hebrews 4:9-11

Most of us can't enter a Sabbath rest that is being talked about much less rest during the week. It is probably the hardest thing I am trying to learn. Our society does not applaud rest. We live at a frenzied pace that is not good for our bodies or our souls. We race through each day trying to accomplish as much as we can and yet it never gets all done. Our minds set the pace for our bodies. We are distracted with so many to do lists and problems running through our heads. It is a disease that can only be cured through purposeful rest.

I still have so much to learn about resting but here are a few things God has shown me. He says to come to Him when we are weary and heavy laden and He will give us rest. I know most of us are heavy laden every day so we need to enter a resting place with Him. Establish and guard your daily quiet resting time with God. Sit and pray. Listen. Read. Be silent. Don't rush through. Resting for only 10 minutes won't accomplish the deep work He's trying to do in your soul.

Be purposeful about powering down throughout the day. Unplug yourself from the crazy, busy life. Take 5 minutes and move away from your desk. Take a walk. Pray. Clear your mind. Sit and read a book. You will be amazed and what these short little breaks will do for you.

Plan a time each week to do something fun. Treat yourself to a movie, a walk at the beach, a date with your husband or to anything that refreshes you.

Let things go. I am trying to rid myself of my perfectionist tendencies. I constantly remind myself the mental stress isn't worth it. I am working on pushing thoughts out of my mind that aren't healthy for me. Worrying does not bring rest. Learning to rest for me means changing how I see things. It means letting old habits die in exchange for life to my body and mind.

Diligently guard your sleep. Sleep deprivation impairs your immune system, it causes foggy thinking and grouchy attitudes. There isn't one benefit to living on 6 hours of sleep a night but there are dozens to getting 8 or more. I stop my evening so I can be in bed at 8:30 p.m every night. If things aren't done it just doesn't matter. I'm sure they will still be there tomorrow. Because I get to bed at 8:30 I am able to get up at 4:30 a.m. to have a good quiet time with God. It's my "breakfast" and the most healthy thing I can do for my body and heart the entire day.

Enlist the help of a friend who will hold you accountable for your rest. Ask God to show you each day the areas you could do better in. He loves you and will be quick to answer you.

Remind yourself resting is not sin or laziness. It is mandated in the word. God knows we need it. Someone told me recently that all the nutritional things I am doing are very good and beneficial but my healing will come from Resting In The Lord!

You may not need a physical healing but I am sure the Lord will heal you of many other things as you purposefully begin to enter His rest on a daily basis.

REMEMBER TO
REST AND
RELAX!

I would love to hear what God does as you enter that place!

Putting Things Into Perspective

I have found on this cancer journey with God that He is causing me to see things with a new perspective. The things that used to bother me and cause me stress have become insignificant as I have had to face a battle for health and life. Each of us can choose to face our day with optimism and thankfulness. Yes, I still have bills to pay but I am thankful that He has provided great jobs for my husband and me. I still have a house to clean but I am thankful that is warm and filled with people that love each other. My to do list is still longer than I have hours in my day but I am grateful He is going to give me many good days of health to accomplish what is most important. Eating and drinking has become purposeful,disciplined and hard work but I am grateful for juicers, food processors and friends and family who are helping me stay the course.

Can you imagine if every time we started to grumble or complain we turned it into a prayer of Thanksgiving? We each have the ability to do this but we often don't choose it. What I have found is when I praise more and complain less stress falls off me and my mind is filled with more pleasant and peaceful thoughts. Purpose each day not to complain or be negative. Give those thoughts to God instead of giving them to the listening ears of those around you. You will be amazed at what happens inside you! Your family will appreciate it too! God is big enough to handle all your problems, all your concerns, all your fears, all your doubts. He is your dad and He loves you so much! It's when you are at His feet or in His arms you will gain a new perspective on your life. If we could each see our life as He does I believe our hearts would be overwhelmed with gratitude for the wonderful and amazing plan He has for us. There would be no room or need for complaining. Why wait until we get to Heaven to get His perspective? I believe He will give it to us right now! Don't wait for cancer to come along to gain it.

Nothing is impossible with God

"For nothing is impossible with God." These words were spoken by an angel to Mary concerning her cousin Elizabeth's pregnancy. The angel was telling Mary she would bear Jesus as a virgin. Elizabeth was used as an example of God doing the impossible in order to give Mary faith to believe and not doubt. The very next verse after this one is Mary's response. She says, "I am the Lord's servant..."

I think most of us don't live believing we serve a God of the impossible. Our daily worries and concerns demonstrate our fear and lack of faith. We look at our circumstances and listen to what the world whispers in our ear about them. This morning in my quiet time I read these words, "...even if we took our circumstances and cast all the darkness of human doubt upon them and then hastily piled as many difficulties together as we could find against God's divine work, we could never move beyond the blessedness of His miracle-working power. May we place our faith completely in Him, for He is the God of the impossible."

For the first time in my life I have really had to place my faith completely in God as I have faced cancer. Doctors are telling me what I am doing is impossible. They don't believe taking the nutritional route will heal cancer. Their prediction of death over my life is enough to cause me to be tempted to run off the path I believe and am trusting God has called me to. Daily I remind myself that my Father is a God of the impossible. My faith is stretched and strengthened with every supplement I take and every glass of carrot juice I drink. He is a God of the impossible and He loves to show His miracle working power through us.

No matter what circumstance you find yourself in today, remember He is a God of the impossible. He will give you the strength to forgive. He will give you the courage to apologize. He will give you the ability to face your day with joy and thanksgiving. You are so blessed no matter what is happening in your life because you have a giant slayer on your side! Nothing is impossible with Him. If you truly believe this you will face each day with joyful anticipation of what God is going to do in and through you. By your attitudes and actions choose to be a miracle in the making!

Thanks Giving

Since I last wrote we had my father-in-laws service, I ate a turkeyless Thanksgiving and we watched Taryn run at state. All first time experiences for me. Sewell did a beautiful job at giving the eulogy for his father. I know his dad would have been proud. It was a perfect day and we had a view of the ocean from where we sat during the service. I know that would have pleased dad since he spent so much of his life on the water. It was a sweet time of remembering a man who poured his life into ours.
Thanksgiving came and in spite of not eating turkey and all the trimmings I have so much to be thankful for. As I look back at these past few months I have been surrounded by friends and family that have loved me and supported me. Without them I don't know what I would have done. I am especially thankful for my youngest sister Sani who flew out from New Mexico to help me during this time. For the past 3 months I haven't gotten anything done on my to do list and she helped relieve my stress by doing a good majority of them. Thank you Sani and to all of you who have prayed for me, sent cards, fixed meals, juiced carrots, gave me gifts, bought books for me, worked in my yard and loved on my family during this very difficult journey. I am rich because of you!
The day after Thanksgiving we drove to Fresno to watch Taryn run in the state meet. There were 198 girls in her division and she placed 97th. We were very proud of her. It was by far the fastest race she has been in this year and she ran a tough race.
Yesterday I received an email from someone I don't know but who is a friend of a friend. She had battled breast cancer 10 years ago and was healed going a nutritional route. She outlined what she did and then she said something she went on a "just say no program". Meaning she stopped going and going. She stayed home at night and allowed her body to rest and heal. She removed every stress she had the power to remove. She went on to say stress is a killer.
As I thought about that I realized how much stress we all allow and have in our lives. Over and over I read how stress is so damaging to the immune system which is our greatest source of protection from disease and illness. I hope you will embark on a "just say no program" and begin to eliminate the stress you can from your life. It isn't healthy for any of us. Since reading her email I gave back a responsibility I had taken on at school. I am going to ask God to show me any further stresses I could get rid of. I am no longer doing things out of a sense of obligation. Time is precious for all of us and we need to learn to invest our time, not just spend it. If this is difficult for you to do ask people that love you to help determine what things you could get rid of in your life. An outside perspective is always helpful. I know Joni and Sani have helped me in this area this year. I pray you will not wait until you are sick or diagnosed with a serious illness before you slow down. Learn from those who have gone before you. You can say No! He will give you the courage. There are always others that can do what you are doing, even if you don't think there are. Pray more, stress less!

Celebrations In The Midst Of Storms

Even in the midst of storms God will bring us moments of celebration. Yesterday was one of them. Taryn ran in the CIF Cross Country championships and placed 8th overall out of about 100 girls which qualified her for the state meet next weekend in Fresno! Our entire family plus 2 aunts were there to cheer her on. The last meet she had was the League Championships which qualified her for CIF. We celebrated by visiting Dad and sharing our joy with him. He died the next morning. I know he would be very proud of Taryn and happy for her. She has worked so hard all summer and fall to get where she is.
Right after the meet we went and celebrated Ashley's 21st birthday which is tomorrow. There was much healing laugther as we sat around the table enjoying one anther's company.
These are a few quotes from my devotional this morning that encouraged me. "God knows that you can withstand your trial, or else he would not have given it to you. His trust in you explains the trials of your life, no mater how severe they may be. God knows your strength, and He measure it to the last inch. Remember, no trial has ever been given to anyone that was greater than that person's strength, THROUGH GOD, to endure it. Rise up today to face the circumstances in which the providence of God has placed you. Your crown of glory is hidden in the heart of these things-the hardships and trials pressing in on you this very hour, week, and month of your life. Yet the most difficult things are not those seen and known by the world but those deep within your soul, unseen and unknown by anyone except Jesus. But I must believe that when difficulties remain, it is that I may learn to trust Him completely-to trust and not be afraid. And it is through my mental and emotional struggles that I am being trained to tutor others who are being tossed by the storm."
Today remember that God trusts you and He wants you to trust Him completely. Through God, and God only you can endure anything. The providence of God places every trial into your life. You are being trained to tutor others who are being tossed by the storm. And while you are in the storm look for moments to celebrate the goodness of God. Don't wait for the seas to be calm and your feet to be standing on solid ground before you give thanks to God. Maybe your praise is the very thing that will calm the winds that are beating against your life.

He instructs me in the night season

One of the most daunting tasks these past few months has been to decide what course of treatment I should take. As I explored all the options I felt strongly that God was not leading me to do chemotherapy or radiation. Taking a nutritional approach has been a step of faith. The majority of people diagnosed with cancer probably don't take this route because it is not one the doctors are familiar with or educated in. My doctors have been skeptical and one has even told me I will die if I don't do chemo or radiation. These are words that can strike fear in anyone's heart. And yet I have to trust what God is speaking to me more than what man is.

Psalm 16:7 says,
"I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel,
My heart also instructs me in the night seasons.
I have set the Lord always before me;
Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices,
My flesh also will rest in hope."

I thank God every day that He is directing me to doctors who are helping me nutritionally. He has used people to recommend books and web sites that support what I am doing. Daily I come before God in quietness so he can instruct my heart in this night season. I have not seen my oncologist since before surgery and she does not know I am going to refuse chemo and radiation. She has already told me there isn't anything nutritionally that will help me. Because God is at my right hand, I will not be moved emotionally by my discussion with her. I will rest in hope, trusting God. I have always said I have faith in God but now He has called me to step out in faith and trust my life(literally) to Him.

Have you come to that place where you have let everything go? Is all of your life placed into His hands? Do you wait in silence to hear Him speak to you? Are you certain of the path He is directing you to and are you obediently walking on it?

More than being healed of cancer I want to be obedient to my Father and to honor Him in every decision I make. When I am healed of cancer it will not be because I drank 6 glasses of carrot juice a day, or ate a vegan diet or took 84 supplements a day, or slept better or exercised more. It will be because I was obedient to listen and follow my Father and it brought Him glory to heal me. On that day we will throw a great party! Carrot juice for everyone! :)

God is our Refuge and Strength

On Tuesday night we went to visit Bud (my father-in-law) in the care facility. He was hospitalized in the beginning of September to repair a hematoma that occurred when the doctors replaced the battery on his pace maker. His lung collapsed and they eventually put in a trach so they could help him breathe. He got well enough to be transferred to a rehab facility.
We had just come from Taryn's league final cross country race and she was able to tell dad that she had finished 4th which placed her on the All-League team and qualified her for CIF. Cori and Taryn told him about being voted for homecoming court and the lyp synchs they were in following the football game. We held his hands and prayed for him.
The next morning his heart stopped and he went home to be with the Lord. As you can imagine it was devastating for all of us since they said he was getting better. We were expecting him to come home in a few weeks.
Dad was a sweet man who never complained about anything. He was patient and kind. He always treated me like a daughter and not a daughter-in-law. He was a wonderful grandfather to our girls. We all have great memories of him and we will miss him terribly.
It seems like the weight of cancer and the loss of dad is unbearable. I find comfort in Psalm 46.
"God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though its waters roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with its swelling.
The Lord of hosts is with us, The God of Jacob is our refuge.
Be still and know that I am God."
These past couple of months have found Sewell and I in the midst of a ferocious storm. It has pounded against our hearts and spirits.
David Jeremiah says in his book A Bend In The Road, " Perhaps the storm is raging for you as you read these words. Perhaps you're lost in a wilderness of shattered hope, or shut away in a prison of debt. Perhaps you face a hospital ward of health concerns, or family problems are rocking your boat and you feel you'll be lost forever.
Wherever you are, whatever the crisis, there is an important principle at work. If you feel helpless, you've become eligible for the assistance of God. You need only cry out for His salvation, He will do the rest in His time, and He'll do it well.
When the storm is over, you'll be a new creature-wiser, stronger, and ready to serve Him. The sea will be calm, the breeze will be soft, and the silence will present itself as a sanctuary to exalt His name and sing His glorious praises. If He can control the storm, what other wonderful works might He bring to pass in your life? Run into His waiting arms, for that's what He most desires. He is your refuge, your city wall, your cool and refreshing stream, and your impenetrable defense from the enemy. He is a very present help in times of trouble."
The only way I am able to put my feet on the floor and face my day is by facing God first. I am trusting God to bring me through this storm and into calm seas. But I won't wait for that moment to praise Him. He loves me and will keep me from sinking no matter how hard the waves pound against my boat. I know this because He's in the boat with me. I am keeping my eyes focused on His face and not the storm. I am thanking Him for His undeniable presence. I don't know how long this storm will rage but it doesn't really matter. I know the longer I am in it, the deeper the work He is doing in my life. I long for the gentle breeze and the calm seas that signal the end of this storm but I will continue to trust Him no matter how long or how hard it beats against my life.
And knowing that my heavenly Father and Bud are together now cheering me on gives me strength and hope to finish this race and finish it strong.

Running with endurance

"Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith." Hebrews 12:1-2

My goal is to someday run again. It is something I miss terribly. There's just something about the feeling of a good sweat that comes from a hard workout. O.K., maybe I'm a little crazy! I feel like I'm running a race right now even though my Adidas haven't taken one step. It's the race for health. I'm finding it's taking daily discipline and endurance. This morning I was reading a book my brother sent me by Max Lucado called Mocha With Max. This is his perspective.

"For some of you, the journey has been long. Very long and stormy. Some of you have shouldered burdens that few of us could ever carry. You have bid farewell to life-long partners. You have been robbed of life-long dreams. You have been given bodies that can't sustain your spirit. You have spouses who can't tolerate your faith. You have bills that outnumber the paychecks and challenges that outweigh the strength.
And you are tired.
It's hard for you to see the City in the midst of the storms. The desire to pull over to the side of the road and get out entices you. You want to go on, but some days the road seems so long.
Let me encourage you. God never said that the journey would be easy, but he did say that the arrival would be worthwhile.
Remember this: God may not do what you want, but he will do what is right...and best. He's the Father of forward motion. Trust Him. He will get you home. And the trials of the trip will be lost in the joys of the feast."

I am asking for strength just for today. I am choosing to trust God to give me the endurance to keep moving forward one step at a time. I want to find joy in the trials of the trip. Are you doing the same?

Praising God's Presence and Provision

So much has happened these past 10 days. Fires raged in San Diego. Thankfully we did not have to evacuate. I flew to North Carolina for a 3 day nutrition seminar that was very educational and encouraging. My drain finally came out after 3 weeks! The doctor said it drained so long because my lymph nodes are working and I'm healthy! My blood pressure was also the lowest it has ever been- 104/66! This is an indication that my arteries are very elastic and healthy! YEAH!

I also saw 3 other doctors and they all feel like I am doing exactly what I should be doing nutritionally to get my immune system strong to fight this cancer. They took a Carotenoid Antioxidant test to check my improvement. This test measures the overall level of antioxidants in my body which are the things that are going to kill the cancer. My first reading was 39,000 which is about a C+. The test this week was 58,000! They were impressed that it had gone up that much. The highest reading is 59,000!

My next step is to make an appointment with my oncologist to talk to her about how she is going to follow my progress. I had not decided to forego chemo and radiation when I first talked to her so I am preparing my heart in case she tries to convince me otherwise.

Lately I have been reading Psalm 142 and 57 which were written by David while he was hiding in the cave. Psalm 142:3 says, "When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then you knew my path." I have felt overwhelmed several times on this journey. Trying to figure out the right nutritional path is a daunting task. And yet I find comfort that God knows the path. Every moment I feel overwhelmed by problems, God is
busy dealing with them. God is as present in my "cave experience" as he was in David's. He's also in yours.

Verse 5 says, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living." Caves are not the refuge in the times of trials! God is. He will provide whatever I need during this time.

In verse 7 David says, "Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name." I was intrigued by this. Do I want to be set free from cancer just so I can be well? Ultimately when God heals me, it will be so I can praise his name and give him glory.

Psalm 57 has two very interesting verses. Right in the middle is verse 5 which says, "Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." This psalm ends with verse 11 which repeats verse 5. In the middle of this trial I am to praise God and again at the end of it.

I believe the key to being free from any trial is to learn to praise God right while you are in the midst of it. If you remember when Paul was in prison he began to sing and praise God and his chains fell off and he was set free.

If you find yourself taking refuge in a cave of your making, I encourage you to begin to offer a sacrifice of praise to God. He is always present to provide whatever you need. He is your strong tower and refuge in times of trouble. He will hold you tight even in the midst of the fire.

When the Winds Blow

In Southern California we get Santa Ana winds that can gust up to 80 mph. They blew in on Sunday and brought destruction with them. Trees fell, roofs ripped off, fences went down and storage sheds collapsed. Facing winds and giants can be daunting. What do you do when the winds blow into your life unannounced?

You can choose to focus on what you've lost or what you have.

Part of our fence blew down but we have another gate that leads to our side yard so we can still keep our dog Suki in our back yard when we go to work. Our shed that we had painstakingly put together (maybe that was the problem!) is completely destroyed but I am grateful that God has blessed us with the things we put in it. A good part of our roof came off but we have insurance and they can put it back on. What we lost is insignificant in comparison to what we have. At this point we are not one of the 300,000 people that have been evacuated in San Diego due to the fires. Ours is not one of the 1,000 homes that has burned. We are safe, warm and have food in our refrigerator even if the power keeps going on and off.

How you face winds and giants is a matter of what you choose to focus on. When I think of the greatness of the winds that blow into my life or the giants that taunt me, I remind myself of the greatness of my God. He will respond faster than any insurance company to my cry for help.

Psalm 138:3 says, "You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul."
Verse 7 says "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me; you will stretch Your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand will save me."

In A Bend In The Road David Jeremiah says, "Every believer knows that when we walk through the valley of tears, God walks beside us; when we pass through the fire, He draws close to deflect the flames; when we wade through the flood, He is nearby to keep our heads up. In the storm or in the earthquake or in the midst of any disaster threatening to engulf us-that's the time we feel the presence of the Lord as we've never felt Him before. God is closest in the crises, surrounding us with His presence. He promised He would do it, and our Lord is always as good as His word."

When the winds blow into your life and you feel like you won't be able to stand, remind yourself of what you have, not what you have lost. Praise him in the middle of the storm. It is your strength to face it.

Tomorrow I am supposed to leave for North Carolina for a 3 day nutrition seminar at the headquarters of Hallelujah Acres. I am following the Hallelujah diet in my quest to beat this cancer. The word Hallelujah literally means "Praise God." I hope I will come back with new knowledge and fresh encouragement to continue on the path God has placed me on. I am very excited because my sister is meeting me at my layover in Houston and we are going together. I have not seen any of my family since I was diagnosed. Thank you to my sweet father for making it possible.

I am praying the fires will not head this direction so I can go with peace in my heart. It is also Sewell's birthday tomorrow and I have never been gone on that day. I am grateful for a husband who loves me and supports me unselfishly.

I am praying that as you read this you will stop and thank God for all the blessings you have even in the midst of the raging storm. You may lose everything you have but you can never be separated from the love of God.
Either we can fall to our knees and lament our circumstances or we can fall to our knees and praise God who is Lord over them.

He's Holding My Hand

Yesterday I fell. I wasn't standing on a chair. I wasn't out walking. I was sitting in my living room. You might ask how I fell sitting on my couch. Simple. I let go of my Father's hand.

I began to think about this long road I'm on and the difficulty and loneliness of it. Being diagnosed with cancer changes your entire life in one sentence. Nothing will ever be the same. There is a loss and grieving over life as it was.

My birthday is today and I was thinking about celebrating it without hot chocolate for breakfast, chocolate chip cookies for lunch and chocolate cake with ice cream for dinner. As you can tell I love chocolate! Because I know cancer feeds on sugar, I'm not sure I will ever eat it again. On August 29th I was told I had breast cancer. The next day I gave up dairy, all sugar, white flour, and meat. I went to an 85% raw and 15% cooked diet. I began juicing greens and carrots and drinking 6-8 glasses a day of it. This isn't just for this month or until I'm cured. It's for life. Putting cancer into remission does not mean it will not come back in 10-20 years. I know this lifestyle change is not temporary. Yesterday the loneliness of the path I am on and the reality of this disease hit me hard. I cried and cried and felt my hand slipping from His. Even Sewell did not know how to comfort me. I went to bed with a weary and troubled heart. God woke me up at 1:30 this morning. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn't. I came out to the same couch I sat on yesterday when I fell and pulled out my Bible. He directed me to Psalm 18:35-36 "You have also given me the shield of Your salvation, And Your right hand upholds me; And Your gentleness makes me great . You enlarge my steps under me, And my feet have not slipped."

Today is October 18th and God gave me the gift of Psalm 18. It says that when I gave my life to Him my salvation would be my shield. It would protect me. His right hand holds me up and keeps me from falling. His gentleness tells me He understands. I can cry on His shoulder. Because He has a firm grasp on me I may slip but I won't fall and hurt myself. He will hold onto me if I hold onto Him.

Psalm 37:23-24 "The steps of a man are established by the Lord; and He delights in his way. When he falls, he shall not be hurled headlong; because the LORD is the One who holds his hand."

Psalm 63:7-8 "Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me."

Because of the surgery I can't hold onto much with my right hand without causing pain. It's a reminder that even in my weakened emotional state God reaches down and holds onto me tightly as I cling to Him with my soul.

Have you ever been at that place where you have to cling to God? Have you felt the desperation in your Spirit that nothing can comfort? God is faithful and will not let you go. When your heart is troubled run to His word for comfort and strength. You will find it there.

I love Ron Mehl's book God Works the Night Shift. I grabbed it off the book shelf tonight since I wasn't sleeping and here's what he says. "Go ahead and call me simplistic but I think many of us have made this business of walking with the Lord way too complicated. We throw heavy five-syllable, theological terms, come up with all kinds of evangelical checklist, and sometimes make new believers feel they'll have to study Greek, Hebrew and Aramaic before they can really get along in the Christian life. All of that stuff's fine, and I'm grateful for Christian scholars and intellectuals but is it possible that in all our sophistication we've missed the bottom line of life in Jesus? Doesn't the Christian life really boil down to being held by God and, in turn, holding onto Him?"

In Psalm 18:39 it says, "You armed me with strength for battle..."

I am grateful for His strength in the midst of this battle. He knows I don't have any apart from what He gives me.

Each day, wake up, look up at your Father, place your hand in His and hold on for dear life. He won't let you go. You will find strength for your battle.

Sweet dreams!

God is Good

Yesterday I received a call from my surgeon. She told me there wasn't any cancer on the margins of the tumor so they got it all. She removed 17 lymph nodes and there was only cancer in 2 of them! YEAH! I was so excited. I was told before I went into surgery that they may have to remove up to 20 lymph nodes because they are imbedded in fat and they don't know the exact number that are removed until they take them. I was hoping for less but I know God can heal the lymph system so I don't get lymphedema. I am home recovering and hoping to get the drain removed on Friday.

I have been reflecting on all the things God has been doing in and through me. Trials have a way of refining a person. I know there is so much more He is going to do in the days ahead. Meanwhile, I will rest in Him and trust Him with my future.

Psalm 91: 1-2 "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress., my God, in whom I trust."

Please pray for my mom, Sally. She is going into surgery this Thursday(my birthday) to have a 4x5" mass removed in her abdomen. Her heart is not real strong. Sewell's father Bud is starting his 7th week of being in bed with a collapsed lung. They have moved him from ICU to a care facility. He has a trach and is on a ventilator. We are praying his lung will heal enough so he can get off the ventilator and start to get out of bed. He has been on a feeding tube for weeks.

Facing the Future

Psalm 28:7
"The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped, therefore my heart greatly rejoices and with my song I will praise Him."

This morning I was reading from Pastor Jeremiah's A Bend In The Road.
He says, "When anxiety for the future built up-and it did time and again-David faced it with the testimony of the past. What a terrible danger it is to become trapped in the claustrophobia of the present during a crisis. That's our first impulse. The clear and present danger is so huge, so imposing, that it blocks our view behind us and ahead of us. We desperately need perspective. We can't change the future until it arrives, but we can gain wisdom from the past. It should hold for us an absolute conviction on the question of who God is and what He's done for us previously."

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know what treatments I will need. The only sure thing I know is God has always been faithful to me in the past and His character does not change. Each day I wake up I know His steadfast love never ceases and His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22)

In Habbakuk 3 you can read about a dire situation Habbakuk found himself in. Jeremiah says, "Habbakuk you see, made a choice. His country was in turmoil, his God had no answers that made sense. When there was no explanation for things that he could wrap his mind around, the prophet said, "I do have one option. I can praise God. The world around me may be in turmoil, yet though all of it falls apart, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation." That same choice faces you. You can demand answers, neatly gift-wrapped. You can insist that God quickly resolves every trail and injustice in your life. You can hold out for the world, your life within it, to become suddenly fair and rational, though they've never been so in the first place. Or you can choose to lift up your eyes to the heavens, pour out your tears and grief and anger, and say in the very midst of them, "God, I have no clue what this turmoil is all about or where it is leading, but this is my resolution: I will put my trust in You, and I will praise You with all of my heart unconditionally!" The same God who has been there in the past is the God who is going to be there for you in the future. He will bring resolution in His own time, according to His own purposes. We become preoccupied with our circumstances, God is preoccupied with our character. He will allow the tough times for the higher good of our character until He is finished with the great work that is invisible to our earthly eyes."

My prayer for you and I is that each day we will get up and reflect on God's faithfulness. He has what we need to get through this day and each that is to come. May you embrace your day with joy and unconditional praise. Don't fear the future. He holds it in His hands. He is molding and shaping your character. Look for the ministry opportunities He will bring your way. Find the purpose in the pain. It's there. Like David, I choose to say, "I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me." Psalm 13:6

An Army Of Prayer Warriors

Yeah! I am through surgery and resting at home. Sewell and I got up early and drove to La Jolla Cove so we could walk along the ocean before surgery. I have always felt God's presence when I look at the waves, seagulls and seals. I took all the scripture cards I was given and read them. I had to have a wire put in to the tumor to be able to guide the surgeon. That was pretty painful but I kept reciting a verse from Habbakuk that talks about God being my personal bravery. I was able to talk to the anesthesiologist about how I usually get sick when I wake up from surgery. She gave me something during surgery and then a drip all day after surgery and I didn't throw up! My surgeon told me she knew I wasn't going to do chemo or radiation and how I was concerned about the lymph nodes. She said she would be as conservative as she could be and yet get the ones she thought looked enlarged. I prayed with her and asked God to guide her and give her wisdom. She was very encouraged by the prayer. I didn't have much pain yesterday after surgery and didn't have to take any pain medication. I do have a drain from the lymph nodes that I have to empty. There just isn't any good way to attach that thing to your body. :)
I saw my doctor today and she said the lump was very small and she only took the lymph nodes that looked enlarged. She told me she had my voice in her head during surgery about keeping the lymph nodes. I wonder who could have put it there? :) It was a direct answer to the prayer I prayed with her before going in. She also said she left the blood vessels which they usually take. I had a beautiful room overlooking the golf course with a view of the ocean. I could see about 10 hang gliders out taking a ride. They just seemed to float so effortlessly along. Sewell and I have gone to the cliffs above the ocean many times to watch them take off and land. I've always thought it would be great to take a tandem ride. The novice sits in front and the expert sits in back and takes control. As I watched them out my window it was as if God was reminding me that on this journey he would guide me and carry me. I can sit back and relax, trusting His ablility to bring me in for a safe landing. He is in charge. I am certainly a novice at trying to figure out how to cure cancer through nutrition but God is the expert. He will faithfully guide me.
I was able to talk to my roommate about what the Lord is doing in my life through cancer and pray for her recovery from the knee surgery she had.
I know that there were hundreds of people praying for me yesterday. I could feel those prayers comforting me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. God is so good. Now I wait for the pathology report, try to rest and recover and read the two books I have left about curing cancer with nutrition. Please continue to pray God will reveal the answer to me for my complete healing.

In His Care

Well, the day has arrived. Surgery is at 10:30 this morning and should last about 3 hours. This will be my 5th surgery for various things. I don't think any of us like going through surgery. I have not had very good experiences with anesthesia. The whole process and recovery makes me kind of anxious.
This morning I was reading Psalm 94:17-19 "Unless the Lord had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."
I know my Shepherd goes before me and leads me. He restores my soul. He comforts me.When I am in the operating room He will be watching. His angels will be with Him to attend to me. There is great comfort knowing I will not be alone. Your prayers will be guiding the surgeon's hands. I am and will continue to have a peace that can only be given by my Heavenly Father.
I was so comforted by the kind responses to my writing yesterday. Complete strangers wrote to encourage me! Just yesterday I was prayed for by the teachers at my school, my advisory girls had the entire student body pray for me during our chapel, two students gave me books, one student got out of a class to come find me to give me a hug and tell me she was praying for me, a friend sent a Bible study to me, my mom and dad both sent me something in the mail which is the first time that has probably ever happened in my life, a friend brought some beautiful pink roses to me and scripture cards, another friend did all my xeroxing for my classes, several friends left encouraging messages on my phone, I received 4 movie tickets and a gift card in the mail, my Bible study group all prayed for me and loved on me and I was told that I am on many, many prayer chains! How can I not feel encouraged through all of that? And I know it was God who prompted each person's heart to reach out to me. I want to thank all of you who have so graciously thought of me and ministered to me. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug. Thank you for wrapping me in your love and prayers. It is very appreciated.
I am excited to see what ministry opportunities await at the hospital. I know I am His ambassador! I am going to pray for anyone that will let me including my surgeon and anesthesiologist.
Today as you face your day, know that God will send His comfort and peace no matter what is ahead for you. Run, don't walk into His arms. He has more than enough strength to help you face the day and all of your tomorrows.

Trusting In The Lord

I have always trusted in the Lord but it is only since I have been diagnosed with cancer that I have truly come to know the full meaning of Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." The road of cancer is not a straight one. There are forks in the road and choices must be made. These are not simple choices that are inconsequential but they are choices of life and death. This reality at times causes me to want to trust other people to make the choice for me. It would be easier than wading through tons of research, web sites and other information. And yet I know God is the only one who knows what the correct choice is for my life. It is much harder to hear God's voice speaking than man's. His voice is the one that will put me on the path of healing. As I have sought alternative methods to healing cancer I have come to realize there are hundreds if not thousands of options. Which one(s) will work? Knowing I do not have the knowledge to make this decision could cause fear and panic to set in. So I go to God's word and I am comforted by scriptures like Proverbs 3 that says He will make our paths straight.
Another one I cling to is Isaiah 30:20-21 "Although the Lord gives you the bread of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
I am trusting God to bring the people into my life who will teach me and help direct my path towards complete healing.
Do you have choices you need to make? My encouragement to you is create a daily time where you listen. Mine happens to be from 4:30-5:30 a.m. each day. This is the only time there is complete silence in my home. When I stop the noise of life I can hear his voice. When do you stop the noise of your life to kneel at His feet and quiet your spirit so you can listen? Listening is a discipline in our spiritual lives that many of us do not exercise.
Proverbs 4:1 says, "Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding."
Your Heavenly father is longing to speak to you because He loves you. Have confidence that He will not leave you alone to make your choices in life. He will be behind you whispering, "This is the way, walk in it."

The Rush of Angels Wings

I encourage you to read this mornings blog before reading this one.
Today I had 10 pairs of angels wings rushing in to comfort and encourage me. Each teacher at Christian High has been assigned to meet daily for 15 minutes with a group of students. I meet with 10 of the most precious senior girls. Today when I met with them they were all wearing hot pink bracelets that said "Facing Your Giant" "Mrs. Dunton." They have purchased 200 of them and got permission from our superintendent to sell them for donations to the students on our campus for my "carrot juice fund." They said they know there are extra expenses at this time and they want to help. As you can imagine I just broke down and cried. My mind quickly raced back to a few weeks ago when they made me close my eyes while they did something. When I opened my eyes they were all sitting with little cups of carrot juice that they drank in support of me. It was another tearful moment. I thank God for using young teenage ladies to be His angels rushing in with hope and encouragement. Thank you Brooke, Kaylyn, Alyssa, Brittany, Sharon, Sarah, Amanda, Danielle, Rebecca and Cathy. I love you all! And thank you God for choosing these girls to be part of my advisory.
What is really amazing is that for 6 years I have been a freshman advisor and this year the administration gave me seniors! God knew I would be facing this breast cancer giant and these would be the teens He would minister His love through. I have taught all of them in the past. Together we will mture as women of the Lord, strengthening and praying for each other. I am excited to see the growth that will take place in each of our lives as we journey together this year.

The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me!

This morning in my devotions this is what I read.
"The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me..." Psalm 138:8
"There is a divine mystery in suffering, one that has a strange and supernatural power and has never been completely understood by human reason. No one has ever developed a deep level of spirituality or holiness without experiencing a great deal of suffering. When a person who suffers reaches a point where he can be calm and carefree, inwardly smiling at his own suffering, and no longer asking God to be delivered from it, then the suffering has accomplished its blessed ministry, perseverance has "finished its work" (James 1:4) and the pain of the Crucifixion has begun to weave itself into a crown.
It is in this experience of complete suffering that the Holy Spirit works many miraculous things deep within our soul. In this condition, our entire being lies perfectly still under the hand of God; every power and ability of the mind, will and heart are at last submissive; a quietness of eternity settles into the entire soul; and finally, the mouth becomes quiet, having only a few words to say, and stops crying out to God, why have you forsaken me?" Psalm 22:1)
At this point the person stops imagining castles in the sky, and pursuing foolish ideas and his reasoning becomes calm and relaxed, with all choices removed, because the only choice has now become the purpose of God. Also, his emotions are weaned away from other people and things, becoming deadened so that nothing can hurt, offend, hinder, or get in his way. He can now let the circumstances be what they may, and continue to seek only God and His will, with the calm assurance that He is causing everything in the universe, whether good or bad, past or present, to work "for the good of those who love him" (Romans 8:28).
Oh, the blessings of absolute submission to Christ! What a blessing to lose our own strength, wisdom, plans and desires and to be where every ounce of our being becomes like a peaceful Sea of Galilee under the omnipotent feet of Jesus! The main thing is to suffer without becoming discouraged. "
The heart that serves, and loves, and clings,
Hears everywhere the rush of angel wings.

I have only been on this journey for 2 months but I am beginning to reach the point of being calm and of inwardly rejoicing over what God is doing in and through me at this time. I sense a quietness of eternity settling into my soul. I am seeking God's perfect will for me with the assurance He will cause this to work together for His good and glory. Everyday I sense the rush of angels wings as He sends them to minister comfort, hope and encouragement to my heart.

Each day, give your life to God. Look to Him to be the stillness in your storm. Lay your cares and concerns at His feet. There is nothing to difficult for Him. He can heal any heart and any body. He will keep you in perfect peace if you completely trust Him.

Peace While Facing A Giant

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal." Isaiah 26:3-4
This past month I have been diligently researching my options for treatment. I have talked to 10 doctors, read 9 books on nutrition and cancer, had 7 diagnostic medical procedures and spoken to over 2 dozen people to hear their stories and seek advice.
Every day I have asked God to direct me down the correct path for my healing. I believe He is. Yesterday I met with a cancer specialist and received the final confirmation about surgery. I will go ahead with the lumpectomy next Wednesday at Scripps Green in San Diego. They will also be doing a conservative Axillary Lymph Node Dissection to remove a sample of lymph nodes since there is cancer in at least one. I will be at home resting and recovering for 12-14 days.
When I met with the cancer specialist he told me I was on the right track with my nutrition and vitamin therapy. They will do some further testing after surgery to determine the cause of cancer and begin to address any weak areas in my system. On October 24th I will be flying back to North Carolina for a 3 day seminar to find out more about healing cancer through nutrition. At this point I am not going to do chemotherapy or radiation. Continue to pray God will fine tune what I am doing with my nutrition in order to kill all the cancer cells in my body.
It is because of prayers and support from my friends and family that Sewell and I have the peace we do at this point. We will continue to seek counsel from experts in the field because the Bible says there is wisdom in the abundance of counselors. But mostly we will seek the counsel of our Heavenly Father who is the only one that knows my future and the plan for my complete healing. I believe He is revealing it to us day by day.
Thank you for reading these posts, leaving your encouraging comments and praying for us. We are so glad you are part of our winning team.

Take Goliath Down

"He vies for the bedside position, hoping to be the first voice you hear. He covets your waking thoughts, those early, pillow born emotions. He awakes you with words of worry, stirs you with thoughts of stress. If you dread the day before you begin the day, mark it down: your giant has been by your bed.
You face giants by facing God first.
Write today's worries in sand. Chisel yesterday's victories in stone. ...before ascending to fight, David descended to prepare. Don't face your giant without doing the same. Dedicate time to prayer.
Prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Ephesians 6:18 Message Bible
When David soaked his mind in God, he stood. When he didn't he flopped. David saw Goliath as a chance for God to show off! Did David know he would exit the battle alive? No, but he was willing to give his life for he reputation of God. What if you saw your giant in the same manner? Rather than begrude him, welcome him. Your cancer is God's chance to flex his healing muscles. David ran, not away from, but toward his giant. Do the same!"

As I read these words in Chapter 19 of Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado I was again reminded of the importance of running to the battle equipped with His promises to me. Each day before I get out of bed I focus on God. Yes, the giant is still there but I choose not to focus my attention on it. Focusing on giants will cause stress and rob us of our joy. Each day we can pick up our 5 stones and face our Goliaths. We can choose to focus on God's faithfulness in the past, the power available through prayer, the priority of God's reputation, running with passion towards our giant and persisting by never giving up. I believe I will exit this battle alive but I am willing to give my life for the reputation of God. I believe the cancer will be God's chance to flex His healing muscles in my life. I am trusting God with my life because I know He loves me.

Called to Battle

I was reading a devotional this morning called Streams In The Desert. This it what today's said.

He guarded him...like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions. The Lord alone led him, no foreign god was with him. Deuteronomy 32:10-12

When God places a burden upon you, He places his arms underneath you. ...do you understand that God may take away your comforts and privileges in order to make you a stronger Christian? Do you see why the Lord always trains His soldiers by not allowing them to lie on beds of ease but by calling them to difficult marches and service? He makes them wade through streams, swim across rivers, climb steep mountains, and make many long marches carrying heavy backpacks of sorrow. This is how He develops soldiers-not by dressing them up in fine uniforms to strut at the gates of the barracks or to appear as handsome gentlemen to those who are strolling through the park. No, God knows that soldiers can only be made in battle and are not developed in times of peace. We may be able to grow the raw materials of which soldiers are made, but turning them into true warriors requires the education brought about by the smell of gunpowder and by fighting in the midst of flying bullets and exploding bombs, not by living through pleasant and peaceful times. ...could this account for your situation? Is the Lord uncovering your gifts and causing them to grow? Is He developing in you the qualities of a soldier by shoving you into the heat of battle? Should you not then use every gift and weapon he has given you to become a conqueror? Charles Spurgeon

Our family has been thrown into the battle. I know that I have already grown and become stronger during this time. Each day I put on my armor of faith and trust and go to war against this cancer. I have been wading through a stream of information, swimming across rivers of advice and counsel, climbing a steep mountain of a radical nutritional lifestyle change, and marching through the hard days of emotions that are fragile. I know His arms are holding me up and giving me strength.
My life is in God's hands. This is His battle. I will praise and trust Him as He fights for me.

Doctor's make predictions, God makes promises!
I have found this road to be an emotional one. Every day I have to choose how I'm going to face my day. I can face it with the predictions of doctors or the promises of God. The only absolute truth I can be certain about concerning my life is what is written in the Bible.
Many people have asked what they can do for us at this time. I have told them to write encouraging scriptures down on 3x5 cards and give them to me. I take them everywhere and I'm constantly reading them. They stop the tears when I'm sitting in yet another doctor's office. They give me the strength to keep juicing and drinking spinach and carrots. They enable me to focus on my students and not the cancer. They guard my dreams at night. They are the solid ground I am standing on when all around me seems life shifting sand. They calm my heart and give me joy.
I know for many of you the road ahead may take a bend you did not expect. When it does, what will get you through? What will be your source of strength? Your friends and family will not be with you ever second of the day when the tide of emotions roll in. What will keep you from being thrown into depression and despair?
For me it is promises like these that have been given to me over these past weeks:
Isiah 41:10
"Fear not, for I am with you, do not look around in terror and be dismayed , for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you (to difficulties); yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with my victorious right hand."
John 14:27
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you, not as the world gives, give I unto you. Let not your hear be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
Isaiah 43:1-2
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you: I have called you by your name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you."
Jeremiah 29:12
"Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you."
At this time surgery is scheduled for Oct. 10th. I got a call from my surgeon last night and she is recommending I have the surgery done by the head surgeon at Scripps because I have concerns about removing my lymph nodes and she says he has the most experience. I have met this surgeon and I don't feel a real peace about him. I am looking into the Cancer Treatment Centers of America and into UCLA's cancer center. I need medical support and counsel as I fight this cancer with my own immune system and not chemotherapy and radiation. God has been leading me to many people that have been cured by not doing either of those. It takes a radical shift in diet (which I have made) and the willingness to do the research to become educated. I will be flying back east this month to spend 3 days at the Headquarters where the nutrition program I am on was established. This program is being used in some cancer centers. I am actively and aggressively fighting my cancer through nutrition and supplements before the medical doctors have even done one thing to treat me. I have met with immunologists and medical personnel that believe cancer can be cured without chemotherapy and radiation. I have spend hours in prayer and have the peace in my heart that this is what I am to pursue at this time. I don't have any fear in my heart about foregoing chemo. Please continue to pray God will bring the right people to help us on the road God is leading us down.

Making a Giant Decision

Have you ever had a giant decision to make? The kind where you desperately need to hear from God? Sewell and I need to make one concerning the path we should travel down for my healing. There are so many options which have been recommended by my doctors. They include surgery, removing lymph nodes, chemotherapy and radiation. We have been reading, questioning others, talking to people in the medical field and seeking God. The answer still is not clear. But today the chapter in Facing Your Giant was about hearing from God. After reading it I was so excited because I know we are doing all the right things to hear his voice. Here are some excerpts from the book.

"God hasn't changed. He still promises to guide you.
Psalm 32:8 "The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you."

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way;walk in it." Isaiah 30:21

"Don't make a decision whether large or small, without sitting before God with open Bible, open heart, open ears, imitating the prayer of Samuel: Your servant is listening." I Samuel 3:10

"Sometimes a choice just "feels" right. When Luke justified the writing of his gospel to Theophilus, he said, "Since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, it seemed good also to me to write an orderly account for you, most excellent Theophilus." Luke 1:3 Luke pondered his options and selected the path that "seemed good."
The same God who is "working in you to help you want to do... what pleases him." Phil. 2:13
God creates the "want to" within us.

A century ago F.B. Meyer wrote
"Are you in a difficulty about your way? Go to God with your question; get direction from the light of his smile or the cloud of his refusal...get alone, where the lights and shadows of earth cannot interfere, where the disturbance of self-will does not intrude, where human opinions fail to reach..wait there silent and expectant, though all around you insist on immediate decision or action-the will of God will be made clear, and you will have...a new conception of God, and a deeper insight into his nature."

Lucado finishes by saying, "You all have a need to face the giant-size questions of your life. Most of all you have a God who loves you too much to let you wander. Trust Him."

Since being diagnosed with cancer I have felt an urgency pressed in on me by the world to take immediate action. And yet in my heart I have not had the peace to take such action. The more and more I research and talk to women the more I do not feel God is leading me to do chemotherapy. There are so many reasons which have resulted in not having the "want to" in my spirit from God. And yet I have the "want to"within me to fight this giant with nutrition and my own immune system. I have been diligently reading, seeking professional counsel from the medical field and mostly praying for God's guidance and direction. At this point I am going to schedule a lumpectomy but I need clear direction as to whether I should take any lymph nodes or leave them alone. I am asking God to guide me to a Medical Doctor who can shed some light on the benefits of leaving vs. taking if I am going to fight cancer with my immune system. Please pray for us that we will find that answer before surgery. I should have a date for surgery today. I am hoping it will be around October 15th.

If you need to make a decision, heed your heart for God. Consult your family of faith. Read your Bible and then silence your heart before Him. He will be faithful to direct your paths. And while you wait remember the words of Isaiah 41:10 "Fear not for I am with you. Do not be dismayed. I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand."

Your gift

This morning I was reading Emilie Barnes' book A Journey Through Cancer. She is a writer and speaker who had cancer. Her first chapter is titled "The Gift I Didn't Want To Open." Here is what she says. "I think we often feel that way about what the Lord sends into our lives-the gifts of our days, our circumstances, of the things that happen to us. They come to us all wrapped in mystery. Some look ugly and forbidding and terrifying. They're not the kind of thing we'd like to have in our lives at all, and we're certainly not eager to open them, even when our faith reminds us that God is in charge. Well, today I can state with full confidence that those days of my life, that came wrapped in illness, weakness, pain and fear also contained gifts of comfort and love and courage. They contained joys little and large, as well as the more sober but precious lessons that come from suffering. Best of all, every one of those fearful cancer-wrapped days turned out to be full of God-permeated by his presence. And ultimately, they contained the miracle of healing. The gift he most passionately wants to give us is the gift of himself. Whatever the gift life has left on your doorstep, no matter how ugly the package, I invite you to open it in the confidence God is in it. He will not leave you desolate. One way or another, if you open your arms to him, he will use the gift of your days to fold you closer to his heart and make you truly his."
I don't know what God has brought to your doorstep but I encourage you no matter how ugly the package consider it as a gift from God. How we see our circumstances I believe will determine the amount of joy we embrace life with.
James 1:17 says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."
My prayer is that God will use this gift of cancer in my life to change not just me and my family but all of you that are reading this. Thank you for joining me as I discovery the mystery of this package my Heavenly Father has sent me.

I want to thank all of you who have left encouraging messages and verses for me and my family. It is comforting to know that so many people are praying for us.
This morning in my devotions I was reading about David's trials as he fled from Saul who was trying to kill him. It was talking about the weariness of the battle. An example was given of Florence Chadwick who in 1952 attempted to swim between Catalina Island and California. She was swimming in fog and after 15 miles just couldn't go on. They pulled her from the water and when the fogged cleared she saw she was less than half a mile from the shore!
I was thinking of how far the end might be in sight as I battle this cancer. It could be months, years or probably the rest of my life. That thought alone was overwhelming! And then I continued reading Max Lucado's book and he says, "Take a long look at the shore that awaits you. Don't be fooled by the fog of the slump. The finish may be only strokes away. God may be, at this moment, lifting his hand to signal Gabriel to grab the trumpet. Angels may be assembling, saints gathering, demons trembling. Stay at it! Stay in the water. Stay in the race. Stay in the fight. Give grace, one more time. Be generous, one more time. Teach one more class, encourage one more soul, swim one more stroke."
I am choosing to take one day at a time. I will trust God to give me strength to face the challenges of this day. I know His mercies are new every morning. I won't worry about tomorrow because I know today has enough troubles of its own. I changed I Samuel 30:6 and inserted my name. "Linn found strength in the Lord her God."
No matter what you are going through or how long you have been there, continue to focus your eyes on God, not your giant. Trust Him for the strength to face the day. Thank Him for the gift of the trial He has allowed to come into your life. He is using it for amazing things that will change who you are. Today I am choosing to consider cancer as a gift, not a curse. What Satan has meant for evil, I know God has meant for good. How do you see the giants in your life?
If you are going through something difficult right now I encourage you to read Psalm 91. David talks about the security of the one who trusts in the Lord.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

On Monday (thanks to the prayers of so many) I was able to get through the MRI needle biopsy without any problems. I also did a PET Scan and a CT scan to check for cancer throughout my body. The results of the bone scan came back negative. The biopsy was also benign! YEAH!

I was scheduled for surgery yesterday but I just didn't have a peace about the lymph node dissection they want to do. There are some possible serious lifetime consequences of that surgery. I also need all my lymph nodes if I am going to fight this with my own immune system. I have always told people that if you don't feel a peace about something, don't proceed until you do. All day Monday I was struggling with this decision. When I got home, in the mail was a video someone sent me (that I have only met over the phone) by a Christian surgeon who had breast cancer. She talked about her journey through cancer. It confirmed my feelings and gave me the peace to call my doctor and tell her I need to postpone the surgery.
She said that once the cancer is detected it has probably been there 5-10 years and not to feel a rush to make decision until you have all the information!

I took the day off yesterday to read and research. Please pray that God will give Sewell and I the answer we need.

His dad did have his tracheostomy and got through that fine. It will enable the doctors to take the tubes out that have been in his mouth for 2 weeks.

"Most blessed is the man who believes in, trust in and relies on the Lord, and whose hope and confidence the Lord is. For he shall be like a tree, planted by the waters, that spreads out its roots by the river and shall not see and fear when heat comes, but his leaf shall be green; he shall not be anxious and careful in the year of drought, nor shall he cease from yielding fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8

My encouragement to you today is when you need to hear God's voice trust that He will speak to you. He is your dad and longs to guide and direct your paths. He knows the path you should take. Thank Him for his guidance and direction. continue to rely on Him. Don't be anxious. He knows you need help and He is right there to give it.

This past week was full of doctor's appointments. On Monday I had an MRI. I have had one on my back and I just closed my eyes so I didn't think of how close the tube was to my face. This time I was face down. I had only been in the tube for about 30 seconds when I felt this wave of nausea and panic sweep over me. I thought about pushing the panic button to get out but I knew they would need to sedate me and put me back in and that would take even longer. I desperately began to pray for God to comfort me, to stop the fear and to give me peace. I sang every worship song I knew for the next 25 minutes. The Bible says He inhabits the praises of His people. If you want to bring God into your circumstances begin to praise Him. Remind yourself that there is nothing,no circumstance, no trouble, no testing that can ever touch you until, first of all, it has come past God and past Christ, right through to you. If it has come that far, it has come with great purpose. (Alan Redpath).
The rest of the week contained 5 more appointments. By Thursday the reality of the journey was beginning to hit me. I was sitting in the waiting room of my radiologist and I thought I was going to fall apart. I always carry something encouraging to read and today it was Stories of Hope by David Jeremiah. These are some of the words that jumped off the pages. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9
"Life's ups and downs are only yard markers on the playing field of circumstances. Joy and sadness are only temporary conditions, but praise and thanksgiving are permanent expressions."
I began to thank God for His presence in my circumstance and for His comfort. As I sat there I felt God just bathe my troubled and anxious heart with His peace
I was called in to see my doctor. He was a very sweet man named Dr. Lin. He began to look at my paper work and asked if I was Protestant or Catholic because there was a place to put your religious affiliation. I told him I was a Christian. He asked if I wanted him to pray for me. I said yes. He held my hand and prayed the most comforting prayer I could have received. For the next 30 minutes we talked about all my treatment options and what is ahead. He told me He has seen many, many miracles while treating his patients. He encouraged me to let God use it for His glory. I know God sent this man to care for me during my 7 weeks of radiation. I was overwhelmed by my Father's love for me.
He will overwhelm you with His love in your journey through life. Run to His arms and you will find rest for your soul as you face the giants of life.

Facing Your Giant

Dear Family and Friends,

On August 29th I was diagnosed with breast cancer. A lump had been found by my doctor at a yearly physical exam. I was sent for a mammogram and sonogram with a needle biopsy. I received the call at work that there was cancer in my right breast and also my lymph node. Since then I have had an MRI, echocardiogram, EKG, and bone scan. On Monday I will have a PET scan which looks at the sugar levels in the cells throughout the body. Cancer feeds on sugar so this is another marker to determine if cancer is anywhere else in the body.

You can imagine that our heads and hearts were reeling. But in the midst of all of this God has given me such a peace. I have read the scripture about peace that passes understanding and how it can guard our hearts and minds. I am truly experiencing this now.

Max Lucado has written a book called "Facing Your Giants" which is where I took the title of my journey from. It is the story of David and Goliath. Lucado says, "David majors in God. He sees the giant mind you; he just sees God more." David didn't shrink back from Goliath. The Bible says he ran to meet the giant. I am choosing to rush this giant of cancer with a God saturated soul.

This cancer will only take what I allow it to take. I refuse to surrender my trust in God. He has always proved faithful to me in the past. He will not change His love and care for me. I refuse to let it destroy my joy. I know the joy of the Lord is my strength. Each day I am thanking Him for His grace to face the day. I am blessing Him for the friends and family that are supporting me. I am clinging to His promises of hope and healing in His word. I refuse to let cancer rob me of the minstry of helping and encouraging others. I will continue to be used by God to proclaim His goodness during this time. I refuse to surrender my health to cancer. I will fight it with good nutrition, rest, love, faith and lots of prayer.

This past Monday the MRI picked up another spot in the same breast they think may be cancerous. I have an MRI guided needle biopsy on Monday. My surgery is tentatively scheduled for Wednesday. I don't know at this time if it will be a lumpectomy or mastectomy. It will depend on what they find on Monday.

We have some specific prayer requests:
Pray for wisdom as we seek God for His pathway of healing for my body.
For the doctors as they give me wise counsel.
Confirmation about the nutrition program I am on.
Sewell's father is in the hospital with a collapsed lung. He has been in ICU for over a week.

What giant are you facing today? It may be the giant of fear, depression, hopelessness or sin. I encourage you to build your faith so you may rush your giant. If you focus on your giant you will stumble. If you focus on God your giant will tumble. He is able to do above and beyond what you can think or imagine. Turn your heart fully to Him and entrust your life to Him. Lift your eyes to God and become a giant slayer.