There are only a few days left of 2008. These past 16 months have been ones of death, sorrow and grieving for our family. It began with Bud (my father-in-law) being admitted to the hospital shortly before I was diagnosed with breast cancer. He suffered immensely and then died on November 7th, 2007. As you know I was diagnosed with breast cancer and given a death sentence by a doctor if I chose to refuse chemo and radiation. I am sure my oncologist is baffled as to why I am still alive and in remission since I fought cancer with my faith and a healthy lifestyle change. In April my mother died after a heroic and long fought battle with infections resulting from abdominal surgery. That same month our beloved dog Sukie was attacked by a pit bull. Sewell and I tried to save her from being killed and Sewell was severely bitten on his arm and leg, requiring stitches. The wounds became infected and took 3 months to heal. I also lost a coaching job that I dearly loved and Cori did not finish her senior year throwing for our track team. This fall Sewell was transferred to a new school and I was moved to primarily being a Junior High teacher in order to teach 4 classes of girls 7th and 8th grade Bible, which were new subjects for me. At the same time 2 of my best friends and supporters through my cancer battle left our school. I am still grieving. The year ended with yet another death as I had to have our 14 year old cat put to sleep. Needless to say, we have kept the Kleenex company in business this year.
When I look back I know this has been the hardest time of our lives and yet it has been the one where we have grown the most. We have had to cling to God each and every moment for His guidance, strength and wisdom. I did not possess the human strength to walk through cancer. God had to give it to me as I sat in silence before Him each morning and as I clung to the promises in his word.
When our children were little I used to sing a song to them when I rocked them to sleep at night. One of the stanzas said, "Lord, I am willing, do what you must do, to make me like you Lord, make me like you." In my own life I have been made most like Christ when I have gone through tremendous suffering. Suffering has a way of stripping away the non-essentials of life. As I look forward to 2009 I would like it to be one without so much pain and yet my goal is to submit to God's will. Ravi Zacharias writes about submitting to God's will in his book The Grand Weaver. He says, "So where does it begin? With self-crucifixion. In effect, we go to our own funeral and bury the self-will so that God's will can reign supremely in our hearts. Our will has no power to do God's will until it first dies to its own desires and the Holy Spirit brings a fresh power within us."
My goal for 2009 is death of my will so Christ can live abundantly in and through me. This is the only type of death that we can rejoice about. Galatians 2:20 says, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Paul suffered immensely. The daily "crucifixions" he endured enabled Christ to powerfully live in him.
I hope your New Years Resolutions go deeper than losing weight or changing some bad habits. I pray they will be about dying to self and living to Christ. My hope is that you will embrace God's will for your life no matter how hard and painful it might be. It is only when all of your self has died can all of Him live in and through you to touch the world around you. God is not ultimately concerned about your happiness but your holiness. May this be a year of complete and total surrender to the work and will of God in your life.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Learning to Trust The Master
I read this devotional by Max Lucado this morning during my quiet time. It is titled, "Learning to Trust The Master". I hope you enjoy it.
A man and his dog are in the same car. The dog howls bright-moon-in-the-middle-of-the-night caterwauling howls. The man pleads, promising a daily delivery of dog biscuit bouquets if only the hound will hush. After all, it's only a car wash.
Never occurred to him--ahem, to me--that the car wash would scare my dog. But it did. Placing myself in her paws, I can see why. A huge, noisy machine presses toward us, pounding our window with water, banging against the door with brushes. Duck! We're under attack.
"Don't panic. The car wash was my idea." "I've done this before." "It's for our own good." Ever tried to explain a car wash to a canine? Dog dictionaries are minus the words brush and detail job. My words fell on fallen flaps. Nothing helped. She just did what dogs do; she wailed.
Actually, she did what we do. Don't we howl? Not at car washes perhaps but at hospital stays and job transfers. Let the economy go south or the kids move north, and we have a wail of a time. And when our Master explains what's happening, we react as if he's speaking Yalunka. We don't understand a word he says.
Is your world wet and wild?
God's greatest blessings often come costumed as disasters. Any doubters need to do nothing more than ascend the hill of Calvary.
Jerusalem's collective opinion that Friday was this: Jesus is finished.
Such is the view of the disciples, the opinion of the friends, and the outlook of the enemies. Label it the dog-in-the-passenger-seat view.
The Master who sits behind the wheel thinks differently. God is not surprised. His plan is right on schedule. Even in--especially in--death, Christ is still the king, the king over his own crucifixion.
Can't he do the same for you? Can't he turn your Friday into a Sunday?
Some of you doubt it. How can God use cancer or death or divorce? Simple.
He's smarter than we are. He is to you what I was to four-year-old Amy. I met her at a bookstore. She asked me if I would sign her children's book. When I asked her name, she watched as I began to write, "To Amy ..."
She stopped me right there. With wide eyes and open mouth, she asked, "How did you know how to spell my name?"
She was awed. You aren't. You know the difference between the knowledge of a child and an adult. Can you imagine the difference between the wisdom of a human and the wisdom of God? What is impossible to us is like spelling "Amy" to him. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts" (Isa. 55:9).
I keep taking Molly to the car wash. She's howling less. I don't think she understands the machinery. She's just learning to trust her master. Maybe we'll learn the same.
No matter what troubles were held in yesterday's grip, how heavy the load is today or how bleak the future looks, remind yourself that God can turn your Friday into a Sunday. Your greatest blessing may come costumed as a disaster. Keep your Vertical Vision. If your eyes are focused on the giant, you will stumble. If your eyes are focused on God, your giant will tumble.
A man and his dog are in the same car. The dog howls bright-moon-in-the-middle-of-the-night caterwauling howls. The man pleads, promising a daily delivery of dog biscuit bouquets if only the hound will hush. After all, it's only a car wash.
Never occurred to him--ahem, to me--that the car wash would scare my dog. But it did. Placing myself in her paws, I can see why. A huge, noisy machine presses toward us, pounding our window with water, banging against the door with brushes. Duck! We're under attack.
"Don't panic. The car wash was my idea." "I've done this before." "It's for our own good." Ever tried to explain a car wash to a canine? Dog dictionaries are minus the words brush and detail job. My words fell on fallen flaps. Nothing helped. She just did what dogs do; she wailed.
Actually, she did what we do. Don't we howl? Not at car washes perhaps but at hospital stays and job transfers. Let the economy go south or the kids move north, and we have a wail of a time. And when our Master explains what's happening, we react as if he's speaking Yalunka. We don't understand a word he says.
Is your world wet and wild?
God's greatest blessings often come costumed as disasters. Any doubters need to do nothing more than ascend the hill of Calvary.
Jerusalem's collective opinion that Friday was this: Jesus is finished.
Such is the view of the disciples, the opinion of the friends, and the outlook of the enemies. Label it the dog-in-the-passenger-seat view.
The Master who sits behind the wheel thinks differently. God is not surprised. His plan is right on schedule. Even in--especially in--death, Christ is still the king, the king over his own crucifixion.
Can't he do the same for you? Can't he turn your Friday into a Sunday?
Some of you doubt it. How can God use cancer or death or divorce? Simple.
He's smarter than we are. He is to you what I was to four-year-old Amy. I met her at a bookstore. She asked me if I would sign her children's book. When I asked her name, she watched as I began to write, "To Amy ..."
She stopped me right there. With wide eyes and open mouth, she asked, "How did you know how to spell my name?"
She was awed. You aren't. You know the difference between the knowledge of a child and an adult. Can you imagine the difference between the wisdom of a human and the wisdom of God? What is impossible to us is like spelling "Amy" to him. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts" (Isa. 55:9).
I keep taking Molly to the car wash. She's howling less. I don't think she understands the machinery. She's just learning to trust her master. Maybe we'll learn the same.
No matter what troubles were held in yesterday's grip, how heavy the load is today or how bleak the future looks, remind yourself that God can turn your Friday into a Sunday. Your greatest blessing may come costumed as a disaster. Keep your Vertical Vision. If your eyes are focused on the giant, you will stumble. If your eyes are focused on God, your giant will tumble.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Roots of Character
Today in my devotions I read this, "Suffering is a wonderful fertilizer for the roots of character. The great objective of this life is character, for it is the only thing we can carry with us into eternity. And gaining as much of the highest character possible is the purpose of our trials." Austin Phelps
My hobby of gardening has been pushed aside this past year. Because I have not been able to be out there to tend to my flowers I noticed they are struggling. They are in need of some water, fertilizer and attention from the only gardener in the family-ME. I have neglected my garden because I have been under the care of the Master Gardener this past year. He has been pruning things out of my life that do not bring Him glory or reflect his image. He has been fertilizing me with pain and suffering so that I can show His beauty through my life. He has showered affliction upon me so my roots will grow deeper into His word.
One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Jeremiah 17:7, "But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him, He will be like a tree planted by the water that send out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
I pray you will trust God no matter how much heat and drought comes your way. Put your confidence in God, not your circumstances. Don't worry about your future, God isn't. Bear fruit each and every day. Let God use all your trials to build character into your life. Drink deeply of His word. Let His life sustain yours. The Master Gardener is at work.
My hobby of gardening has been pushed aside this past year. Because I have not been able to be out there to tend to my flowers I noticed they are struggling. They are in need of some water, fertilizer and attention from the only gardener in the family-ME. I have neglected my garden because I have been under the care of the Master Gardener this past year. He has been pruning things out of my life that do not bring Him glory or reflect his image. He has been fertilizing me with pain and suffering so that I can show His beauty through my life. He has showered affliction upon me so my roots will grow deeper into His word.
One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Jeremiah 17:7, "But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him, He will be like a tree planted by the water that send out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
I pray you will trust God no matter how much heat and drought comes your way. Put your confidence in God, not your circumstances. Don't worry about your future, God isn't. Bear fruit each and every day. Let God use all your trials to build character into your life. Drink deeply of His word. Let His life sustain yours. The Master Gardener is at work.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Making Much of Him Forever
I am reading John Pipers book, "Don't Waste Your Life". In it he says, "Jesus said to Paul in pain-and to all of us who treasure him more than pain-free living-"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:8). Many professing Christians would get angry at this design. They might even scream, "I don't care about your power being perfected! I am in pain! If you love me, get me out of this!" that was not Paul's response. Paul had learned what love is. Love is not Christ's making much of us or making life easy. Love is doing what he must do, at great cost to himself (and often to us), to enable us to enjoy making much of him forever. So Paul responds to Christ's design,"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and calamities. For when I am weak then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:9-10.
Piper is causing me to ask myself some questions. I encourage you to ask yourself these questions as well.
Do I treasure Him more than pain free living? If the answer is yes, then what should my response be when he allows pain into my life?
How can I let Him make His power perfected in my weakness?
Do I believe my pain is a result of His love for me? In my pain am I making much of Him? Could I do it forever even if the pain intensifies?
Am I content with my weaknesses and my hardships? Does my attitude show it?
My pain and your pain came at a great cost to God! He will not waste your pain. Let Him perfect the purpose in it. Trust Him. Do your part by making much of Him in the midst of it. Don't waste your pain and suffering! Take up your cross and follow Jesus. He knows the way home!
Piper is causing me to ask myself some questions. I encourage you to ask yourself these questions as well.
Do I treasure Him more than pain free living? If the answer is yes, then what should my response be when he allows pain into my life?
How can I let Him make His power perfected in my weakness?
Do I believe my pain is a result of His love for me? In my pain am I making much of Him? Could I do it forever even if the pain intensifies?
Am I content with my weaknesses and my hardships? Does my attitude show it?
My pain and your pain came at a great cost to God! He will not waste your pain. Let Him perfect the purpose in it. Trust Him. Do your part by making much of Him in the midst of it. Don't waste your pain and suffering! Take up your cross and follow Jesus. He knows the way home!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Vertical Vision
I struggled emotionally through most of yesterday. I felt sad and irritated a good part of the day and yet I couldn't really put my finger on what was causing me to feel this way. I was shopping at Costco to get Betty (my mother-in-law) some things she needed. I called Taryn to see if she and mom would like something to eat. I ordered the chicken bake, churro and vanilla ice cream they asked for and then headed to the car with all of this in my hands fighting back tears. At that moment I desperately wanted to be "normal". I don't want to fight cancer for the rest of my life. I want to be able to eat whatever I want and not worry if those choices could ultimately lead to cancer coming back. The weight of battling cancer came flooding in to my heart once again. Along with it came the weight of teaching, parenting, our finances, trying to keep up with my home and yard and being a care giver.
After dropping the groceries off, Sewell and I headed to the stadium for the Call Event. It was a great time as the people of San Diego gathered to cry out to God to intervene in this upcoming election, especially for the passing of Proposition 8. Even though it was an encouraging time I felt overwhelmed with sadness as I reflected on how far our nation's heart has turned from God. I got up this morning wanting to be free of the weight that rested so heavily on my heart yesterday. The word "vertical vision" came flooding into my mind. God gently reminded me that yesterday I had forgotten to LOOK UP. Psalm 121 says:
"I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip-he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you-the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm-he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."
As I lift my eyes to the Lord, and take them off my circumstances, he promises to help me. He doesn't sleep on the job. He watches over me. He will give me give me shade from the heat of the journey. He will take care of me all day and all night. He watches over my life-every detail. He will do the same for you. Today, no matter what you face, or how much stress is in your life, choose VERTICAL VISION. When you do, everything changes. I know it did for me. I can be thankful that I am healed of cancer and my lifestyle changes will give me great health even when I'm in my 90's. All this hard work will not only benefit me, but my family. I know there is a bigger picture in all of it. Horizontal vision keeps us focused on what is here and now, not what is to come. Trust God for His plan and purpose in all the pain, stress, and struggle.
My mother loved puzzles. No matter how difficult, or how many pieces the puzzle had, my mom could always figure it out. She just kept focusing on the picture on the box. She would patiently pick up each piece, compare it to the picture on the box lid then try to place it where she thought it should go. If it didn't fit, she would lay it aside and go to the next piece. I never saw a puzzle my mom could not complete no matter how many thousands of pieces it had.
God knows where every puzzle piece fits in your life. Keep trusting Him to put it all together. Someday when you get to heaven I believe you will finally see the picture on the top of your puzzle box. Every trial, every pain, every hardship, every struggle will be part of the breathtaking scene before you. Cling to this hope with Vertical Vision!
After dropping the groceries off, Sewell and I headed to the stadium for the Call Event. It was a great time as the people of San Diego gathered to cry out to God to intervene in this upcoming election, especially for the passing of Proposition 8. Even though it was an encouraging time I felt overwhelmed with sadness as I reflected on how far our nation's heart has turned from God. I got up this morning wanting to be free of the weight that rested so heavily on my heart yesterday. The word "vertical vision" came flooding into my mind. God gently reminded me that yesterday I had forgotten to LOOK UP. Psalm 121 says:
"I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip-he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you-the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm-he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."
As I lift my eyes to the Lord, and take them off my circumstances, he promises to help me. He doesn't sleep on the job. He watches over me. He will give me give me shade from the heat of the journey. He will take care of me all day and all night. He watches over my life-every detail. He will do the same for you. Today, no matter what you face, or how much stress is in your life, choose VERTICAL VISION. When you do, everything changes. I know it did for me. I can be thankful that I am healed of cancer and my lifestyle changes will give me great health even when I'm in my 90's. All this hard work will not only benefit me, but my family. I know there is a bigger picture in all of it. Horizontal vision keeps us focused on what is here and now, not what is to come. Trust God for His plan and purpose in all the pain, stress, and struggle.
My mother loved puzzles. No matter how difficult, or how many pieces the puzzle had, my mom could always figure it out. She just kept focusing on the picture on the box. She would patiently pick up each piece, compare it to the picture on the box lid then try to place it where she thought it should go. If it didn't fit, she would lay it aside and go to the next piece. I never saw a puzzle my mom could not complete no matter how many thousands of pieces it had.
God knows where every puzzle piece fits in your life. Keep trusting Him to put it all together. Someday when you get to heaven I believe you will finally see the picture on the top of your puzzle box. Every trial, every pain, every hardship, every struggle will be part of the breathtaking scene before you. Cling to this hope with Vertical Vision!
Monday, October 27, 2008
HIS WAVES
They are HIS waves, whether they break over us,
Hiding His face in smothering spray and foam;
Or smooth and sparkling, spread a path before us,
And to our haven bear us safely home.
They are HIS waves, whether for our sure comfort
He walks across them, stilling all our fear;
Or to our cry there comes no aid nor answer,
And in the lonely silence none is near.
They are HIS waves, whether we are hard-striving
Through tempest-driven waves that never cease,
While deep to deep with turmoil loud is calling;
Or at His word they hush themselves in peace.
They are HIS waves, whether He separates them
Making us walk dry ground where seas had flowed;
Or lets tumultuous breakers surge about us,
Rushing unchecked across our only road.
They are HIS Waves, and He directs us through them;
So He has promised, so His love will do.
Keeping and leading, guiding and upholding,
To His sure harbor, He will bring us through.
Annie Johnson Flint
"Stand firmly in the place where your dear Lord has put you and do your best there. God sends us trials or tests, and places life before us as a face-to face-opponent. It is through the pounding of a serious conflict that He expects us to grow strong. The tree planted where the fierce winds twist its branches and bend its trunk, often nearly to the point of breaking, is commonly more firmly rooted than a tree growing in a secluded valley where storms never bring any stress or strain. The same is true of human life. The strongest and greatest character is grown through hardships."
L.B. Cowman
Hiding His face in smothering spray and foam;
Or smooth and sparkling, spread a path before us,
And to our haven bear us safely home.
They are HIS waves, whether for our sure comfort
He walks across them, stilling all our fear;
Or to our cry there comes no aid nor answer,
And in the lonely silence none is near.
They are HIS waves, whether we are hard-striving
Through tempest-driven waves that never cease,
While deep to deep with turmoil loud is calling;
Or at His word they hush themselves in peace.
They are HIS waves, whether He separates them
Making us walk dry ground where seas had flowed;
Or lets tumultuous breakers surge about us,
Rushing unchecked across our only road.
They are HIS Waves, and He directs us through them;
So He has promised, so His love will do.
Keeping and leading, guiding and upholding,
To His sure harbor, He will bring us through.
Annie Johnson Flint
"Stand firmly in the place where your dear Lord has put you and do your best there. God sends us trials or tests, and places life before us as a face-to face-opponent. It is through the pounding of a serious conflict that He expects us to grow strong. The tree planted where the fierce winds twist its branches and bend its trunk, often nearly to the point of breaking, is commonly more firmly rooted than a tree growing in a secluded valley where storms never bring any stress or strain. The same is true of human life. The strongest and greatest character is grown through hardships."
L.B. Cowman
Monday, October 20, 2008
Cheerleaders in Life
Cheerleaders. We all need them. They don't play the game for us but they stand on the sidelines cheering us on. In my battle with cancer I have had many. One of my loudest has been my father. Throughout my life he has always been on the sidelines encouraging me not to quit. He has spoken words of motivation and affirmation when the going has been tough. Many conversations have been sprinkled with these words of wisdom, "Pick up the smooth end and let the rough end drag." Maybe the biblical translation would be about casting our cares upon God, or not being anxious for anything but letting our requests be made known to God and his peace will guard our hearts. My dad also gives great stress advice. He says just be a duck in life! If you ever watch a duck put their head under water you will notice when they come up, the water just rolls off them. The oil in their feathers prevents them from taking on water so they don't drown. The stress of life can certainly try to pull us under and destroy our peace, joy and physical health. One thing I've learned through this journey is how toxic stress can be on any attempts to heal and recover from sickness or disease.
My father's advice, comfort, and encouragement is only a phone call away. Your heavenly father is only a prayer away. My advice is don't start your day or leave home without it. Before you face your day, face God. Let His Word be your cheeleader. There are thousands of words of comfort in the Bible. Let them penetrate your thoughts and emotions. Cast your cares on Him because you are not strong enough to carry them. The journey is going to be a long one and you will need all the help you can get.
I am thankful God has blessed me with an earthly father that represents His heart towards me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and a dad who loves me. I encourage you to let God's word cheer you on in life, so you in turn can be a cheerleader for others.
My father's advice, comfort, and encouragement is only a phone call away. Your heavenly father is only a prayer away. My advice is don't start your day or leave home without it. Before you face your day, face God. Let His Word be your cheeleader. There are thousands of words of comfort in the Bible. Let them penetrate your thoughts and emotions. Cast your cares on Him because you are not strong enough to carry them. The journey is going to be a long one and you will need all the help you can get.
I am thankful God has blessed me with an earthly father that represents His heart towards me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and a dad who loves me. I encourage you to let God's word cheer you on in life, so you in turn can be a cheerleader for others.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Matters Of The Heart
God shapes our heart so we can shape the heart of others. This is His purpose in pain and suffering. King David was referred to as a man after God's own heart. David did not lead a perfect life, but God was able to reach him in the midst of his failures and tragedies. Ravi Zacharias has written a book titled "The Grand Weaver" which talks about how God shapes us through the events of our lives. He says, "God the Grand Weaver seeks those with tender hearts so that he can put his imprint on them. Your hurts and your disappointments are part of that design, to shape your heart and the way you feel about reality. The hurts you live through will always shape you. There is no other way." Hebrews 2:10 is a fascinating verse. It says, "In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering." God had a purpose for allowing his son to suffer and he has a purpose in allowing you to suffer. In John Chapter 9 the disciples see a man who was blind from birth and they ask Jesus, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."
God shapes our hearts and displays his work to the world through us. Like Job, the world watches as we struggle through our pain and suffering. Through trials, our hearts will either be hardened, broken or made more tender. The choice is ours. Zacharias says, "Only if you are willing to pray sincerely for God's will to be done and are willing to live the life apportioned to you will you see the breathtaking view of God that he wants you to have, through the windows he has placed in your life. You cannot always live on the mountaintop, but when you walk through the valley, the memory of the view from the mountain will sustain you and give you strength to carry you through."
A woman after God's own heart. A woman who did not grow bitter or blame God for her pain. A woman who shaped the hearts of thousands because she first allowed God to shape hers. These are the things I want people to say about me when I have gone on to spend eternity with Jesus. What will people say about you?
God shapes our hearts and displays his work to the world through us. Like Job, the world watches as we struggle through our pain and suffering. Through trials, our hearts will either be hardened, broken or made more tender. The choice is ours. Zacharias says, "Only if you are willing to pray sincerely for God's will to be done and are willing to live the life apportioned to you will you see the breathtaking view of God that he wants you to have, through the windows he has placed in your life. You cannot always live on the mountaintop, but when you walk through the valley, the memory of the view from the mountain will sustain you and give you strength to carry you through."
A woman after God's own heart. A woman who did not grow bitter or blame God for her pain. A woman who shaped the hearts of thousands because she first allowed God to shape hers. These are the things I want people to say about me when I have gone on to spend eternity with Jesus. What will people say about you?
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
We Are At War
Today I was reading from John Eldredge's book Waking the Dead. He quotes John 10:10 which says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10
He goes on to say, "Have you ever wondered why Jesus married those two statements? Did you even know he spoke them at the same time? I mean, he says them in one breath. And he has his reasons. By all means, God intends life for you. But right now that life is opposed. It doesn't just roll in on a tray. There is a thief. He comes to steal and kill and destroy. In other words, yes, the offer is life, but you're going to have to fight for it because there's an Enemy in your life with a different agenda. There is something set against us. We are at war. Until we come to terms with war as the context of our days we will not understand life."
This past year I have been fighting for my life. The reality of an enemy who wants to destroy me has never been clearer. The enemy does not fight fair. He doesn't announce he's coming. He fights dirty and he fights hard. The tactics he uses will destroy body, mind and soul. The enemy hides in order to try to convince you he isn't there.
Maybe your war isn't cancer. Maybe it's finances, your marriage, work, or your family. God can arm you for battle. He did David. Five smooth stones were all David took into battle with Goliath. Hardly fighting weapons. It took only one stone to slay the enemy. Your weapons of warfare may not be what you expect. Pray and ask God to arm you for the daily battle. Pick up the sword of His Word. Put on the shield of your faith and arm yourself in praise. Know that when you step onto the battlefield, you are not alone. God will never leave you or forsake you. He has stood by countless hero's of the faith as they have fought their own giants. He will stand by you. Run to the battle with a God saturated soul. He is a God of miracles. Be living proof!
He goes on to say, "Have you ever wondered why Jesus married those two statements? Did you even know he spoke them at the same time? I mean, he says them in one breath. And he has his reasons. By all means, God intends life for you. But right now that life is opposed. It doesn't just roll in on a tray. There is a thief. He comes to steal and kill and destroy. In other words, yes, the offer is life, but you're going to have to fight for it because there's an Enemy in your life with a different agenda. There is something set against us. We are at war. Until we come to terms with war as the context of our days we will not understand life."
This past year I have been fighting for my life. The reality of an enemy who wants to destroy me has never been clearer. The enemy does not fight fair. He doesn't announce he's coming. He fights dirty and he fights hard. The tactics he uses will destroy body, mind and soul. The enemy hides in order to try to convince you he isn't there.
Maybe your war isn't cancer. Maybe it's finances, your marriage, work, or your family. God can arm you for battle. He did David. Five smooth stones were all David took into battle with Goliath. Hardly fighting weapons. It took only one stone to slay the enemy. Your weapons of warfare may not be what you expect. Pray and ask God to arm you for the daily battle. Pick up the sword of His Word. Put on the shield of your faith and arm yourself in praise. Know that when you step onto the battlefield, you are not alone. God will never leave you or forsake you. He has stood by countless hero's of the faith as they have fought their own giants. He will stand by you. Run to the battle with a God saturated soul. He is a God of miracles. Be living proof!
Monday, September 15, 2008
Rest
The Lord replied, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." (Exodus 33:14) These were words that God spoke to Moses, when Moses was wondering who was going to help him with the job God had given him to do. I can imagine getting those thousands of Israelites out of Pharaoh's rule was an exhausting job. In the middle of the journey Moses was wondering how he was going to find the strength to finish the task of getting them all into the Promised Land.
Most of us live in a physical and mental state of exhaustion. Our to-do lists are longer than the 24 hours we have to accomplish them. The bills are greater than our income, deadlines are coming faster than we can work, laundry and dishes are piling up and the light at the end of the tunnel is a train! We drop exhausted into bed at night, only to wake up with the realization that our fairy god mother did not wave her magic wand and do all our work for us. We face the new day with more exhaustion than the one before. Life does not stop in order for us to catch up.
We realize that we will never be able to get it all done in this lifetime. The weight of that thought sits heavy on our heart as we face each new day. Rest eludes us. I wonder if Moses felt this kind of weariness. His journey had been long, there were too many mouths to feed, people to please and he knew his strength was failing. He wondered out loud who God was going to send to help him. When God replied he simply said, "My presence will go with you.."
God promises Moses that He will give him rest simply through His presence. I encourage you each day to come and sit in God's presence and let him exchange his rest for your exhaustion. He is the answer to your financial struggles. He is the answer to your health challenges. He is the answer to the tyranny of the urgent that looms large each day in your life. Don't rush out the door without his presence. Take time to sit in silence before Him. In verse 15 Moses went on to say, "If your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here." Refuse to step into the activities of your day until your heart is filled with God's abiding presence. God was waiting at the mountaintop to speak face to face with Moses. He is waiting for you. Don't let the worries and concerns of the valley keep you from making the journey to the top. This is the only place you will find rest and strength to go back down to the valley and finish the work He has called you to do. Push away your exhaustion and make the climb. The view at the top is spectacular!
Most of us live in a physical and mental state of exhaustion. Our to-do lists are longer than the 24 hours we have to accomplish them. The bills are greater than our income, deadlines are coming faster than we can work, laundry and dishes are piling up and the light at the end of the tunnel is a train! We drop exhausted into bed at night, only to wake up with the realization that our fairy god mother did not wave her magic wand and do all our work for us. We face the new day with more exhaustion than the one before. Life does not stop in order for us to catch up.
We realize that we will never be able to get it all done in this lifetime. The weight of that thought sits heavy on our heart as we face each new day. Rest eludes us. I wonder if Moses felt this kind of weariness. His journey had been long, there were too many mouths to feed, people to please and he knew his strength was failing. He wondered out loud who God was going to send to help him. When God replied he simply said, "My presence will go with you.."
God promises Moses that He will give him rest simply through His presence. I encourage you each day to come and sit in God's presence and let him exchange his rest for your exhaustion. He is the answer to your financial struggles. He is the answer to your health challenges. He is the answer to the tyranny of the urgent that looms large each day in your life. Don't rush out the door without his presence. Take time to sit in silence before Him. In verse 15 Moses went on to say, "If your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here." Refuse to step into the activities of your day until your heart is filled with God's abiding presence. God was waiting at the mountaintop to speak face to face with Moses. He is waiting for you. Don't let the worries and concerns of the valley keep you from making the journey to the top. This is the only place you will find rest and strength to go back down to the valley and finish the work He has called you to do. Push away your exhaustion and make the climb. The view at the top is spectacular!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Compelling Compassion
This week I read an email from a father asking for prayer for his son who had doused himself with gasoline and lit a match. A student of mine was attending the funeral of a mother in her 40's who had battled breast cancer for 10 years. She left behind teenage children. A father of one of my students died just a few weeks before school started, of cancer. The world is a perplexing and painful place to live in! I have found that no matter how difficult, painful or trying my situation is there is always someone who is going through a trial that is even worse! In the case of the three situations I have mentioned I feel pretty helpless to offer anything that would alleviate their pain. So I turn to the Bible and look for an answer there. Over and over in the New Testament we see Jesus being moved with compassion and acting. Because of compassion he healed the sick, fed the hungry and touched the lepers. His father is described as the "Father of compassion and the God of all comfort." The very nature of the heart of the Father and the Son is compassion. That compassion compelled them to act.
A profound life change happened to me about 19 years ago when I was on a missions trip to Peru. Our pastor was on that trip and he had given us a challenge to ask God for something beyond ourselves. I remember praying and asking God to give me his compassion for others, not just mine. That night we were invited to share at a church service. When the service was over our pastor asked people to come forward if they needed healing. A lady walked up to me holding a baby who could not have been more than 6 months old. She just placed her baby in my arms and stood there in silence. I looked at this baby and had no idea what was wrong or how to pray. I closed my eyes and felt something so powerful that I knew it had to be from God. I felt an intense, deep compassion for this baby and mother. It gripped my heart and I just started to sob! The emotions were so intense that I could not even pray. God knew what this baby needed, I did not. When the tears stopped, I gently gave the baby back to the mother. This had never happened to me and I was a little shaken and surprised by the depth of emotion I felt. I don't know if the mother thought I was a crazy white person drenching her baby with tears, but she smiled and walked away. As I later processed that evening with God, He reminded me that I had asked to be filled with His compassion for others. When we returned to that village a week later the pastor told us that child had been having daily seizures since she was born and that from the moment I had prayed for her, the seizures stopped! I began crying all over again because I understood then what had happened to me that night. My heavenly Father knew the anguish in this mother's heart and the pain this child suffered. I believe he allowed me to feel His great love and compassion for them both. Since that time I have felt His compelling compassion pressing in on my spirit to act and move to alleviate the pain and suffering of others. The power of prayer has become the greatest gift I can offer. I have seen it heal broken hearts and broken bodies. It can fill a person with peace and joy. It can bring hope where there is none. It can comfort when nothing else can. I believe it is God's language of love spoken through us.
The next time you are feeling like the heaviness and pain of life is about to suffocate you, look around and ask God to give you His heart of compassion. There is always someone who is suffering more than you are. You may not feel like you are in any position to offer help, but you can. Comfort, hope and healing may only be a prayer away. And don't be concerned if you cry all over someone. Tears and laughter are universal languages. Don't wait until all your pain is gone before you reach out to others with Christ's compelling compassion. Like me, you may find it is part of your own healing!
A profound life change happened to me about 19 years ago when I was on a missions trip to Peru. Our pastor was on that trip and he had given us a challenge to ask God for something beyond ourselves. I remember praying and asking God to give me his compassion for others, not just mine. That night we were invited to share at a church service. When the service was over our pastor asked people to come forward if they needed healing. A lady walked up to me holding a baby who could not have been more than 6 months old. She just placed her baby in my arms and stood there in silence. I looked at this baby and had no idea what was wrong or how to pray. I closed my eyes and felt something so powerful that I knew it had to be from God. I felt an intense, deep compassion for this baby and mother. It gripped my heart and I just started to sob! The emotions were so intense that I could not even pray. God knew what this baby needed, I did not. When the tears stopped, I gently gave the baby back to the mother. This had never happened to me and I was a little shaken and surprised by the depth of emotion I felt. I don't know if the mother thought I was a crazy white person drenching her baby with tears, but she smiled and walked away. As I later processed that evening with God, He reminded me that I had asked to be filled with His compassion for others. When we returned to that village a week later the pastor told us that child had been having daily seizures since she was born and that from the moment I had prayed for her, the seizures stopped! I began crying all over again because I understood then what had happened to me that night. My heavenly Father knew the anguish in this mother's heart and the pain this child suffered. I believe he allowed me to feel His great love and compassion for them both. Since that time I have felt His compelling compassion pressing in on my spirit to act and move to alleviate the pain and suffering of others. The power of prayer has become the greatest gift I can offer. I have seen it heal broken hearts and broken bodies. It can fill a person with peace and joy. It can bring hope where there is none. It can comfort when nothing else can. I believe it is God's language of love spoken through us.
The next time you are feeling like the heaviness and pain of life is about to suffocate you, look around and ask God to give you His heart of compassion. There is always someone who is suffering more than you are. You may not feel like you are in any position to offer help, but you can. Comfort, hope and healing may only be a prayer away. And don't be concerned if you cry all over someone. Tears and laughter are universal languages. Don't wait until all your pain is gone before you reach out to others with Christ's compelling compassion. Like me, you may find it is part of your own healing!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Telling Of His Wonderful Works!
One year ago today I was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer. The journey has been one of tears, heartache, researching, praying, faith and trust. Now here I am in remission thanking God for His faithfulness and for all of you who have stood with me on this long journey. I have faced the giant of cancer with a God saturated soul because I know my Father loves me and I trust that love. My rejoicing Psalm is 107:22-31 which says:
Let them sacrifice thank offerings and tell of his works with songs of joy.
Others went out on the sea in ships; they were merchants on the mighty waters.
They saw the works of the Lord, his wonderful deeds in the deep.
For he spoke and stirred up the tempest that lifted high the waves.
They mounted up to the heavens and went down to the depths;
in their peril their courage melted away.
They reeled and staggered like drunken men; they were at their wits end.
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress.
He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men.
I have seen God's work as He has taken me into deep waters. The mighty waves have crashed in around me and at times my courage has melted away. But each day I have cried out to God in my distress and He has been faithful to give me the strength to face the day. He has stilled my storm to a whisper and is guiding me to my desired haven. I am giving thanks to Him for his unfailing love and for His wonderful deeds for me. I have been given a gift of excellent health, my marriage is stronger, my priorities are in focus, ministry is joyfully abundant, I walk in the understanding that each day is a gift to be treasured and my faith has grown deeper as I have had to face a giant, that without God. I could not conquer.
I encourage all of you to stay the course and focus on God as you face the storms your giant brings. God has not forgotten you. He is taking you to the deep waters so you will learn to depend completely on Him. He will not let you be destroyed in the storm. When He is finished with the work He is trying to do in your life, He will whisper to the storm, "Peace, Be Still". When He brings you safely to shore you will never stop proclaiming the good deeds He has done! Your life will be a vessel now fit for use.
For my friends Beth and Rhonda who are now facing their own giant of breast cancer, know that I am praying for you! My heart is with you as you face this giant who is NOT BIGGER THAN OUR GOD! I pray you will continue to face it with God saturated souls! My love and hugs to you both! I hope my journey of faith has been of encouragement to you. Keep up the good fight!
Let them sacrifice thank offerings and tell of his works with songs of joy.
Others went out on the sea in ships; they were merchants on the mighty waters.
They saw the works of the Lord, his wonderful deeds in the deep.
For he spoke and stirred up the tempest that lifted high the waves.
They mounted up to the heavens and went down to the depths;
in their peril their courage melted away.
They reeled and staggered like drunken men; they were at their wits end.
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress.
He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men.
I have seen God's work as He has taken me into deep waters. The mighty waves have crashed in around me and at times my courage has melted away. But each day I have cried out to God in my distress and He has been faithful to give me the strength to face the day. He has stilled my storm to a whisper and is guiding me to my desired haven. I am giving thanks to Him for his unfailing love and for His wonderful deeds for me. I have been given a gift of excellent health, my marriage is stronger, my priorities are in focus, ministry is joyfully abundant, I walk in the understanding that each day is a gift to be treasured and my faith has grown deeper as I have had to face a giant, that without God. I could not conquer.
I encourage all of you to stay the course and focus on God as you face the storms your giant brings. God has not forgotten you. He is taking you to the deep waters so you will learn to depend completely on Him. He will not let you be destroyed in the storm. When He is finished with the work He is trying to do in your life, He will whisper to the storm, "Peace, Be Still". When He brings you safely to shore you will never stop proclaiming the good deeds He has done! Your life will be a vessel now fit for use.
For my friends Beth and Rhonda who are now facing their own giant of breast cancer, know that I am praying for you! My heart is with you as you face this giant who is NOT BIGGER THAN OUR GOD! I pray you will continue to face it with God saturated souls! My love and hugs to you both! I hope my journey of faith has been of encouragement to you. Keep up the good fight!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Trials of Trust
Preliminary reports show the nodule to be BENIGN!
Once again I found myself in a trial of trust. The amount of trust we have in God is gauged by what we say and how we act. What we say and how we act comes from what is in our heart. Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." A heart with the right attitude only comes as we give it to God on a daily basis to mold and shape. A heart that trusts God has the right attitude and speaks words of trust. I have come to learn that much of life can not be controlled by me. My attitude is the only thing I have control of every minute of every day.
Chuck Swindoll says, "The longer I live the more convinced I become that life is 10 percent what happens to us and 90 percent how we respond to it. I believe the single most important significant decision I can make on a day-to day basis is my choice of attitude. It is more important than my past, my education, my bankroll, my successes or failures, fame or pain, what other people think of me or say about me, my circumstances, or my position. Attitude keeps me going or cripples my progress. It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope. When my attitudes are right, there's no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me."
This past week I found myself telling people that it just didn't matter if I was going to have to battle cancer again this year. My trust is in God and He is a loving God and knows what is best for me. I didn't say these words flippantly. They were born from silent stillness before God. I poured out my tears and anguish and He poured out his love, courage and hope to face whatever giant He may allow to come into my life.
Don't let the giants control your attitude or cripple your progress. Listen to what you say and you will know the condition of your heart. If your words are angry, bitter, blaming or despondent then you know your heart is not trusting. Let the giants you face deepen your faith and trust in God. Above all else guard your heart for out of it flows the issues of life. I pray what flows out will glorify and honor the maker of that heart.
On the 5th anniversary of her cancer surgery Lynn Eib wrote this poem summing up what her journey with cancer had taught her.
When your world is crashing down around you, trust Him.
When what is unfolding doesn't make sense, trust Him.
When you see no light at the end of the tunnel, trust Him.
When your silent tears spill down, trust Him.
When your heart screams, "Why?" trust Him.
When you have more questions than answers, trust Him.
When the devil tells you otherwise, trust Him.
When it's the last thing you feel like doing, trust Him.
When there's simply nothing else to do, trust Him.
Once again I found myself in a trial of trust. The amount of trust we have in God is gauged by what we say and how we act. What we say and how we act comes from what is in our heart. Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." A heart with the right attitude only comes as we give it to God on a daily basis to mold and shape. A heart that trusts God has the right attitude and speaks words of trust. I have come to learn that much of life can not be controlled by me. My attitude is the only thing I have control of every minute of every day.
Chuck Swindoll says, "The longer I live the more convinced I become that life is 10 percent what happens to us and 90 percent how we respond to it. I believe the single most important significant decision I can make on a day-to day basis is my choice of attitude. It is more important than my past, my education, my bankroll, my successes or failures, fame or pain, what other people think of me or say about me, my circumstances, or my position. Attitude keeps me going or cripples my progress. It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope. When my attitudes are right, there's no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me."
This past week I found myself telling people that it just didn't matter if I was going to have to battle cancer again this year. My trust is in God and He is a loving God and knows what is best for me. I didn't say these words flippantly. They were born from silent stillness before God. I poured out my tears and anguish and He poured out his love, courage and hope to face whatever giant He may allow to come into my life.
Don't let the giants control your attitude or cripple your progress. Listen to what you say and you will know the condition of your heart. If your words are angry, bitter, blaming or despondent then you know your heart is not trusting. Let the giants you face deepen your faith and trust in God. Above all else guard your heart for out of it flows the issues of life. I pray what flows out will glorify and honor the maker of that heart.
On the 5th anniversary of her cancer surgery Lynn Eib wrote this poem summing up what her journey with cancer had taught her.
When your world is crashing down around you, trust Him.
When what is unfolding doesn't make sense, trust Him.
When you see no light at the end of the tunnel, trust Him.
When your silent tears spill down, trust Him.
When your heart screams, "Why?" trust Him.
When you have more questions than answers, trust Him.
When the devil tells you otherwise, trust Him.
When it's the last thing you feel like doing, trust Him.
When there's simply nothing else to do, trust Him.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Waiting, Weeping and What If's
A sonogram I took last Thursday shows something they want to biopsy. When I heard this news I wept and found my mind filling with "What if?" questions. Have you ever entertained what if questions? These are the kinds of questions that can grip your heart and squeeze until you feel like you have no breath left. Some of the questions that raced through my mind were: What if I didn't hear from God?, What if what I'm doing isn't working?, What if I have to fight cancer again?, What if I'm not really in remission like my doctor just said I was?
What if's are dead end roads. They take you nowhere but on a journey of fear, anxiety and depression. What if's are taunts from the Giant. In I Samuel 17:23-24 we read that all the Israelite men ran from Goliath in great fear when they heard his taunts. When David and Goliath finally met face to face the taunts were hurled again. "David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty..."(verse 45).
How do we overcome the fear that what if's bring? We come against them in the name of the Lord Almighty. Next time a giant what if question races into your mind do as David did and say, "I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty." We are told in II Corinthians 15:5 to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Giants wage war on many fronts and our minds can be our most vulnerable battle field.
Many of us forget that David's battle with giants did not end with Goliath. The Israelites fought several more battles in 2 Samuel 21. The Bible tells us that David became exhausted as he engaged in battle again. You may know that feeling. I do. When I left my doctors office after the sonogram a great wave of battle fatigue overwhelmed me. I told Sewell that I just didn't want to cry anymore. I feel I have spent the last year crying. There is weariness in battling not just cancer but the emotions that go with it. There may not be another giant of cancer for me to face but the waiting time for test results is a battle all of its own.
I remind myself that God's love and faithfulness have already helped me battle this giant for the past year and He never changes. He will hold me and help me to continue to have the victory. Again I am choosing to rush this giant of waiting with a God saturated soul. In Max Lucado's book Facing Your Giant he encourages all of us by saying, "Focus on giants-you stumble. Focus on God-your giants tumble. Lift your eyes, giant-slayer. The God who made a miracle out of David stands ready to make one out of you."
P.S. I wrote this and forgot to post it! I had the biopsy yesterday. It was not fun but I did manage to joke my way through it. It was either that or cry my way through it! I also prayed, recited all the scripture I know and sang the song Healer to myself. They had a new instrument they were testing out and I drew the lucky number. I don't know if that was why it took 3 tries of going in (and out) to get the sample they needed but it's over and now I am waiting for the results. I should have those by Monday or Tuesday.
What if's are dead end roads. They take you nowhere but on a journey of fear, anxiety and depression. What if's are taunts from the Giant. In I Samuel 17:23-24 we read that all the Israelite men ran from Goliath in great fear when they heard his taunts. When David and Goliath finally met face to face the taunts were hurled again. "David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty..."(verse 45).
How do we overcome the fear that what if's bring? We come against them in the name of the Lord Almighty. Next time a giant what if question races into your mind do as David did and say, "I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty." We are told in II Corinthians 15:5 to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Giants wage war on many fronts and our minds can be our most vulnerable battle field.
Many of us forget that David's battle with giants did not end with Goliath. The Israelites fought several more battles in 2 Samuel 21. The Bible tells us that David became exhausted as he engaged in battle again. You may know that feeling. I do. When I left my doctors office after the sonogram a great wave of battle fatigue overwhelmed me. I told Sewell that I just didn't want to cry anymore. I feel I have spent the last year crying. There is weariness in battling not just cancer but the emotions that go with it. There may not be another giant of cancer for me to face but the waiting time for test results is a battle all of its own.
I remind myself that God's love and faithfulness have already helped me battle this giant for the past year and He never changes. He will hold me and help me to continue to have the victory. Again I am choosing to rush this giant of waiting with a God saturated soul. In Max Lucado's book Facing Your Giant he encourages all of us by saying, "Focus on giants-you stumble. Focus on God-your giants tumble. Lift your eyes, giant-slayer. The God who made a miracle out of David stands ready to make one out of you."
P.S. I wrote this and forgot to post it! I had the biopsy yesterday. It was not fun but I did manage to joke my way through it. It was either that or cry my way through it! I also prayed, recited all the scripture I know and sang the song Healer to myself. They had a new instrument they were testing out and I drew the lucky number. I don't know if that was why it took 3 tries of going in (and out) to get the sample they needed but it's over and now I am waiting for the results. I should have those by Monday or Tuesday.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Unseen Victories
Victory over cancer is measured by tumor markers, CBC panels, PET scans, mammograms, sonograms and a host of other medical tests. Their are unseen victories that can't be measured. I had one of those yesterday when I reported back to school. The arrival of new carpet had been delayed and the teachers might not be able to get into their classrooms to set up until Friday or this weekend. School starts this Monday. All of my o file cabinets, book cases and school supplies are in another classroom. I picked up my new curriculum for a class my principal asked me to teach on FRIDAY! This class is in addition to another new class I was asked to teach in June. Our school is also in the process of getting another accreditation so there are many, many documents that must be created by the teachers. I am behind due to all the events of last year. Before cancer I would have been very stressed about trying to get everything done before Monday. Yesterday I found an odd perspective filling my heart and mind. The most important thing about getting ready for school isn't about the curriculum or the room, it's about getting my heart ready to love these kids! So, I set aside all the stress and worry of my to-do list and I picked up the phone and started calling my students to tell them how much God loves them and how excited I am to be their teacher. In the process of praying with my student's, God lifted the stress and worry off my shoulders and began to give me eternal perspective.
I have 3 friends that lost their lives to cancer and yet I watched them win their battle in so many other areas. They continued to trust and love God even until they drew their final breath. Lynn Eib addresses this topic in her book When God And Cancer Meet. She says, "My prayer time consisted of nothing other than self-centered pleas for my personal healing. But God gradually began to enlarge my picture of beating cancer as He spoke to my heart: "Whether you live or die from this is up to me, but how you live is up to you." The pressure was off. I would do my part to physically combat this cancer, but I would not judge whether I beat it by whether or not I was cured. I would beat it no matter what because I would refuse to let it conquer me and control my life. Certainly we can beat cancer when we are declared in remission or cured. However, we also beat it moment by moment as we allow God, not cancer, to control our thoughts. We beat it hour by hour as we remember that God's power within us is greater than the cancer. And we beat it day by day as we trust in God's strength and not in cancer's weakness."
I don't know what giant you may be facing now or will face this year. I never believed I would have so many march into as they did this past year. I pray that you will gain unseen victories every day by how you choose to live while you are in the midst of your battle. God is the one who will fight every battle for you. You are the one who must choose your attitude and response to the challenge. Like Paul, I pray you will be able to say, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation. " (Philippians 4:12) God's power is greater than anything you will ever face. Declare to the world, "I can do all things through HIM who gives me strength." Win your battle as you trust in God's strength and not in the weakness of your giant.
I have 3 friends that lost their lives to cancer and yet I watched them win their battle in so many other areas. They continued to trust and love God even until they drew their final breath. Lynn Eib addresses this topic in her book When God And Cancer Meet. She says, "My prayer time consisted of nothing other than self-centered pleas for my personal healing. But God gradually began to enlarge my picture of beating cancer as He spoke to my heart: "Whether you live or die from this is up to me, but how you live is up to you." The pressure was off. I would do my part to physically combat this cancer, but I would not judge whether I beat it by whether or not I was cured. I would beat it no matter what because I would refuse to let it conquer me and control my life. Certainly we can beat cancer when we are declared in remission or cured. However, we also beat it moment by moment as we allow God, not cancer, to control our thoughts. We beat it hour by hour as we remember that God's power within us is greater than the cancer. And we beat it day by day as we trust in God's strength and not in cancer's weakness."
I don't know what giant you may be facing now or will face this year. I never believed I would have so many march into as they did this past year. I pray that you will gain unseen victories every day by how you choose to live while you are in the midst of your battle. God is the one who will fight every battle for you. You are the one who must choose your attitude and response to the challenge. Like Paul, I pray you will be able to say, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation. " (Philippians 4:12) God's power is greater than anything you will ever face. Declare to the world, "I can do all things through HIM who gives me strength." Win your battle as you trust in God's strength and not in the weakness of your giant.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
At Wits' End
Others went out to the sea in ships;
they were merchants on the mighty waters,
They saw the works of the Lord,
his wonderful deeds in the deep.
For he spoke and stirred up a tempest
that lifted high the waves.
They mounted up to the heavens and
went down to the depths;
in their peril their courage melted away.
They reeled and staggered like drunken men;
they were at their wits' end.
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
and he brought them out of their distress,
He stilled the storm to a whisper;
the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm,
and he guided them to their desired haven.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for men.
Psalm 107:23-31
The name of my storm is cancer. What's yours? The storms of my life and yours could have been spoken into existence by God. Job's was and yet He trusted God. As Job dealt with his incredible emotional and physical pain his courage began to melt away. It's hard to hang onto courage and hope when the waves mount up to the heavens and go down to the depths. Have you ever sensed your courage melting away? There were times during my battle with cancer that I would sense my courage slipping away. I was desperately clinging to my belief that God had spoken to me and that I was not supposed to do chemotherapy or radiation. I knew I was going against conventional medical treatment for cancer. My doctors tried to discourage me and I never felt I had a medical team that was supportive of me. My ship was sailing alone. It took great courage to continue on my course after a surgeon told me I would die if I did not do chemo or radiation. God's hand held mine as I sailed on trusting His voice to guide me, even when I could not see the shore.
It takes great faith to choose to look away from the storm and focus our gaze on God. It was only when these merchants were at their wits' end that they cried out to God. As their cries pierced the heavens God stilled the storm to a whisper and brought them out of their distress. It is easy for God to still the storms of our circumstances. But can we still the storms of our hearts while the waves are crashing all around us? Your circumstances are beyond your control, but your response to them is not. No matter how tall the waves, or how fierce the storm, don't let them dictate your response. Don't reel and stagger. Don't get to your wits' end before you cry out to God. When you first see the dark clouds gather, grab your life vest and throw it on. God's word will sustain and strengthen you as your ride out the storm. Praise God even before you know you are safe. Paul was the apostle who purposed to praise and when he did his shackles fell off and he walked out of prison a free man.
I think the greatest lesson God wants us to learn is how to still our hearts BEFORE he stills the storm. Your faith is not gauged by your response once the sea is calm but your response when the waves are pounding down on your ship, threatening to destroy you. Everything you need to be able to praise God during the storm is provided for you. Look up and you will find it radiantly shining through the ominous clouds. It's the shape of the cross. It's the sound of the whip on his back and the declaration of Isaiah 53:5 that says, "By His wounds we are healed." We are healed from disease and every emotional pain inflicted by others and anything in our life that needs a touch from heaven.
God's unfailing love is what will calm your storm. You are a child of the King Most High. He will never leave you or forsake you. His love for you is endless. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He spoke to the waves, "Peace, Be Still" (Mark 4:39) and the seas grew calm. He can speak to your storm at any time. He will do so once His purposes have been accomplished.
His purpose and plan for taking us through the storm can be found in
Isaiah 32: 2 "Each man will be like a shelter from the wind and a refuge from the storm, like streams of water in the desert and the shadow of a great rock in a thirsty land."
His love is all you need. It is more than enough. Let it soak into every fiber of your being so you can face the storms of life with a God saturated soul.
they were merchants on the mighty waters,
They saw the works of the Lord,
his wonderful deeds in the deep.
For he spoke and stirred up a tempest
that lifted high the waves.
They mounted up to the heavens and
went down to the depths;
in their peril their courage melted away.
They reeled and staggered like drunken men;
they were at their wits' end.
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
and he brought them out of their distress,
He stilled the storm to a whisper;
the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm,
and he guided them to their desired haven.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for men.
Psalm 107:23-31
The name of my storm is cancer. What's yours? The storms of my life and yours could have been spoken into existence by God. Job's was and yet He trusted God. As Job dealt with his incredible emotional and physical pain his courage began to melt away. It's hard to hang onto courage and hope when the waves mount up to the heavens and go down to the depths. Have you ever sensed your courage melting away? There were times during my battle with cancer that I would sense my courage slipping away. I was desperately clinging to my belief that God had spoken to me and that I was not supposed to do chemotherapy or radiation. I knew I was going against conventional medical treatment for cancer. My doctors tried to discourage me and I never felt I had a medical team that was supportive of me. My ship was sailing alone. It took great courage to continue on my course after a surgeon told me I would die if I did not do chemo or radiation. God's hand held mine as I sailed on trusting His voice to guide me, even when I could not see the shore.
It takes great faith to choose to look away from the storm and focus our gaze on God. It was only when these merchants were at their wits' end that they cried out to God. As their cries pierced the heavens God stilled the storm to a whisper and brought them out of their distress. It is easy for God to still the storms of our circumstances. But can we still the storms of our hearts while the waves are crashing all around us? Your circumstances are beyond your control, but your response to them is not. No matter how tall the waves, or how fierce the storm, don't let them dictate your response. Don't reel and stagger. Don't get to your wits' end before you cry out to God. When you first see the dark clouds gather, grab your life vest and throw it on. God's word will sustain and strengthen you as your ride out the storm. Praise God even before you know you are safe. Paul was the apostle who purposed to praise and when he did his shackles fell off and he walked out of prison a free man.
I think the greatest lesson God wants us to learn is how to still our hearts BEFORE he stills the storm. Your faith is not gauged by your response once the sea is calm but your response when the waves are pounding down on your ship, threatening to destroy you. Everything you need to be able to praise God during the storm is provided for you. Look up and you will find it radiantly shining through the ominous clouds. It's the shape of the cross. It's the sound of the whip on his back and the declaration of Isaiah 53:5 that says, "By His wounds we are healed." We are healed from disease and every emotional pain inflicted by others and anything in our life that needs a touch from heaven.
God's unfailing love is what will calm your storm. You are a child of the King Most High. He will never leave you or forsake you. His love for you is endless. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He spoke to the waves, "Peace, Be Still" (Mark 4:39) and the seas grew calm. He can speak to your storm at any time. He will do so once His purposes have been accomplished.
His purpose and plan for taking us through the storm can be found in
Isaiah 32: 2 "Each man will be like a shelter from the wind and a refuge from the storm, like streams of water in the desert and the shadow of a great rock in a thirsty land."
His love is all you need. It is more than enough. Let it soak into every fiber of your being so you can face the storms of life with a God saturated soul.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
B.C. and A.C.
Driven. Perfectionist. Exhausted. These words describe me before cancer. Cancer has a way of changing a person from the inside out. It puts things in perspective in a hurry. It gives new eyes to see the world through. I feel in some respects I am beginning to see things more like God does. The things that really matter have come into sharper focus. In an attempt to make me sick, cancer actually made me healthier in so many ways. My spiritual health improved as I desperately clung to God for strength. Having meaningful daily quiet times was no longer an option, it was life to me. Cancer caused me to put margins into my life that I never gave myself permission to have. Margins are those spaces around the edges of a piece of paper that are not supposed to be written in. Most of us fill up every empty space of our lives and we don't, can't or won't say NO to the demands others put on us. We teach our children to do the same. More is not better. Cancer gave me permission to leave things undone at night and get to bed at a reasonable hour so I would get 8 hours of sleep. The majority of Americans live a sleep deprived life and our immune systems are paying the price. When our immune systems are compromised it is difficult to fight off sicknesses and diseases. Cancer helped me stop being a perfectionist and worrying about what others thought about the cleanliness of my home. It didn't mean that I let things go, it just made me realize that I didn't need to drive myself or my family crazy getting my house "perfect" before people came over. Cancer put my days into perspective. Sometimes I would get so focused on my to-do list that I would not even be aware of what God's to-do list was for me that day. I now approach my days very differently. Each day I ask God how I can partner with Him to accomplish His will for the day. There is a daily mission field waiting for each of us. I want to be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit as I walk through my day. Cancer has given me permission to not fret or worry about the issues of life. Because I have faced a God sized giant I know that He is more than able to take care of any problems I have in my life. Nothing is bigger than God's power. Our worrying tells Him we are choosing to reduce Him to a powerless God at the whim of any giant that would march into our land. Cancer also gave me physical health. I stopped eating toxic foods that were eventually going to cut my life short. I am convinced that as Americans we are burying ourselves with our forks and spoons. Half of us will die of a heart related disease. One out of three Americans will get cancer in their lifetime. I was not on a path to improved health. Now that cancer has caused me to make permanent lifestyle changes I believe I have added years of good health onto my life. I am convinced that if I keep doing what I am I will not battle Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, arthritis or a host of other illnesses that seem to plague the elderly. Walkers and Depends will not be a part of my daily routine when I am older. I want to be like Bernando LaPallo who endorses the book How We All Went Raw. Bernando is 105 years young and walks for 1 hour every morning. He has lived long enough to have 3 careers and says he feels great and is thankful to God for showing me how to eat to live and not live to eat.
Looking back at my life B.C. (before cancer) I would never choose it again. I am excited about all the benefits of life A.C.(after cancer). I know God's plan and purpose in all of it is for my benefit.
In her book When God And Cancer Meet Lynn Eib says," Cancer has a nasty habit of taking things away from people-things like hair and strength and jobs and time. Sometimes it takes them away for a short while and sometimes it takes them away permanently. Cancer may have already taken something from you. But this is not a story about what cancer takes. It's about what it can give back. In fact, cancer is often the vehicle He uses to deliver His blessing."
God has a blessing hidden in everything that happens in your life. Don't miss it! Look for it. He will help you find it. And when you find it I pray you will fall on your knees and thank God for His loving kindness towards you. His blessing of cancer is the very thing that is giving me life. I wonder what your hidden blessings will give you?
Looking back at my life B.C. (before cancer) I would never choose it again. I am excited about all the benefits of life A.C.(after cancer). I know God's plan and purpose in all of it is for my benefit.
In her book When God And Cancer Meet Lynn Eib says," Cancer has a nasty habit of taking things away from people-things like hair and strength and jobs and time. Sometimes it takes them away for a short while and sometimes it takes them away permanently. Cancer may have already taken something from you. But this is not a story about what cancer takes. It's about what it can give back. In fact, cancer is often the vehicle He uses to deliver His blessing."
God has a blessing hidden in everything that happens in your life. Don't miss it! Look for it. He will help you find it. And when you find it I pray you will fall on your knees and thank God for His loving kindness towards you. His blessing of cancer is the very thing that is giving me life. I wonder what your hidden blessings will give you?
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
My Grace is Sufficient
As I approach the one year mark of being diagnosed with breast cancer I am beginning to look back at what God has taught me. I have learned that I have the strength to daily stand and fight a life threatening disease because His grace is sufficient for me. I have read this verse in 2 Corinthians 12:9 dozens of time but have never really understood it until this past year. God can not make His grace anymore sufficient for whatever you are facing than what it already is. This verse does not say His grace might be or could be but IS sufficient. H.W. Webb Peploe said, "Never change God's facts into hopes or prayers but simply accept them as realities, and you will find them to be powerful as you believe them."
All of us will face our own battles. Life is just that way. As you face what God has allowed into your life for His purposes and glory thank Him each day that His grace will enable you to face it with confidence. God is bigger than any giant that attempts to march into your land and bring destruction with it. He will hold your hand and heart and walk you through it. Don't shrink back from the difficulty or size of what you see. Focus your eyes on God. He is bigger than anything that would come to steal, kill or destroy your joy, finances, relationships or health. Trust Him. He knows what He is doing and He never sleeps on the job!
He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
To added afflictions he addeth His mercies,
To multiplied trials His multiplied peace.
When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father's full giving is only begun.
His love has no limit, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth and giveth and giveth again.
Anne Johnson Flint
All of us will face our own battles. Life is just that way. As you face what God has allowed into your life for His purposes and glory thank Him each day that His grace will enable you to face it with confidence. God is bigger than any giant that attempts to march into your land and bring destruction with it. He will hold your hand and heart and walk you through it. Don't shrink back from the difficulty or size of what you see. Focus your eyes on God. He is bigger than anything that would come to steal, kill or destroy your joy, finances, relationships or health. Trust Him. He knows what He is doing and He never sleeps on the job!
He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
To added afflictions he addeth His mercies,
To multiplied trials His multiplied peace.
When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father's full giving is only begun.
His love has no limit, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth and giveth and giveth again.
Anne Johnson Flint
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Learning your Faith
George Meuller once said, "The only way to know strong faith is to endure great trials. I have learned my faith by standing firm through severe testings."
In Romans 4 we read the story of the faith of Abraham.
Verse 18 says, "Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed..." Verse 19 says, "Without weakening in His faith..." Verse 20 goes on to say, "Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.
In the beginning of this journey with God through cancer, a surgeon I spoke with told me I would die if I did not do chemo and radiation. Against all hope I believed God was going to heal me through nutrition and a lifestyle change. I did not waver and give in to fear and choose chemotherapy over what I knew God wanted me to do. My faith was strengthened as I stepped out and trusted God. I knew he had the power to heal me and he did. The bible says he has the power to heal all diseases. Now my privilege is to give him Glory through my testimony of faith and trust.
Have you ever believed God would see you a trial even when it seemed hopeless? Have your circumstances ever caused you to weaken in your faith? Are your learning your faith each day by standing firm in the midst of trials and testings? Every unpleasant, difficult, stressful and immovable situation is a chance for the world to see the power of the God we serve. He can move mountains be it cancer or other health issues, finances, relationships or work situations. Face the giants of your life with a God saturated soul and watch Him do the impossible. In the process your faith will be strengthened and you will be shouting from the rooftops in joy as you proclaim His goodness to anyone who will listen. We do not serve a small, puny God. Step out with bold faith and believe he can do beyond anything we can ask or think. Those coming behind you need your example of unwavering faith. Don't disappoint them.
In Romans 4 we read the story of the faith of Abraham.
Verse 18 says, "Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed..." Verse 19 says, "Without weakening in His faith..." Verse 20 goes on to say, "Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.
In the beginning of this journey with God through cancer, a surgeon I spoke with told me I would die if I did not do chemo and radiation. Against all hope I believed God was going to heal me through nutrition and a lifestyle change. I did not waver and give in to fear and choose chemotherapy over what I knew God wanted me to do. My faith was strengthened as I stepped out and trusted God. I knew he had the power to heal me and he did. The bible says he has the power to heal all diseases. Now my privilege is to give him Glory through my testimony of faith and trust.
Have you ever believed God would see you a trial even when it seemed hopeless? Have your circumstances ever caused you to weaken in your faith? Are your learning your faith each day by standing firm in the midst of trials and testings? Every unpleasant, difficult, stressful and immovable situation is a chance for the world to see the power of the God we serve. He can move mountains be it cancer or other health issues, finances, relationships or work situations. Face the giants of your life with a God saturated soul and watch Him do the impossible. In the process your faith will be strengthened and you will be shouting from the rooftops in joy as you proclaim His goodness to anyone who will listen. We do not serve a small, puny God. Step out with bold faith and believe he can do beyond anything we can ask or think. Those coming behind you need your example of unwavering faith. Don't disappoint them.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
CELEBRATING!
Yesterday my oncologist said I AM IN REMISSION!!!!
My blood work looks good, tumor markers are negative and she said I look really healthy. She has ordered a sonogram and mammogram in August and then blood work in 6 months. As I was leaving she patted me on the arm and said to stay healthy and that I make her nervous. We both laughed! I don't think she has really known what to do with me. I am probably her only patient that she is NOT treating since I refused the chemo and radiation. Right after I saw her I visited my cancer nutritionist in Encinitas and he is adjusting a few small things in my eating to bring all my levels into complete balance. I learn so much every time I talk to him.
Now I will continue on my healthy eating plan and keep all the good changes I've made this past year in other areas of my life. I have had several people tell me I should write a book. I am going to prayerfully consider that. I don't know what I would say and yet I have found plenty to say as I have blogged on my Facing Your Giant. My husband says I never run out of words! Ha Ha!
I have learned so much this past year and I know I will continue to learn new things as I wait in silence before Him. The most important thing I've learned is that without a strong relationship with God that is built on daily devotions none of us will be able to hear God's voice speak into our lives. The reason I had the faith to take a road that is not well traveled in Cancer land is because I know I heard from God. I have spent a lifetime cultivating an intimate, close relationship with Him. I have heard his voice so many times in the past and I know when He is speaking to me. Without that foundational relationship coming into this diagnosis I might not have been able to hear His voice over all the voices that were giving me council and advise. When you hear his voice you have to be willing to follow it even if it doesn't make sense and even if it takes a huge leap of faith. We have to be willing to follow God even if it takes personal sacrifice and discipline. The rewards are far better than anything we may have to give up, as I have found. There is nothing that feels better than being obedient to God and staying in the center of His will.
There are so many more thoughts I have to share but right now I am going outside to plant some flowers to celebrate the healing He has given me! I am overwhelmed with a deep sense of gratitude to my Heavenly Father and to all of you who have faithfully encouraged me, stood by me and prayed for me this past year. I know the battle is not over yet but a great victory has been won. My love and hugs go out to you!
"For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen."
Romans 11:36
My blood work looks good, tumor markers are negative and she said I look really healthy. She has ordered a sonogram and mammogram in August and then blood work in 6 months. As I was leaving she patted me on the arm and said to stay healthy and that I make her nervous. We both laughed! I don't think she has really known what to do with me. I am probably her only patient that she is NOT treating since I refused the chemo and radiation. Right after I saw her I visited my cancer nutritionist in Encinitas and he is adjusting a few small things in my eating to bring all my levels into complete balance. I learn so much every time I talk to him.
Now I will continue on my healthy eating plan and keep all the good changes I've made this past year in other areas of my life. I have had several people tell me I should write a book. I am going to prayerfully consider that. I don't know what I would say and yet I have found plenty to say as I have blogged on my Facing Your Giant. My husband says I never run out of words! Ha Ha!
I have learned so much this past year and I know I will continue to learn new things as I wait in silence before Him. The most important thing I've learned is that without a strong relationship with God that is built on daily devotions none of us will be able to hear God's voice speak into our lives. The reason I had the faith to take a road that is not well traveled in Cancer land is because I know I heard from God. I have spent a lifetime cultivating an intimate, close relationship with Him. I have heard his voice so many times in the past and I know when He is speaking to me. Without that foundational relationship coming into this diagnosis I might not have been able to hear His voice over all the voices that were giving me council and advise. When you hear his voice you have to be willing to follow it even if it doesn't make sense and even if it takes a huge leap of faith. We have to be willing to follow God even if it takes personal sacrifice and discipline. The rewards are far better than anything we may have to give up, as I have found. There is nothing that feels better than being obedient to God and staying in the center of His will.
There are so many more thoughts I have to share but right now I am going outside to plant some flowers to celebrate the healing He has given me! I am overwhelmed with a deep sense of gratitude to my Heavenly Father and to all of you who have faithfully encouraged me, stood by me and prayed for me this past year. I know the battle is not over yet but a great victory has been won. My love and hugs go out to you!
"For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen."
Romans 11:36
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Believing In A God Who Allows Suffering
I am taking a class on line called 10 Reasons To Believe In A God Who Allows Suffering. Three of the reasons that have really struck home are:
Pain loosens our grip on this life, Suffering reveals what is in our hearts and Suffering gives us an opportunity to trust God. This past year I have learned to let go of so many things that I used to hold tightly. I am letting go of perfectionism, the importance of what people think of me, and the tendency to sweat the small stuff. My prayer is that through my suffering God has seen a heart that trusts Him, that refuses to whine or have a pity party and a heart that is reaching out to others in compassion. Because I feel I have been taken to the edge of eternity through this cancer journey I have learned to trust God in a way I never have before. It is one thing to say I trust God, it is another to know that my life is literally in His hands and to trust Him with it.
I feel have spent this past year as a student and as a teacher. Each day I have showed up in God's classroom to learn the lesson of the day. I have then gone to my school and to my friends and I've tried to teach what I am learning. God has used suffering and pain as His daily lesson plan in my life this year. I have to say I have never learned as much as I have this past year. I know God allows suffering and pain for our benefit, not for our destruction. My prayer is that when you go through suffering your heart will stay soft towards God and that you will embrace all that He has for you in it. Don't waste any time feeling sorry for yourself or being angry with God. You will only end up a bitter and angry person. You choose how you respond to what God allows to come into your life. Purpose to respond with a God saturated soul that is full of faith. Take every ounce of your pain and turn it into something good. It is possible. God already knows the ministry He wants to make out of your life. Don't miss it. I am excited to see what God has for me next year. I know there are dozens of divine appointments where I can use what He has taught me to bless and encourage others.
P.S. I had my carotenoid levels tested (immune system strength) this week. The last test in April my levels were at 63,000 which is 4,000 above the highest the printed graph will show. This week it was 75,000!!! My doctor said they have never had anyone read that high in their office. I was so excited to see how strong my immune system was even though I did not have my carrot juice or veggies while I was in El Salvador! I see my oncologist on July 15th for another exam and blood panel! God is healing me! YEAH!!
Pain loosens our grip on this life, Suffering reveals what is in our hearts and Suffering gives us an opportunity to trust God. This past year I have learned to let go of so many things that I used to hold tightly. I am letting go of perfectionism, the importance of what people think of me, and the tendency to sweat the small stuff. My prayer is that through my suffering God has seen a heart that trusts Him, that refuses to whine or have a pity party and a heart that is reaching out to others in compassion. Because I feel I have been taken to the edge of eternity through this cancer journey I have learned to trust God in a way I never have before. It is one thing to say I trust God, it is another to know that my life is literally in His hands and to trust Him with it.
I feel have spent this past year as a student and as a teacher. Each day I have showed up in God's classroom to learn the lesson of the day. I have then gone to my school and to my friends and I've tried to teach what I am learning. God has used suffering and pain as His daily lesson plan in my life this year. I have to say I have never learned as much as I have this past year. I know God allows suffering and pain for our benefit, not for our destruction. My prayer is that when you go through suffering your heart will stay soft towards God and that you will embrace all that He has for you in it. Don't waste any time feeling sorry for yourself or being angry with God. You will only end up a bitter and angry person. You choose how you respond to what God allows to come into your life. Purpose to respond with a God saturated soul that is full of faith. Take every ounce of your pain and turn it into something good. It is possible. God already knows the ministry He wants to make out of your life. Don't miss it. I am excited to see what God has for me next year. I know there are dozens of divine appointments where I can use what He has taught me to bless and encourage others.
P.S. I had my carotenoid levels tested (immune system strength) this week. The last test in April my levels were at 63,000 which is 4,000 above the highest the printed graph will show. This week it was 75,000!!! My doctor said they have never had anyone read that high in their office. I was so excited to see how strong my immune system was even though I did not have my carrot juice or veggies while I was in El Salvador! I see my oncologist on July 15th for another exam and blood panel! God is healing me! YEAH!!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
God Can Do Miracles!
I just returned from an 18 day Mission trip to El Salvador. I helped lead a team of 17 teenagers that were from all over the United States. We partnered with some local pastors there for daily ministry. Each morning we would go to a school and put on a Vacation Bible School for about 120 elementary children and 50 teenagers. After we finished there we headed to a local private High School where we went into the classrooms and helped them practice their English through different topics. At the end of the week we presented a drama to the VBS and the High School and then gave the gospel message. In the afternoons we headed to parks and neighborhoods to present skits, the drama and the gospel message. People gave their lives to the Lord and we saw many miraculous healings. It was exciting to watch God move through all of us. I know we were able to change the lives of many people in El Salvador and give them hope they did not have. Our teams were also able to support and encourage the local pastors. I know each of us came back personally changed in many ways.
I came away with more boldness and faith than I had before going. For those of you who know me I have quite a bit of boldness and faith in God especially in light of everything God has taken me through this year. I was hesitant to go on this trip due to all the lifestyle changes I have in place to help beat this cancer. I desperately wanted to go though because I know the impact these trips have on so many people's lives and I wanted to be used by God to make a difference. I decided to step out in faith and just continue to trust Him as I have all year. I was able to eat some of the food there but mostly I lived off what I brought in my suitcase. I was just so happy to be on the mission field that I didn't care. The first night we were in Garden Valley Texas for training the worship team sang a song by Planet Shakers called Healer. I encourage you to go to YouTube and watch it. It is a powerful song.
These are the words:
Hold my every moment, Calm my raging sea
Walk with me through fire, Heal all my disease
I trust in you, I trust in you
I believe you're my healer, I believe you are all I need.
I believe you're my portion, I believe you're more than enough for me
Jesus you're all I need
Nothing is impossible for you. Nothing is impossible.
Nothing is impossible for you. You hold my world in your hands.
As I sang these words the truth of them poured into my spirit. Cancer does not hold my life or my world in its hands, God does. He is my healer. He can heal my cancer. Nothing is impossible for Him. I will continue to trust in Him. I was filled again with a deep compassion for those who desperately need a healing. As we went to El Salvador I prayed with faith, trusting God for those who needed a physical healing. God was faithful and healed so many people that I was able to pray for.
My encouragement to you is to continue to trust in God. Don't wait until the giant in your land is slain. Let God use you even while you are in the midst of your own battles. Ask Him to help you see others through His eyes. Don't miss any divine appointments He has for you. Start each day by saying good morning to God then tell Him you are willing and ready to be used any way He wants! Get ready to change lives through the power He gives you! Nothing is impossible for God.
I came away with more boldness and faith than I had before going. For those of you who know me I have quite a bit of boldness and faith in God especially in light of everything God has taken me through this year. I was hesitant to go on this trip due to all the lifestyle changes I have in place to help beat this cancer. I desperately wanted to go though because I know the impact these trips have on so many people's lives and I wanted to be used by God to make a difference. I decided to step out in faith and just continue to trust Him as I have all year. I was able to eat some of the food there but mostly I lived off what I brought in my suitcase. I was just so happy to be on the mission field that I didn't care. The first night we were in Garden Valley Texas for training the worship team sang a song by Planet Shakers called Healer. I encourage you to go to YouTube and watch it. It is a powerful song.
These are the words:
Hold my every moment, Calm my raging sea
Walk with me through fire, Heal all my disease
I trust in you, I trust in you
I believe you're my healer, I believe you are all I need.
I believe you're my portion, I believe you're more than enough for me
Jesus you're all I need
Nothing is impossible for you. Nothing is impossible.
Nothing is impossible for you. You hold my world in your hands.
As I sang these words the truth of them poured into my spirit. Cancer does not hold my life or my world in its hands, God does. He is my healer. He can heal my cancer. Nothing is impossible for Him. I will continue to trust in Him. I was filled again with a deep compassion for those who desperately need a healing. As we went to El Salvador I prayed with faith, trusting God for those who needed a physical healing. God was faithful and healed so many people that I was able to pray for.
My encouragement to you is to continue to trust in God. Don't wait until the giant in your land is slain. Let God use you even while you are in the midst of your own battles. Ask Him to help you see others through His eyes. Don't miss any divine appointments He has for you. Start each day by saying good morning to God then tell Him you are willing and ready to be used any way He wants! Get ready to change lives through the power He gives you! Nothing is impossible for God.
Monday, June 2, 2008
For Better or Worse, in Sickness and Health
When I stood at the altar and said these words to my husband I did not really know what they meant until this year. For both of us this has been the "worse and sickness" year. Together, Sewell and I have faced health issues. He has dealt with painful swelling in his hand from arthritis, constant pain in his joints, iritis (an eye infection) which we think was triggered by the antibiotics they put him on for the dog bite, and the injuries to his arm and leg from being attacked. After 5 weeks the wound in his leg still isn't healed. I have dealt with cancer and lymphedema.
We both lost a parent and we both lost jobs. I am still teaching but lost my coaching job through painful circumstances that were no fault of my own. Sewell just found out he is being transferred to another school which is about 15 minutes further away from where he is now. We loved having him just minutes away from our campus! It will be hard for him to leave the other three Assistant Principals that he worked so closely with these past 4 years and start over at a new school. He did not want to leave but the district can transfer AP's when they want. So, here we go again dealing with another loss. The move takes place June 16th and unfortunately I will be in El Salvador. I wanted to be here for the emotional support but I know God will still be here!
Sewell and I have clung to God and each other as our source of comfort and strength. Through all of it, our marriage and faith has grown. This was part of my devotional reading for the day, "You may scarcely realize the value of your present situation. If you are enduring great affliction right now, you are at the source of the strongest faith. God will teach you during those dark hours to have the most powerful bond to His throne you could ever know, if you will only submit. If you are afraid, simply look up and say, "When I am afraid, I will trust in you." (Psalm 56:3) Then you will be able to thank God for his school of sorrow that became for you the school of faith." A. B. Simpson
Together Sewell and I have spent 55 years in schools helping others learn. This year, God took us back to His classroom and we are getting an invaluable education. The school of sorrow is not one most of us would enroll in but the longer you are there the more it turns into the school of faith. I believe what we learn here, we will be able to teach others. I have been afraid this year but I have chosen to put my trust in God. Even now I am thanking Him for this year of worse and sickness knowing that I must go through it to reach the better and health. When I get to the other side of all of this I know my faith will be better than ever and I will be enjoying greater health than I have ever experienced before.
Whenever trials come into your life just remember that God is taking you back to school to teach you something. His ministry here on earth was mostly about teaching the disciples and others Heavenly truths. It is no different for your life. Submit to what He wants to teach you and trust Him no matter how challenging and painful the lesson may be. Your education may be over in a few weeks, months or it may take years. I pray I am a fast learner!
We both lost a parent and we both lost jobs. I am still teaching but lost my coaching job through painful circumstances that were no fault of my own. Sewell just found out he is being transferred to another school which is about 15 minutes further away from where he is now. We loved having him just minutes away from our campus! It will be hard for him to leave the other three Assistant Principals that he worked so closely with these past 4 years and start over at a new school. He did not want to leave but the district can transfer AP's when they want. So, here we go again dealing with another loss. The move takes place June 16th and unfortunately I will be in El Salvador. I wanted to be here for the emotional support but I know God will still be here!
Sewell and I have clung to God and each other as our source of comfort and strength. Through all of it, our marriage and faith has grown. This was part of my devotional reading for the day, "You may scarcely realize the value of your present situation. If you are enduring great affliction right now, you are at the source of the strongest faith. God will teach you during those dark hours to have the most powerful bond to His throne you could ever know, if you will only submit. If you are afraid, simply look up and say, "When I am afraid, I will trust in you." (Psalm 56:3) Then you will be able to thank God for his school of sorrow that became for you the school of faith." A. B. Simpson
Together Sewell and I have spent 55 years in schools helping others learn. This year, God took us back to His classroom and we are getting an invaluable education. The school of sorrow is not one most of us would enroll in but the longer you are there the more it turns into the school of faith. I believe what we learn here, we will be able to teach others. I have been afraid this year but I have chosen to put my trust in God. Even now I am thanking Him for this year of worse and sickness knowing that I must go through it to reach the better and health. When I get to the other side of all of this I know my faith will be better than ever and I will be enjoying greater health than I have ever experienced before.
Whenever trials come into your life just remember that God is taking you back to school to teach you something. His ministry here on earth was mostly about teaching the disciples and others Heavenly truths. It is no different for your life. Submit to what He wants to teach you and trust Him no matter how challenging and painful the lesson may be. Your education may be over in a few weeks, months or it may take years. I pray I am a fast learner!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Pressing On
In this journey I have been on this last year I feel as if I have been in battle and survival mode. So much of my life has changed and one of the things I feared would change would be my ability to lead teenagers on the mission field. Because of my strict diet and sleep requirements I didn't think I would be able to go with Teen Mania this summer. I have gone on 3 other trips with them and it has always been the highlight of my year. As I was pondering and grieving over yet another loss God began to speak to me about my lack of faith. If I was trusting Him (and not my diet) as my ultimate source of healing what little faith it shows to believe He could not sustain me for a few weeks while serving Him. I decided not to let fear keep me from doing what I love and what gives me a true sense of purpose. I called Teen Mania and signed up to go on a 2 week trip to El Salvador. I leave next Friday and will come back on the 23rd of June. While in El Salvador we will be working in schools helping the students with their English and teaching Vacation Bible School. In the evenings we will be going into the parks and perform a powerful drama that presents the gospel message. We will have time to pray for people and minister to them. Cori will be going to New York with Teen Mania to help Bill Wilson's Metro Ministries at the same time I am gone. It will be nice to fly to Texas with her and be there for training camp.
I am packing some powdered carrot juice, Lara bars, raw almonds and anything else that will be healthy for me. Whatever food is available that I can eat I will and if there isn't much I will just do some mini fasts which are always healthy. I am believing God will take care of me either way.
Philippians 3:12 says,
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. "
For the first time since being diagnosed with cancer I am beginning to feel like I am pressing forward to take hold of the things God has for me. Part of that means leading people to Christ and helping teenagers fall more in love with Jesus.
My encouragement to you today is that no matter how many obstacles are in your way, exercise your faith and trust in God to remove them. Don't let fear keep you from pressing on. Be bold and courageous for His names sake. Ecclesiastes 9:1 says, "The wise and what they do are in God's hands." By faith put your future in His hands and trust Him to walk you through each day.
I am packing some powdered carrot juice, Lara bars, raw almonds and anything else that will be healthy for me. Whatever food is available that I can eat I will and if there isn't much I will just do some mini fasts which are always healthy. I am believing God will take care of me either way.
Philippians 3:12 says,
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. "
For the first time since being diagnosed with cancer I am beginning to feel like I am pressing forward to take hold of the things God has for me. Part of that means leading people to Christ and helping teenagers fall more in love with Jesus.
My encouragement to you today is that no matter how many obstacles are in your way, exercise your faith and trust in God to remove them. Don't let fear keep you from pressing on. Be bold and courageous for His names sake. Ecclesiastes 9:1 says, "The wise and what they do are in God's hands." By faith put your future in His hands and trust Him to walk you through each day.
Friday, May 23, 2008
The New Normal
Tonight Chalese graduates from San Diego State and Cori graduates from Christian High School. To me, graduations signify the closing of a chapter of life and the beginning of a new chapter. Most graduates move forward and don't spend much time looking back. At times in our own lives I think we look back and wish for things to be the way they used to be. I know I do. During this battle with cancer I have often found myself longing for life as it was.
This week I read something that struck a cord in my heart. Don Piper is a Christian author of a book titled 90 Minutes In Heaven. It tells the story of the automobile accident in which he was proclaimed dead at the scene. He remained dead for 90 minutes and then through the prayers of a man who crawled into the car and prayed for him he came back to life. He recounts his experience of being in heaven for those 90 minutes. When he came back to life he was faced with the reality of a body that had been completely mangled. Months of hospitalization and 34 surgeries awaited him. The book tells the story of his journey through it all. In a chapter titled The New Normal he says, "Some things happen to us from which we never recover and disrupt the normalcy of our lives. That's how life is. Human nature has the tendency to try to reconstruct old ways and pick up where we left off. If we're wise, we won't continue to go back to the way things were (we can't anyway.). We must instead forget the old standard and accept a "new normal." Yes, I said to myself, there are things I will never be able to do again. I don't like that and may even hate it, but that doesn't change the way things are. The sooner I make peace with that fact and accept the way things are, the sooner I'll be able to live in peace and enjoy my new normalcy."
I was challenged by these words. I don't think I have been able to accept my "new normal" in my heart. Yes, in my head I know my life will never be as it was before cancer but I don't think I had truly accepted it in my emotions. I realize I have spent quite a bit of time longing for the way things used to be. I don't think I had really made peace with the way things are and are going to be for the rest of my life. I was living my "new normal" but not really enjoying it. Leaving all my comfort foods and eating habits behind was extremely difficult and still is. Embracing new tastes is equally challenging. Facing the reality of lymphedema has also been hard. I got a slight case from doing a Teen Korps project May 3rd. For those of you who aren't familiar with lymphedema it's swelling of the arm due to scar tissue that forms from removing the lymph nodes. The scar tissue doesn't allow the fluid to drain correctly and it backs up when there is over exertion. At the time I didn't feel pain and I didn't know I was over exerting myself until about 2 days later when my arm swelled and became painful. It will either go down or remain for life. Please pray it will go down and the pain will leave.
I want to be able to do as much physical exercise as I used to be without fear of lymphedema. I want to be able to eat Almond Joys and Ice cream. I don't want to drink green/carrot juice every day of my life. I don't want to learn how to cook all over again without sugar, dairy, meat or white flour. I don't want to keep going to the doctor for check ups. But I know my old lifestyle is a closed chapter of my life. Like my two daughters who are graduating, I too must move forward and accept my "new normal" and make peace with it.
Right after I read this chapter and pondered these words God did an amazing thing for me. I was at the Senior Retreat in Anaheim and we were going to Medieval Times for their show. The menu was roasted chicken, ribs, potatoes, and dessert. I fully expected to have to just eat a potato or something like that which is what usually happens when you are at a group function like this. To my surprise they served a vegetarian meal which came out last. I was shocked at how delicious it was! Everyone else had to eat with their fingers but they provided me with a fork and a knife! For the first time since August 30th when I began this eating adventure I felt as if I was getting the better deal! I did not feel envious of what other people were eating but thought they should be envious of my health giving food. For maybe the first time I was truly at peace with my "new normal."
I pray that if you are struggling with a "new normal" that God will help you make peace with it and accept it as part of His wonderful plan for your life. I encourage you to not look back at what was, but move forward to what is. It's okay to grieve over what has been lost but don't stay there. Close that chapter and open a new one. Trust that God knows what is best for you. Someday I want to be able to say that I would never go back to what used to be even if I could choose it. I want to walk joyfully in God's perfect sovereignty for my life. I hope you'll join me!
This week I read something that struck a cord in my heart. Don Piper is a Christian author of a book titled 90 Minutes In Heaven. It tells the story of the automobile accident in which he was proclaimed dead at the scene. He remained dead for 90 minutes and then through the prayers of a man who crawled into the car and prayed for him he came back to life. He recounts his experience of being in heaven for those 90 minutes. When he came back to life he was faced with the reality of a body that had been completely mangled. Months of hospitalization and 34 surgeries awaited him. The book tells the story of his journey through it all. In a chapter titled The New Normal he says, "Some things happen to us from which we never recover and disrupt the normalcy of our lives. That's how life is. Human nature has the tendency to try to reconstruct old ways and pick up where we left off. If we're wise, we won't continue to go back to the way things were (we can't anyway.). We must instead forget the old standard and accept a "new normal." Yes, I said to myself, there are things I will never be able to do again. I don't like that and may even hate it, but that doesn't change the way things are. The sooner I make peace with that fact and accept the way things are, the sooner I'll be able to live in peace and enjoy my new normalcy."
I was challenged by these words. I don't think I have been able to accept my "new normal" in my heart. Yes, in my head I know my life will never be as it was before cancer but I don't think I had truly accepted it in my emotions. I realize I have spent quite a bit of time longing for the way things used to be. I don't think I had really made peace with the way things are and are going to be for the rest of my life. I was living my "new normal" but not really enjoying it. Leaving all my comfort foods and eating habits behind was extremely difficult and still is. Embracing new tastes is equally challenging. Facing the reality of lymphedema has also been hard. I got a slight case from doing a Teen Korps project May 3rd. For those of you who aren't familiar with lymphedema it's swelling of the arm due to scar tissue that forms from removing the lymph nodes. The scar tissue doesn't allow the fluid to drain correctly and it backs up when there is over exertion. At the time I didn't feel pain and I didn't know I was over exerting myself until about 2 days later when my arm swelled and became painful. It will either go down or remain for life. Please pray it will go down and the pain will leave.
I want to be able to do as much physical exercise as I used to be without fear of lymphedema. I want to be able to eat Almond Joys and Ice cream. I don't want to drink green/carrot juice every day of my life. I don't want to learn how to cook all over again without sugar, dairy, meat or white flour. I don't want to keep going to the doctor for check ups. But I know my old lifestyle is a closed chapter of my life. Like my two daughters who are graduating, I too must move forward and accept my "new normal" and make peace with it.
Right after I read this chapter and pondered these words God did an amazing thing for me. I was at the Senior Retreat in Anaheim and we were going to Medieval Times for their show. The menu was roasted chicken, ribs, potatoes, and dessert. I fully expected to have to just eat a potato or something like that which is what usually happens when you are at a group function like this. To my surprise they served a vegetarian meal which came out last. I was shocked at how delicious it was! Everyone else had to eat with their fingers but they provided me with a fork and a knife! For the first time since August 30th when I began this eating adventure I felt as if I was getting the better deal! I did not feel envious of what other people were eating but thought they should be envious of my health giving food. For maybe the first time I was truly at peace with my "new normal."
I pray that if you are struggling with a "new normal" that God will help you make peace with it and accept it as part of His wonderful plan for your life. I encourage you to not look back at what was, but move forward to what is. It's okay to grieve over what has been lost but don't stay there. Close that chapter and open a new one. Trust that God knows what is best for you. Someday I want to be able to say that I would never go back to what used to be even if I could choose it. I want to walk joyfully in God's perfect sovereignty for my life. I hope you'll join me!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Perseverance
Today is a bittersweet mother's day. It is my first without my mom. I know Sewell and I have more of those in front of us with his father dying this year too. Like endless days this year it is one more where I cling to Him for comfort to walk through it. It's impossible to know how much pain you can withstand until it comes into your life. I am sure many of you reading this have faced your own intense pain in various forms. Some of you have probably experienced greater loss than I have. We have all had to persevere and keep moving forward.
A student of mine wrote these words on his final Health paper about what he had learned in class; "I want to thank you for all you've shown me and some areas in life that I should work on. One thing that I was amazed at was your perseverance. You kept on going even though you could have taken the rest of the year off due to cancer, taken more time off from the deaths in your family, taken more time off from the attacks on your husband, you could have been home for the rest of the year and yet you still came. I don't know how you keep it up. As a teacher and as a person you've been an example of how to keep going even when the odds were against you."
James 1:2 came to my mind. It says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." I certainly have faced trials of many kinds this year. I know my faith is being tested and I am trying to develop perseverance through it all. The end result is that perseverance is what makes me mature and complete. The trials are just the means God uses.
You never know who is watching your life as you walk through your trials. One thing I have learned this year is that my trials are not just to develop character traits in my own life but in the lives of those who are around me. I thank God that one of my students noticed my perseverance and in turn is encouraged to persevere through his own trials.
People say I have been strong through all of this but they do not know how weak I really have been. I feel I have cried through most of the year or have been on the verge of tears most days. My strength has come as I have faced God before facing my day. As I wait before Him I know He is giving me the will and the strength to walk through the day. I know the giant of despair and depression are no match for me.
So today I am thankful He will help me persevere through another tough day. My tears don't bother Him and neither does my weakness. I am trying to work on the "consider it all joy" part of James. It's a tough one. Jesus knew all these painful days would be here before I did. He knew how I would respond. I pray I have not disappointed Him.
A student of mine wrote these words on his final Health paper about what he had learned in class; "I want to thank you for all you've shown me and some areas in life that I should work on. One thing that I was amazed at was your perseverance. You kept on going even though you could have taken the rest of the year off due to cancer, taken more time off from the deaths in your family, taken more time off from the attacks on your husband, you could have been home for the rest of the year and yet you still came. I don't know how you keep it up. As a teacher and as a person you've been an example of how to keep going even when the odds were against you."
James 1:2 came to my mind. It says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." I certainly have faced trials of many kinds this year. I know my faith is being tested and I am trying to develop perseverance through it all. The end result is that perseverance is what makes me mature and complete. The trials are just the means God uses.
You never know who is watching your life as you walk through your trials. One thing I have learned this year is that my trials are not just to develop character traits in my own life but in the lives of those who are around me. I thank God that one of my students noticed my perseverance and in turn is encouraged to persevere through his own trials.
People say I have been strong through all of this but they do not know how weak I really have been. I feel I have cried through most of the year or have been on the verge of tears most days. My strength has come as I have faced God before facing my day. As I wait before Him I know He is giving me the will and the strength to walk through the day. I know the giant of despair and depression are no match for me.
So today I am thankful He will help me persevere through another tough day. My tears don't bother Him and neither does my weakness. I am trying to work on the "consider it all joy" part of James. It's a tough one. Jesus knew all these painful days would be here before I did. He knew how I would respond. I pray I have not disappointed Him.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Anvil Time
Anvil Time
by Max Lucado
On God's anvil. Perhaps you've been there.
Melted down. Formless. Undone. Placed on the anvil for...reshaping? (A few rough edges too many.) Discipline? (A good father disciplines.) Testing? (But why so hard?)
I know. I've been on it. It's rough. It's a spiritual slump, a famine. The fire goes out. Although the fire may flame for a moment, it soon disappears. We drift downward. Downward into the foggy valley of question, the misty lowland of discouragement. Motivation wanes. Desire is distant. Responsibilities are depressing.
Passion? It slips out the door.
Enthusiasm? Are you kidding?
Anvil time.
It can be caused by a death, a breakup, going broke, going prayerless. The light switch is flipped off and the room darkens. "All the thoughtful words of help and hope have all been nicely said. But I'm still hurting, wondering....."
On the anvil.
Brought face to face with God out of the utter realization that we have nowhere else to go. Jesus in the garden. Peter with a tear-streaked face. David after Bathsheba. Elijah and the "still, small voice." Paul, blind in Damascus.
Pound, pound, pound.
I hope you're not on the anvil. (Unless you need to be, and if so, I hope you are.) Anvil time is not to be avoided; it's to be experienced. Although the tunnel is dark, it does go through the mountain. Anvil time reminds us of who we are and who God is. We shouldn't try to escape it. To escape it could be to escape God.
God sees our life from beginning to end. He may lead us through a storm at age thirty so we can endure a hurricane at age sixty. An instrument is useful only if it's in the right shape. A dull ax or bent screwdriver needs attention, and so do we. A good blacksmith keeps his tools in shape. So does God.
Should God place you on his anvil, be thankful. It means he thinks you're still worth reshaping.
by Max Lucado
On God's anvil. Perhaps you've been there.
Melted down. Formless. Undone. Placed on the anvil for...reshaping? (A few rough edges too many.) Discipline? (A good father disciplines.) Testing? (But why so hard?)
I know. I've been on it. It's rough. It's a spiritual slump, a famine. The fire goes out. Although the fire may flame for a moment, it soon disappears. We drift downward. Downward into the foggy valley of question, the misty lowland of discouragement. Motivation wanes. Desire is distant. Responsibilities are depressing.
Passion? It slips out the door.
Enthusiasm? Are you kidding?
Anvil time.
It can be caused by a death, a breakup, going broke, going prayerless. The light switch is flipped off and the room darkens. "All the thoughtful words of help and hope have all been nicely said. But I'm still hurting, wondering....."
On the anvil.
Brought face to face with God out of the utter realization that we have nowhere else to go. Jesus in the garden. Peter with a tear-streaked face. David after Bathsheba. Elijah and the "still, small voice." Paul, blind in Damascus.
Pound, pound, pound.
I hope you're not on the anvil. (Unless you need to be, and if so, I hope you are.) Anvil time is not to be avoided; it's to be experienced. Although the tunnel is dark, it does go through the mountain. Anvil time reminds us of who we are and who God is. We shouldn't try to escape it. To escape it could be to escape God.
God sees our life from beginning to end. He may lead us through a storm at age thirty so we can endure a hurricane at age sixty. An instrument is useful only if it's in the right shape. A dull ax or bent screwdriver needs attention, and so do we. A good blacksmith keeps his tools in shape. So does God.
Should God place you on his anvil, be thankful. It means he thinks you're still worth reshaping.
Friday, May 2, 2008
We were told by Animal Control that it looked like they would release the Pit Bull that attacked my husband back to the owner! We submitted statements from neighbors about their experience with this dog. Animal Control also came to Sewell's work and spoke with him. As of yesterday they were not going to release the dog back to the owner. They did not say what was going to happen to it. The owner can appeal the decision.
Meanwhile Sewell has had a difficult emotional and physical healing process. His arm got infected and he had to go back in and get it numbed so they could open up the puncture wounds and drain it. That was incredibly painful and made him sick to his stomach. Yesterday we went to see the doctor to have the stitches in his leg removed and he is concerned about the redness around the bite that has appeared in the last few days. He put Sewell on 2 strong antibiotics and told him if it doesn't look better by Monday he wants him to see an infectious disease specialist. Sewell is extremely tired and his blood pressure is high. The saga continues.
Meanwhile, we are continuing to trust God for the good He has in all of this as promised in Romans 8:28. Someone recently told me that the trials Sewell and I have been through this year reminded them of Job. I know Job suffered much greater losses than we have but there is something to be learned from him. After he had lost his health, his wealth and his children he was having a conversation with God. In the last chapter of Job he says these interesting words in verse 4: "You said, Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you will answer me. My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you."
Job said he could see God but it was only once he had been through the pain and suffering God allowed to come into His life. As a result of the loss and pain he had experienced he could see God with eyes of faith and spiritual understanding and trust God's plan for His life. At the end of this chapter God commended Job for speaking what was right about Him. Job purposed to trust God in the midst of all suffering. Chapter 23 verse 10 says, "But He knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as pure gold." When Job was told by his servant that all his children and servants had been killed he fell to the ground in worship. Chapter 1 verse 22 says, "In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing."
In the midst of your own trials can you worship God? Do you blame God or do you accept His will for you life? Job knew God was refining his character through the fiery trials. Refining fire is not fun or pleasant but necessary. It will show you who you really are. It will reveal your heart of faith. God is looking for a response of love, trust and faith. My goal is to pass the test and please my Father!
Meanwhile Sewell has had a difficult emotional and physical healing process. His arm got infected and he had to go back in and get it numbed so they could open up the puncture wounds and drain it. That was incredibly painful and made him sick to his stomach. Yesterday we went to see the doctor to have the stitches in his leg removed and he is concerned about the redness around the bite that has appeared in the last few days. He put Sewell on 2 strong antibiotics and told him if it doesn't look better by Monday he wants him to see an infectious disease specialist. Sewell is extremely tired and his blood pressure is high. The saga continues.
Meanwhile, we are continuing to trust God for the good He has in all of this as promised in Romans 8:28. Someone recently told me that the trials Sewell and I have been through this year reminded them of Job. I know Job suffered much greater losses than we have but there is something to be learned from him. After he had lost his health, his wealth and his children he was having a conversation with God. In the last chapter of Job he says these interesting words in verse 4: "You said, Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you will answer me. My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you."
Job said he could see God but it was only once he had been through the pain and suffering God allowed to come into His life. As a result of the loss and pain he had experienced he could see God with eyes of faith and spiritual understanding and trust God's plan for His life. At the end of this chapter God commended Job for speaking what was right about Him. Job purposed to trust God in the midst of all suffering. Chapter 23 verse 10 says, "But He knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as pure gold." When Job was told by his servant that all his children and servants had been killed he fell to the ground in worship. Chapter 1 verse 22 says, "In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing."
In the midst of your own trials can you worship God? Do you blame God or do you accept His will for you life? Job knew God was refining his character through the fiery trials. Refining fire is not fun or pleasant but necessary. It will show you who you really are. It will reveal your heart of faith. God is looking for a response of love, trust and faith. My goal is to pass the test and please my Father!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Walking in the midst of trouble
It has been a long emotional week. Too many late nights (which means anything past 8:30 p.m ) and too many early mornings. Unexpected emotional waves would wash over me pounding at my heart. The weight of so much loss this year sat wearily on my mind. Sewell and I were both looking forward to an evening home with the girls which we have not had in awhile. Suki was excited to see us put on our walking shoes and call her to come. We were walking out in the open trails behind our neighborhood when all of a sudden off to our left I see this dog tearing out of his yard towards us. My heart raced and I began screaming since I recognized this as the same pit bull that had mauled Suki when I walked down our street last year. It had been a terrifying experience and I had barely got her away alive. In an instant this dog attacked Suki. Without thinking we rushed to our aid. We knew we couldn't leave her there to be brutally killed by this dog. Sewell and I both began screaming at the dog. Sewell rushed to get between Suki, myself and the dog. The dog bit his elbow and pulled him to the ground. Sewell was fighting with all his strength to free himself. We have read stories of pit bulls that have mauled and killed people and we knew his life could be at stake. The dog bit his ankle and Sewell kicked his way free and got to his feet. This all happened in just seconds. Meanwhile I am crying and screaming and trying to help my husband and Suki. All of a sudden Sewell is yelling at the dog, "In the name of Jesus, get out of here." He repeated it several times. There was a pause in the viciousness of the attack and I was able to grab Suki and pull her away. Sewell told me to take her and get to safety. The owner came running from his yard to get his dog. The dog continued to be aggressive even after his owner called him but he didn't bite Sewell again.
Shaken and crying, I headed to the safety of our home with Suki. Miraculously she only had a small cut on her ear but Sewell was a different story. When we got the bleeding stopped and washed his elbow and ankle we knew he would need stitches. After making a call to Animal control to report the attack we headed to the hospital.
We arrived at 8:00 p.m and left at 12:15 with a tetanus shot, stitches in his ankle and antibiotics. As we sat in the waiting room and replayed the events of the night Sewell told me he had looked for a large rock to hit the dog with but all he could find was a small stone. My mind flashed to David and Goliath and the bracelets he and I wear that say, "Facing Your Giant." We both knew that once again we had faced a giant of fear that had come into our lives. One more time we called out to God for His help and he arrived to rescue us. Psalm 138:7 says, "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life." We know the weapons we have to fight our battles are small and insignificant but we know the battle is His, not ours. He has at His disposal everything that is needed to defeat any enemy that comes to harm us.
I am grateful for a husband who instinctively calls on the name of Jesus to come to our aid and rescue in the time of trouble. I know Suki is too!
I have no idea what God is doing in our lives but we will continue to face each day with our hope and trust in Him. If he allows a giant to come into our land we will face it with a God saturated soul, knowing He is the one who preserves our life.
Shaken and crying, I headed to the safety of our home with Suki. Miraculously she only had a small cut on her ear but Sewell was a different story. When we got the bleeding stopped and washed his elbow and ankle we knew he would need stitches. After making a call to Animal control to report the attack we headed to the hospital.
We arrived at 8:00 p.m and left at 12:15 with a tetanus shot, stitches in his ankle and antibiotics. As we sat in the waiting room and replayed the events of the night Sewell told me he had looked for a large rock to hit the dog with but all he could find was a small stone. My mind flashed to David and Goliath and the bracelets he and I wear that say, "Facing Your Giant." We both knew that once again we had faced a giant of fear that had come into our lives. One more time we called out to God for His help and he arrived to rescue us. Psalm 138:7 says, "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life." We know the weapons we have to fight our battles are small and insignificant but we know the battle is His, not ours. He has at His disposal everything that is needed to defeat any enemy that comes to harm us.
I am grateful for a husband who instinctively calls on the name of Jesus to come to our aid and rescue in the time of trouble. I know Suki is too!
I have no idea what God is doing in our lives but we will continue to face each day with our hope and trust in Him. If he allows a giant to come into our land we will face it with a God saturated soul, knowing He is the one who preserves our life.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Trusting and Clinging
My mother's service was a beautiful tribute by those who loved her. She was an amazingly talented woman who could do anything she set her mind to. The impact she had on people's lives was lasting. It was wonderful seeing all my brother's and sister's and getting to spend time with extended family. As you can imagine it was an emotionally exhausting time. Sewell, Ashley and I arrived home Sunday evening and Monday I had an appointment with my oncologist. She said my CBC panel looks good, my lipid panel looks good and my tumor markers are negative! YEAH! She has ordered a sonogram to look closely at the internal damage that still remains from the surgery just to make sure nothing is there. It is scheduled for Friday. I will also see my nutritionist that day so he can look at my latest blood work. I am very excited to continue walking this path God has put me on. Thank you for all your prayers and support.
If you had told me this last summer that I would be diagnosed with cancer, lose 2 parents and a coaching job that I love, I don't think I would have believed I would have the strength to go through it all. And yet here I am still trusting and clinging to God. Yes, I have cried more this year probably than any previous year in my life, but God has always been there to comfort and encourage me. Today in my devotions this is what I read:
"In no way is it enough to set out cheerfully with God on any venture of faith. You must also be willing to take your ideas of what the journey will be like and tear them into tiny pieces, for nothing on the itinerary will happen as you expect. Your Guide will not keep to any beaten path. He will lead you through ways you would never have dreamed your eyes would see. He knows no fear, and He expects you to fear nothing while He is with you." L.B. Cowman
Face each day with faith, not fear. George Meuller says "Trials are the food of faith." Fearful things may come into your life but place your hand in the hand of One who knows no fear. Mustard seed faith is all you need. Darkness will lose its strength as you remind yourself that in Him there is no darkness at all.
If you had told me this last summer that I would be diagnosed with cancer, lose 2 parents and a coaching job that I love, I don't think I would have believed I would have the strength to go through it all. And yet here I am still trusting and clinging to God. Yes, I have cried more this year probably than any previous year in my life, but God has always been there to comfort and encourage me. Today in my devotions this is what I read:
"In no way is it enough to set out cheerfully with God on any venture of faith. You must also be willing to take your ideas of what the journey will be like and tear them into tiny pieces, for nothing on the itinerary will happen as you expect. Your Guide will not keep to any beaten path. He will lead you through ways you would never have dreamed your eyes would see. He knows no fear, and He expects you to fear nothing while He is with you." L.B. Cowman
Face each day with faith, not fear. George Meuller says "Trials are the food of faith." Fearful things may come into your life but place your hand in the hand of One who knows no fear. Mustard seed faith is all you need. Darkness will lose its strength as you remind yourself that in Him there is no darkness at all.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Nothing
My dear friend Jackie gave this to me shortly after I had been diagnosed with cancer. I read these words over and over to remind myself of God's love for me. I hope they will remind you of the great love He has for you.
Nothing...
Reasons to be thankful
Nothing will every happen to you that God does not already know about.
Psalm 139: 1-4
Nothing will ever happen to you that is a mistake.
Psalm 139:4, 16
Nothing will ever happen to you that you cannot handle by God's power and grace.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Nothing will ever happen to you that will not eventually be used by God for some good purposes in your life.
Romans 8:28
Nothing will every happen to you without God's presence.
Matthew 28:20
Nothing will ever separate you from God's love.
Romans 8: 38-39
I appreciate your prayers for me and my family as we prepare to travel to New Mexico for my mom's services which will be held Saturday. Pray that there will be unity in our family. Today I am going to get some more blood tests for my doctor to look at. I will be meeting with my oncologist next week to go over my blood results. These will be the first results she has gone over with me since I was diagnosed with cancer. I am interested to see what she thinks. I need God to prepare my heart because I think she will still want me to do chemo and take Tamoxifen, neither of which I plan to do. I want to be able to speak boldly to her about my confidence in what God has called me to do. Doctor's can be very intimidating. I am still juicing and drinking all my carrot/green juice and taking all my supplements. I'm walking almost every day but would love for this nagging injury in my foot to heal (I got it back in August) so I can do more aerobic workouts. I'm trying to get to bed at 8:30 each night so I can get enough sleep. The biggest thing I am dealing with right now is stress. Please pray it will not affect me physically so my body can focus its energy on becoming healthy.
No matter what you are facing today, always remember "He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge."
Psalm 91:4
Sunday, April 6, 2008
I Will Not Doubt
I will not doubt, thou all my ships at sea
Come drifting home with broken masts and sails;
I will believe the Hand that never fails,
From seeming evil works to good for me.
And though I weep because those sails are tattered,
Still will I cry, while my best hopes lie shattered:
"I trust in Thee."
I will not doubt, though all my prayers return
Unanswered from the still, white realm above;
I will believe it is an all-wise love
That has refused these things for which I yearn;
And though at times I cannot keep from grieving,
Yet the pure passion of my fixed believing
Undimmed will burn.
I will not doubt, though sorrows fall like rain,
And troubles swarm like bees about a hive.
I will believe the heights for which I strive
Are only reached by anguish and pain;
And though I groan and writhe beneath my crosses,
Yet will I will see through my severest losses
The greater gain.
I will not doubt. Well anchored is this faith,
Like some staunch ship, my soul braves every gale;
So strong its courage that it will not fail
To face the might unknown sea of death.
Oh, may I cry, though body leaves the spirit,
"I do not doubt," so listening worlds may hear it,
With my last breath.
Yesterday my mom drew her last breath on earth. It was very unexpected in spite of the struggles she had with her health these past few years. None of us knows when our time on this earth will end. When I draw my last breath what do I want to characterize my life? What do you want to characterize your life?
This poem sums up what I feel. I want to be known as a woman who never doubted God's love for me. I want my faith to be so well anchored that no storm can destroy me. I want to face every storm with courage, knowing God is in the midst of it. He has the power to still the storms of my life if He chooses to. But if He doesn't I will not doubt His love for me. And when I do draw my last breath I want the listening worlds to know of my faith and trust in Him.
Come drifting home with broken masts and sails;
I will believe the Hand that never fails,
From seeming evil works to good for me.
And though I weep because those sails are tattered,
Still will I cry, while my best hopes lie shattered:
"I trust in Thee."
I will not doubt, though all my prayers return
Unanswered from the still, white realm above;
I will believe it is an all-wise love
That has refused these things for which I yearn;
And though at times I cannot keep from grieving,
Yet the pure passion of my fixed believing
Undimmed will burn.
I will not doubt, though sorrows fall like rain,
And troubles swarm like bees about a hive.
I will believe the heights for which I strive
Are only reached by anguish and pain;
And though I groan and writhe beneath my crosses,
Yet will I will see through my severest losses
The greater gain.
I will not doubt. Well anchored is this faith,
Like some staunch ship, my soul braves every gale;
So strong its courage that it will not fail
To face the might unknown sea of death.
Oh, may I cry, though body leaves the spirit,
"I do not doubt," so listening worlds may hear it,
With my last breath.
Yesterday my mom drew her last breath on earth. It was very unexpected in spite of the struggles she had with her health these past few years. None of us knows when our time on this earth will end. When I draw my last breath what do I want to characterize my life? What do you want to characterize your life?
This poem sums up what I feel. I want to be known as a woman who never doubted God's love for me. I want my faith to be so well anchored that no storm can destroy me. I want to face every storm with courage, knowing God is in the midst of it. He has the power to still the storms of my life if He chooses to. But if He doesn't I will not doubt His love for me. And when I do draw my last breath I want the listening worlds to know of my faith and trust in Him.
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