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Monday, December 31, 2007

Looking Back and Forward

On this last day of the year you may be reflecting on all that 2007 held and looking forward to what 2008 may bring. I could never imagine this past year would hold so many trials in such a short amount of time. And yet God has faithfully loved us and helped us through them.

There's a small verse tucked away in Psalm 105:18 and it is describing Joseph's trials when he was sold into slavery by his brothers. It says,
"His neck was put in irons." A commentary I read said, " The irons of sorrow and loss, the burdens carried as a youth, and the soul's struggle against sin all contribute to developing an iron tenacity and strength of purpose, as well as endurance and fortitude. And these traits make up the indispensable foundation and framework of noble character. Never run from suffering, but bear it silently, patiently, and submissively, with the assurance that it is God's way of instilling iron into your spiritual life. The world is looking for iron leaders, iron armies, iron tendons, and muscles of steel. But God is looking for iron saints, and since there is no way to impart iron into His people's moral nature except by letting them suffer, He allows them to suffer. Are you afflicted with opposition, misunderstandings, and the scorn of others? Do your afflictions seem as thick as the undergrowth confronting someone hiking through a jungle Then take heart! Your time is not wasted, for God is simply putting you through His iron regimen. Your iron crown of suffering precedes your golden crown of glory, and iron is entering your soul to make it strong and brave." F.B. Meyer

None of us knows what God has in store in 2008. But one thing I am sure of, whatever He allows to touch your life will come with meaning and purpose. The iron He has let touch my soul this year has made me stronger and braver. I have become a better wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister and teacher. I have learned how to bring my fears to God and to come away with a peace that passes understanding. I have learned to hear and heed his voice. I have learned I can trust Him to walk me through each day no matter how many thorns are on the path. I have learned to rejoice always and in everything give thanks. What have you learned this year? Look forward with assurance that He will never leave you or forsake you. He will be right by your side through the joys and trials 2008 will hold.

Today I will finish my year with yet one more medical procedure. A colonoscopy wouldn't be my choice but it's my doctor's. In the light of all I've been through it's just one more hurdle to go over as I run to complete healing. I am counting on His presence once again to be with me today. Another fasting, another trip to Scripps, another I.V., going to sleep again, in the recovery room again, one more iron infusion into my soul, more strength and bravery being imparted. As I close my eyes and drift off to twilight sleep I will rest in the assurance that my Father is still with me, still holding and comforting me and still whispering,"Trust Me, I Love You."

Saturday, December 22, 2007

"Every difficult task that comes across your path-every one you would rather not do, that will take the most effort, cause the most pain, and be the greatest struggle-brings a blessing with it. And refusing to do it regardless of the personal cost is to miss the blessing.
Every difficult stretch of road in which you see the Master's footprints and along which He calls you to follow Him leads unquestionably to blessings. And they are blessings you will never receive unless you travel the steep and thorny path.
Every battlefield you encounter, when you are required to draw your sword and fight the enemy has the possibility of victory that will prove to be a rich blessing to your life. And every heavy burden you are called upon to lift hides within itself a miraculous secret of strength." J.R. Miller

I would rather not juice carrots and eat healthy. It takes a lot of effort and is a daily struggle. I would rather not be in the battlefield of cancer. My sword is too heavy and I am weary of the fight. And yet I know if I give up I will miss the blessing God has for me. I know within this heavy burden is a miraculous secret of strength. So I have a good cry, wipe my tears, put my hand in His and walk through the day with His peace guarding my heart.

What heavy burden is God calling you to lift? What difficult task would you rather not do? What steep and thorny path are you being called to travel? Look for the blessing along the way and the strength He'll give you to take one more step.

Monday, December 17, 2007

More Than A Conqueror

"In all these things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." Romans 8:37

Today in my devotional this is what I read. "He wants us to be "more than conquerors" turning storm clouds into chariots of victory. It is obvious when an army becomes "more than conquerors," for it drives its enemies from the battlefield and confiscates their food and supplies. This is exactly what scripture means. There are spoils to be taken. When you were struck with an injury and you thought you had lost everything, did you trust in God to the point that you came out richer than you were before? Being "more than a conqueror" means taking the spoils from the enemy and appropriating them for yourself. What your enemy had planned to use it for your defeat, you can confiscate for you own."

When Dr. Moon, of Brighton, England, was suddenly struck with blindness, he said, "Lord, I accept this 'talent' of blindness from you. Help me to use it for Your glory so that when you return, you may receive it 'back with interest'. (Remember the story in Matthew 25 of the master who gave his 3 slaves each some talents?) God then enabled Dr. Moon to invent the Moon Alphabet for the blind, through which thousands of blind people were enabled to read the word of God and come to know Him.

Paul's thorn in the flesh was never removed. Instead God used it for his glory. The ministry of thorns often has a greater ministry to those around you than the ministry of thrones. The greatest victory ever won was only after a crown of thorns had been placed on Jesus' head and he was crucified for the sins of the world. That victory is what enables each of us to be more than conquerors as we face our own battles.

I refuse to let cancer conqueror my body or my spirit. I am determined by His grace and with His help to take the spoils from the enemy. Throughout this entire journey I am going to trust God and come out richer than I was before I started. I am going to take my 'talent' of cancer and let it be multiplied for good in my life and in the lives of others.

I don't know what God has allowed to come into your life. No matter how difficult or long the trial is, persevere until you are more than a conqueror. Don't let the enemy steal your joy or peace. Trust God explicitly and walk in the victory He has for you. And when you stand face to face with your creator you are most likely to hear these words, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Anchored In The Storm

Yesterday between doctors appointments I sat in a restaurant with Sewell eating a delicious grilled vegetable sandwich on whole wheat bread, fighting back tears of gratitude. It feels like I have been on this journey for a year and yet it has only been a little over 3 months. I remember the day I received the call from my doctor telling me I had cancer. I was shocked, numb and overwhelmed with the prospect of trying to figure out what to do. I knew very little about breast cancer and had no idea what questions to ask a doctor. I had just finished my appointment with a nutritionist and I was able to ask many questions and totally understood everything he talked to me about! I am eating and loving foods I never thought I would like. I no longer walk by cookies and cakes and feel sad and deprived. Carrot juice is something I look forward to drinking every day. I am feeling more rested than I probably ever have in my adult life. In the midst of the most stressful season I have walked through I am learning to get rid of stress and let peace reside in my heart on a daily basis. I am not afraid, confused or hopeless. I am enjoying a greater love with my husband than anyone should get to experience in a lifetime. And I owe it all to cancer. Thank you God for blessing me so richly!

As I look back I have truly learned the most profound and yet simple truth. When God sends the storm He wants us to cling to Jesus who is sitting in the boat with us. He is our life preserver. His word is our anchor. I have chosen to trust His promises to me. Just this morning I was again reading all the verse cards that have been given to me. Everyone one of them has come to pass. He has been my fortress, my rock, my refuge and my personal bravery. He has shown His great power in helping me, He has directed my path and has kept me in perfect peace. I could write pages of promises I have stood on and have come to pass.

Each day I have chosen to look at God and not the storm. The disciple Peter has been my example. When God called him out of the storm, he did not sink as long as he kept his eyes on Jesus. It was only when he looked at the magnitude of the waves that he began to be pulled under by them. It is a choice that you and I must make. Look at your circumstances and you will be overwhelmed with fear and panic. Look at Jesus and you will know a peace that passes any human understanding.

During my lifeguard training this summer we had to demonstrate to our instructor what to do if a drowning swimmer tries to grab us while we are attempting to rescue them. I thought of how panic in our own lives causes us to flail and thrash and grab for anything to save us. And yet God is the only one who can rescue us. He wants us to calmly and quietly reach out to Him and allow Him to pull us to shore. He will throw His word for us to hold on to. Grab it with all your strength. It will calm the storm raging in your heart.

I was celebrating a great lab report yesterday. My nutritionist said there are only small leaks in my boat that can easily be fixed! My triglycerides were 40. Normal is below 200. These are the chemical form in which most fats exist in food as well as the body. They can be made in the body from carbohydrates. My cholesterol dropped from 179 to 138. My estrogen levels were normal even though cancer is a hormone driven disease. But the most exciting thing to me were my lower than normal liver enzymes. Since the liver is the processing center for all toxins in the body it is good indicator of health. My liver is super clean and not diseased! YEAH! Let's toast with another glass of carrot juice which has been a major player in detoxifying my liver and the rest of my cells. I was also told I have a high level of white blood cells. My body is starting to become a leaner, cleaner, cancer fighting machine!

I also had a bone density test yesterday and should get the results of that soon. Now I need to make a few adjustments in my nutrition program and ride my exercise bike more to raise my HDL (good) cholesterol! I will continue eating what I have been. I was asked last night what I crave the most and I honestly couldn't think of anything. That truly is a miracle!

Please continue to pray for direction concerning Tamoxifen which is a drug they want me to take to prevent the cancer from coming back. It has some potential serious side affects. I also need wisdom about doing IV Vitamin C therapy. Our 21 year old daughterAshley may be facing surgery to remove a ganglion from her wrist in 2 weeks. Pray she can find God's peace and comfort since it will require her being off work during this time.

I am off to pack my salad for lunch and get ready for school. Thank you for rejoicing with me and taking the time to read the novel I wrote! God is so good. How can I say it in a paragraph?

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Digging Your Ditches

"This is what the Lord says: Make this valley full of ditches. For this is what the Lord says: You will see neither wind nor rain, yet this valley will be filled with water, and you, your cattle and your other animals will drink. This is an easy thing in the eyes of the Lord.... The next morning, about the time for offering the sacrifice, there it was-water flowing from the direction of Edom! And the land was filled with water. 2 Kings 3:16-18. 20

This is a fascinating story in 2nd Kings of God's miraculous provision of water for the Israelite armies. What God was promising seemed impossible but nothing is too difficult for him. He had commanded the armies to dig ditches and He would fill them. In faith they dug.
A.B. Simpson says, "The greatest victory of faith is to stand at the shore of the impassable Red Sea and to hear the Master say, "Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today." (Exodus 14:13) As we step out in faith, without any sign or sound, taking our first steps into the water, we will see the water divide. Continuing to march ahead, we will see a pathway open through the very midst of the sea. It is the role of faith not to question but to simply obey. Dig the ditches and God will fill them. But He will do this in the most unexpected places and in the most unexpected ways. May we expect Him to work although we see no wind or rain."

Recently God has been impressing upon my heart that believing is seeing rather than seeing is believing. 2nd Corinthians 5:7 commands us to live by faith, not by sight. I am going to continue to believe that God is healing me even if I don't have medical proof yet. I am digging my ditches each day with good nutrition, supplements, rest, prayer, exercise and ridding my life of stress. I know my healing is coming. The ditches are being filled with good health every day. On a daily basis I am trying to be obedient to what He is calling me to do.

What about you? Are you listening to His voice to hear what He wants to speak to you? If He tells you the pace you are living is too hectic are you slowing down? If He whispers in your ear that you are exhausted, are you disciplining yourself to get to bed earlier? If your quiet times are hurried and sporadic, are you carving out time each day to be still and wait in His presence? All God wants from our lives is surrender and obedience.

I know God could miraculously heal me. I would much prefer that over the disciplined life He is calling me to. And yet I know this path will be sweeter and more fruitful in the long run. Digging ditches is hard work. Obedience always is and yet that's the place where Jesus meets us and changes us into His image. Step out in faith and dig. The water is coming!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

BE DILIGENT TO REST!

"There remains therefore a rest for the people of God. For he who has entered His rest has himself also ceased form his works as God did from His. Let us therefore be diligent to enter that rest..." Hebrews 4:9-11

Most of us can't enter a Sabbath rest that is being talked about much less rest during the week. It is probably the hardest thing I am trying to learn. Our society does not applaud rest. We live at a frenzied pace that is not good for our bodies or our souls. We race through each day trying to accomplish as much as we can and yet it never gets all done. Our minds set the pace for our bodies. We are distracted with so many to do lists and problems running through our heads. It is a disease that can only be cured through purposeful rest.

I still have so much to learn about resting but here are a few things God has shown me. He says to come to Him when we are weary and heavy laden and He will give us rest. I know most of us are heavy laden every day so we need to enter a resting place with Him. Establish and guard your daily quiet resting time with God. Sit and pray. Listen. Read. Be silent. Don't rush through. Resting for only 10 minutes won't accomplish the deep work He's trying to do in your soul.

Be purposeful about powering down throughout the day. Unplug yourself from the crazy, busy life. Take 5 minutes and move away from your desk. Take a walk. Pray. Clear your mind. Sit and read a book. You will be amazed and what these short little breaks will do for you.

Plan a time each week to do something fun. Treat yourself to a movie, a walk at the beach, a date with your husband or to anything that refreshes you.

Let things go. I am trying to rid myself of my perfectionist tendencies. I constantly remind myself the mental stress isn't worth it. I am working on pushing thoughts out of my mind that aren't healthy for me. Worrying does not bring rest. Learning to rest for me means changing how I see things. It means letting old habits die in exchange for life to my body and mind.

Diligently guard your sleep. Sleep deprivation impairs your immune system, it causes foggy thinking and grouchy attitudes. There isn't one benefit to living on 6 hours of sleep a night but there are dozens to getting 8 or more. I stop my evening so I can be in bed at 8:30 p.m every night. If things aren't done it just doesn't matter. I'm sure they will still be there tomorrow. Because I get to bed at 8:30 I am able to get up at 4:30 a.m. to have a good quiet time with God. It's my "breakfast" and the most healthy thing I can do for my body and heart the entire day.

Enlist the help of a friend who will hold you accountable for your rest. Ask God to show you each day the areas you could do better in. He loves you and will be quick to answer you.

Remind yourself resting is not sin or laziness. It is mandated in the word. God knows we need it. Someone told me recently that all the nutritional things I am doing are very good and beneficial but my healing will come from Resting In The Lord!

You may not need a physical healing but I am sure the Lord will heal you of many other things as you purposefully begin to enter His rest on a daily basis.

REMEMBER TO
REST AND
RELAX!

I would love to hear what God does as you enter that place!

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Putting Things Into Perspective

I have found on this cancer journey with God that He is causing me to see things with a new perspective. The things that used to bother me and cause me stress have become insignificant as I have had to face a battle for health and life. Each of us can choose to face our day with optimism and thankfulness. Yes, I still have bills to pay but I am thankful that He has provided great jobs for my husband and me. I still have a house to clean but I am thankful that is warm and filled with people that love each other. My to do list is still longer than I have hours in my day but I am grateful He is going to give me many good days of health to accomplish what is most important. Eating and drinking has become purposeful,disciplined and hard work but I am grateful for juicers, food processors and friends and family who are helping me stay the course.

Can you imagine if every time we started to grumble or complain we turned it into a prayer of Thanksgiving? We each have the ability to do this but we often don't choose it. What I have found is when I praise more and complain less stress falls off me and my mind is filled with more pleasant and peaceful thoughts. Purpose each day not to complain or be negative. Give those thoughts to God instead of giving them to the listening ears of those around you. You will be amazed at what happens inside you! Your family will appreciate it too! God is big enough to handle all your problems, all your concerns, all your fears, all your doubts. He is your dad and He loves you so much! It's when you are at His feet or in His arms you will gain a new perspective on your life. If we could each see our life as He does I believe our hearts would be overwhelmed with gratitude for the wonderful and amazing plan He has for us. There would be no room or need for complaining. Why wait until we get to Heaven to get His perspective? I believe He will give it to us right now! Don't wait for cancer to come along to gain it.