Pressed Beyond Measure

Beth. Terri. Linn. Three women who loved the Lord and each other. Bound together by a desire to beat the odds and our cancer. Determined to face the battle with a God saturated soul. Today Terri joined Beth at the throne of our Father. I imagine the hug was a long one. On Sunday I left a message on Terri's phone just telling her I loved her and was praying for her. I wish I had gotten to say goodbye. I guess that was my goodbye. My heart aches so much. I never thought any of us would die. We all got through our surgeries and treatment and at one time were enjoying "radiant health" as Terri called it. We were each others cheerleaders, encouraging one another to stay the course and not be overwhelmed with the difficulty of the battle. I never suffered physically like Beth and Terri did but I know what it is like to wake up every day knowing the battle to stay in remission will never be over. For me it isn't chemo cocktails and radiation treatments but a life of hard discipline. It's planning, preparing and taking 40+ supplements a day. It's denying myself every day of things I love to eat. It's the constant challenge to buy, wash, scrub and juice pound after pound of carrots. Then it's drinking the stuff and telling myself I love it. Liquid life as my brother-in-law calls it. It's the work of fixing a dinner for my family and one for me every day. The list could go on but I will stop here. The point is, no weapon used to fight cancer is easy. Beth, Terri and I linked hearts as we stood together trusting God with our lives. I feel so vulnerable standing alone now. I thought today, "Why them?" "Why not me?" I have no answers but I know I am still here for a purpose and a reason.

In August of 2007 when I was first diagnosed with cancer I began reading Streams in the Desert. It is a yearly devotional and I have read through it each year since then. This is an excerpt from today's devotional
Pressed beyond measure; yes, pressed to great length;
Pressed so intensely, beyond my own strength;
Pressed in my body and pressed in my soul,
Pressed in my mind till the dark surges roll.
Pressure from foes, and pressure from dear friends.
Pressure on pressure, till life nearly ends.

Pressed into knowing no helper but God;
Pressed into loving His staff and His rod.
Pressed into liberty where nothing clings;
Pressed into faith for impossible things.
Pressed into living my life for the Lord,
Pressed into living a Christ-life outpoured.

"The pressure of difficult times makes us value life. Every time our life is spared and given back to us after a trial, it is like a new beginning. We better understand its value and thereby apply ourselves more effectively for God and for humankind. And the pressure we endure helps us to understand the trials of others, equipping us to help them and to sympathize with them."

I know Beth and Terri lived a Christ-life outpoured and they used their battle with cancer to help others like myself. I am deeply indebted to them. I hope to make you girls proud as I carry on the fight to stay in radiant health so I too can continue to help those who will follow behind me. Goodbye and I love you both so much.