FACING YOUR GIANT

Someday We Will Understand

2010-10-28T05:04:00.000-07:00

It has been a little over 3 years since I was diagnosed with cancer. Time has not flown when you are having fun. Facing and fighting cancer is a daily, lifetime process of just plain hard work when you choose a lifestyle change and nutritional route. Each day I still face the giant, even though I have won the battle. You just never know how many friends that giant has, lurking in the dark. Today I am grateful that I am not physically suffering the effects of cancer as so many I know are. When I look around I just don't understand why so many have to suffer. My devotions today said this, "Someday we will understand that God has a reason behind every no He gives us through the course of our lives. When God's people are worried and concerned that their prayers are not being answered, how often we have seen Him working to answer them in a far greater way! Occasionally we catch a glimpse of this, but the complete revelation of it will not be seen until later."

When the frosts are in the valley,
And the mountaintops are gray,
And the choicest blooms are blighted,
And the blossoms die away,
A loving Father whispers,
"This all comes from my hand";
Blessed are you if you trust
When you cannot understand.

If, after years of toiling,
Your wealth should fly away
And leave your hands all empty,
And your hair is turning gray,
Remember then your Father
Owns all the sea and land;
Blessed are you if you trust
When you cannot understand."

As a Christian, I believe the greatest trial of our faith comes through suffering. It's easy to trust God when our bank accounts are full, our health is great, our children are loving and serving God and there are no giants in our land. When God makes sense, it's easy to trust Him. Our response to trials and suffering show if we are looking at God through our circumstances, or we are looking at our circumstances through God.
So many of us long to obey the verse that says to trust in the Lord with all our heart. Trusting is not dependent on circumstances or feelings. Trusting is a choice to believe what the Bible says about the character of God, rather than allowing your circumstances to determine the character of God. When we become angry or bitter towards God because of our circumstances, we are passing judgment on God. We then become the God of our life and we determine what is good and best for us. We allow the worlds perspective to become our perspective. If it feels good and makes us happy, it must be good! If it feels bad and makes us hurt, it must be bad. God is not interested in our happiness, He is interested in our character. We want to be like Christ, and yet we don't want to suffer like Christ.

I encourage you to make a choice to always trust God no matter what He allows into your life. Is it easy? No! Will it stretch you? Yes? Psalm 1:1-3 says the man who delights and meditates on the law of the Lord day and night will be be blessed. He will be like a tree planted by streams of water which yield its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. As we plant ourselves in the Bible on a daily basis we feed our root system that allows us to stand strong when the storms hit.

Are the leaves of your life withered? Are you angry or bitter towards God because of the circumstances in your life? Are you planted in His word each and every day? Are you trusting Him and speaking that trust to others? Are you loving Him in spite of your circumstances or because of your circumstances? Are you trusting Him even if He doesn't make sense? Are you demanding an explanation from God for your pain through your attitude and actions?

I pray you have decided to love God and to show Him your love each and every day as He showed you His love by carrying His cross and dying on it. In Matthew 16:25 these are Jesus' words, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." So many of us want to follow Jesus and yet we don't want to carry the cross of suffering, trials, pain and tears. Following Jesus means denying ourselves the right to understanding, the right to having all our questions answered, the right to doubt his love based on what we feel. We are commanded to "take up" our cross. It is something we choose or don't choose on a daily basis. No one can take it up for you. God gives you a free will to love and trust. I pray we will all be found following in His footsteps, rather than forging our own path.

Today I am choosing to trust. Are you?

"Father, I thank you that you have heard me."

2010-08-04T09:17:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I go back to work. Today I will attempt to accomplish my "what's left to do this summer" list. I think I will need more than one day.
I was able to attend the National Masters Track and Field championships in Oh So Hot Sacramento where the temperature hovered at 100 degrees each day. I placed 4th in shot with my second best throw of the year, 4 in discus with 3 personal records, 5th in hammer and 2nd in javelin. I threw against the American record holder in each event and the world record holder in hammer. Overall I was very pleased. In the process of training it looks like I've torn the meniscus in my right knee. I will have an MRI next week and see what the doctor recommends. Possible surgery once my season is over. I am still able to train and compete with recovery pain after each session but the doctor told me I am not making it worse.
After Nationals we went to Echo Lake for 4 days to vacation with all the girls. What a wonderful, laughter filled time at our favorite place! Time has stood still since this family cabin was built by my grandfather in 1932.
The day after we returned we put Cori on the plane for New York so she can finish her one year staff commitment to Metro Ministries. She is touching the lives of thousands of children each week. Chalese was hired at Christian to teach 10th grade English! She is ecstatic to have a full time job with benefits. She may have also torn her meniscus so she needs to get an MRI soon. It is not an inherited trait!
Taryn leaves in 3 weeks for Taylor University in Upland Indiana. We will fly back to help get her settled into her dorm. She is entering with 26 units of credit from her AP scores, which will enable her to double major in theater and Spanish.
Ashley is cutting hair at a salon near Balboa Park and working 2 other jobs while she builds her clientele. She is very excited to be working at this salon with only 3 other stylists.
Next week I will get a sonogram and mammogram. My blood work looks O.K. I am making an appointment with my nutritionist to read my blood panel. My white blood cell count is a little low. I feel great though.

Today in my devotions I was reading in John Chapter 11. Jesus was at Lazarus's tomb and he had asked the stone to be rolled away. He looked up and said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of people standing here, that they may believe you sent me."
Immediately after saying this he commanded Lazarus to come out of his grave. Streams in the Desert says, "The sequence of events in this passage seems strange and unusual. Lazarus was still in the tomb, yet Jesus' thanksgiving preceded the miracle of raising him from the dead. It seems that thanks would only have been lifted up once the great miracle had been accomplished and Lazarus had been restored to life. But Jesus gave thanks for what He was about to receive. His gratitude sprang forth before the blessing had arrived, in an expression of assurance that it was certainly on its way.The song of victory was sung before the battle had been fought. Who ever thinks of announcing a victory song as the army is just heading out to the battlefield? And where do we ever hear a song of gratitude and thanksgiving for an answer that has not yet been received?"
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for." Hebrews 11:1

Will you be commended by your heavenly Father for being a man or woman of faith? Do you believe and stand on His word no matter what your circumstances tell you? Are your emotions governed by your circumstances or the truth of His promises? God will stretch, strengthen and test your faith in order to help you become more like Him. Cast your cares onto Him because He cares for you. Let your praise precede you into battle. Every battle you engage in is the Lord's. Let Him fight it for you. Run to your giant, not away from it. Arm yourself with His word. Refuse to let the enemy steal your joy, your hope, your trust. He will only take what you give him.
August 29th will mark the end of 3 years since being diagnosed with cancer. I have faced death, depression, despair, loss, pain, and a radical lifestyle change (not to mention all the medical procedures) but I have faced them with a God who loves me. I am grateful to be alive and enjoying good health, and to have ministry from this giant that marched into my life wielding a sword of death and destruction. I did not choose cancer, but God allowed it to choose me. I thank Him for what this journey has done for my faith. It has been a privilege to reflect His image for all to see these past 3 years. I hope I have made him proud.

Tribute to my Dad

2010-06-18T07:19:00.000-07:00

Costco Salmon is a traditional gift for my father on Father's day. This year however, I decided on something different. My father has spent over 1/2 a century being my "favorite father" as I like to call him. Of course this is in response to him calling me his "darling only daughter". If you are reading this, Kim and Sani, I hope this does not come as a shock to you. You both should know by now that you are adopted and I am the only true daughter.
Some of you may be wondering why I am so mean. I don't know how long ago this banter started but my dad lovingly refers to my sister Sani as his "adopted" daughter and me as his "only daughter". Sani has patiently, tenderly and faithfully cared for all of my fathers needs for many, many years. Only a true daughter would do that and I thank you Sani. You are the other half of me.
Now back to dad. When I read about the love my heavenly father has for me, I see a reflection of my dad. Deuteronomy 1:30 says my heavenly father will go before me and fight for me and that I should not be terrified or afraid. Thank you dad for fighting my battles and always protecting me. I could always count on you to speak to teachers, Principals, and coaches on my behalf. I think of all the times you stood with me as we faced my fears together. Those fears came in the form of nightmares, riding BIG horses, trying new sports, encountering crashed planes loaded with drugs in the middle of the night, intruders in our home, going off to college, moving away from home and cancer.
Matthew 6 talks about our Heavenly father providing food and clothing and knowing the needs of what he created. Thank you dad for working so hard to always provide for us. There was never a shortage of Almond Joy's in my life or Denver Mints, Saltwater Taffy or hamburgers at the Country Club. You provided hotels(Four Seasons was my favorite), travel expenses, uniforms and equipment for all the years I competed in all those sports. You faithfully sat for hundreds of hours in all kinds of stadiums in all kinds of weather watching me compete. You provided every opportunity for me to excel in any endeavor I wanted to try. When life was beating me up I know I could come running to the corner where you stood and you would pull out the stool. I would plop down exhausted and worn from the fight and you would give me the pep talk I needed to go back and face life again. You have always been my wisest "Life Coach". From you I have learned to "be a duck" and to "pick up the smooth end and let the rough end drag." I have continued to move "onward and upward" even when life throws me curves.
Every father leaves a legacy either good, bad or indifferent. I pray that I have lived my life in such a way that it has honored you dad and made you proud. I pray the legacy of how you care for, encourage and love people continues through me.
Thank you for being my favorite only father. I am eternally grateful.
Love and hugs,
Your only daughter,
Linn

Pressed Beyond Measure

2010-05-18T21:45:00.000-07:00

Beth. Terri. Linn. Three women who loved the Lord and each other. Bound together by a desire to beat the odds and our cancer. Determined to face the battle with a God saturated soul. Today Terri joined Beth at the throne of our Father. I imagine the hug was a long one. On Sunday I left a message on Terri's phone just telling her I loved her and was praying for her. I wish I had gotten to say goodbye. I guess that was my goodbye. My heart aches so much. I never thought any of us would die. We all got through our surgeries and treatment and at one time were enjoying "radiant health" as Terri called it. We were each others cheerleaders, encouraging one another to stay the course and not be overwhelmed with the difficulty of the battle. I never suffered physically like Beth and Terri did but I know what it is like to wake up every day knowing the battle to stay in remission will never be over. For me it isn't chemo cocktails and radiation treatments but a life of hard discipline. It's planning, preparing and taking 40+ supplements a day. It's denying myself every day of things I love to eat. It's the constant challenge to buy, wash, scrub and juice pound after pound of carrots. Then it's drinking the stuff and telling myself I love it. Liquid life as my brother-in-law calls it. It's the work of fixing a dinner for my family and one for me every day. The list could go on but I will stop here. The point is, no weapon used to fight cancer is easy. Beth, Terri and I linked hearts as we stood together trusting God with our lives. I feel so vulnerable standing alone now. I thought today, "Why them?" "Why not me?" I have no answers but I know I am still here for a purpose and a reason.

In August of 2007 when I was first diagnosed with cancer I began reading Streams in the Desert. It is a yearly devotional and I have read through it each year since then. This is an excerpt from today's devotional
Pressed beyond measure; yes, pressed to great length;
Pressed so intensely, beyond my own strength;
Pressed in my body and pressed in my soul,
Pressed in my mind till the dark surges roll.
Pressure from foes, and pressure from dear friends.
Pressure on pressure, till life nearly ends.

Pressed into knowing no helper but God;
Pressed into loving His staff and His rod.
Pressed into liberty where nothing clings;
Pressed into faith for impossible things.
Pressed into living my life for the Lord,
Pressed into living a Christ-life outpoured.

"The pressure of difficult times makes us value life. Every time our life is spared and given back to us after a trial, it is like a new beginning. We better understand its value and thereby apply ourselves more effectively for God and for humankind. And the pressure we endure helps us to understand the trials of others, equipping us to help them and to sympathize with them."

I know Beth and Terri lived a Christ-life outpoured and they used their battle with cancer to help others like myself. I am deeply indebted to them. I hope to make you girls proud as I carry on the fight to stay in radiant health so I too can continue to help those who will follow behind me. Goodbye and I love you both so much.

Pit Stops In Life

2010-03-12T07:05:00.000-08:00

Silence. Solitude. Quietness of thought and heart. How foreign these words are to us. The faster we go the behinder we get! We are living in a rat race but the rat is outpacing us. How do we get out of the fast lane and slow down enough to enjoy the scenery of life? Like anything worth having, it takes discipline. I remember countless road trips as a child driving with my 4 siblings from New Mexico to Echo Lake which is a spectacular lake not far from Tahoe's south shores. My favorite part of those drives were the stops. We would all pile out and run to look at whatever scenic spot my dad had chosen for us. Sometimes it was something educational and other times it was just a convenience store that had a CANDY aisle. Treats were one of my dad's love languages and we loved being loved! Soon we would all pile back in, settle down with our snacks and once again be content to resume playing the license plate game or "guess how long this stretch of the road is"?
How beneficial it would be to each of us as adults to plan some daily pit stops. Push away from your desk, stop working on your to do list, turn off the phone and pull over for a minute. Pick up a book and read a chapter, get outside and look at God's creation, call a friend you've been out of touch with, find a sunny spot, sit down, close your eyes and do absolutely nothing. My dad knew just how much his children could handle before needing a diversion from the journey. Your heavenly Father knows the same. When you feel like the road it too long, the speed too fast, the bumps too many, pull over and get out of the car. God will refresh you and pour His sustaining power into your life for whatever the trip holds. You are never too old for a treat!

Let God be God

2010-02-15T08:02:00.000-08:00

My favorite Christian author is Max Lucado. This is an excerpt from his book The Great House of God. I hope it will encourage you. Often I feel I am in the boat being tossed by the storm. It is hard to set my sights on an object unaffected by the wind. I look at the waves pounding my faith and the winds that assault my peace. My encouragement to myself and to you is to be still and know that He is God. Each day I am looking for the victories to celebrate and the blessings that He sends my way. Two weeks ago I attended the funeral of Beth, my friend of 8 years, and the librarian at our school. She was diagnosed with cancer one year before I was. She had surgery, treatment and then went into remission. The cancer came back this summer. I was able to spend quite a bit of time with her at the end of her life. Every time I left her hospital room I cried and thanked God for my good health and the chance to encourage sweet friends like Beth. No financial loss, no stress from my job or helping my children find their way in life can compare to the loss of health. I am going to try to live life to the fullest even when the storm is raging around me because I know He is anchoring my soul.

"I am more a landlubber than a sailor, but I've puttered around in a bass boat enough to know the secret for finding land in a storm...You don't aim at another boat. You certainly don't stare at the waves. You set your sights on an object unaffected by the wind-a light on the shore-and go straight toward it. The light is unaffected by the storm. By seeking God in the chapel, you do the same. When you set your sights on our God, you focus on one "a cut above" any storm life may bring.

Like Job, you find peace in the pain.

Like Job, you cover your mouth and sit still.

"Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10) This verse contains a command with a promise.

The command?

Be still.

Cover your mouth.

Bend your knees.

The promise? You will know that I am God.

The vessel of faith journeys on soft waters. Belief rides on the wings of waiting.

Linger in the chapel. Linger often in the chapel. In the midst of your daily storms, make it a point to be still and set your sights on him. Let God be God. Let him bathe you in his glory so that both your breath and your trouble are sucked from your soul. Be still. Be quiet. Be open and willing. Then you will know that God is God, and you can't help but confess, "Hallowed be thy name."

Muscles of Steel

2010-01-08T09:24:00.000-08:00

Saturday, January 2nd found me standing in a throwing ring at UCSD with a hammer in my hand. Not the kind you drive nails into a wall with, but the round 6 lb. steel ball attached to a long wire that is thrown! I did not wake up January 1st and make a New Years resolution to begin learning to throw heavy, round metal objects. The journey to the UCSD ring was a 20 year one. I had briefly thrown hammer with my mom at a National Masters Track meet here in San Diego in 1989. I had always wanted to try it again but the opportunity did not present itself until recently.

At the end of my training session I came away with sore muscles, torn skin on my fingers and great enthusiasm for learning the new events of weight and hammer throwing! The next day I woke up with a new resolve to get into the weight room in an attempt to gain muscles of steel to throw the implements of steel!

During my battle with cancer I have learned that it takes spiritual muscles of steel to withstand the war that wages against your body and soul. In Streams in the Desert it says, "The irons of sorrow and loss, the burdens carried as a youth, and the soul's struggle against sin all contribute to developing an iron tenacity and strength of purpose, as well as endurance and fortitude. And these traits make up the indispensable foundation and framework of noble character. Never run from suffering, but bear it silently, patiently and submissively, with the assurance that it is God's way of instilling iron into your spiritual life. The world is looking for iron leaders, iron armies, iron tendons and muscles of steel. But God is looking for saints of iron, and since there is no way to impart iron into people's moral nature except by letting them suffer, He allows them to suffer. Your iron crown of suffering precedes your golden crown of glory, and iron is entering your soul to make it strong and brave."

Each time this year that I walk through the doors of 24 Hour Fitness I will thank God for the gift of health and life. I will let it remind me of the iron He has imparted into my soul these past 2 1/2 years.

My prayer for each of you is that when God allows you to suffer you will know that it is because He has a plan and a purpose in it. If you maintain the right attitude and perspective through your trial, you will exit it stronger in character than when you entered it. Allow God to mold you and shape you into a "Saint of Iron".

Two of my New Years Resolutions are to gain muscles of steel to throw implements of steel and to be transformed into a Saint of Steel as I embrace any suffering that my heavenly Father allows to come my way. I'm off to the weight room!

Treasuring and pondering

2009-12-24T08:06:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is Christmas! Do you find it hard not to get caught up in the frenzy of what this holiday has become? Shopping, shopping, shopping! I too have felt the pressure to make this holiday what I know it is not. Today I paused and just sat and reflected. A passage from Luke guided my thoughts. Chapter 2 is the story of the birth of Jesus. Verses 16-20 say, "So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told."

The shepherds left their flocks to go to Bethlehem to behold the baby Jesus. The sight of this baby compelled them to spread the word about his birth. They weren't rushing to the mall to buy gifts, they were rushing to tell others about the greatest gift that would ever be given.

Mary's response was to treasure up all these things and ponder them in her heart. This baby was a gift from heaven not only to Mary, but to the world. Her only response was to ponder upon the reality of what she had been given and then to treasure these thoughts in her heart.

As you reflect on this past year, what are you pondering on and treasuring in your heart? Many of you have suffered at the hands of the economy. Some of you have dealt with death and sickness! Others of you may have felt the pain of a broken heart or relationships that have been strained. Yet in all of this there is a gift. The gift of God's constant love and care for you. His presence is greater than any present you will unwrap this year.

I encourage you to give God the gift of your presence this season as you ponder the good He has done in your life this past year. Treasure them in your heart and then, like the shepherds, glorify and praise God for all these things! Never forget the gift you unwrap each and every day, which is the gift of His son so you can have life, and have it abundantly!

This is the true meaning of Christmas!

In the midst of affliction

2009-12-02T04:12:00.000-08:00

These are some excerpts from my devotions lately.

"Suffering is a wonderful fertilizer for the roots of character. The great objective of this life is character, for it is the only thing we can carry with us into eternity. And gaining as much of the highest character possible is the purpose of our trials."

"We often pray to be delivered from afflictions, and even trust God that we will be. But we do not pray for Him to make us what we should be while in the midst of the afflictions. Nor do we pray that we would be able to live within them, for however long they may last, in the complete awareness that we are held and sheltered by the Lord and can therefore continue within them without suffering any harm."

Suffering ourselves or watching others suffer can be at times unbearable. The weight of suffering can crush the soul. No man can bear up under suffering. Christ is the only one able to shoulder the intense pain of our suffering. Casting our cares upon him is crucial if we are to stand under the weight of our sorrow.

Saturday will be the memorial service for Danica, a friend who died at the young age of 31, leaving behind a sweet husband and 2 darling children, ages 3 and 9. God has led our family to bear the burden of grief with this family. Deep sorrow has washed over my heart time and time again as I have reflected on what a life without mom and wife will mean in the days and years to come for this family.

Last week a dear friend and fellow colleague of mine had to undergo surgery to remove part of her colon and some tumors that were found. Terri has battled cancer for these past 7 years. I have prayed with her, walked alongside her the entire journey and asked God to heal her. She is Taryn's senior English teacher and one of the most loved teachers on campus.

Beth is our librarian and another good friend of mine for these past 8 years. She was diagnosed with colon cancer a few years ago and was in remission. She is now battling cancer again. Beth is one of the sweetest people I know. She is suffering intensely and yet every time I speak with her she is concerned about my health!

And then there is Brittany, a former student of mine who just turned 14. She has had several surgeries to remove a brain tumor and is in and out of the hospital now as the doctors are trying different treatments. The suffering this young girl has endured is more than most adults could bear.

I sit here writing in wonderful health with my cancer in full remission, wondering, "Why not me?' How have I managed to free myself from the clutches of this insidious disease while others have not? My gratefulness to my Heavenly father is indescribable. I will never have the answer this side of heaven but I know what I must do. With the health and strength He has given me, I must let Him use my life every day to encourage those who are suffering around me. The strength He gives me is not meant to be kept, but given away. His word must fill my life so I can use it to help anchor the soul of those who are being tossed by the storm. My peace will be found in silence and solitude. So will yours.

Terri, Beth, and Brittany, you are my inspiration. Please know there is not one day that I do not pray for you, think of you and hurt deeply as I watch you suffer. I have wept many, many days as God has gripped my heart with a powerful love for each of you. Psalm 39:12 says, "Hear my prayer, O Lord, listen to my cry for help; be not deaf to my weeping." Psalm 40:1 says, "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry."

I know you are holding on with all your strength to the hand of our Father. Don't let go! I love you!

Resting and recovering

2009-10-30T06:57:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday I had a two hernias in my groin surgically repaired. My doctor did not know before surgery if she would be able to use an old C-section scar but when I woke up I discovered that is exactly what she did. I was thrilled because it will probably mean a quicker recovery time with only one incision and none in my groin. I was in surgery for 2 hours and then home about 3 hours later. The doctor will have the mass she removed biopsied for cancer but she told Sewell she did not think it was cancer. I was excited to hear that but I will be even more relieved once I get the lab results. I was a little nauseous the first day but since then I have only had to take 2 Ibuprofen. I must have a high tolerance for pain or I am healing very quickly. Probably a combination of both. The hardest part is just "resting and relaxing" as my dad always says. I am more of a doer than a sitter. I know I inherited that trait. I am getting all my "sitting" projects done and even watching a few movies and doing some reading.
These past few days I have read some passages from my devotions I want to share with you. L.B. Cowman says, "There is another kind of patience that I believe is harder to obtain-the patience that runs. Lying down during a time of grief, or being quiet after a financial setback, certainly implies great strength, but I know of something that suggests even greater strength-the power to continue working after a set-back, the power to still run with a heavy heart, and the power to perform your daily tasks with deep sorrow in your spirit. This is a Christlike thing. Many of us could tearlessly deal with our grief if only we were allowed to do so in private. Yet what is so difficult is that most of us are called to exercise our patience not in bed but in the open street, for all to see. We are called upon to bury our sorrows not in restful inactivity but in active service-in our workplace, while shopping, and during social events-contributing to other people's joy. No other way of burying our sorrow is as difficult as this, for it is truly what is meant by running "with patience." Hebrews 12:1

During these past 2 years I wish I could have taken a "timeout" from life to grieve and process but time continued to march on with no regard for the state of my heart. Time did not stop when I was diagnosed with cancer, when my father-in-love died, or when my mother died. Time did not stop for additional mammograms, sonograms and biopsies to check once again for cancer.

Jesus knew what it was like to bear a mighty grief that was not shared or spoken. He knew what was ahead for him and yet he continued to do the work his Father had called him to do. He brought joy to the multitudes in the midst of his own silent suffering.

I believe there are those of you who are bearing a great amount of suffering right now. As you wait on Him each day, He will give you the strength and power to perform your daily tasks. His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness. He wants us to come to Him each and every day so He can fill us with himself. His presence will enable us to face whatever the day may hold.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned these past few years is how to pause long enough from my "Martha" tendencies to become a "Mary". Mary was the one who sat as Jesus feet while Martha bustled around cleaning the house and getting dinner ready. When you read this story in Luke 10:38-41 you will see that Jesus says Martha is worried and upset about many things and distracted with all her preparations. He tells Martha that Mary has CHOSEN the better part.

Each day you and I have a choice. We can stop all our busyness and come sit at Jesus' feet, or we can work our way through the day, never pausing to be filled and refreshed with His presence. It is a choice. This is the most critical choice you and I will make each day. What we choose will shape who we are. Do you take time to read your bible and pray before facing your day? Do you give the sorrows and burdens you carry to Him before leaving your house? Does His peace guard your heart and your mind? There will never be enough time to meet with God. The tyranny of the urgent will always try to dictate the use of your time. Be a Mary. CHOOSE WHAT IS BETTER. Then and only then will you be able to run with endurance the race that is set out for you, fixing your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith. Hebrews 12:1-2.

May discipline, quietness, devotion and prayer be what you are known for. Let others draw strength from you as you draw strength from your heavenly Father.

God's faithfulness

2009-10-10T06:25:00.000-07:00

In my Streams in the Desert devotions today I read this, "...all the suffering is designed to make me a vessel suitable for His use. And may I remember that His Calvary blossomed into abundant fruitfulness, and so will mine."

I have watched God bring fruit into my life after a season of suffering. I have been able to share my journey with so many people and encourage them to face their own giants with a God saturated soul. I've been able to provide nutritional information I have learned to help others in their fight against cancer. I have also prayed for and with so many that are in the thick of the battle as they look for strength to continue the uphill struggle.

If you are in the midst of a battle with your health, finances, relationships or any other area of life, continue to say,"Not my will but thine be done." Entrust all that you are and everything you have to his Lordship. Let God work in you his purposes through your suffering. Pray and praise your way through the battle. God knows what He is doing even if everything appears to be spinning out of control. Gather an army of friends around you who will be there to help you when the fatigue of the battle seeps into your heart and mind. Let God's word fill you with hope and comfort. It is your greatest weapon in the war.

This fall has brought a season of joy in my life and I wanted to share some of it with you.

I am 2 months into my new job and absolutely loving it. I am able to use all my gifts and abilities every day. I get to organize, create, plan, and inspire. I believe God has used me on my campus to bring about some positive change. If I had realized what good things God had in store for me when I lost my Health classes last year I would have clapped and said HOORAY! Not only do I work in a great environment, I am also working about 20 hours less each week because I am not grading papers or making lesson plans. This has freed up my life to be able to focus on my family, my health and my home life.

There have also been some other positive things happening in our family. Taryn started her senior year and was selected "Best to bring home to mom and dad" as a senior standout. She was also selected to homecoming court and scored high enough on her PSAT test to be honored as a Commended National Merit Scholar which basically means she scored in the top 5% of the 1.5 million students in the United States who took the test as Juniors. She also was given the lead role in the school's fall drama production. She has been a very hard worker and her efforts are paying off! When God showers blessings down on your children it is very fun to watch.

Cori has been attending classes at Cuyamaca and preparing to leave in March to begin her one year commitment to serve on staff with Metro ministries in New York. She has also been invited to join Metro on a 10 day mission trip to assist the Metro branch that is in Africa. She is holding down 2 jobs and serving as a youth leader on Friday nights with our church.

Ashley moves back home this weekend in an attempt to save money. She wants to join an organization that provides a mobile hair school in Africa to help women learn a trade and improve their existing cosmetology skills. We have no idea how long she will be here but it will be nice to have her home, especially since she hasn't lived with us for 6 years.

Chalese is working at a coffee shop and waiting to be called to substitute teaching. Full time teaching jobs are scarce at this time. She recently moved into a new house that she shares with a friend. She is enjoying the additional space she now has. God is using her to minister to people on a daily basis as she has a soft heart and good shoulder to cry on.

Sewell is working hard as an Assistant Principal at Monte Vista and is well liked by the staff. He has creative ideas and is a conscientious worker. His other full time job is trying to keep all of our investment properties from being foreclosed. It has taken every free moment he has. Hopefully we will find some relief and help from the Mortgage companies.

I am waiting for the results of a CT scan I took on Wednesday. It appears that I have 2 hernias in my groin (one on each side) that will have to be surgically repaired. My doctor told me it will be a very painful surgery, which I am not looking forward to. I have had one of the hernias for about 2 years and the other since last spring. I am anxious to get them repaired so I can start training for my track season. On the positive side, I am not facing another cancer surgery.

This is National Breast Cancer awareness month and I look for every opportunity to share my healing story with anyone who will listen. Every time I walk into a store and see those pink ribbons I am grateful to my heavenly Father that I am alive to celebrate my healing! This month I will have another birthday. Since being diagnosed with cancer, these milestones are very important to me. Sewell and I both have the same birthday month. Together we will be 108. One of us is doing pretty good for our age. Can you guess which one? Ha Ha!

I pray this blog today has encouraged you and maybe given you a little hope. Have a wonderful day being loved by the King.

Linn

Stormy Seas to Calm Waters

2009-08-29T06:28:00.001-07:00

Two years ago when I woke up I had no idea that this would be the date that would forever change my life! My day was planned in my mind-teaching, doing some grading while I waited for Taryn to finish her cross country practice and then home to fix dinner and walk Sukie. But God interrupted my life with a phone call which officially brought the stormy sea of cancer into my life. In one instant my calm seas exploded into the most violent storm I had ever been in. I found myself desperately trying to anchor myself to something that would keep me alive. I found it in God's word and His love for me. The devotional I have camped in is Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman. This is one of the first verses I read, "Others went out to sea in ships; they were merchants on the mighty waters. They saw the works of the Lord, his wonderful deeds in the deep. (Psalm 107:23-26)

Cowman goes on to say, "The person who has not learned that every wind that blows can be used to guide us toward heaven has certainly not mastered the art of sailing and is nothing but an apprentice. In fact, the only thing that helps no one is a dead calm. Every wind, whether from the north, south, east, or west, may help us toward that blessed port. So seek only this:to stay well out to sea-and then have no fear of stormy winds."

Today I am grateful for the love and comfort my heavenly Father has poured into my life these past two years. I am so excited to be enjoying excellent health! For those of you who have prayed for me, juiced carrots for me, sent encouraging notes and verses, cried with me and walked with me on this difficult road-I LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU! Please don't stop praying! Eating a plant based diet is a very lonely road most of the time. Pray God will give me the time and energy to plan menu's and learn to cook new things and the stamina to stay diligent with all of it. There are days I just want to grab a quart of ice cream and sit in front of the T.V. and eat sugar until I'm sick! So far I haven't done that but it's probably only because there are people who are praying, not because I have great self discipline! I am looking forward to seeing how God is going to bring himself glory through my life this next year. Stay tuned to be part of it!

Gifts from Above

2009-08-14T06:36:00.000-07:00

So much has happened since I last wrote! But before I get to that I want to share something from my Streams in the Desert book by L.B. Cowman. Today's devotion came from John 19:11 where Jesus says to Pilate, "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above." Cowman goes on to say,"Nothing that is not part of God's will is allowed to come into the life of someone who trusts and obeys Him. This truth should be enough to make our life one of ceaseless thanksgiving and joy, because God's will is the most hopeful, pleasant, and glorious thing in the world. It is the continuous working of His omnipotent power for our benefit, with nothing to prevent it, if we remain surrendered and believing. We live fascinating lives if we are living in the center of God's will. All the attacks that Satan hurls at us through the sins of others are not only powerless to harm us but are transformed into blessings along the way."

Today I begin my new job! 9 days ago I interviewed for an administrative postion with Foothills High School which is the school run by the church I attend. This summer I took classes and then passed a national test which credentials me as an administrator! I was offered the Assistant Principal position at Foothills. The students are on campus 3 days a week and then homeschool the other two. I will work 4 days a week. God did some amazing things in order for me to get this job! I asked my former superintendent if he would allow me to have my tuition benefits for Taryn (she would be free this year) even if I left. He said YES! I still had a $300 registration fee to pay. When I went to pick up my final check they said they owed me $301.68 for this years contract since I did not give notice until this past Monday! God is so good. One of the greatest joys in all of this is that the other P.E. teacher I was sharing a contract with for this year will get her full time contract back. I was so happy because she and I have worked together for the past 5 years. Last year her 13 year old daughter was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Brittany was one of my students in Bible and I dearly love her. She has had 2 surgeries and is facing more treatment. Please pray for God's complete healing for her.

I saw my oncologist yesterday and she believes the area they saw in the sonogram that wasn't there before is probably from the hematoma dissolving! They want to do another sonogram in 6 months to look at it again. Pray it will continue to shrink! This is the first time in 2 years that I feel like all of this may finally be behind me! A great weight is lifting from my shoulders. Now I just need to make some vegan menus and get some variety in my daily diet. Cooking is not one of my favorite things to do!

I am rejoicing in what God has done in my life these last 2 years. I have truly watched the continuous working of His omnipotent power for my benefit as I have remained surrendered and believing! Now that I am not teaching, one of my goals is to put my web site together in order to help more people who are looking for a natural route to fighting cancer. In addition to that I want to continue to read and become more educated in this area. It seems as if cancer is everywhere! I know God is going to use my experience to help others. I know the faith journey I have been on is not just for my benefit. I am humbled and excited to see what God is going to do in and through me.

I will leave you with this thought from L.B. Cowman, "Isn't it glorious to know that no matter how unjust something may be, even when it seems to have come from Satan himself, by the time it reaches us it is God's will for us and will ultimately work to our good?"

Peace in Pain

2009-08-01T06:50:00.000-07:00

I am reading Max Lucado's book titled For These Tough Times. He says,
"I am more a landlubber than a sailor, but I've puttered around in a bass boat enough to know the secret for finding land in a storm...You don't aim at
another boat. You certainly don't stare at the waves. You set your sights on a object unaffected by the wind-a light on the shore-and go straight toward it. The light is unaffected by the storm.
By seeking God, you do the same. When you set your sights on our God, you focus on the One who can overcome any storm life may bring.
Like Job, you find peace in the pain.
Like Job, you cover your mouth and sit still.
"Be still, and know that I am God: (Psalm 46:10)This verse contains a command with a promise.
The command? Be still. Cover your mouth. Bend your knees.
The promise? You will know that I am God. The vessel of faith journeys on soft waters. Belief rides on the wings of waiting.
In the midst of your daily storms, and in this storm that has swept over our country and even the entire world, make it a point to be still and set your sights on him. Let God be God. Let him bathe you in his glory so that both your breath and your troubles are sucked from your soul. Be still. Be quiet. Be open and willing. Take a moment to be still, and know that he is God."

Yesterday I watched the memorial service for Caleb Koke. Caleb was a young man who was on my team that went to El Salvador 2 summers ago. He fell asleep behind the wheel, drove into a tree and was ushered into the presence of our Lord. It was a very moving service but I was most affected by what his mother Laura said. She talked about the deep peace that she had and the joy of knowing that her son was with Jesus. She expressed her thanks to the thousands of people who had poured out their love to their family. Then she said something that was truly amazing. She said that it hurt her to watch people hurting over the death of Caleb! This is a mother who has chosen to set her sights on God, and to focus on the one who can overcome any storm life may bring.
In his book Lucado talks about the role that Satan plays in our pain. He says, "Perhaps the clearest illustration of how God uses Satan to achieve his purposes is found in the life of Peter. Listen to the warning Jesus gives to him: "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to test all of you as a farmer sifts his wheat. I have prayed that you will not lose your faith! Help your brothers be stronger when you come back to me." (Luke 22:31-32)
Again, notice who is in control. Even though Satan had a plan, he had to get permission. "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me" Jesus explained, and this is proof. (Matthew 28:18) The wolf cannot get to the sheep without the permission of the Shepherd, and the Shepherd will only permit the attack if, in the long term, the pain is worth the gain.
The purpose of this test is to provide a testimony for the church. Jesus was allowing Peter to experience a trial so he could encourage his brothers. Perhaps God is doing the same with you. God knows that the church needs living testimonies of his power. Your difficulty, your disease, your conflict are preparing you to be a voice of encouragement to your brothers."

In the midst of her deep pain, I watched Laura Koke encourage the congregation she and her husband pastor and the friends and family that were present at Caleb's memorial service.

God will use each of us to be a voice to bring Him glory if we look to Him during our trials of pain. I know He has allowed me more opportunities to minister than I have ever had before I got cancer. Cancer has become my megaphone to shout his love to those who are suffering. When you have weathered the storms of life with your faith intact, you will forever be a changed person. Don't waste your sorrows. Look for the good in your pain that gives God glory. Trust that He has not forsaken you and never will.

Please pray for the Koke family as they grieve the home going of their sweet son Caleb. Also continue to pray for the Riley family who will be burying their 25 year old son David on Sunday. Both families are pastoring churches. Both sons fell asleep at the wheel. Both families are desperately clinging to God.

I would also appreciate your prayers. On Tuesday I have my mammogram and sonogram in order to get another clean bill of health. Last time they found something they wanted to biopsy. I went through with the biopsy but I will NEVER do that again. It was painful and traumatic. It turned out to be nothing. I had been given the choice to just watch it but I chose the biopsy. August 29th will be my 2 year milestone of being diagnosed with cancer. I am going to celebrate by hang gliding at Torrey Pines! This summer I was also able to compete in the Masters National Championship Track and Field meet in Oshkosh Wisconsin. This was a milestone for me because I had my surgery on my right side, and the removal of so many of my lymph nodes has opened me up to getting lymphedema at any time in my life. I am not supposed to do heavy lifting on that side but God has healed me, so I lift and throw! My mother had always encouraged me to get back into throwing but I was so busy coaching I never did. She and I made some great memories when we threw together back in 1989. When she died last year, I went to New Mexico and got all her implements and decided to train again! It was my way of finding the good in the pain of my loss. I trained with my sister Sani (who was also a thrower and High School coach) for 6 days before we went to Wisconsin. I got my best throws of the year and ended up placing 3rd in discus, 2nd in shot and 1st in the javelin! It was the highlight of my year! I think Sani and I made my mom smile! Thank you dad for paying our way. You are my favorite father and I am going to keep you! Thanks Sewell for holding down the fort and parenting the girls while I was away. If I get that much yard work done while I am gone, I am planning my next trip now! I love you! Thanks for being by my side as we faced the storm together.

Seeing God in Pain and Suffering

2009-07-27T07:05:00.000-07:00

A young lady lies in a hospital room fighting for her life as a result of injuries sustained in a car accident, a 17 year old who was on my mission team to El Salvador last summer falls asleep at the wheel and is killed on impact when his car hits a tree, the 25 year old brother of one of Cori's friends falls asleep at the wheel yesterday and is killed when his car rolls. I have received all of this news within the last 3 days! Our hearts and minds wrestle to make sense of such tragedy. Young people living their lives for God and suddenly in His presence with no warning and no goodbyes. We search for answers to the why questions and yet none appear. I am convinced the true test of faith is how we respond when Heaven is silent. In my own struggle to answer this question I refer back to the only book in the Bible that is completely devoted to one man's quest to find the answer. Forty two chapters of Job are dedicated to his quest to make sense of the senseless. My study Bible says this about the book of Job, "In summary, the author's pastoral word to the godly sufferer is that his righteousness has such supreme value that God treasures it more than all. And the great adversary knows that if he is to thwart the purposes of God he must assail the righteousness of man. At stake in the suffering of the truly godly is the outcome of the struggle in heaven between the great adversary and God, with the all-encompassing divine purpose in the balance. Thus the suffering of the righteousness has a meaning and value commensurate with the titanic spiritual struggle of the ages."

Verse 22 of Chapter 1 says, "In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing." In chapter 2, verse 9, Job's wife was encouraging him to curse God and die to which Job responded, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" In all this Job did not sin in what he said. Chapter 23, verse 10 says, "But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold."

The lessons I have learned from Job concerning pain and suffering are the following:
1) God has an ultimate purpose in it. As the healing begins, look for God's redemptive work in your own life and in the lives of those around you.
2) We have a choice as how we are going to respond to what God allows into our life. We can curse God or trust Him. What comes from our lips will show the world the path we have chosen.
3) God allows the suffering into our lives. The Bible tells us He is a loving, compassionate and merciful God. If we do not feel He is, based on what our emotions tell us from our circumstances, this does not change His character. Our mind desperately wants to match what we feel with who we know God to be.
4) You will never see God as clearly as you do in suffering and pain. In chapter 42 Job says, "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you." My commentary says, "Job-and his three friends, and Elihu-had only heard of God, but now Job has seen God with the eyes of faith and spiritual understanding, He can therefore accept God's plan for his life-which includes suffering."

From my own cancer journey, and the suffering I have watched so many of my friends go through, I have come to the conclusion that God does not owe me answers to my why questions. Job has taught me to embrace suffering as well as blessings from God. He has also taught me to speak words of faith and not doubt in the midst of my trials. I do not want to malign God's character with my own mouth. Max Lucado wrote these words about the storms in our lives, "I owe no one anything," God declares in the crescendo of the wind. "Everything under the heaven is mine." Job couldn't argue. God owes no one anything. No explanations. No excuses. No help. God has not debt, no outstanding balance, no favors to return. God owes no man anything. Something tells me that Job would do it all again, if that's what it took to hear God's voice and stand in the Presence. For God gave Job more than Job ever dreamed. God gave Job himself."

I pray you will face your storms with a God saturated soul, trusting Him to calm the seas that rage around you. He will use your storm as a path to come to you. Let him draw near and whisper to your fears and doubts, "Peace, be still."

Tribute to Norm

2009-06-04T07:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Norm was welcomed into the arms of Jesus. His year long battle with cancer came to an end. I only knew Norm for a short time but he has enriched my life. Norm is the brother of Maggie Putnam who taught preschool in our district. Before I got cancer, I did not know Maggie. She emailed me and asked if I could send my picture to her so she could put it up in her classroom. Maggie started her students praying faithfully for me. She sent cards to me with the names and fingerprints of each student on them. I can not begin to tell you how the prayers of these little children gave me encouragement and strength. At the end of the year I was able to go to her school and meet those sweet children and thank them for their prayers. When Maggie's brother was diagnosed with cancer this year I decided to have my Bible and Health classes write him letters of encouragement that contained verses for him to ponder. This is his reply to me about those letters.
"I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to read the inspiration these letters give me each day. I truly cherish reading them. I have taken a blue highlighter and marked all the verses in my Bible that they have given me. I am so touched by the knowledge that they are praying for Virginia and me. Thank them again for me. The Lord has given me to special verses-Verses I have known since I was a child but now have the meaning that they were intended for--This is the day the Lord hath made rejoice and be glad in it, and Yea,though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for thou aren't with me, thy rod and thy staff comfort me. I have always been one who worried about everything and really didn't enjoy what the Lord gave me each day. Thanks to our Lord he has changed that and has given me this unique opportunity to draw closer and closer to him day by day. Jesus is truly wonderful! Spiritually, this has to be the most exciting time of my life. The Lord has allowed me to draw so close to him. The verses he has really given me to hold to are the first three verses of Psalms 71. What a wonderful God we have-what great Love. Jesus is wonderful !
Thank all your wonderful students for their sustaining prayers. Please tell them that I can feel the strength of those prayers, and the Lord is with me. "
To God be the Glory,
Norm

Maggie gave me the gift of preschoolers who faithfully prayed for me during my battle with cancer. I in turn tried to give the gift back as I had my students faithfully pray for Norm this entire year. Each time I spoke with Norm on the phone I was so encouraged by his steadfast love and devotion to God even in the midst of great suffering. It was a privilege to go to his home to meet he and his wife Virginia in person. His body was wasting away but his spirit was being renewed day by day. Through his suffering, he gained a relationship with God that could have only been forged through fire.

As I reflected on the news of Norm's homecoming, I pondered the question, "Why me?" Why did Norm die and I didn't? I know I will not have the answer this side of eternity. Because God has left me here, I want to make a difference in every person's life that He brings across my path who is fighting cancer. When we pass through the storm it can be for the benefit of those who are only entering it. Norm did not find the answer to cure his cancer, but He found Jesus, who cured his heart! His renewed faith and love allowed him to say, "The Lord is with me, to God be the Glory!"

Well done Norm, you have been a good and faithful servant. Enter into your glorious rest. Thank you for being a wonderful example to me! I will always remember you!

Touching Eternity

2009-05-28T05:20:00.000-07:00

Today is my last day of teaching for this year! It has been the longest, most exhausting year I have had since I began teaching full time 8 years ago. I was asked to teach 7th and 8th grade girls Bible this year. We are having to make budget cuts due to dropping enrollment next year, so I will only be teaching a 50% contract for P.E. Here is an excerpt from an email I sent our Bible department:

Yesterday our oldest daughter, Chalese, called to tell us she had passed the PACT which is a rigorous part of the teaching credential program at SDSU. One of the requirements was to write an 80 page paper! She also shared that she had finished this semester with a 4.0! I was congratulating her on a job well done.

When I woke up this morning I was reflecting on my year and wondering what I had to show for it besides a ton of very hard work and many, many lost Saturday's. I was comparing what I have to show for my year to what Chalese has to show for hers and I began wondering what was the point of it all.

In class this morning Erica Rottenburg raised her hand and said she had a very big praise to share. About 3 weeks ago she had come up to me and asked if we could write letters to her father’s friend who 2 months ago was given 3 months to live. He is dying from cancer. At that time I was trying to finish up a unit and I didn’t feel like we could take the time to write. We had already written to 12 people this year and I was just weary from all of it. I was going to assign it as homework but something told me not to and to let the girls make the cards in class. We looked up scriptures, wrote the notes of encouragement, decorated the bright cards with cute foam stickers, prayed over them and sent them off.

Today Erica told us that Mr. Rayon read every card (all 4 Bible classes wrote to him) and that on Friday she and her father went to visit him. In the course of the evening Mr. Rayon gave his life to the Lord! I know that God orchestrated my classes to be part of this amazing event! I was able to rejoice with them and encourage them to continue developing their love relationship with God and to let Him use them in great ways. These young 13 and 14 year old girls have seen over and over again this year that God has used them to touch the lives of complete strangers!

The Lord spoke so clearly today to me that this year was about touching eternity! God has been in each and every class I have taught. He has seen the impact I have had even if I haven't. I believe when we get to heaven we will see our time here as being a part of the puzzle of someone else’s life.

No matter what you are doing today, I pray you will touch eternity. Your kindness, counsel, and words of affirmation can do miracles beyond what you can imagine. May the prayer of your heart today be, "Here I am Lord, use me!" Don't wait until you feel prepared, qualified and trained to be used by God. He took a little boys lunch of a few loaves and fishes and used it to feed thousands. Surely he can take what little you feel you have to offer and make a miracle out of it. Our Father delights in those who aren't concerned about their ability but each moment give their availability. You never know how God might surprise you as He pulls back the curtains of heaven and gives you a glimpse into eternity. Yesterday, I saw Mr. Rayon showing him his neon cards with foam stickers written by a bunch of 12 and 13 year old girls, and I smiled.

Amazing Love and Grace

2009-05-13T05:15:00.000-07:00

Last week I had my usual 3 month appointment with my oncologist to examine me and look over my blood work. She said everything looked good and she commented that I was coming up on 2 years (this August) of having been diagnosed. She followed this comment with one word,"amazing"! She then asked what was new with me and I told her how I have started training to compete in Masters track and field meets. For years I have talked about throwing again but I have always been coaching so there wasn't the time. Last summer I was able to get my mom's old throwing implements. She was my first track coach! For those of you who don't know I competed in Jr. and Sr. High school, college and then after college with Athletes in Action. My mom and I competed together in 2 masters Nationals years ago. My mom did not start throwing until she was in her 50's and then she traveled the world do something she loved. She even set a world record! Mom died last April and I decided it was time to start throwing again. I wish she was alive to see it.

After a woman has had a lumpectomy and removed lymph nodes, she is not supposed to do any heavy lifting or strenuous work on whatever side the surgery was performed on. There's a risk of getting lymphedema, which can be a permanent swelling of the arm. In the beginning I was a little fearful and I babied my right side but then I just started living my normal life. I don't think I should be able to throw and lift weights, especially since I am right handed! When my doctor heard what I was doing she said, "Amazing!"

Through my cancer journey I have found that God is an amazing God and he loves to surprise us and confound the wise! I believe every Israelite that watched David sling that rock and Goliath fall, said, "Amazing".

I have been amazed at how God has walked with me every step of this journey. He knows when my faith is faltering, when my peace is fleeing and my heart is hurting. He is quick to send the "Aaron's" into my life who will hold me up so I can continue to face the giant. His timing is perfect and his ways are unexplainable. Many of you have been my Aaron's, and for that I thank you. Without you, I probably would have faltered and failed.

Looking back over the past 20 months I can only say, AMAZING! As you face your own giants, know that God delights in showing His goodness, mercy, power and love to the world THROUGH YOU! Don't wait until your giant is dead to be an amazing testimony of God's faithfulness. Choose each day to steadfastly trust God. Run to your giant, not from it. God delights in making giant slayers out of the "David's" of life. Lift up your head and watch your giant fall! AMAZING!

Unexpected Answers

2009-04-09T07:00:00.001-07:00

Have you ever prayed for something and expected God to answer it in a certain way and then found yourself thrown when he does something totally unexpected?

God is giving me the desires of my heart, but the answer did not come as I thought it would. In my last blog I was expressing my longing to have the time to minister to fellow cancer fighters and He answered my prayer. He took my job away! On April 1st (no kidding) my Superintendent and Principal called me in and told me I would only have a 50% contract next year! Our district is losing many students and they are having to cut the budget. I was very upset because they took my Health classes and are going to have another teacher teach them! I am the only teacher who has taught them these past 8 years so I was initially very hurt and upset. The next day I got on a plane and came to New Mexico to spend time with my father and family. I was able to share my cancer journey with my sister-in-law's father who was recently diagnosed with acute leukemia. Bill has been promised another Christmas with chemotherapy. I was able to pray with him and hopefully encourage him in his fight. I feel as if this is part of why God allowed cancer to touch my life in the first place. It is part of the good that He promises in Romans 8:28 for everyone that loves Him.

Sewell and I are facing yet another giant as we consider how we are going to manage on a 50% cut in my income. I reminded myself that I have already faced and conquered the giant that could kill me! The loss of my Health classes will be challenging but it doesn't have the power to destroy my life.

In my devotions I read this verse from Isaiah 24:15, "Glorify the Lord in the fires." It goes on to say, "We are to honor the Lord in the trial-in the very thing that afflicts us. It is precisely there, in the heat of the fire, we are to glorify Him. We do this by exercising perfect faith in His goodness and love, that has permitted this trial to come upon us. Even more, we are to believe that out of the fire will arise something more worthy of praise to Him than had we never experienced it. To go through some fires will take great faith, for little faith will fail. We must win the victory in the furnace. A person has only as much faith as he has in times of trouble. The three men who were thrown into the fiery furnace came out just as they went in -except for the ropes that had bound them. How often God removes our shackles in the furnace of affliction. This is the real triumph-triumphing over sickness in it, triumphing over death in dying, and triumphing over other adverse circumstances in them. Christ's triumph was in His humiliation. And perhaps our triumph will also be revealed through what others see as humiliation." Margaret Bottome

I encourage you to trust God in your trials. Go through them with great faith. The answers to your prayers may come in unexpected ways. Your heavenly Father will take care of every need you have. Allow Him to remove the shackles in the furnace of your affliction. Remind yourself that out of your fire will come something more worthy of praise than if you had never experienced it. Face each and every giant with a God-saturated soul! He is in the giant slaying business!

Comfort in Suffering

2009-03-31T04:56:00.000-07:00

Cancer is a devastating disease that is raging across America. Now that I have been through cancer, it is difficult to watch the destruction this disease is leaving on the health and emotions of people I know. Before I had cancer I always felt sad when I heard someone was diagnosed with this disease. Now I feel almost sick to my stomach. I know somewhat of the emotional journey they will go through but little of the medical one. I want to help and yet feel so constrained by time.

II Corinthians 1:1-4 says, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."

During my cancer journey, God poured comfort each and every day into my heart. Now that I am healed, I have such a strong desire to pour that comfort out on others. The busyness of teaching keeps me from having the time I need to make the calls, write the notes of encouragement, help with nutrition, and pray for those who are suffering. I do as much as I can but I want to do so much more. I wonder if Jesus ever felt this way when he saw the needs pressing in around him? There was just never enough of Him to go around. How did he reconcile this in his heart? This is something I will have to discover.

I often think how wonderful it would be not to wake up every day and have to rush out the door to teach. Most afternoons are spent grading papers and preparing for the rest of the week. The energy expenditure is amazing as I deal with 140 different personalities each and every day. Teachers pour out from the time they start their day until the minute it ends. It is a tiring profession! I am trying to figure out how to do my job well without jeopardizing my own health! I know stress plays a huge role in the health of my immune system.

Many, many times this year I have wanted to be ministering to people with cancer or speaking to women's groups instead of teaching. Both of these are my other passions. Until that day comes, I will continue to teach my students how to love other people in their hour of suffering. We will continue to reach out to those we know who need our prayers and comfort. Every day when I enter my classroom and see our beautiful prayer wall, I will remind myself that this job is more than teaching, it is training the next generation how to be burden bearers.

Please pray God will give me the time and energy to help those He brings across my path. I desperately want to get a web site up and running which will contain all the information I have learned about fighting cancer with a lifestyle change, including nutrition. It's just a matter of time.

These are the people I'm trying to help and encourage if you have some time to pray for them. The majority of them are facing cancer:
Norm, Bill, Beth, Cathleen, Terri, Brittany (a 13 year old student of mine with a tumor on her skull), Donna and Rhonda.

I would love to sit and chat some more but I must get dressed and get to school. Thank you for listening to me pour out my heart. Have a wonderful day being loved by the KING!

P.S. Happy Birthday Joni! I love you my dear sweet friend. Thank you for being a part of my life these past 20+ years. You have always been a pillar of strength in my life. I miss you at Christian High!

Perspective

2009-03-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

This morning in my devotions I was reading David Jeremiah's book A Bend in the Road. He used this quote from Alan Redpath," As I lift up my eyes to Him, and accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing for my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no trial will ever disarm me, no circumstance will ever cause me to fret, for I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is."

Notice he did not say he would rest in the joy of what the Lord does, but in what He is. The Lord is the very essence of love. What He is and what He does is LOVE. If we take this perspective on everything that happens to us, it will change how we respond to the hard trials in life. Dr. Jeremiah says, "How will you choose to deal with your personal crisis-as an emergency or an opportunity? A stumbling block or a steppingstone? The moment you and I can begin to see things through the heavenly lens, the picture becomes more bearable-and we find new strength."

God is not taken by surprise, He is not alarmed by anything happening in your life and He is not panicking. Your past, present and future are before Him and in his grip all at once.

The greatest challenge we have is to leave our earthly perspective behind and embrace a heavenly one. If we can do this, our sorrow will ease, our pain will subside, and our hope will be renewed. Sit quietly with Him and ask for his peace and perspective to flood your thinking. He is painting the mosaic of your life one stroke at a time. Trust that you are a masterpiece in the making. The pain of trials is just one more color He's adding. They are as necessary as the joys He splashes across the canvas of your life. Each day, ask God to give you His perspective in pain. Don't ask to be taken from His easel before the painting of your life is completed.

"But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
My mouth will tell of Your righteousness,
of your salvation all day long,
though I know not its measure.
I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign Lord;
I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone."
Psalm 71:14-16

Turn Of Events

2009-02-04T05:26:00.000-08:00

I Kings 12 is an interesting chapter of the Bible. Rehoboam has gone to Shechem so the Israelites can make him King. The people asked him to lighten the harsh load Rehoboams father had put on them when he was king. He consulted the elders and they said he should lighten their load, but after consulting his friends he decided to make it even worse for the people. In verse 15 it says, "So the king did not listen to the people, for this turn of events was from the Lord..." Continue the story and you will see in verse 24 the Lord says, "this is my doing".
I wonder how many of us are experiencing "a turn of events" in our lives right now? Maybe you've lost a home or a job, been diagnosed with an illness, faced strained relationships with loved ones or had something unexpected happen in your life that has taken a toll on your emotions. You may find yourself facing a mountain you do not have the strength to climb. Depression and despair may have rolled in like a fog settling heavily over your heart and mind.
What if it is all His doing, not ours? What if it isn't about the economy, or choices we've made or things we have or have not done? What if God only allows things into our lives that will mold us and shape us more into the image of His son? What if everything you are experiencing is not your doing, but His doing? Often we believe that God's hand is upon us only when our bank accounts are fat, our tummies are full, the birds are singing outside our window and everything is coming up roses! When you look at men and women of the Bible it appears the majority of them experienced God in a greater way when they were being schooled in rooms of pain and suffering. Paul and Job were the first to come to my mind.
Whatever is going on in your life, realize that God has allowed it. Your turn of events is not an accident. The economy does not control your finances, God does. He will use the economy to do His will in your life because you are His child. Wait and watch to see what God is going to do as He allows you to experience His love through your struggles. He knows what He is doing. He always has a purpose and a reason for everything. Trust Him even if you don't understand Him!
I don't think there was one day that I did not cry when I was in the thick of battling cancer. My healing came with great anguish. It was the most difficult and darkest times of my life and yet the sweetest, as I humbly knelt before God every day and put my life into His hands. There was nothing else I could do. I had no power to heal cancer, only God did. You may have no power to change your circumstances, but God does. Embrace your situation with an attitude of thanksgiving and expectation. Give God permission to make a testimony out of you! He will give you the strength to climb any mountain He's placed in front of you. Take it one step at a time. Don't give up or throw in the towel when it gets difficult. Hold His hand and let Him lead you to the top. When you get there, you will see how small and insignificant the obstacles were compared to the view you now have. Sit down, catch your breath and enjoy the scenery!

New Years Resolution

2008-12-29T08:06:00.000-08:00

There are only a few days left of 2008. These past 16 months have been ones of death, sorrow and grieving for our family. It began with Bud (my father-in-law) being admitted to the hospital shortly before I was diagnosed with breast cancer. He suffered immensely and then died on November 7th, 2007. As you know I was diagnosed with breast cancer and given a death sentence by a doctor if I chose to refuse chemo and radiation. I am sure my oncologist is baffled as to why I am still alive and in remission since I fought cancer with my faith and a healthy lifestyle change. In April my mother died after a heroic and long fought battle with infections resulting from abdominal surgery. That same month our beloved dog Sukie was attacked by a pit bull. Sewell and I tried to save her from being killed and Sewell was severely bitten on his arm and leg, requiring stitches. The wounds became infected and took 3 months to heal. I also lost a coaching job that I dearly loved and Cori did not finish her senior year throwing for our track team. This fall Sewell was transferred to a new school and I was moved to primarily being a Junior High teacher in order to teach 4 classes of girls 7th and 8th grade Bible, which were new subjects for me. At the same time 2 of my best friends and supporters through my cancer battle left our school. I am still grieving. The year ended with yet another death as I had to have our 14 year old cat put to sleep. Needless to say, we have kept the Kleenex company in business this year.
When I look back I know this has been the hardest time of our lives and yet it has been the one where we have grown the most. We have had to cling to God each and every moment for His guidance, strength and wisdom. I did not possess the human strength to walk through cancer. God had to give it to me as I sat in silence before Him each morning and as I clung to the promises in his word.
When our children were little I used to sing a song to them when I rocked them to sleep at night. One of the stanzas said, "Lord, I am willing, do what you must do, to make me like you Lord, make me like you." In my own life I have been made most like Christ when I have gone through tremendous suffering. Suffering has a way of stripping away the non-essentials of life. As I look forward to 2009 I would like it to be one without so much pain and yet my goal is to submit to God's will. Ravi Zacharias writes about submitting to God's will in his book The Grand Weaver. He says, "So where does it begin? With self-crucifixion. In effect, we go to our own funeral and bury the self-will so that God's will can reign supremely in our hearts. Our will has no power to do God's will until it first dies to its own desires and the Holy Spirit brings a fresh power within us."
My goal for 2009 is death of my will so Christ can live abundantly in and through me. This is the only type of death that we can rejoice about. Galatians 2:20 says, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Paul suffered immensely. The daily "crucifixions" he endured enabled Christ to powerfully live in him.
I hope your New Years Resolutions go deeper than losing weight or changing some bad habits. I pray they will be about dying to self and living to Christ. My hope is that you will embrace God's will for your life no matter how hard and painful it might be. It is only when all of your self has died can all of Him live in and through you to touch the world around you. God is not ultimately concerned about your happiness but your holiness. May this be a year of complete and total surrender to the work and will of God in your life.

Learning to Trust The Master

2008-12-09T04:51:00.000-08:00

I read this devotional by Max Lucado this morning during my quiet time. It is titled, "Learning to Trust The Master". I hope you enjoy it.

A man and his dog are in the same car. The dog howls bright-moon-in-the-middle-of-the-night caterwauling howls. The man pleads, promising a daily delivery of dog biscuit bouquets if only the hound will hush. After all, it's only a car wash.
Never occurred to him--ahem, to me--that the car wash would scare my dog. But it did. Placing myself in her paws, I can see why. A huge, noisy machine presses toward us, pounding our window with water, banging against the door with brushes. Duck! We're under attack.
"Don't panic. The car wash was my idea." "I've done this before." "It's for our own good." Ever tried to explain a car wash to a canine? Dog dictionaries are minus the words brush and detail job. My words fell on fallen flaps. Nothing helped. She just did what dogs do; she wailed.
Actually, she did what we do. Don't we howl? Not at car washes perhaps but at hospital stays and job transfers. Let the economy go south or the kids move north, and we have a wail of a time. And when our Master explains what's happening, we react as if he's speaking Yalunka. We don't understand a word he says.
Is your world wet and wild?
God's greatest blessings often come costumed as disasters. Any doubters need to do nothing more than ascend the hill of Calvary.
Jerusalem's collective opinion that Friday was this: Jesus is finished.
Such is the view of the disciples, the opinion of the friends, and the outlook of the enemies. Label it the dog-in-the-passenger-seat view.
The Master who sits behind the wheel thinks differently. God is not surprised. His plan is right on schedule. Even in--especially in--death, Christ is still the king, the king over his own crucifixion.
Can't he do the same for you? Can't he turn your Friday into a Sunday?
Some of you doubt it. How can God use cancer or death or divorce? Simple.
He's smarter than we are. He is to you what I was to four-year-old Amy. I met her at a bookstore. She asked me if I would sign her children's book. When I asked her name, she watched as I began to write, "To Amy ..."
She stopped me right there. With wide eyes and open mouth, she asked, "How did you know how to spell my name?"
She was awed. You aren't. You know the difference between the knowledge of a child and an adult. Can you imagine the difference between the wisdom of a human and the wisdom of God? What is impossible to us is like spelling "Amy" to him. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts" (Isa. 55:9).
I keep taking Molly to the car wash. She's howling less. I don't think she understands the machinery. She's just learning to trust her master. Maybe we'll learn the same.

No matter what troubles were held in yesterday's grip, how heavy the load is today or how bleak the future looks, remind yourself that God can turn your Friday into a Sunday. Your greatest blessing may come costumed as a disaster. Keep your Vertical Vision. If your eyes are focused on the giant, you will stumble. If your eyes are focused on God, your giant will tumble.

Roots of Character

2008-12-02T05:33:00.000-08:00

Today in my devotions I read this, "Suffering is a wonderful fertilizer for the roots of character. The great objective of this life is character, for it is the only thing we can carry with us into eternity. And gaining as much of the highest character possible is the purpose of our trials." Austin Phelps

My hobby of gardening has been pushed aside this past year. Because I have not been able to be out there to tend to my flowers I noticed they are struggling. They are in need of some water, fertilizer and attention from the only gardener in the family-ME. I have neglected my garden because I have been under the care of the Master Gardener this past year. He has been pruning things out of my life that do not bring Him glory or reflect his image. He has been fertilizing me with pain and suffering so that I can show His beauty through my life. He has showered affliction upon me so my roots will grow deeper into His word.

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Jeremiah 17:7, "But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him, He will be like a tree planted by the water that send out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

I pray you will trust God no matter how much heat and drought comes your way. Put your confidence in God, not your circumstances. Don't worry about your future, God isn't. Bear fruit each and every day. Let God use all your trials to build character into your life. Drink deeply of His word. Let His life sustain yours. The Master Gardener is at work.

Making Much of Him Forever

2008-11-17T05:47:00.000-08:00

I am reading John Pipers book, "Don't Waste Your Life". In it he says, "Jesus said to Paul in pain-and to all of us who treasure him more than pain-free living-"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:8). Many professing Christians would get angry at this design. They might even scream, "I don't care about your power being perfected! I am in pain! If you love me, get me out of this!" that was not Paul's response. Paul had learned what love is. Love is not Christ's making much of us or making life easy. Love is doing what he must do, at great cost to himself (and often to us), to enable us to enjoy making much of him forever. So Paul responds to Christ's design,"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and calamities. For when I am weak then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

Piper is causing me to ask myself some questions. I encourage you to ask yourself these questions as well.

Do I treasure Him more than pain free living? If the answer is yes, then what should my response be when he allows pain into my life?

How can I let Him make His power perfected in my weakness?

Do I believe my pain is a result of His love for me? In my pain am I making much of Him? Could I do it forever even if the pain intensifies?

Am I content with my weaknesses and my hardships? Does my attitude show it?

My pain and your pain came at a great cost to God! He will not waste your pain. Let Him perfect the purpose in it. Trust Him. Do your part by making much of Him in the midst of it. Don't waste your pain and suffering! Take up your cross and follow Jesus. He knows the way home!

Vertical Vision

2008-11-02T07:07:00.000-08:00

I struggled emotionally through most of yesterday. I felt sad and irritated a good part of the day and yet I couldn't really put my finger on what was causing me to feel this way. I was shopping at Costco to get Betty (my mother-in-law) some things she needed. I called Taryn to see if she and mom would like something to eat. I ordered the chicken bake, churro and vanilla ice cream they asked for and then headed to the car with all of this in my hands fighting back tears. At that moment I desperately wanted to be "normal". I don't want to fight cancer for the rest of my life. I want to be able to eat whatever I want and not worry if those choices could ultimately lead to cancer coming back. The weight of battling cancer came flooding in to my heart once again. Along with it came the weight of teaching, parenting, our finances, trying to keep up with my home and yard and being a care giver.

After dropping the groceries off, Sewell and I headed to the stadium for the Call Event. It was a great time as the people of San Diego gathered to cry out to God to intervene in this upcoming election, especially for the passing of Proposition 8. Even though it was an encouraging time I felt overwhelmed with sadness as I reflected on how far our nation's heart has turned from God. I got up this morning wanting to be free of the weight that rested so heavily on my heart yesterday. The word "vertical vision" came flooding into my mind. God gently reminded me that yesterday I had forgotten to LOOK UP. Psalm 121 says:

"I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip-he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you-the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm-he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."

As I lift my eyes to the Lord, and take them off my circumstances, he promises to help me. He doesn't sleep on the job. He watches over me. He will give me give me shade from the heat of the journey. He will take care of me all day and all night. He watches over my life-every detail. He will do the same for you. Today, no matter what you face, or how much stress is in your life, choose VERTICAL VISION. When you do, everything changes. I know it did for me. I can be thankful that I am healed of cancer and my lifestyle changes will give me great health even when I'm in my 90's. All this hard work will not only benefit me, but my family. I know there is a bigger picture in all of it. Horizontal vision keeps us focused on what is here and now, not what is to come. Trust God for His plan and purpose in all the pain, stress, and struggle.

My mother loved puzzles. No matter how difficult, or how many pieces the puzzle had, my mom could always figure it out. She just kept focusing on the picture on the box. She would patiently pick up each piece, compare it to the picture on the box lid then try to place it where she thought it should go. If it didn't fit, she would lay it aside and go to the next piece. I never saw a puzzle my mom could not complete no matter how many thousands of pieces it had.

God knows where every puzzle piece fits in your life. Keep trusting Him to put it all together. Someday when you get to heaven I believe you will finally see the picture on the top of your puzzle box. Every trial, every pain, every hardship, every struggle will be part of the breathtaking scene before you. Cling to this hope with Vertical Vision!

HIS WAVES

2008-10-27T06:05:00.000-07:00

They are HIS waves, whether they break over us,
Hiding His face in smothering spray and foam;
Or smooth and sparkling, spread a path before us,
And to our haven bear us safely home.

They are HIS waves, whether for our sure comfort
He walks across them, stilling all our fear;
Or to our cry there comes no aid nor answer,
And in the lonely silence none is near.

They are HIS waves, whether we are hard-striving
Through tempest-driven waves that never cease,
While deep to deep with turmoil loud is calling;
Or at His word they hush themselves in peace.

They are HIS waves, whether He separates them
Making us walk dry ground where seas had flowed;
Or lets tumultuous breakers surge about us,
Rushing unchecked across our only road.

They are HIS Waves, and He directs us through them;
So He has promised, so His love will do.
Keeping and leading, guiding and upholding,
To His sure harbor, He will bring us through.
Annie Johnson Flint

"Stand firmly in the place where your dear Lord has put you and do your best there. God sends us trials or tests, and places life before us as a face-to face-opponent. It is through the pounding of a serious conflict that He expects us to grow strong. The tree planted where the fierce winds twist its branches and bend its trunk, often nearly to the point of breaking, is commonly more firmly rooted than a tree growing in a secluded valley where storms never bring any stress or strain. The same is true of human life. The strongest and greatest character is grown through hardships."
L.B. Cowman

Cheerleaders in Life

2008-10-20T04:59:00.000-07:00

Cheerleaders. We all need them. They don't play the game for us but they stand on the sidelines cheering us on. In my battle with cancer I have had many. One of my loudest has been my father. Throughout my life he has always been on the sidelines encouraging me not to quit. He has spoken words of motivation and affirmation when the going has been tough. Many conversations have been sprinkled with these words of wisdom, "Pick up the smooth end and let the rough end drag." Maybe the biblical translation would be about casting our cares upon God, or not being anxious for anything but letting our requests be made known to God and his peace will guard our hearts. My dad also gives great stress advice. He says just be a duck in life! If you ever watch a duck put their head under water you will notice when they come up, the water just rolls off them. The oil in their feathers prevents them from taking on water so they don't drown. The stress of life can certainly try to pull us under and destroy our peace, joy and physical health. One thing I've learned through this journey is how toxic stress can be on any attempts to heal and recover from sickness or disease.
My father's advice, comfort, and encouragement is only a phone call away. Your heavenly father is only a prayer away. My advice is don't start your day or leave home without it. Before you face your day, face God. Let His Word be your cheeleader. There are thousands of words of comfort in the Bible. Let them penetrate your thoughts and emotions. Cast your cares on Him because you are not strong enough to carry them. The journey is going to be a long one and you will need all the help you can get.
I am thankful God has blessed me with an earthly father that represents His heart towards me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and a dad who loves me. I encourage you to let God's word cheer you on in life, so you in turn can be a cheerleader for others.

Matters Of The Heart

2008-10-04T07:58:00.000-07:00

God shapes our heart so we can shape the heart of others. This is His purpose in pain and suffering. King David was referred to as a man after God's own heart. David did not lead a perfect life, but God was able to reach him in the midst of his failures and tragedies. Ravi Zacharias has written a book titled "The Grand Weaver" which talks about how God shapes us through the events of our lives. He says, "God the Grand Weaver seeks those with tender hearts so that he can put his imprint on them. Your hurts and your disappointments are part of that design, to shape your heart and the way you feel about reality. The hurts you live through will always shape you. There is no other way." Hebrews 2:10 is a fascinating verse. It says, "In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering." God had a purpose for allowing his son to suffer and he has a purpose in allowing you to suffer. In John Chapter 9 the disciples see a man who was blind from birth and they ask Jesus, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."

God shapes our hearts and displays his work to the world through us. Like Job, the world watches as we struggle through our pain and suffering. Through trials, our hearts will either be hardened, broken or made more tender. The choice is ours. Zacharias says, "Only if you are willing to pray sincerely for God's will to be done and are willing to live the life apportioned to you will you see the breathtaking view of God that he wants you to have, through the windows he has placed in your life. You cannot always live on the mountaintop, but when you walk through the valley, the memory of the view from the mountain will sustain you and give you strength to carry you through."

A woman after God's own heart. A woman who did not grow bitter or blame God for her pain. A woman who shaped the hearts of thousands because she first allowed God to shape hers. These are the things I want people to say about me when I have gone on to spend eternity with Jesus. What will people say about you?

We Are At War

2008-10-01T05:59:00.000-07:00

Today I was reading from John Eldredge's book Waking the Dead. He quotes John 10:10 which says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

He goes on to say, "Have you ever wondered why Jesus married those two statements? Did you even know he spoke them at the same time? I mean, he says them in one breath. And he has his reasons. By all means, God intends life for you. But right now that life is opposed. It doesn't just roll in on a tray. There is a thief. He comes to steal and kill and destroy. In other words, yes, the offer is life, but you're going to have to fight for it because there's an Enemy in your life with a different agenda. There is something set against us. We are at war. Until we come to terms with war as the context of our days we will not understand life."

This past year I have been fighting for my life. The reality of an enemy who wants to destroy me has never been clearer. The enemy does not fight fair. He doesn't announce he's coming. He fights dirty and he fights hard. The tactics he uses will destroy body, mind and soul. The enemy hides in order to try to convince you he isn't there.

Maybe your war isn't cancer. Maybe it's finances, your marriage, work, or your family. God can arm you for battle. He did David. Five smooth stones were all David took into battle with Goliath. Hardly fighting weapons. It took only one stone to slay the enemy. Your weapons of warfare may not be what you expect. Pray and ask God to arm you for the daily battle. Pick up the sword of His Word. Put on the shield of your faith and arm yourself in praise. Know that when you step onto the battlefield, you are not alone. God will never leave you or forsake you. He has stood by countless hero's of the faith as they have fought their own giants. He will stand by you. Run to the battle with a God saturated soul. He is a God of miracles. Be living proof!

Rest

2008-09-15T05:32:00.000-07:00

The Lord replied, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." (Exodus 33:14) These were words that God spoke to Moses, when Moses was wondering who was going to help him with the job God had given him to do. I can imagine getting those thousands of Israelites out of Pharaoh's rule was an exhausting job. In the middle of the journey Moses was wondering how he was going to find the strength to finish the task of getting them all into the Promised Land.
Most of us live in a physical and mental state of exhaustion. Our to-do lists are longer than the 24 hours we have to accomplish them. The bills are greater than our income, deadlines are coming faster than we can work, laundry and dishes are piling up and the light at the end of the tunnel is a train! We drop exhausted into bed at night, only to wake up with the realization that our fairy god mother did not wave her magic wand and do all our work for us. We face the new day with more exhaustion than the one before. Life does not stop in order for us to catch up.
We realize that we will never be able to get it all done in this lifetime. The weight of that thought sits heavy on our heart as we face each new day. Rest eludes us. I wonder if Moses felt this kind of weariness. His journey had been long, there were too many mouths to feed, people to please and he knew his strength was failing. He wondered out loud who God was going to send to help him. When God replied he simply said, "My presence will go with you.."
God promises Moses that He will give him rest simply through His presence. I encourage you each day to come and sit in God's presence and let him exchange his rest for your exhaustion. He is the answer to your financial struggles. He is the answer to your health challenges. He is the answer to the tyranny of the urgent that looms large each day in your life. Don't rush out the door without his presence. Take time to sit in silence before Him. In verse 15 Moses went on to say, "If your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here." Refuse to step into the activities of your day until your heart is filled with God's abiding presence. God was waiting at the mountaintop to speak face to face with Moses. He is waiting for you. Don't let the worries and concerns of the valley keep you from making the journey to the top. This is the only place you will find rest and strength to go back down to the valley and finish the work He has called you to do. Push away your exhaustion and make the climb. The view at the top is spectacular!

Compelling Compassion

2008-09-07T05:38:00.000-07:00

This week I read an email from a father asking for prayer for his son who had doused himself with gasoline and lit a match. A student of mine was attending the funeral of a mother in her 40's who had battled breast cancer for 10 years. She left behind teenage children. A father of one of my students died just a few weeks before school started, of cancer. The world is a perplexing and painful place to live in! I have found that no matter how difficult, painful or trying my situation is there is always someone who is going through a trial that is even worse! In the case of the three situations I have mentioned I feel pretty helpless to offer anything that would alleviate their pain. So I turn to the Bible and look for an answer there. Over and over in the New Testament we see Jesus being moved with compassion and acting. Because of compassion he healed the sick, fed the hungry and touched the lepers. His father is described as the "Father of compassion and the God of all comfort." The very nature of the heart of the Father and the Son is compassion. That compassion compelled them to act.

A profound life change happened to me about 19 years ago when I was on a missions trip to Peru. Our pastor was on that trip and he had given us a challenge to ask God for something beyond ourselves. I remember praying and asking God to give me his compassion for others, not just mine. That night we were invited to share at a church service. When the service was over our pastor asked people to come forward if they needed healing. A lady walked up to me holding a baby who could not have been more than 6 months old. She just placed her baby in my arms and stood there in silence. I looked at this baby and had no idea what was wrong or how to pray. I closed my eyes and felt something so powerful that I knew it had to be from God. I felt an intense, deep compassion for this baby and mother. It gripped my heart and I just started to sob! The emotions were so intense that I could not even pray. God knew what this baby needed, I did not. When the tears stopped, I gently gave the baby back to the mother. This had never happened to me and I was a little shaken and surprised by the depth of emotion I felt. I don't know if the mother thought I was a crazy white person drenching her baby with tears, but she smiled and walked away. As I later processed that evening with God, He reminded me that I had asked to be filled with His compassion for others. When we returned to that village a week later the pastor told us that child had been having daily seizures since she was born and that from the moment I had prayed for her, the seizures stopped! I began crying all over again because I understood then what had happened to me that night. My heavenly Father knew the anguish in this mother's heart and the pain this child suffered. I believe he allowed me to feel His great love and compassion for them both. Since that time I have felt His compelling compassion pressing in on my spirit to act and move to alleviate the pain and suffering of others. The power of prayer has become the greatest gift I can offer. I have seen it heal broken hearts and broken bodies. It can fill a person with peace and joy. It can bring hope where there is none. It can comfort when nothing else can. I believe it is God's language of love spoken through us.

The next time you are feeling like the heaviness and pain of life is about to suffocate you, look around and ask God to give you His heart of compassion. There is always someone who is suffering more than you are. You may not feel like you are in any position to offer help, but you can. Comfort, hope and healing may only be a prayer away. And don't be concerned if you cry all over someone. Tears and laughter are universal languages. Don't wait until all your pain is gone before you reach out to others with Christ's compelling compassion. Like me, you may find it is part of your own healing!

Telling Of His Wonderful Works!

2008-08-29T05:05:00.000-07:00

One year ago today I was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer. The journey has been one of tears, heartache, researching, praying, faith and trust. Now here I am in remission thanking God for His faithfulness and for all of you who have stood with me on this long journey. I have faced the giant of cancer with a God saturated soul because I know my Father loves me and I trust that love. My rejoicing Psalm is 107:22-31 which says:
Let them sacrifice thank offerings and tell of his works with songs of joy.
Others went out on the sea in ships; they were merchants on the mighty waters.
They saw the works of the Lord, his wonderful deeds in the deep.
For he spoke and stirred up the tempest that lifted high the waves.
They mounted up to the heavens and went down to the depths;
in their peril their courage melted away.
They reeled and staggered like drunken men; they were at their wits end.
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress.
He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men.

I have seen God's work as He has taken me into deep waters. The mighty waves have crashed in around me and at times my courage has melted away. But each day I have cried out to God in my distress and He has been faithful to give me the strength to face the day. He has stilled my storm to a whisper and is guiding me to my desired haven. I am giving thanks to Him for his unfailing love and for His wonderful deeds for me. I have been given a gift of excellent health, my marriage is stronger, my priorities are in focus, ministry is joyfully abundant, I walk in the understanding that each day is a gift to be treasured and my faith has grown deeper as I have had to face a giant, that without God. I could not conquer.

I encourage all of you to stay the course and focus on God as you face the storms your giant brings. God has not forgotten you. He is taking you to the deep waters so you will learn to depend completely on Him. He will not let you be destroyed in the storm. When He is finished with the work He is trying to do in your life, He will whisper to the storm, "Peace, Be Still". When He brings you safely to shore you will never stop proclaiming the good deeds He has done! Your life will be a vessel now fit for use.

For my friends Beth and Rhonda who are now facing their own giant of breast cancer, know that I am praying for you! My heart is with you as you face this giant who is NOT BIGGER THAN OUR GOD! I pray you will continue to face it with God saturated souls! My love and hugs to you both! I hope my journey of faith has been of encouragement to you. Keep up the good fight!

Trials of Trust

2008-08-24T06:15:00.000-07:00

Preliminary reports show the nodule to be BENIGN!

Once again I found myself in a trial of trust. The amount of trust we have in God is gauged by what we say and how we act. What we say and how we act comes from what is in our heart. Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." A heart with the right attitude only comes as we give it to God on a daily basis to mold and shape. A heart that trusts God has the right attitude and speaks words of trust. I have come to learn that much of life can not be controlled by me. My attitude is the only thing I have control of every minute of every day.

Chuck Swindoll says, "The longer I live the more convinced I become that life is 10 percent what happens to us and 90 percent how we respond to it. I believe the single most important significant decision I can make on a day-to day basis is my choice of attitude. It is more important than my past, my education, my bankroll, my successes or failures, fame or pain, what other people think of me or say about me, my circumstances, or my position. Attitude keeps me going or cripples my progress. It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope. When my attitudes are right, there's no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me."

This past week I found myself telling people that it just didn't matter if I was going to have to battle cancer again this year. My trust is in God and He is a loving God and knows what is best for me. I didn't say these words flippantly. They were born from silent stillness before God. I poured out my tears and anguish and He poured out his love, courage and hope to face whatever giant He may allow to come into my life.

Don't let the giants control your attitude or cripple your progress. Listen to what you say and you will know the condition of your heart. If your words are angry, bitter, blaming or despondent then you know your heart is not trusting. Let the giants you face deepen your faith and trust in God. Above all else guard your heart for out of it flows the issues of life. I pray what flows out will glorify and honor the maker of that heart.

On the 5th anniversary of her cancer surgery Lynn Eib wrote this poem summing up what her journey with cancer had taught her.

When your world is crashing down around you, trust Him.
When what is unfolding doesn't make sense, trust Him.
When you see no light at the end of the tunnel, trust Him.
When your silent tears spill down, trust Him.
When your heart screams, "Why?" trust Him.
When you have more questions than answers, trust Him.
When the devil tells you otherwise, trust Him.
When it's the last thing you feel like doing, trust Him.
When there's simply nothing else to do, trust Him.

Waiting, Weeping and What If's

2008-08-17T06:53:00.000-07:00

A sonogram I took last Thursday shows something they want to biopsy. When I heard this news I wept and found my mind filling with "What if?" questions. Have you ever entertained what if questions? These are the kinds of questions that can grip your heart and squeeze until you feel like you have no breath left. Some of the questions that raced through my mind were: What if I didn't hear from God?, What if what I'm doing isn't working?, What if I have to fight cancer again?, What if I'm not really in remission like my doctor just said I was?

What if's are dead end roads. They take you nowhere but on a journey of fear, anxiety and depression. What if's are taunts from the Giant. In I Samuel 17:23-24 we read that all the Israelite men ran from Goliath in great fear when they heard his taunts. When David and Goliath finally met face to face the taunts were hurled again. "David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty..."(verse 45).

How do we overcome the fear that what if's bring? We come against them in the name of the Lord Almighty. Next time a giant what if question races into your mind do as David did and say, "I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty." We are told in II Corinthians 15:5 to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Giants wage war on many fronts and our minds can be our most vulnerable battle field.

Many of us forget that David's battle with giants did not end with Goliath. The Israelites fought several more battles in 2 Samuel 21. The Bible tells us that David became exhausted as he engaged in battle again. You may know that feeling. I do. When I left my doctors office after the sonogram a great wave of battle fatigue overwhelmed me. I told Sewell that I just didn't want to cry anymore. I feel I have spent the last year crying. There is weariness in battling not just cancer but the emotions that go with it. There may not be another giant of cancer for me to face but the waiting time for test results is a battle all of its own.

I remind myself that God's love and faithfulness have already helped me battle this giant for the past year and He never changes. He will hold me and help me to continue to have the victory. Again I am choosing to rush this giant of waiting with a God saturated soul. In Max Lucado's book Facing Your Giant he encourages all of us by saying, "Focus on giants-you stumble. Focus on God-your giants tumble. Lift your eyes, giant-slayer. The God who made a miracle out of David stands ready to make one out of you."

P.S. I wrote this and forgot to post it! I had the biopsy yesterday. It was not fun but I did manage to joke my way through it. It was either that or cry my way through it! I also prayed, recited all the scripture I know and sang the song Healer to myself. They had a new instrument they were testing out and I drew the lucky number. I don't know if that was why it took 3 tries of going in (and out) to get the sample they needed but it's over and now I am waiting for the results. I should have those by Monday or Tuesday.

Unseen Victories

2008-08-12T04:57:00.000-07:00

Victory over cancer is measured by tumor markers, CBC panels, PET scans, mammograms, sonograms and a host of other medical tests. Their are unseen victories that can't be measured. I had one of those yesterday when I reported back to school. The arrival of new carpet had been delayed and the teachers might not be able to get into their classrooms to set up until Friday or this weekend. School starts this Monday. All of my o file cabinets, book cases and school supplies are in another classroom. I picked up my new curriculum for a class my principal asked me to teach on FRIDAY! This class is in addition to another new class I was asked to teach in June. Our school is also in the process of getting another accreditation so there are many, many documents that must be created by the teachers. I am behind due to all the events of last year. Before cancer I would have been very stressed about trying to get everything done before Monday. Yesterday I found an odd perspective filling my heart and mind. The most important thing about getting ready for school isn't about the curriculum or the room, it's about getting my heart ready to love these kids! So, I set aside all the stress and worry of my to-do list and I picked up the phone and started calling my students to tell them how much God loves them and how excited I am to be their teacher. In the process of praying with my student's, God lifted the stress and worry off my shoulders and began to give me eternal perspective.

I have 3 friends that lost their lives to cancer and yet I watched them win their battle in so many other areas. They continued to trust and love God even until they drew their final breath. Lynn Eib addresses this topic in her book When God And Cancer Meet. She says, "My prayer time consisted of nothing other than self-centered pleas for my personal healing. But God gradually began to enlarge my picture of beating cancer as He spoke to my heart: "Whether you live or die from this is up to me, but how you live is up to you." The pressure was off. I would do my part to physically combat this cancer, but I would not judge whether I beat it by whether or not I was cured. I would beat it no matter what because I would refuse to let it conquer me and control my life. Certainly we can beat cancer when we are declared in remission or cured. However, we also beat it moment by moment as we allow God, not cancer, to control our thoughts. We beat it hour by hour as we remember that God's power within us is greater than the cancer. And we beat it day by day as we trust in God's strength and not in cancer's weakness."

I don't know what giant you may be facing now or will face this year. I never believed I would have so many march into as they did this past year. I pray that you will gain unseen victories every day by how you choose to live while you are in the midst of your battle. God is the one who will fight every battle for you. You are the one who must choose your attitude and response to the challenge. Like Paul, I pray you will be able to say, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation. " (Philippians 4:12) God's power is greater than anything you will ever face. Declare to the world, "I can do all things through HIM who gives me strength." Win your battle as you trust in God's strength and not in the weakness of your giant.

At Wits' End

2008-08-09T06:38:00.000-07:00

Others went out to the sea in ships;
they were merchants on the mighty waters,
They saw the works of the Lord,
his wonderful deeds in the deep.
For he spoke and stirred up a tempest
that lifted high the waves.
They mounted up to the heavens and
went down to the depths;
in their peril their courage melted away.
They reeled and staggered like drunken men;
they were at their wits' end.
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
and he brought them out of their distress,
He stilled the storm to a whisper;
the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm,
and he guided them to their desired haven.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for men.
Psalm 107:23-31

The name of my storm is cancer. What's yours? The storms of my life and yours could have been spoken into existence by God. Job's was and yet He trusted God. As Job dealt with his incredible emotional and physical pain his courage began to melt away. It's hard to hang onto courage and hope when the waves mount up to the heavens and go down to the depths. Have you ever sensed your courage melting away? There were times during my battle with cancer that I would sense my courage slipping away. I was desperately clinging to my belief that God had spoken to me and that I was not supposed to do chemotherapy or radiation. I knew I was going against conventional medical treatment for cancer. My doctors tried to discourage me and I never felt I had a medical team that was supportive of me. My ship was sailing alone. It took great courage to continue on my course after a surgeon told me I would die if I did not do chemo or radiation. God's hand held mine as I sailed on trusting His voice to guide me, even when I could not see the shore.

It takes great faith to choose to look away from the storm and focus our gaze on God. It was only when these merchants were at their wits' end that they cried out to God. As their cries pierced the heavens God stilled the storm to a whisper and brought them out of their distress. It is easy for God to still the storms of our circumstances. But can we still the storms of our hearts while the waves are crashing all around us? Your circumstances are beyond your control, but your response to them is not. No matter how tall the waves, or how fierce the storm, don't let them dictate your response. Don't reel and stagger. Don't get to your wits' end before you cry out to God. When you first see the dark clouds gather, grab your life vest and throw it on. God's word will sustain and strengthen you as your ride out the storm. Praise God even before you know you are safe. Paul was the apostle who purposed to praise and when he did his shackles fell off and he walked out of prison a free man.

I think the greatest lesson God wants us to learn is how to still our hearts BEFORE he stills the storm. Your faith is not gauged by your response once the sea is calm but your response when the waves are pounding down on your ship, threatening to destroy you. Everything you need to be able to praise God during the storm is provided for you. Look up and you will find it radiantly shining through the ominous clouds. It's the shape of the cross. It's the sound of the whip on his back and the declaration of Isaiah 53:5 that says, "By His wounds we are healed." We are healed from disease and every emotional pain inflicted by others and anything in our life that needs a touch from heaven.

God's unfailing love is what will calm your storm. You are a child of the King Most High. He will never leave you or forsake you. His love for you is endless. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He spoke to the waves, "Peace, Be Still" (Mark 4:39) and the seas grew calm. He can speak to your storm at any time. He will do so once His purposes have been accomplished.

His purpose and plan for taking us through the storm can be found in
Isaiah 32: 2 "Each man will be like a shelter from the wind and a refuge from the storm, like streams of water in the desert and the shadow of a great rock in a thirsty land."

His love is all you need. It is more than enough. Let it soak into every fiber of your being so you can face the storms of life with a God saturated soul.

B.C. and A.C.

2008-08-07T06:32:00.000-07:00

Driven. Perfectionist. Exhausted. These words describe me before cancer. Cancer has a way of changing a person from the inside out. It puts things in perspective in a hurry. It gives new eyes to see the world through. I feel in some respects I am beginning to see things more like God does. The things that really matter have come into sharper focus. In an attempt to make me sick, cancer actually made me healthier in so many ways. My spiritual health improved as I desperately clung to God for strength. Having meaningful daily quiet times was no longer an option, it was life to me. Cancer caused me to put margins into my life that I never gave myself permission to have. Margins are those spaces around the edges of a piece of paper that are not supposed to be written in. Most of us fill up every empty space of our lives and we don't, can't or won't say NO to the demands others put on us. We teach our children to do the same. More is not better. Cancer gave me permission to leave things undone at night and get to bed at a reasonable hour so I would get 8 hours of sleep. The majority of Americans live a sleep deprived life and our immune systems are paying the price. When our immune systems are compromised it is difficult to fight off sicknesses and diseases. Cancer helped me stop being a perfectionist and worrying about what others thought about the cleanliness of my home. It didn't mean that I let things go, it just made me realize that I didn't need to drive myself or my family crazy getting my house "perfect" before people came over. Cancer put my days into perspective. Sometimes I would get so focused on my to-do list that I would not even be aware of what God's to-do list was for me that day. I now approach my days very differently. Each day I ask God how I can partner with Him to accomplish His will for the day. There is a daily mission field waiting for each of us. I want to be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit as I walk through my day. Cancer has given me permission to not fret or worry about the issues of life. Because I have faced a God sized giant I know that He is more than able to take care of any problems I have in my life. Nothing is bigger than God's power. Our worrying tells Him we are choosing to reduce Him to a powerless God at the whim of any giant that would march into our land. Cancer also gave me physical health. I stopped eating toxic foods that were eventually going to cut my life short. I am convinced that as Americans we are burying ourselves with our forks and spoons. Half of us will die of a heart related disease. One out of three Americans will get cancer in their lifetime. I was not on a path to improved health. Now that cancer has caused me to make permanent lifestyle changes I believe I have added years of good health onto my life. I am convinced that if I keep doing what I am I will not battle Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, arthritis or a host of other illnesses that seem to plague the elderly. Walkers and Depends will not be a part of my daily routine when I am older. I want to be like Bernando LaPallo who endorses the book How We All Went Raw. Bernando is 105 years young and walks for 1 hour every morning. He has lived long enough to have 3 careers and says he feels great and is thankful to God for showing me how to eat to live and not live to eat.

Looking back at my life B.C. (before cancer) I would never choose it again. I am excited about all the benefits of life A.C.(after cancer). I know God's plan and purpose in all of it is for my benefit.

In her book When God And Cancer Meet Lynn Eib says," Cancer has a nasty habit of taking things away from people-things like hair and strength and jobs and time. Sometimes it takes them away for a short while and sometimes it takes them away permanently. Cancer may have already taken something from you. But this is not a story about what cancer takes. It's about what it can give back. In fact, cancer is often the vehicle He uses to deliver His blessing."

God has a blessing hidden in everything that happens in your life. Don't miss it! Look for it. He will help you find it. And when you find it I pray you will fall on your knees and thank God for His loving kindness towards you. His blessing of cancer is the very thing that is giving me life. I wonder what your hidden blessings will give you?

My Grace is Sufficient

2008-08-05T06:21:00.000-07:00

As I approach the one year mark of being diagnosed with breast cancer I am beginning to look back at what God has taught me. I have learned that I have the strength to daily stand and fight a life threatening disease because His grace is sufficient for me. I have read this verse in 2 Corinthians 12:9 dozens of time but have never really understood it until this past year. God can not make His grace anymore sufficient for whatever you are facing than what it already is. This verse does not say His grace might be or could be but IS sufficient. H.W. Webb Peploe said, "Never change God's facts into hopes or prayers but simply accept them as realities, and you will find them to be powerful as you believe them."

All of us will face our own battles. Life is just that way. As you face what God has allowed into your life for His purposes and glory thank Him each day that His grace will enable you to face it with confidence. God is bigger than any giant that attempts to march into your land and bring destruction with it. He will hold your hand and heart and walk you through it. Don't shrink back from the difficulty or size of what you see. Focus your eyes on God. He is bigger than anything that would come to steal, kill or destroy your joy, finances, relationships or health. Trust Him. He knows what He is doing and He never sleeps on the job!

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
To added afflictions he addeth His mercies,
To multiplied trials His multiplied peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father's full giving is only begun.

His love has no limit, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth and giveth and giveth again.

Anne Johnson Flint

Learning your Faith

2008-07-19T06:34:00.000-07:00

George Meuller once said, "The only way to know strong faith is to endure great trials. I have learned my faith by standing firm through severe testings."

In Romans 4 we read the story of the faith of Abraham.
Verse 18 says, "Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed..." Verse 19 says, "Without weakening in His faith..." Verse 20 goes on to say, "Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.

In the beginning of this journey with God through cancer, a surgeon I spoke with told me I would die if I did not do chemo and radiation. Against all hope I believed God was going to heal me through nutrition and a lifestyle change. I did not waver and give in to fear and choose chemotherapy over what I knew God wanted me to do. My faith was strengthened as I stepped out and trusted God. I knew he had the power to heal me and he did. The bible says he has the power to heal all diseases. Now my privilege is to give him Glory through my testimony of faith and trust.

Have you ever believed God would see you a trial even when it seemed hopeless? Have your circumstances ever caused you to weaken in your faith? Are your learning your faith each day by standing firm in the midst of trials and testings? Every unpleasant, difficult, stressful and immovable situation is a chance for the world to see the power of the God we serve. He can move mountains be it cancer or other health issues, finances, relationships or work situations. Face the giants of your life with a God saturated soul and watch Him do the impossible. In the process your faith will be strengthened and you will be shouting from the rooftops in joy as you proclaim His goodness to anyone who will listen. We do not serve a small, puny God. Step out with bold faith and believe he can do beyond anything we can ask or think. Those coming behind you need your example of unwavering faith. Don't disappoint them.

CELEBRATING!

2008-07-16T08:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my oncologist said I AM IN REMISSION!!!!

My blood work looks good, tumor markers are negative and she said I look really healthy. She has ordered a sonogram and mammogram in August and then blood work in 6 months. As I was leaving she patted me on the arm and said to stay healthy and that I make her nervous. We both laughed! I don't think she has really known what to do with me. I am probably her only patient that she is NOT treating since I refused the chemo and radiation. Right after I saw her I visited my cancer nutritionist in Encinitas and he is adjusting a few small things in my eating to bring all my levels into complete balance. I learn so much every time I talk to him.

Now I will continue on my healthy eating plan and keep all the good changes I've made this past year in other areas of my life. I have had several people tell me I should write a book. I am going to prayerfully consider that. I don't know what I would say and yet I have found plenty to say as I have blogged on my Facing Your Giant. My husband says I never run out of words! Ha Ha!

I have learned so much this past year and I know I will continue to learn new things as I wait in silence before Him. The most important thing I've learned is that without a strong relationship with God that is built on daily devotions none of us will be able to hear God's voice speak into our lives. The reason I had the faith to take a road that is not well traveled in Cancer land is because I know I heard from God. I have spent a lifetime cultivating an intimate, close relationship with Him. I have heard his voice so many times in the past and I know when He is speaking to me. Without that foundational relationship coming into this diagnosis I might not have been able to hear His voice over all the voices that were giving me council and advise. When you hear his voice you have to be willing to follow it even if it doesn't make sense and even if it takes a huge leap of faith. We have to be willing to follow God even if it takes personal sacrifice and discipline. The rewards are far better than anything we may have to give up, as I have found. There is nothing that feels better than being obedient to God and staying in the center of His will.

There are so many more thoughts I have to share but right now I am going outside to plant some flowers to celebrate the healing He has given me! I am overwhelmed with a deep sense of gratitude to my Heavenly Father and to all of you who have faithfully encouraged me, stood by me and prayed for me this past year. I know the battle is not over yet but a great victory has been won. My love and hugs go out to you!

"For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen."
Romans 11:36

Believing In A God Who Allows Suffering

2008-07-02T15:29:00.000-07:00

I am taking a class on line called 10 Reasons To Believe In A God Who Allows Suffering. Three of the reasons that have really struck home are:
Pain loosens our grip on this life, Suffering reveals what is in our hearts and Suffering gives us an opportunity to trust God. This past year I have learned to let go of so many things that I used to hold tightly. I am letting go of perfectionism, the importance of what people think of me, and the tendency to sweat the small stuff. My prayer is that through my suffering God has seen a heart that trusts Him, that refuses to whine or have a pity party and a heart that is reaching out to others in compassion. Because I feel I have been taken to the edge of eternity through this cancer journey I have learned to trust God in a way I never have before. It is one thing to say I trust God, it is another to know that my life is literally in His hands and to trust Him with it.
I feel have spent this past year as a student and as a teacher. Each day I have showed up in God's classroom to learn the lesson of the day. I have then gone to my school and to my friends and I've tried to teach what I am learning. God has used suffering and pain as His daily lesson plan in my life this year. I have to say I have never learned as much as I have this past year. I know God allows suffering and pain for our benefit, not for our destruction. My prayer is that when you go through suffering your heart will stay soft towards God and that you will embrace all that He has for you in it. Don't waste any time feeling sorry for yourself or being angry with God. You will only end up a bitter and angry person. You choose how you respond to what God allows to come into your life. Purpose to respond with a God saturated soul that is full of faith. Take every ounce of your pain and turn it into something good. It is possible. God already knows the ministry He wants to make out of your life. Don't miss it. I am excited to see what God has for me next year. I know there are dozens of divine appointments where I can use what He has taught me to bless and encourage others.

P.S. I had my carotenoid levels tested (immune system strength) this week. The last test in April my levels were at 63,000 which is 4,000 above the highest the printed graph will show. This week it was 75,000!!! My doctor said they have never had anyone read that high in their office. I was so excited to see how strong my immune system was even though I did not have my carrot juice or veggies while I was in El Salvador! I see my oncologist on July 15th for another exam and blood panel! God is healing me! YEAH!!

God Can Do Miracles!

2008-06-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

I just returned from an 18 day Mission trip to El Salvador. I helped lead a team of 17 teenagers that were from all over the United States. We partnered with some local pastors there for daily ministry. Each morning we would go to a school and put on a Vacation Bible School for about 120 elementary children and 50 teenagers. After we finished there we headed to a local private High School where we went into the classrooms and helped them practice their English through different topics. At the end of the week we presented a drama to the VBS and the High School and then gave the gospel message. In the afternoons we headed to parks and neighborhoods to present skits, the drama and the gospel message. People gave their lives to the Lord and we saw many miraculous healings. It was exciting to watch God move through all of us. I know we were able to change the lives of many people in El Salvador and give them hope they did not have. Our teams were also able to support and encourage the local pastors. I know each of us came back personally changed in many ways.
I came away with more boldness and faith than I had before going. For those of you who know me I have quite a bit of boldness and faith in God especially in light of everything God has taken me through this year. I was hesitant to go on this trip due to all the lifestyle changes I have in place to help beat this cancer. I desperately wanted to go though because I know the impact these trips have on so many people's lives and I wanted to be used by God to make a difference. I decided to step out in faith and just continue to trust Him as I have all year. I was able to eat some of the food there but mostly I lived off what I brought in my suitcase. I was just so happy to be on the mission field that I didn't care. The first night we were in Garden Valley Texas for training the worship team sang a song by Planet Shakers called Healer. I encourage you to go to YouTube and watch it. It is a powerful song.
These are the words:
Hold my every moment, Calm my raging sea
Walk with me through fire, Heal all my disease
I trust in you, I trust in you
I believe you're my healer, I believe you are all I need.
I believe you're my portion, I believe you're more than enough for me
Jesus you're all I need
Nothing is impossible for you. Nothing is impossible.
Nothing is impossible for you. You hold my world in your hands.

As I sang these words the truth of them poured into my spirit. Cancer does not hold my life or my world in its hands, God does. He is my healer. He can heal my cancer. Nothing is impossible for Him. I will continue to trust in Him. I was filled again with a deep compassion for those who desperately need a healing. As we went to El Salvador I prayed with faith, trusting God for those who needed a physical healing. God was faithful and healed so many people that I was able to pray for.

My encouragement to you is to continue to trust in God. Don't wait until the giant in your land is slain. Let God use you even while you are in the midst of your own battles. Ask Him to help you see others through His eyes. Don't miss any divine appointments He has for you. Start each day by saying good morning to God then tell Him you are willing and ready to be used any way He wants! Get ready to change lives through the power He gives you! Nothing is impossible for God.

For Better or Worse, in Sickness and Health

2008-06-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

When I stood at the altar and said these words to my husband I did not really know what they meant until this year. For both of us this has been the "worse and sickness" year. Together, Sewell and I have faced health issues. He has dealt with painful swelling in his hand from arthritis, constant pain in his joints, iritis (an eye infection) which we think was triggered by the antibiotics they put him on for the dog bite, and the injuries to his arm and leg from being attacked. After 5 weeks the wound in his leg still isn't healed. I have dealt with cancer and lymphedema.
We both lost a parent and we both lost jobs. I am still teaching but lost my coaching job through painful circumstances that were no fault of my own. Sewell just found out he is being transferred to another school which is about 15 minutes further away from where he is now. We loved having him just minutes away from our campus! It will be hard for him to leave the other three Assistant Principals that he worked so closely with these past 4 years and start over at a new school. He did not want to leave but the district can transfer AP's when they want. So, here we go again dealing with another loss. The move takes place June 16th and unfortunately I will be in El Salvador. I wanted to be here for the emotional support but I know God will still be here!

Sewell and I have clung to God and each other as our source of comfort and strength. Through all of it, our marriage and faith has grown. This was part of my devotional reading for the day, "You may scarcely realize the value of your present situation. If you are enduring great affliction right now, you are at the source of the strongest faith. God will teach you during those dark hours to have the most powerful bond to His throne you could ever know, if you will only submit. If you are afraid, simply look up and say, "When I am afraid, I will trust in you." (Psalm 56:3) Then you will be able to thank God for his school of sorrow that became for you the school of faith." A. B. Simpson

Together Sewell and I have spent 55 years in schools helping others learn. This year, God took us back to His classroom and we are getting an invaluable education. The school of sorrow is not one most of us would enroll in but the longer you are there the more it turns into the school of faith. I believe what we learn here, we will be able to teach others. I have been afraid this year but I have chosen to put my trust in God. Even now I am thanking Him for this year of worse and sickness knowing that I must go through it to reach the better and health. When I get to the other side of all of this I know my faith will be better than ever and I will be enjoying greater health than I have ever experienced before.

Whenever trials come into your life just remember that God is taking you back to school to teach you something. His ministry here on earth was mostly about teaching the disciples and others Heavenly truths. It is no different for your life. Submit to what He wants to teach you and trust Him no matter how challenging and painful the lesson may be. Your education may be over in a few weeks, months or it may take years. I pray I am a fast learner!

Pressing On

2008-05-29T06:23:00.000-07:00

In this journey I have been on this last year I feel as if I have been in battle and survival mode. So much of my life has changed and one of the things I feared would change would be my ability to lead teenagers on the mission field. Because of my strict diet and sleep requirements I didn't think I would be able to go with Teen Mania this summer. I have gone on 3 other trips with them and it has always been the highlight of my year. As I was pondering and grieving over yet another loss God began to speak to me about my lack of faith. If I was trusting Him (and not my diet) as my ultimate source of healing what little faith it shows to believe He could not sustain me for a few weeks while serving Him. I decided not to let fear keep me from doing what I love and what gives me a true sense of purpose. I called Teen Mania and signed up to go on a 2 week trip to El Salvador. I leave next Friday and will come back on the 23rd of June. While in El Salvador we will be working in schools helping the students with their English and teaching Vacation Bible School. In the evenings we will be going into the parks and perform a powerful drama that presents the gospel message. We will have time to pray for people and minister to them. Cori will be going to New York with Teen Mania to help Bill Wilson's Metro Ministries at the same time I am gone. It will be nice to fly to Texas with her and be there for training camp.
I am packing some powdered carrot juice, Lara bars, raw almonds and anything else that will be healthy for me. Whatever food is available that I can eat I will and if there isn't much I will just do some mini fasts which are always healthy. I am believing God will take care of me either way.

Philippians 3:12 says,
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. "

For the first time since being diagnosed with cancer I am beginning to feel like I am pressing forward to take hold of the things God has for me. Part of that means leading people to Christ and helping teenagers fall more in love with Jesus.

My encouragement to you today is that no matter how many obstacles are in your way, exercise your faith and trust in God to remove them. Don't let fear keep you from pressing on. Be bold and courageous for His names sake. Ecclesiastes 9:1 says, "The wise and what they do are in God's hands." By faith put your future in His hands and trust Him to walk you through each day.

The New Normal

2008-05-23T09:49:00.000-07:00

Tonight Chalese graduates from San Diego State and Cori graduates from Christian High School. To me, graduations signify the closing of a chapter of life and the beginning of a new chapter. Most graduates move forward and don't spend much time looking back. At times in our own lives I think we look back and wish for things to be the way they used to be. I know I do. During this battle with cancer I have often found myself longing for life as it was.

This week I read something that struck a cord in my heart. Don Piper is a Christian author of a book titled 90 Minutes In Heaven. It tells the story of the automobile accident in which he was proclaimed dead at the scene. He remained dead for 90 minutes and then through the prayers of a man who crawled into the car and prayed for him he came back to life. He recounts his experience of being in heaven for those 90 minutes. When he came back to life he was faced with the reality of a body that had been completely mangled. Months of hospitalization and 34 surgeries awaited him. The book tells the story of his journey through it all. In a chapter titled The New Normal he says, "Some things happen to us from which we never recover and disrupt the normalcy of our lives. That's how life is. Human nature has the tendency to try to reconstruct old ways and pick up where we left off. If we're wise, we won't continue to go back to the way things were (we can't anyway.). We must instead forget the old standard and accept a "new normal." Yes, I said to myself, there are things I will never be able to do again. I don't like that and may even hate it, but that doesn't change the way things are. The sooner I make peace with that fact and accept the way things are, the sooner I'll be able to live in peace and enjoy my new normalcy."

I was challenged by these words. I don't think I have been able to accept my "new normal" in my heart. Yes, in my head I know my life will never be as it was before cancer but I don't think I had truly accepted it in my emotions. I realize I have spent quite a bit of time longing for the way things used to be. I don't think I had really made peace with the way things are and are going to be for the rest of my life. I was living my "new normal" but not really enjoying it. Leaving all my comfort foods and eating habits behind was extremely difficult and still is. Embracing new tastes is equally challenging. Facing the reality of lymphedema has also been hard. I got a slight case from doing a Teen Korps project May 3rd. For those of you who aren't familiar with lymphedema it's swelling of the arm due to scar tissue that forms from removing the lymph nodes. The scar tissue doesn't allow the fluid to drain correctly and it backs up when there is over exertion. At the time I didn't feel pain and I didn't know I was over exerting myself until about 2 days later when my arm swelled and became painful. It will either go down or remain for life. Please pray it will go down and the pain will leave.

I want to be able to do as much physical exercise as I used to be without fear of lymphedema. I want to be able to eat Almond Joys and Ice cream. I don't want to drink green/carrot juice every day of my life. I don't want to learn how to cook all over again without sugar, dairy, meat or white flour. I don't want to keep going to the doctor for check ups. But I know my old lifestyle is a closed chapter of my life. Like my two daughters who are graduating, I too must move forward and accept my "new normal" and make peace with it.

Right after I read this chapter and pondered these words God did an amazing thing for me. I was at the Senior Retreat in Anaheim and we were going to Medieval Times for their show. The menu was roasted chicken, ribs, potatoes, and dessert. I fully expected to have to just eat a potato or something like that which is what usually happens when you are at a group function like this. To my surprise they served a vegetarian meal which came out last. I was shocked at how delicious it was! Everyone else had to eat with their fingers but they provided me with a fork and a knife! For the first time since August 30th when I began this eating adventure I felt as if I was getting the better deal! I did not feel envious of what other people were eating but thought they should be envious of my health giving food. For maybe the first time I was truly at peace with my "new normal."

I pray that if you are struggling with a "new normal" that God will help you make peace with it and accept it as part of His wonderful plan for your life. I encourage you to not look back at what was, but move forward to what is. It's okay to grieve over what has been lost but don't stay there. Close that chapter and open a new one. Trust that God knows what is best for you. Someday I want to be able to say that I would never go back to what used to be even if I could choose it. I want to walk joyfully in God's perfect sovereignty for my life. I hope you'll join me!

Perseverance

2008-05-11T06:26:00.000-07:00

Today is a bittersweet mother's day. It is my first without my mom. I know Sewell and I have more of those in front of us with his father dying this year too. Like endless days this year it is one more where I cling to Him for comfort to walk through it. It's impossible to know how much pain you can withstand until it comes into your life. I am sure many of you reading this have faced your own intense pain in various forms. Some of you have probably experienced greater loss than I have. We have all had to persevere and keep moving forward.

A student of mine wrote these words on his final Health paper about what he had learned in class; "I want to thank you for all you've shown me and some areas in life that I should work on. One thing that I was amazed at was your perseverance. You kept on going even though you could have taken the rest of the year off due to cancer, taken more time off from the deaths in your family, taken more time off from the attacks on your husband, you could have been home for the rest of the year and yet you still came. I don't know how you keep it up. As a teacher and as a person you've been an example of how to keep going even when the odds were against you."

James 1:2 came to my mind. It says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." I certainly have faced trials of many kinds this year. I know my faith is being tested and I am trying to develop perseverance through it all. The end result is that perseverance is what makes me mature and complete. The trials are just the means God uses.

You never know who is watching your life as you walk through your trials. One thing I have learned this year is that my trials are not just to develop character traits in my own life but in the lives of those who are around me. I thank God that one of my students noticed my perseverance and in turn is encouraged to persevere through his own trials.

People say I have been strong through all of this but they do not know how weak I really have been. I feel I have cried through most of the year or have been on the verge of tears most days. My strength has come as I have faced God before facing my day. As I wait before Him I know He is giving me the will and the strength to walk through the day. I know the giant of despair and depression are no match for me.

So today I am thankful He will help me persevere through another tough day. My tears don't bother Him and neither does my weakness. I am trying to work on the "consider it all joy" part of James. It's a tough one. Jesus knew all these painful days would be here before I did. He knew how I would respond. I pray I have not disappointed Him.

Anvil Time

2008-05-04T08:06:00.000-07:00

Anvil Time
by Max Lucado

On God's anvil. Perhaps you've been there.
Melted down. Formless. Undone. Placed on the anvil for...reshaping? (A few rough edges too many.) Discipline? (A good father disciplines.) Testing? (But why so hard?)

I know. I've been on it. It's rough. It's a spiritual slump, a famine. The fire goes out. Although the fire may flame for a moment, it soon disappears. We drift downward. Downward into the foggy valley of question, the misty lowland of discouragement. Motivation wanes. Desire is distant. Responsibilities are depressing.
Passion? It slips out the door.
Enthusiasm? Are you kidding?
Anvil time.

It can be caused by a death, a breakup, going broke, going prayerless. The light switch is flipped off and the room darkens. "All the thoughtful words of help and hope have all been nicely said. But I'm still hurting, wondering....."

On the anvil.

Brought face to face with God out of the utter realization that we have nowhere else to go. Jesus in the garden. Peter with a tear-streaked face. David after Bathsheba. Elijah and the "still, small voice." Paul, blind in Damascus.

Pound, pound, pound.

I hope you're not on the anvil. (Unless you need to be, and if so, I hope you are.) Anvil time is not to be avoided; it's to be experienced. Although the tunnel is dark, it does go through the mountain. Anvil time reminds us of who we are and who God is. We shouldn't try to escape it. To escape it could be to escape God.

God sees our life from beginning to end. He may lead us through a storm at age thirty so we can endure a hurricane at age sixty. An instrument is useful only if it's in the right shape. A dull ax or bent screwdriver needs attention, and so do we. A good blacksmith keeps his tools in shape. So does God.

Should God place you on his anvil, be thankful. It means he thinks you're still worth reshaping.

2008-05-02T05:56:00.000-07:00

We were told by Animal Control that it looked like they would release the Pit Bull that attacked my husband back to the owner! We submitted statements from neighbors about their experience with this dog. Animal Control also came to Sewell's work and spoke with him. As of yesterday they were not going to release the dog back to the owner. They did not say what was going to happen to it. The owner can appeal the decision.

Meanwhile Sewell has had a difficult emotional and physical healing process. His arm got infected and he had to go back in and get it numbed so they could open up the puncture wounds and drain it. That was incredibly painful and made him sick to his stomach. Yesterday we went to see the doctor to have the stitches in his leg removed and he is concerned about the redness around the bite that has appeared in the last few days. He put Sewell on 2 strong antibiotics and told him if it doesn't look better by Monday he wants him to see an infectious disease specialist. Sewell is extremely tired and his blood pressure is high. The saga continues.

Meanwhile, we are continuing to trust God for the good He has in all of this as promised in Romans 8:28. Someone recently told me that the trials Sewell and I have been through this year reminded them of Job. I know Job suffered much greater losses than we have but there is something to be learned from him. After he had lost his health, his wealth and his children he was having a conversation with God. In the last chapter of Job he says these interesting words in verse 4: "You said, Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you will answer me. My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you."

Job said he could see God but it was only once he had been through the pain and suffering God allowed to come into His life. As a result of the loss and pain he had experienced he could see God with eyes of faith and spiritual understanding and trust God's plan for His life. At the end of this chapter God commended Job for speaking what was right about Him. Job purposed to trust God in the midst of all suffering. Chapter 23 verse 10 says, "But He knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as pure gold." When Job was told by his servant that all his children and servants had been killed he fell to the ground in worship. Chapter 1 verse 22 says, "In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing."

In the midst of your own trials can you worship God? Do you blame God or do you accept His will for you life? Job knew God was refining his character through the fiery trials. Refining fire is not fun or pleasant but necessary. It will show you who you really are. It will reveal your heart of faith. God is looking for a response of love, trust and faith. My goal is to pass the test and please my Father!

Walking in the midst of trouble

2008-04-26T06:28:00.000-07:00

It has been a long emotional week. Too many late nights (which means anything past 8:30 p.m ) and too many early mornings. Unexpected emotional waves would wash over me pounding at my heart. The weight of so much loss this year sat wearily on my mind. Sewell and I were both looking forward to an evening home with the girls which we have not had in awhile. Suki was excited to see us put on our walking shoes and call her to come. We were walking out in the open trails behind our neighborhood when all of a sudden off to our left I see this dog tearing out of his yard towards us. My heart raced and I began screaming since I recognized this as the same pit bull that had mauled Suki when I walked down our street last year. It had been a terrifying experience and I had barely got her away alive. In an instant this dog attacked Suki. Without thinking we rushed to our aid. We knew we couldn't leave her there to be brutally killed by this dog. Sewell and I both began screaming at the dog. Sewell rushed to get between Suki, myself and the dog. The dog bit his elbow and pulled him to the ground. Sewell was fighting with all his strength to free himself. We have read stories of pit bulls that have mauled and killed people and we knew his life could be at stake. The dog bit his ankle and Sewell kicked his way free and got to his feet. This all happened in just seconds. Meanwhile I am crying and screaming and trying to help my husband and Suki. All of a sudden Sewell is yelling at the dog, "In the name of Jesus, get out of here." He repeated it several times. There was a pause in the viciousness of the attack and I was able to grab Suki and pull her away. Sewell told me to take her and get to safety. The owner came running from his yard to get his dog. The dog continued to be aggressive even after his owner called him but he didn't bite Sewell again.
Shaken and crying, I headed to the safety of our home with Suki. Miraculously she only had a small cut on her ear but Sewell was a different story. When we got the bleeding stopped and washed his elbow and ankle we knew he would need stitches. After making a call to Animal control to report the attack we headed to the hospital.
We arrived at 8:00 p.m and left at 12:15 with a tetanus shot, stitches in his ankle and antibiotics. As we sat in the waiting room and replayed the events of the night Sewell told me he had looked for a large rock to hit the dog with but all he could find was a small stone. My mind flashed to David and Goliath and the bracelets he and I wear that say, "Facing Your Giant." We both knew that once again we had faced a giant of fear that had come into our lives. One more time we called out to God for His help and he arrived to rescue us. Psalm 138:7 says, "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life." We know the weapons we have to fight our battles are small and insignificant but we know the battle is His, not ours. He has at His disposal everything that is needed to defeat any enemy that comes to harm us.
I am grateful for a husband who instinctively calls on the name of Jesus to come to our aid and rescue in the time of trouble. I know Suki is too!
I have no idea what God is doing in our lives but we will continue to face each day with our hope and trust in Him. If he allows a giant to come into our land we will face it with a God saturated soul, knowing He is the one who preserves our life.

Trusting and Clinging

2008-04-16T06:08:00.000-07:00

My mother's service was a beautiful tribute by those who loved her. She was an amazingly talented woman who could do anything she set her mind to. The impact she had on people's lives was lasting. It was wonderful seeing all my brother's and sister's and getting to spend time with extended family. As you can imagine it was an emotionally exhausting time. Sewell, Ashley and I arrived home Sunday evening and Monday I had an appointment with my oncologist. She said my CBC panel looks good, my lipid panel looks good and my tumor markers are negative! YEAH! She has ordered a sonogram to look closely at the internal damage that still remains from the surgery just to make sure nothing is there. It is scheduled for Friday. I will also see my nutritionist that day so he can look at my latest blood work. I am very excited to continue walking this path God has put me on. Thank you for all your prayers and support.
If you had told me this last summer that I would be diagnosed with cancer, lose 2 parents and a coaching job that I love, I don't think I would have believed I would have the strength to go through it all. And yet here I am still trusting and clinging to God. Yes, I have cried more this year probably than any previous year in my life, but God has always been there to comfort and encourage me. Today in my devotions this is what I read:
"In no way is it enough to set out cheerfully with God on any venture of faith. You must also be willing to take your ideas of what the journey will be like and tear them into tiny pieces, for nothing on the itinerary will happen as you expect. Your Guide will not keep to any beaten path. He will lead you through ways you would never have dreamed your eyes would see. He knows no fear, and He expects you to fear nothing while He is with you." L.B. Cowman

Face each day with faith, not fear. George Meuller says "Trials are the food of faith." Fearful things may come into your life but place your hand in the hand of One who knows no fear. Mustard seed faith is all you need. Darkness will lose its strength as you remind yourself that in Him there is no darkness at all.

Nothing

2008-04-08T05:06:00.000-07:00

My dear friend Jackie gave this to me shortly after I had been diagnosed with cancer. I read these words over and over to remind myself of God's love for me. I hope they will remind you of the great love He has for you.

Nothing...

Reasons to be thankful

Nothing will every happen to you that God does not already know about.

Psalm 139: 1-4

Nothing will ever happen to you that is a mistake.

Psalm 139:4, 16

Nothing will ever happen to you that you cannot handle by God's power and grace.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Nothing will ever happen to you that will not eventually be used by God for some good purposes in your life.

Romans 8:28

Nothing will every happen to you without God's presence.

Matthew 28:20

Nothing will ever separate you from God's love.

Romans 8: 38-39

I appreciate your prayers for me and my family as we prepare to travel to New Mexico for my mom's services which will be held Saturday. Pray that there will be unity in our family. Today I am going to get some more blood tests for my doctor to look at. I will be meeting with my oncologist next week to go over my blood results. These will be the first results she has gone over with me since I was diagnosed with cancer. I am interested to see what she thinks. I need God to prepare my heart because I think she will still want me to do chemo and take Tamoxifen, neither of which I plan to do. I want to be able to speak boldly to her about my confidence in what God has called me to do. Doctor's can be very intimidating. I am still juicing and drinking all my carrot/green juice and taking all my supplements. I'm walking almost every day but would love for this nagging injury in my foot to heal (I got it back in August) so I can do more aerobic workouts. I'm trying to get to bed at 8:30 each night so I can get enough sleep. The biggest thing I am dealing with right now is stress. Please pray it will not affect me physically so my body can focus its energy on becoming healthy.

No matter what you are facing today, always remember "He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge."

Psalm 91:4

I Will Not Doubt

2008-04-06T09:03:00.000-07:00

I will not doubt, thou all my ships at sea
Come drifting home with broken masts and sails;
I will believe the Hand that never fails,
From seeming evil works to good for me.
And though I weep because those sails are tattered,
Still will I cry, while my best hopes lie shattered:
"I trust in Thee."

I will not doubt, though all my prayers return
Unanswered from the still, white realm above;
I will believe it is an all-wise love
That has refused these things for which I yearn;
And though at times I cannot keep from grieving,
Yet the pure passion of my fixed believing
Undimmed will burn.

I will not doubt, though sorrows fall like rain,
And troubles swarm like bees about a hive.
I will believe the heights for which I strive
Are only reached by anguish and pain;
And though I groan and writhe beneath my crosses,
Yet will I will see through my severest losses
The greater gain.

I will not doubt. Well anchored is this faith,
Like some staunch ship, my soul braves every gale;
So strong its courage that it will not fail
To face the might unknown sea of death.
Oh, may I cry, though body leaves the spirit,
"I do not doubt," so listening worlds may hear it,
With my last breath.

Yesterday my mom drew her last breath on earth. It was very unexpected in spite of the struggles she had with her health these past few years. None of us knows when our time on this earth will end. When I draw my last breath what do I want to characterize my life? What do you want to characterize your life?

This poem sums up what I feel. I want to be known as a woman who never doubted God's love for me. I want my faith to be so well anchored that no storm can destroy me. I want to face every storm with courage, knowing God is in the midst of it. He has the power to still the storms of my life if He chooses to. But if He doesn't I will not doubt His love for me. And when I do draw my last breath I want the listening worlds to know of my faith and trust in Him.

Lord, open our eyes

2008-04-04T09:42:00.000-07:00

There is a great story found in 2 Kings chapter 6. It is the story of Elisha the prophet and his servant. Elisha was warning the king of Israel that the king of Aram was going to attack. When the king of Aram heard about this he sent horses, chariots and a strong army to surround the city where Elisha was. When Elisha's servant got up the next morning and saw the huge army he was afraid. Elisha said, "Those who are with us are more than those who are with them." Then in verse 17 Elisha prayed, "O Lord, open his eyes so he may see." God opened the servant's eyes and he was able to see the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

Hannah Whitehall Smith has this to say this about the passage: "This is the prayer we need to pray for ourselves and one another: "Lord, open our eyes so we may see." We are surrounded just as the prophet Elisha was, by God's "horses and chariots of fire", waiting to transport us to places of glorious victory. Once our eyes are opened by God, we will see all the events of our lives, whether great or small, joyful or sad, as a "chariot" for our souls. Everything that comes to us becomes a chariot the moment we treat it as such. On the other hand, even the smallest trial may become an object crushing everything in its path into misery and despair if we allow it. The difference then becomes a choice we make. It all depends not on the events themselves but on how we view them. If we simply lie down, allowing them to roll over and crush us, they become an uncontrollable car of destruction. Yet if we climb into them, as riding in a car of victory, they become the chariots of God to triumphantly take us onward and upward."

I had an emotionally crushing event happen to me this week that I am still trying to process. I have cried and cried and then cried out to God for comfort. I have felt all the emotions including anger, hurt, bitterness, and intense pain. I have felt as if my spirit was literally being crushed. I have been on my knees asking God to help me to respond in a Christ like manner. Have you ever experienced anything like that? Has there been a time in your life when something unjust happened to you? Has there been a time when you felt crushed in your spirit?

This passage of scripture is helping me to make the right choice. I can either let this become an "uncontrollable car of destruction" or I can climb into it and ride it as a chariot of God to take me onward and upward. It is a hard choice that my flesh fights. I know what God is requiring of me but sometimes it seems as if His path is too difficult even though it's right. Being stretched and challenged is painful, but necessary. So once again as I have every day these past 7 months, I fall on my knees before God and say, "Not my will, but Thy will be done. Help me to trust you. Take all my pain and replace it with your hope and peace. Use this for your glory." My prayer for all of us is that God will open our eyes so that we, like Elisha's servant, can see the horses and chariots of fire that God is surrounding us with waiting to transport us to places of glorious victory. I think I will step in and take a ride. Do you want to come?

When does the pain become a friend?

2008-04-02T09:54:00.000-07:00

Phillips, Craig and Dean sing this song off their album "Where Strength Begins". It is the cry of my heart at this time. I want to feel his arms around me in the middle of this raging storm so I can see the blessing in the thorn. I hope this ministers to you somehow!

Blessing in the Storm

I read about a man of God
Who glorified in his weakness
And I wish that I could be
More like him and less like me
Am I to blame for what I’m not
Or is pain the way God teaches me to grow
I need to know

When does the thorn become a blessing?
When does the pain become a friend?
When does the weakness make me stronger?
When does my faith make me whole again?
I want to feel His arms around me
In the middle of my raging storm
So that I can see the blessing in the thorn

I’ve heard it said the strength of Christ
Is perfect in my weakness
And the more that I go through
The more I prove the promise true
His love will go to any length
And reaches even now to where I am
But tell me once again

When does the thorn become a blessing?
When does the pain become a friend?
When does the weakness make me stronger?
When does my faith make me whole again?
I want to feel His arms around me
In the middle of my raging storm
So that I can see the blessing in the thorn

Lord, I have to ask You
On the cross You suffered through
Was there a time You ever doubted
What you already knew?

Dealing with Discouragement

2008-03-31T04:54:00.000-07:00

I've had my share of discouraging moments on this journey. There are times when the weight of it wraps itself around my heart and tries to pull me under. It's a challenge to fight to stay above water and to maintain peace and joy in the midst of discouragement. Often discouragement gives no warning that it's coming. There's no time to prepare. I've found the strength I have from my relationship with God is the only thing that allows me to have victory over discouragement. There are some truths I've learned that I wanted to pass on to you the next time a giant of discouragement walks into your life. Maybe he's already there.

The dictionary defines discourage as "to deprive of courage, to detour, to dishearten, to hinder." Discouragement is a tool that I believe the enemy uses to detour and hinder us from the ministry God has for us. When discouragement comes that's the time I feel like throwing in the towel and quitting. The road ahead stretches for miles with no end in sight. It's a desolate, lonely path full of pain and sorrow.

I've learned that when the giant of discouragement taunts me I have to run to God and find my comfort and protection in Him. He allows discouragement into our lives to cause us to run to Him, not away from Him. God is the only one who can change the situation that brought about the discouragement in the first place.

I've also learned that I have to keep my eyes on the big picture. If you've ever watched a horse race you notice they have blinders on the side of the horses eyes so they don't get distracted by the other horses around them. They are trained to look straight ahead so they can run their own race to the finish line. I know God has called me to fight this cancer and beat it nutritionally and to have ministry along the entire way. So often discouragement will cause us to begin looking around and forget where we are headed. It's easy to get off course. For me when I feel discouraged I usually want to eat things I know would be detrimental to everything I've been doing these past 7 months. Thoughts of donuts and chocolate chip cookies dance through my head. It's easy to give in to temptation when we are discouraged. Your temptation might not come in the form of food but it might come in the form of gossip, anger, bitterness, depression or any other emotion that is counterproductive to the ministry God has called you to. I have often found myself literally crying out to God for His help to resist destructive temptations. A good cry in the arms of God can do wonders for the soul.

I've learned to live out I Thessalonians 5:16-18 where it talks about rejoicing always and in everything giving thanks because this is God's will for us. The word of God has become my greatest source of comfort. Comforting words with healing balm are hidden there. I encourage you to soak your spirit in the timeless truths that are waiting for you there.

The last thing I've learned is that God is always doing something in me, through me and for me! Everything he does is helping mold me into the image of His son. Being a Christian is to be "Christ like". I have become most like Him in the midst of trials and suffering, not when the path is easy and painless.

When I get to heaven I want to stand before my heavenly Father knowing I persevered with His strength through the discouraging times of life.

Today if discouragement is resting on your heart I encourage you to run to God, stay focused on the ministry He has called you to, rejoice and give thanks even when you don't feel like and be confident He is doing something in and through you. Don't give in to the chocolate chip cookies of life. His grace is sufficient for you.

Drawing Strength

2008-03-26T05:31:00.001-07:00

Today in my devotions I was struck with the very last sentence L.B. Cowman wrote. She said, "Lord, help me to draw strength today from everything that comes to me!" It's easy to draw strength from those times where we feel refreshing waters washing over our heart and spirit. It's quite a different thing to draw strength from the waves that crash against our lives with deadly force. It's during those times we sense our own inadequacy to stand in the storm. We each have our own storms we face. I'm imagine God longs for us to live our days as if we could not draw our next breath apart from him. We are all quick to run to Him when we feel overwhelmed by the size of the giant or storm we face, but what about when everything is going great? Those are the days we slip out the door without slipping our hand into His. We leave our Bibles unopened on the table and the sound of our voice has not reached Heaven. The busyness of life steals the silence where we hear Him speak. We rush off to face the day unprepared for what it may hold. And the Father watches and waits. He knows that apart from Him we can do no good thing. He knows it is only His grace that is sufficient for the challenges of the day. He knows we can do all things only through Him. Let God and His word be the anchor that holds you fast each day. Look expectantly at your day knowing He has planned and prepared it just for you. Today you can grow more into His likeness if you choose Godly responses to whatever comes your way. Ask Him to help you to draw strength from everything that comes to you these next 24 hours. He chooses your circumstances, you choose your response. Will you rejoice always and in everything give thanks?

I Timothy 1:12 "I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to His service."

Faith and Love

2008-03-22T08:01:00.000-07:00

Last night Sewell, Cori, Taryn and I returned from a six day drive up the coast to San Francisco. We saw beautiful crashing waves, seagulls, seals, otters, a redwood forest, the rolling hills of Napa Valley and an array of sights to be found only in San Francisco. It was a restful, memorable trip that we all needed.

Before I left I had an appointment with my nutritionist. I asked him if he was a Christian and he said he was. I then asked if I could pray before we started our appointment. He reached his hand out and took mine and I prayed. I was not expecting him to pray at the end but he prayed for me. It was very encouraging knowing God has divinely directed me to this doctor. I am praying God will continue to give him wisdom as he treats me. My nutritionist wants me to up my protein and good fat intake. He had me do a 24 hour iodine test to check the iodine level in my body. My thyroid levels are low and the main function of iodine is the synthesis, storage and secretion of thyroid hormone. I have felt for many years my levels are not right. I had thyroid surgery over 7 years ago to remove a large portion of my thyroid because it had a benign tumor on it. Through my reading I am discovering that iodine plays a critical role in the ability for all hormones in the body to operate correctly and for the destruction of abnormal cancer cells. We are waiting for those results. I have asked my oncologist to order more blood work that my nutritionist wants to look at. Please pray she will agree to write the order. My oncologist had to cancel my appointment with her in February and it could not be rescheduled until April 12th. She has never gone over any results with my about my blood work. I am anxious to hear what she thinks. Meanwhile I have been able to get acupuncture and massage coverage through my health insurance at school for only $7 a month. I am very excited because I think the massages will help release toxins out of my body and eliminate the stress that I feel is sitting in my muscles due to this long journey. I was able to get the same coverage for Sewell which should help with his arthritis pain. A specific prayer would be for me to be able to find a good Christian acupuncturist that might be able to help with Sewell's arthritis pain and with getting everything operating correctly in my body. For me it is a journey of continual education. I was talking to Sewell yesterday about when I will feel like there is nothing more I need to do concerning my health than what I am already doing. Therein lies the importance of resting in God and following the leads He brings into my life. Meanwhile, I bought some great cook books to give me ideas on new healthy things I can prepare to eat! The challenge has been to make things my family will eat. They are pretty good about it but most of the time I am making 2 separate meals at night so maybe these new books will eliminate that work. My taste buds have changed because I know this is what God has called me to do in order to get healed but this is not true of my family. It has been difficult to change the years of eating habits I have established and I know it will be equally true of my family.

I am reading David Jeremiah's book Slaying The Giants In Your Life. I believe with God's help I have faced the giant of cancer with a God saturated soul. Each day I am confident this giant is being slayed. You may not be facing a giant of cancer. Your giant may be finances, worry, anger, doubt, jealousy, failure, loneliness or discouragement. The giant of cancer brings with it other giants that must be faced. Two of those are fear and worry. In his book Jeremiah says that fear boils down to disobedience. If the Bible says to fear not and we fear then we are in sin. Psalm 34:4 says, "I sought the Lord and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears." Isaiah 41:10 says, "Fear not, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
Pastor Jeremiah has this to say about fear, "Your fear level is ultimately a referendum on the closeness of your friendship with God. It's a spiritual yardstick. Do you see things in human dimensions or godly ones? After you spend time with your Creator, you're simply incapable of shrinking in fear at the appearance of every human anxiety. You've seen His power. You've seen His love and faithfulness. The opposite of fear, you see, is not courage. It's not trust. The opposite of fear is love." II Timothy 1:7 says, "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind." I John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." Jeremiah goes on to say,
"Our Father wants us to leap into His arms... when we're afraid. He wants us to realize who He really is, and that we need never fear. And the key to that assurance is love, the opposite of fear. To experience in full the love of God is to feel the deepest security in heart, soul, mind and strength. Love begins to dispel fear."

I have determined to put my trust in God. Each day I allow His love to wash fear from my mind. I refuse to worry. God is big enough to handle all my problems. I want my life to be characterized by faith and love not worry and fear. I encourage you today to look at your heart and see if any fear has taken up residence. Allow His love to envelope you and drive fear and worry out. Don't let your thoughts take you captive. Every time a thought of fear or worry stands at the door of my mind I lock it out through prayer. I remind myself of God's great love and faithfulness to me. I encourage you to do the same. There is no giant you will face that is bigger than His love for you. No matter the size of giant that has walked into your land, face it with confidence knowing God is standing right by your side. He will place the stones of victory in your hand. Don't listen to the taunts of the giant telling you otherwise. I believe when we get to heaven there will be a "giant slaying party" where we will all tell the stories of God's love and faithfulness as we faced and defeated our Goliaths. I want to be there with my story. How about you?

Celebrating!

2008-03-02T06:53:00.000-08:00

This week I hit 2 milestones. On February 29th it had been 6 months since being diagnosed with cancer and on March 1st it was 6 months since I gave up all animal based products and switched to an all plant based diet.

I have so much to be thankful for. This gift of cancer has radically changed my health. I feel better and look better (so people say) than I have in my entire life. I've lost 30 pounds and no longer say "tomorrow I will start my diet." I feel mentally empowered because I know every single thing I put in my mouth is good for me. I know every organ is being detoxed and getting healthier.

I have been given the opportunity to teach anyone that will listen, including my students, about the dangers of eating all the junk we consume. My own family has started to make some healthy changes. Our 15 year old has not eaten sugar for 4 1/2 months! Go Taryn! Ashley is working at a health food store and is starting to learn more about nutrition and is applying what she's learning it to her life. She is also talking to people who come through her check out line about nutrition and has been able to pass this information on to me. Yesterday I celebrated my 6 months by going to her store and buying some yummy cookies that I can eat that aren't made with sugar, dairy or white flour! Cookies were one of my addictions of choice in my BC days!

For the first time in my life I am getting 8 hours of sleep almost every night. I understand the dangers to the immune system and to the body in general when we are sleep deprived. I no longer get sleepy during the day and I have more energy than I have ever had.

I have learned how to eliminate stress and how to say "NO" without guilt. This has been as tough as getting off all the unhealthy food. Learning the affects stress has on the entire body has greatly motivated me to push it away. Most of us know it isn't good for us but have no idea what it exactly does. Now that I do I am no longer going to live with stress stealing my health.

God has taught me the importance of faith and trust. He is the air I breath and His word is the well I drink from each day. I know that apart from Him there will be no victory in any area of my life. I've learned the importance of silencing my life so I can hear His voice. He will speak if we will take time to listen.

Family and friends are the anchors in the midst of storms. They are the ones that keep pointing us back to God and who hold us up when we are weak. My family and friends have laughed with me and cried with me and have been my strength when mine has failed. How lonely and frightening this journey would have been without all of you. Your prayers have been heard by our Father! Please don't stop as I know this journey is far from over.

Like the apostle Paul I am learning how to be content in every circumstance and how to find joy in the midst of pain. It really is a choice. When life gets hard we can throw our pity parties and draw into ourselves or we can grab a stone, stand to our feet and face our giant with a God saturated soul. This battle is not mine but God's. My actions and words are going to show the world how big my God is. I am choosing to be an overcomer. These past 6 months I have had greater ministry than in all the years I've been a Christian. My prayer each day is, "Here I am Lord, use me."

I have also learned that taking care of yourself takes time and effort. I no longer allow the busyness of my life to dictate the state of my health. I realize that I have to make my health the second highest priority after my relationship with God. If I don't the people I love the most will pay a high price. What I do now will secure my future health 20-30 years down the road. Most of us never think that far. I do not want to end up with a heart attack, stroke, dementia, Alzheimer's or any number of diseases that afflict us as we age. I believe they are all related to how we are taking care of our bodies now. I do not want to wear diapers, be in a wheelchair, lose my memory, or be placed in a nursing home to finish my days. I want to die quietly in my sleep once I have reached triple digits. The day I die I want to have taken my hour walk, spent some time mentoring someone in the Lord, worked in my garden and visited with my great, great grand kids. I am fully convinced from everything I have read and researched that this is possible if we would only listen to the Lord, be obedient and make our health a highest priority. Taking care of yourself is not a selfish thing to do, it is the best thing you can do for your family and the kingdom of God. You need a healthy body to have long life on this earth to do the work He has called you to do.

Looking back I am so grateful that God gave me the wake up call of cancer. Maybe it is going to prevent the heart attack or other illness that would have killed me. Romans 8:28 says that God works all things for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. Thank you for taking the time to read this and celebrate the good things He is doing in my life!

Waiting and Trusting

2008-02-21T05:37:00.000-08:00

I left on Valentines Day for Albuquerque, New Mexico to surprise my mother and father. My dad came through the surgery fine and yesterday he was transferred to a skilled nursing facility to get rehab on his knee. My mother is not doing very well. She has been in the hospital for over 2 months with infection after infection from her surgery. Now her lungs are filling and Emphysema is taking its toll. She is being transferred to a skilled nursing facility in Aztec (4 hours away from Albuquerque) which is the only place that will take her with her continuous antibiotic drip. It has been a long emotional journey for our family. Please pray for comfort and healing for my mom. I want to thank all my brothers and sisters in Christ that live in New Mexico who are praying for my mom and dad. It was a pleasure getting to meet some of you and speak with you. I pray this journal will be an encouragement to you.

I was reading Ecclesiastes 7:13-14 which says, "Consider what God has done. Who can straighten what he has made crooked? When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other."

L.B. Cowman has this to say about this verse. "God often seems to place His children in places of deep difficulty, leading them into a corner from which there is no escape. He creates situations that human judgment, even if consulted, would never allow. Yet the cloudiness of the circumstance itself is used by Him to guide us to the other side. Perhaps this is where you find yourself now.
Your situation is filled with uncertainty and is very serious, but it is perfectly right. The reason behind it will more than justify Him who brought you here, for it is a platform from which God will display His almighty grace and power.
He not only will deliver you but in doing so will impart a lesson that you will never forget. And in days to come, you will return to the truth of it through singing. YOU WILL BE UNABLE TO EVER THANK GOD ENOUGH FOR DOING EXACTLY WHAT HE HAS DONE."

I was struck and challenged by the thought that my situation is perfectly right and I will be unable to thank God enough for doing exactly what He has done. I wonder if faith is allowing this truth to permeate our souls before we reach the safety of the shores on the other side? Jesus slept in the boat as the storm raged around him. The disciples were filled with fear and panic, not unlike most of us when we face our own storms.

What boat do you find yourself in now? Maybe you are sailing on calm seas. There might only be a slight breeze rustling through the trees on the shoreline. Or maybe you are noticing the whitecaps starting to form and you are becoming anxious about the possibility of a storm. There may be some of you that are holding on for dear life as the waves wash over the sides and threaten to capsize you. Remind yourself that Jesus is in the boat with you. He is not worried or concerned about the weather on the lake. Ride it out by clinging to Him. Before your feet hit the floor running in the morning acknowledge His presence. Put every care that fills your heart into His. He came to bear your burdens. As you put your hand in His let His peace permeate your soul. Wait until you feel it before you face your day. Keep your eyes focused on God throughout your day, not your storm. What we choose to look at during the day will determine the amount of peace we will possess. Trust His presence in the boat not the the size of the storm. Remind yourself that the crooked path you are on is perfectly right! It is in this path that God will display His almighty grace and power.

Love Of My Fathers

2008-02-12T05:05:00.000-08:00

A person is blessed when they understand the depth of their Heavenly Father and live with it wrapped around their heart. That person is doubly blessed when they have known that kind of love from an earthly father. I am one of those people. This blog is dedicated to my father Gene. Since I was a little child he has loved me, comforted me, encouraged me, hugged me, and told me he loved me. He has been the constant cheerleader in my life. He is the most generous and thoughtful man father I know. Throughout the years my mail has always been full of notes of encouragement and packages of comfort food! He has generously opened his wallet time and time again to help when there has been a need. He has believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. He has been proud of me for who I am, not just what I do. If I need to talk, he will drop what he is doing and listen. His wise counsel has guided me through difficult times. I have learned to be a "duck" thanks to my father. Ducks go through life not letting the water they swim in drown them. Because of the oils in their feathers the water rolls off their backs. My dad constantly reminds me to let things roll off. This has been helpful advice as I am trying to rid myself of stress in order to regain my healtlh. One of his favorite sayings is, "Carry the smooth end and let the rough end drag." I know my dad will always be there. He will never leave me or withhold his love from me.

Because of my father it has been easy to understand the love of my Heavenly Father. I think they are alike in so many ways. Each day my heavenly Father whispers words of encouragement to me. His arms reach from heaven to wipe away my tears and draw me close. I can cast all my cares upon Him because he cares for me. He fills my mind with wisdom for the day. Amazingly enough he delights in me.

Zephaniah 3:17 says, "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

Dad, as you go into surgery to replace your knee (Feb. 13) know that I love you and I'm praying for you. God will guide and direct the surgeons hands. His angels will attend to your recovery. His peace will flood your heart and mind today and in the days to follow. He will quiet you with His love. Trust Him. He will be in your corner cheering you on and so will I.
I LOVE YOU!

2008-02-09T06:07:00.000-08:00

This week I gave a devotional to our entire staff. The talk was titled Lessons I Have Learned Through Pain. I used the Acronym TRUST since I have had to trust God with all my heart during this time.

This is an excerpt from it.

S low down

None of us are immune to living life in the fast lane. At one point or another we will all pay the price for pushing our bodies beyond the limits they were meant to go and the stress this lifestyle causes will take its toll.

Every book I’ve read and every doctor I’ve talked to about healing cancer naturally is looking for what caused the cancer in the first place. They believe if you find the cause you will have found the cure. Over and over again I am hearing that cancer is an immune system disease and that everyone in their lifetime has 1-6 cancer cells in their body. A healthy and efficient immune system will destroy those cancer cells. A recent statistic I read said 1 in 3 Americans will get some form of cancer in their lifetime. Breast cancer for women right now is 1 in 8. I was only one of 178,000 women who was diagnosed in 2007. Every 3 minutes of today a women will be diagnosed with breast cancer. Every 7 minutes someone will die from it.

Despite all our research and technology cancer is a disease that is beginning to take over our nation. I am convinced the choices we make play a critical role in all disease prevention.

Our immune systems are weakened by a lifetime of poor eating habits, by continual stress, lack of rest and sleep, toxic metals we have in our mouths, and from the pollution we breathe in the air and from chemicals we use in our homes to clean with.

Stress is one of the greatest underlying causes of most diseases we have today. All the books I’ve read on healing say that in order to heal, you must eliminate every stress possible. I took that to heart. I let go of many of my perfectionist tendencies, I stepped down from putting together the advisory materials, I scaled back on my Teen Korps responsibilities and I resigned from full time coaching. These were all painful choices but necessary ones.

All of these were good things to do but too much of a good thing is not always a good thing. I learned to say the 2 letter word most of us have a hard time uttering-NO. This one word is probably the best preventative medicine I know.

No one can put margins in your life but you. No one will give you what you refuse to take on. If you are feeling overwhelmed and overloaded you are going to have to figure out how to get out from under the load you have taken on. I used to think, “But who else will do this?” This really showed a lack of faith on my part. If you are serious about slowing down, God will help you. Don’t wait until you have a life threatening disease until you give yourself permission to rest. Dr. Swenson reminded us that God is a pro-rest God. (He was our speaker for Spriritual Emphasis Week. I highly recommend his book The Overload Syndrome).

T Training

I have spent a lifetime either training myself or training other athletes. The foundation of training is Exercise. Most of us are so busy that we don’t take the time to exercise on a regular basis. There are dozens of benefits to regular exercise a few of which are a general feeling of well being, increased energy and a stronger immune system. If you are too busy to exercise you are too busy. Every day I walk at least 30 minutes or ride my exercise bike. When I walk it gives me time to clear my mind and recharge my batteries.

Sleep and Rest are other key components. Every adult needs at least 8 hours of sleep a night. I used to go to bed around 10:00 or later. I was always trying to finish my to do list. I’ve come to realize it will never get done and I have to be O.K. with that. Since being diagnosed I have faithfully protected my 8:30 bedtime. I leave things undone that I never would have before. I don’t wake up exhausted and I am able to meet with God each morning for prayer and quiet time. I don’t drag through my day anymore and I don’t need a caffeine pick me up in the morning just to get started. I’m also trying to practice a true Sabbath day of rest once a week where I don’t work or think about my work.

We have all heard the saying “You are what you eat.” I have the orange palms to prove it. I ate pretty well (or so I thought) before I was diagnosed with cancer. I like vegetables, fruit and whole grain bread. I had studied nutrition for 25 years and I tried to apply what I was learning but old habits die hard.

I might have buried myself with my fork and spoon if I had continued down the path I was on. I think most of us are going to. We are too busy to take care of ourselves or give thought to healthy eating. We are overloading our bodies with refined sugar, white flour and junk food. If I could give you 2 pieces of advice from what I’ve learned it would be to get off refined sugar and white flour. Do it for one day, one week, one month and see what happens to your energy level. Money back guarantee you will feel like a new person. Don’t wait until you are diagnosed with cancer or another serious disease before you make changes in your life. Train as if your life depended on it. You never know when it will.

He Gives Quiteness

2008-02-02T08:04:00.000-08:00

"He giveth quiteness", O Elder Brother,
Whose homeless feet have pressed our path of pain,
Whose hands have borne the burden of our sorrow,
That in our losses we might find gain.

Of all Your gifts and infinite consolings,
I ask but this: in every troubled hour
To hear your voice though all the tumults stealing,
And rest serene beneath its tranquil power.

Cares cannot fret me if my soul be dwelling
In the still air of faith's untroubled day;
Grief cannot shake me if I walk beside you,
My hand in Yours along the darkening way.

Content to know there comes a radiant morning
When from all shadows I will find release,
Serene to wait the rapture of its dawning
Who can make trouble when You send me peace?

L.B Cowman

Are your cares fretting your soul? Is grief shaking your life? Do you hear His voice in the midst of your troubles? Is your day untroubled as you face it with faith? Do you have peace?

I asked myself these questions today. There are so many cares, so many voices speaking into my life, so many troubles in the days ahead and yet the key to peace is found in stilling the voices so I can hear His. Peace is found when I walk beside Him, my hand in His. I encourage you each day to verbally lay every care at His feet and when you do His peace will flood your heart. He is the answer to your every question.

I am so excited about the results of the antioxidant test I took yesterday. My first reading back in September was 39,000 which is a C+ on a grading scale. A few months later it was 58,000! The highest level that prints out on paper is 59,000. Yesterday the scanning machine read my level at 64,000! The doctor that tested me said this was the highest level of any of their patients they've tested! In English this means my antioxidants are not being destroyed by cancer! A high level of antioxidants are necessary to kill cancer. What the Creator has created is healing His creation!

I pray each day God will help me influence the people I love to make changes that will benefit themselves not only physically but spiritually. It is a daunting task because we are all so programmed to live life grabbing and downing spiritual and physical fast food. And yet I believe God will show me how to make a difference one person and one day at a time. When I sit down to write this blog I ask God to use it in the lives of those who read it. If it has encouraged you, convicted you, changed you or comforted you then it is accomplishing its purpose and TO GOD BE THE GLORY!

God's faithfulness

2008-01-30T06:33:00.000-08:00

Today I am celebrating 5 months of radiant health since I was diagnosed with cancer on August 29th and adopting a plant based diet on August 30th. As I look back on this journey I see God's faithfulness every step of the way. There are so many emotional, physical and spiritual victories I have had on this faith journey. Without God's grace none of them would be possible. He has comforted me and sustained me through every medical procedure and surgery, he's directed me to resources about nutrition and he's surrounded me with people who have prayed for me and encouraged me every step of the way. He's given me the strength to eat over 200 salads, swig down 900 glasses of carrot juice (no wonder I am turning orange!), swallow 9,750 supplements and keep teaching and loving my students. He's taught me how to trust Him with every fiber of my being and to rest in Him. He's given me the determination to allow old habits to die and to put new ones in place. He's given me a family that has patiently tried new recipes I make and who have helped juice all those carrots. He's provided me with a husband who has brought laughter to my life and helped me find joy in it all. He's surrounded me with friends who have listened to the Holy Spirit and obeyed when he's prompted them to call me, send a card or scripture verse, offer to help juice carrots or fix and repair things at our home. I have been enveloped with love every minute of every hour of these past 150 days. Words can not begin to express my gratitude to God and any of you that have walked with me along this journey. May God get all the glory for any good that has come and will come as I continue to face this giant knowing God has given me the victory.

Being Faithful

2008-01-26T07:47:00.000-08:00

"When a prophet of the Lord is among you, I reveal myself to him in visions, I speak to him in dreams. But this is not true of my servant Moses; he is faithful in all my house. With him I speak face to face, clearly and not in riddles; he sees the form of the Lord." Numbers 12:7

How many of us would love to speak face to face with God? Why was Moses the only man in the Bible who was described in this manner? I believe the key is found in this statement from God: "...he is faithful in all my house." To be found faithful should be our goal. Faithful actions will flow from a faithful heart. Faithfulness in the little areas and the big. Faithfulness to be led by the voice of His Holy Spirit. Faithfulness that acts in faith, not doubt. Faithfulness to be obedient no matter how difficult the road He calls you to travel. Moses questioned and doubted God six times when he was first called to lead the Israelites out of bondage. He tried to shrink from the road God was calling him to but in the end he was faithful and obedient and thousands of lives were saved as a result.

Fast forward to the end of Moses' life which is described in Deuteronomy 34. Moses climbed Mount Nebo to the top of Pisgah which looked down on the whole land. He climbed this mountain at age 120! Once he got to the top the Lord allowed Him to see the land the Israelites would go in to possess. Verse 7 says Moses died on that mountain yet his eyes were not weak, nor his strength gone! The Lord then buried him and the Bible says to this day no one knows where his grave is.

I would love to be strong enough to climb a mountain right before I died and to have great eyesight. Could it be that Moses good health was partly attributed to all the physical exercise he got during the Exodus and eating the food God provided during those 40 years in the wilderness?

In Moses final words to the Israelites in Deuteronomy 33:25 he said, "...and your strength will equal your days."

If we look at our society today this would not be a true statement. Most people are dying of crippling diseases of the mind and body. I don't want to go that way. I want to be climbing mountains, having perfect eyesight and muscles that are full of strength. God has given us the responsibility to care for our bodies. Not just for the sake of disease free living but for the sake of His gospel. I want to have as many years as I can here on this earth to spread the gospel and to encourage, bless and minister to as many people as possible.

I am grateful for this wake up call of cancer. It is forcing me to look at what I have done to my body all these past years and to address the areas of nutrition, exercise, stress and rest. I am grateful for the time He has given me to make the changes necessary to become healthier than I ever have been. I pray you do not wait for a health crisis before you assess your physical health habits. As I have studied nutrition over these past 30 years and even more intently these past 5 months I am fully convinced most of us will bury ourselves with our fork and spoon. Don't be one of them! Change is difficult but nothing is impossible with God. He loves you and believes in you and so do I.

An Ever-Present Help

2008-01-24T07:14:00.000-08:00

Yesterday one of my students came in to class and said, "Mrs. Dunton, your face is on my sweatshirt." I was perplexed and had no idea what she was talking about. She came closer and I saw a past edition of the front cover of our Genesis school newspaper printed on the sweatshirt. There were two articles on the front page of that issue. One was about a family in our school who lost their home in the October fires we had and the other was about my battle with cancer. Both were stories of how our student body had come around us to minister to us.

I felt elated and overwhelmed with God's presence. Once again He was reminding me Psalm 46:1 which says He is an ever-present help in times of trouble. I have noticed these past 5 months how God know exactly when to send His visible encouragement. It shows up in the most unexpected ways and forms. It can be in pink bracelets that my advisory girls sold in order to raise carrot juice money, through cards, hand written scripture notes, emails, phone calls, friends juicing carrots and helping to roof our house or transplant a tree, a husband folding clothes or buying me a hot cup of tea, shoulders to cry on, and even through sweatshirts! God has been an ever-present source of comfort to me through his word and through so many of you.

No matter what challenges are in the days ahead you can be confident that He will show up with His loving arms of comfort just when you need them. He sees your struggle and your pain. He is with you in the darkness as much as He is when the skies are blue. Don't trust your feelings, trust His promises and cling to them. You never know when a sweatshirt of encouragement will walk through your door.

Silencing Your Soul

2008-01-20T06:58:00.000-08:00

There is a unanimous opinion that rest is essential for healing. We have all been taught how to rest physically but few of us have learned to rest our souls. Today I was reading Streams In The Desert by L.B. Cowman and this is what he says about it. "God's voice demands the silence of our souls. My soul, have you pondered these words: "Be still, and know" (Psalm 46:10)? In the hour of distress, you cannot hear the answer to your prayers. How often has the answer seemed to come much later! The heart heard no reply during the moment of its crying, its thunder, its earthquake, and it fire. But once the crying stopped, once the stillness came, once your hand refrained from knocking on the iron gate, and once concern for other lives broke through the tragedy of your own life, the long awaited reply appeared. You must rest, O soul, to receive your hearts desire. Slow the beating of your heart over concerns for your personal care. Place the storms of your individual troubles on God's altar of everyday trials, and the same night, the Lord will appear to you. His rainbow will extend across the subsiding flood, and in your stillness you will hear the everlasting music."

Changing my eating habits and learning to love carrot juice has been easy compared to learning how to rest my body and soul. I am daily challenged to slow the beating of my heart over concerns for my personal care. This isn't a skill that I have been taught. It is one that pain teaches you. As a teacher I wonder how many life long lessons students are never learning in the classroom. Silence and stillness are not disciplines applauded in our society. We all know how to hurry but how many of us truly know how to rest?

Are you resting your body? Are you guarding your sleep? Do you take time out to have fun with the people you love? Are you quieting your soul in His presence each day? Are you turning off your mind in order to hear His voice? Please pray that I will let God teach me how to truly rest because I know it is the key to receiving my hearts desire.

I will leave you with this poem taken from the German of V. Schoffel

Tread in solitude your pathway,
Quiet hearts and undismayed.
You will know things strange, mysterious,
Which to you no voice has said.

While the crowd of petty hustlers
Grasps at vain and meager things,
You will see a great world rising
Where soft sacred music rings.

Leave the dusty road to others,
Spotless keep your soul and bright,
As the radiant ocean's surface
When the sun is taking flight.

Storing up COMFORT AND HOPE

2008-01-13T07:09:00.000-08:00

On Friday I received an email asking for prayer for a woman who had just come out of surgery. The doctor's found a tumor on her brain which was cancerous. They were giving her 4 months to live without chemo and 6 with. My heart ached as I read that email. I so desperately wanted to offer her hope that nothing is impossible with God. Man's proclamation of death over our lives is not necessarily God's. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. I know He can perform miracles. His ways are not our ways. What if the cure for cancer is already found and it isn't chemo or radiation? What if it's in the food He created and treating our bodies as temples, not trash cans?

I have read dozens of testimonies of people who were cured after their doctor told them nothing would work and they should go home and get their affairs in order. These cases remind me of Psalm 39:7 which says, "But now Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you." As much as I want to be cured of cancer for my sake I want to be cured for the sake of others. I want to give others COMFORT AND HOPE.

I went to bed Friday night with this burning on my heart and the next morning this is what LB. Cowman wrote in Streams In The Desert.
"Comfort, comfort my people, says your God." Isaiah 40:1
"Store up comfort. This was the prophet Isaiah's mission. The world is full of hurting and comfortless hearts. But before you will be competent for this lofty ministry, you must be trained. And your training is extremely costly, for to make it complete, you too must endure the same afflictions that are wringing countless hearts of tears and blood. Consequently, your own life becomes the hospital ward where you are taught the divine art of comfort. You will be wounded so that in the binding up of your wounds by the Great Physician, you may learn how to render first aid to the wounded everywhere. Do you wonder why you are having to experience some great sorrow? Over the next ten years you will find many others afflicted in the same way. You will tell them how you suffered and were comforted. As the story unfolds, God will apply the anesthetic he once used on you to them. Then in the eager look followed by the gleam of hope that chases the shadow of despair from the soul, you will know why you were afflicted. And you will bless God for the discipline that filled your life with such a treasure of experience and helpfulness. God comforts us not to make us comfortable but to make us comforters."

I have always felt God has used me to encourage others. As He is healing my cancer I believe He is giving me an even greater ministry. God is daily applying His anesthetic to my life. He has given me hope that has chased the shadow of despair from my soul. Only through reading this devotion have I begun to bless God for the disciplined life I am having to lead because it is filling my life with a treasure of experience and helpfulness for others.

How have you suffered and been comforted? How has God bound up your wounds? How has He given you hope in the midst of your affliction?
Persevere through the training. God wants to use you. Don't waste your pain and sorrow. Give it to Him. There is a purpose and plan in it. Bless God for all of it.

Hills and Valleys

2008-01-03T09:20:00.000-08:00

"But the land into which you are about to cross to possess it, a land of hills and valleys, drinks water from the rain of heaven, a land for which the Lord your God cares; the eyes of the Lord your God are always on it, from the beginning even to the end of the year. And it shall come about, if you listen obediently to my commandments which I am commanding you today, to love the Lord your God and to serve Him with all your heart and all your soul, that I will give the rain for your land in its season, the early and late rains that you may gather in your grain and your new wine and your oil. And I will give grass in your fields for your cattle, and you shall eat and be satisfied." Deuteronomy 11:11-15

Before each of us stands a new year. We don't know what valleys we will visit or what hills we will climb but we can be certain that the Lord our God cares. His eyes are on everything that 2008 holds for us. If we cross the desert of sorrow and pain we know He will send rain from heaven to refresh our weary souls. We cannot always see what our losses and trials are accomplishing. We just need to trust Him. Our New Year Resolution should be Deuteronomy 11:13. What if we listened obediently and loved and served the Lord with all our heart and all our souls? He promised the Israelites rain for their land so they could grow grain and feed their cattle. He told them they would eat and be satisfied. He promised to provide for them. What do you need God to provide for you this year? Is it finances, healed relationships, health in your body or peace in your soul? Whatever it is, God is big enough. Let quietness and trust guide you through each day. If I've learned anything this past year I've learned my Heavenly Father is big enough and strong enough to slay the giants that would come into my land. All I need to do is hide in the shadow of His wings because the battle is His, not mine. Together we will have the victory but to Him alone goes the glory.

P.S. Yeah! I did it! The doctor wrote a note on my paper work after the colonoscopy that said, "Well done. No polyps. No cancer." Another answered prayer!

Looking Back and Forward

2007-12-31T08:05:00.001-08:00

On this last day of the year you may be reflecting on all that 2007 held and looking forward to what 2008 may bring. I could never imagine this past year would hold so many trials in such a short amount of time. And yet God has faithfully loved us and helped us through them.

There's a small verse tucked away in Psalm 105:18 and it is describing Joseph's trials when he was sold into slavery by his brothers. It says,
"His neck was put in irons." A commentary I read said, " The irons of sorrow and loss, the burdens carried as a youth, and the soul's struggle against sin all contribute to developing an iron tenacity and strength of purpose, as well as endurance and fortitude. And these traits make up the indispensable foundation and framework of noble character. Never run from suffering, but bear it silently, patiently, and submissively, with the assurance that it is God's way of instilling iron into your spiritual life. The world is looking for iron leaders, iron armies, iron tendons, and muscles of steel. But God is looking for iron saints, and since there is no way to impart iron into His people's moral nature except by letting them suffer, He allows them to suffer. Are you afflicted with opposition, misunderstandings, and the scorn of others? Do your afflictions seem as thick as the undergrowth confronting someone hiking through a jungle Then take heart! Your time is not wasted, for God is simply putting you through His iron regimen. Your iron crown of suffering precedes your golden crown of glory, and iron is entering your soul to make it strong and brave." F.B. Meyer

None of us knows what God has in store in 2008. But one thing I am sure of, whatever He allows to touch your life will come with meaning and purpose. The iron He has let touch my soul this year has made me stronger and braver. I have become a better wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister and teacher. I have learned how to bring my fears to God and to come away with a peace that passes understanding. I have learned to hear and heed his voice. I have learned I can trust Him to walk me through each day no matter how many thorns are on the path. I have learned to rejoice always and in everything give thanks. What have you learned this year? Look forward with assurance that He will never leave you or forsake you. He will be right by your side through the joys and trials 2008 will hold.

Today I will finish my year with yet one more medical procedure. A colonoscopy wouldn't be my choice but it's my doctor's. In the light of all I've been through it's just one more hurdle to go over as I run to complete healing. I am counting on His presence once again to be with me today. Another fasting, another trip to Scripps, another I.V., going to sleep again, in the recovery room again, one more iron infusion into my soul, more strength and bravery being imparted. As I close my eyes and drift off to twilight sleep I will rest in the assurance that my Father is still with me, still holding and comforting me and still whispering,"Trust Me, I Love You."

2007-12-22T06:44:00.000-08:00

"Every difficult task that comes across your path-every one you would rather not do, that will take the most effort, cause the most pain, and be the greatest struggle-brings a blessing with it. And refusing to do it regardless of the personal cost is to miss the blessing.
Every difficult stretch of road in which you see the Master's footprints and along which He calls you to follow Him leads unquestionably to blessings. And they are blessings you will never receive unless you travel the steep and thorny path.
Every battlefield you encounter, when you are required to draw your sword and fight the enemy has the possibility of victory that will prove to be a rich blessing to your life. And every heavy burden you are called upon to lift hides within itself a miraculous secret of strength." J.R. Miller

I would rather not juice carrots and eat healthy. It takes a lot of effort and is a daily struggle. I would rather not be in the battlefield of cancer. My sword is too heavy and I am weary of the fight. And yet I know if I give up I will miss the blessing God has for me. I know within this heavy burden is a miraculous secret of strength. So I have a good cry, wipe my tears, put my hand in His and walk through the day with His peace guarding my heart.

What heavy burden is God calling you to lift? What difficult task would you rather not do? What steep and thorny path are you being called to travel? Look for the blessing along the way and the strength He'll give you to take one more step.

More Than A Conqueror

2007-12-17T04:57:00.001-08:00

"In all these things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." Romans 8:37

Today in my devotional this is what I read. "He wants us to be "more than conquerors" turning storm clouds into chariots of victory. It is obvious when an army becomes "more than conquerors," for it drives its enemies from the battlefield and confiscates their food and supplies. This is exactly what scripture means. There are spoils to be taken. When you were struck with an injury and you thought you had lost everything, did you trust in God to the point that you came out richer than you were before? Being "more than a conqueror" means taking the spoils from the enemy and appropriating them for yourself. What your enemy had planned to use it for your defeat, you can confiscate for you own."

When Dr. Moon, of Brighton, England, was suddenly struck with blindness, he said, "Lord, I accept this 'talent' of blindness from you. Help me to use it for Your glory so that when you return, you may receive it 'back with interest'. (Remember the story in Matthew 25 of the master who gave his 3 slaves each some talents?) God then enabled Dr. Moon to invent the Moon Alphabet for the blind, through which thousands of blind people were enabled to read the word of God and come to know Him.

Paul's thorn in the flesh was never removed. Instead God used it for his glory. The ministry of thorns often has a greater ministry to those around you than the ministry of thrones. The greatest victory ever won was only after a crown of thorns had been placed on Jesus' head and he was crucified for the sins of the world. That victory is what enables each of us to be more than conquerors as we face our own battles.

I refuse to let cancer conqueror my body or my spirit. I am determined by His grace and with His help to take the spoils from the enemy. Throughout this entire journey I am going to trust God and come out richer than I was before I started. I am going to take my 'talent' of cancer and let it be multiplied for good in my life and in the lives of others.

I don't know what God has allowed to come into your life. No matter how difficult or long the trial is, persevere until you are more than a conqueror. Don't let the enemy steal your joy or peace. Trust God explicitly and walk in the victory He has for you. And when you stand face to face with your creator you are most likely to hear these words, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

Anchored In The Storm

2007-12-12T05:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday between doctors appointments I sat in a restaurant with Sewell eating a delicious grilled vegetable sandwich on whole wheat bread, fighting back tears of gratitude. It feels like I have been on this journey for a year and yet it has only been a little over 3 months. I remember the day I received the call from my doctor telling me I had cancer. I was shocked, numb and overwhelmed with the prospect of trying to figure out what to do. I knew very little about breast cancer and had no idea what questions to ask a doctor. I had just finished my appointment with a nutritionist and I was able to ask many questions and totally understood everything he talked to me about! I am eating and loving foods I never thought I would like. I no longer walk by cookies and cakes and feel sad and deprived. Carrot juice is something I look forward to drinking every day. I am feeling more rested than I probably ever have in my adult life. In the midst of the most stressful season I have walked through I am learning to get rid of stress and let peace reside in my heart on a daily basis. I am not afraid, confused or hopeless. I am enjoying a greater love with my husband than anyone should get to experience in a lifetime. And I owe it all to cancer. Thank you God for blessing me so richly!

As I look back I have truly learned the most profound and yet simple truth. When God sends the storm He wants us to cling to Jesus who is sitting in the boat with us. He is our life preserver. His word is our anchor. I have chosen to trust His promises to me. Just this morning I was again reading all the verse cards that have been given to me. Everyone one of them has come to pass. He has been my fortress, my rock, my refuge and my personal bravery. He has shown His great power in helping me, He has directed my path and has kept me in perfect peace. I could write pages of promises I have stood on and have come to pass.

Each day I have chosen to look at God and not the storm. The disciple Peter has been my example. When God called him out of the storm, he did not sink as long as he kept his eyes on Jesus. It was only when he looked at the magnitude of the waves that he began to be pulled under by them. It is a choice that you and I must make. Look at your circumstances and you will be overwhelmed with fear and panic. Look at Jesus and you will know a peace that passes any human understanding.

During my lifeguard training this summer we had to demonstrate to our instructor what to do if a drowning swimmer tries to grab us while we are attempting to rescue them. I thought of how panic in our own lives causes us to flail and thrash and grab for anything to save us. And yet God is the only one who can rescue us. He wants us to calmly and quietly reach out to Him and allow Him to pull us to shore. He will throw His word for us to hold on to. Grab it with all your strength. It will calm the storm raging in your heart.

I was celebrating a great lab report yesterday. My nutritionist said there are only small leaks in my boat that can easily be fixed! My triglycerides were 40. Normal is below 200. These are the chemical form in which most fats exist in food as well as the body. They can be made in the body from carbohydrates. My cholesterol dropped from 179 to 138. My estrogen levels were normal even though cancer is a hormone driven disease. But the most exciting thing to me were my lower than normal liver enzymes. Since the liver is the processing center for all toxins in the body it is good indicator of health. My liver is super clean and not diseased! YEAH! Let's toast with another glass of carrot juice which has been a major player in detoxifying my liver and the rest of my cells. I was also told I have a high level of white blood cells. My body is starting to become a leaner, cleaner, cancer fighting machine!

I also had a bone density test yesterday and should get the results of that soon. Now I need to make a few adjustments in my nutrition program and ride my exercise bike more to raise my HDL (good) cholesterol! I will continue eating what I have been. I was asked last night what I crave the most and I honestly couldn't think of anything. That truly is a miracle!

Please continue to pray for direction concerning Tamoxifen which is a drug they want me to take to prevent the cancer from coming back. It has some potential serious side affects. I also need wisdom about doing IV Vitamin C therapy. Our 21 year old daughterAshley may be facing surgery to remove a ganglion from her wrist in 2 weeks. Pray she can find God's peace and comfort since it will require her being off work during this time.

I am off to pack my salad for lunch and get ready for school. Thank you for rejoicing with me and taking the time to read the novel I wrote! God is so good. How can I say it in a paragraph?

Digging Your Ditches

2007-12-08T06:15:00.000-08:00

"This is what the Lord says: Make this valley full of ditches. For this is what the Lord says: You will see neither wind nor rain, yet this valley will be filled with water, and you, your cattle and your other animals will drink. This is an easy thing in the eyes of the Lord.... The next morning, about the time for offering the sacrifice, there it was-water flowing from the direction of Edom! And the land was filled with water. 2 Kings 3:16-18. 20

This is a fascinating story in 2nd Kings of God's miraculous provision of water for the Israelite armies. What God was promising seemed impossible but nothing is too difficult for him. He had commanded the armies to dig ditches and He would fill them. In faith they dug.
A.B. Simpson says, "The greatest victory of faith is to stand at the shore of the impassable Red Sea and to hear the Master say, "Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today." (Exodus 14:13) As we step out in faith, without any sign or sound, taking our first steps into the water, we will see the water divide. Continuing to march ahead, we will see a pathway open through the very midst of the sea. It is the role of faith not to question but to simply obey. Dig the ditches and God will fill them. But He will do this in the most unexpected places and in the most unexpected ways. May we expect Him to work although we see no wind or rain."

Recently God has been impressing upon my heart that believing is seeing rather than seeing is believing. 2nd Corinthians 5:7 commands us to live by faith, not by sight. I am going to continue to believe that God is healing me even if I don't have medical proof yet. I am digging my ditches each day with good nutrition, supplements, rest, prayer, exercise and ridding my life of stress. I know my healing is coming. The ditches are being filled with good health every day. On a daily basis I am trying to be obedient to what He is calling me to do.

What about you? Are you listening to His voice to hear what He wants to speak to you? If He tells you the pace you are living is too hectic are you slowing down? If He whispers in your ear that you are exhausted, are you disciplining yourself to get to bed earlier? If your quiet times are hurried and sporadic, are you carving out time each day to be still and wait in His presence? All God wants from our lives is surrender and obedience.

I know God could miraculously heal me. I would much prefer that over the disciplined life He is calling me to. And yet I know this path will be sweeter and more fruitful in the long run. Digging ditches is hard work. Obedience always is and yet that's the place where Jesus meets us and changes us into His image. Step out in faith and dig. The water is coming!

BE DILIGENT TO REST!

2007-12-04T05:11:00.000-08:00

"There remains therefore a rest for the people of God. For he who has entered His rest has himself also ceased form his works as God did from His. Let us therefore be diligent to enter that rest..." Hebrews 4:9-11

Most of us can't enter a Sabbath rest that is being talked about much less rest during the week. It is probably the hardest thing I am trying to learn. Our society does not applaud rest. We live at a frenzied pace that is not good for our bodies or our souls. We race through each day trying to accomplish as much as we can and yet it never gets all done. Our minds set the pace for our bodies. We are distracted with so many to do lists and problems running through our heads. It is a disease that can only be cured through purposeful rest.

I still have so much to learn about resting but here are a few things God has shown me. He says to come to Him when we are weary and heavy laden and He will give us rest. I know most of us are heavy laden every day so we need to enter a resting place with Him. Establish and guard your daily quiet resting time with God. Sit and pray. Listen. Read. Be silent. Don't rush through. Resting for only 10 minutes won't accomplish the deep work He's trying to do in your soul.

Be purposeful about powering down throughout the day. Unplug yourself from the crazy, busy life. Take 5 minutes and move away from your desk. Take a walk. Pray. Clear your mind. Sit and read a book. You will be amazed and what these short little breaks will do for you.

Plan a time each week to do something fun. Treat yourself to a movie, a walk at the beach, a date with your husband or to anything that refreshes you.

Let things go. I am trying to rid myself of my perfectionist tendencies. I constantly remind myself the mental stress isn't worth it. I am working on pushing thoughts out of my mind that aren't healthy for me. Worrying does not bring rest. Learning to rest for me means changing how I see things. It means letting old habits die in exchange for life to my body and mind.

Diligently guard your sleep. Sleep deprivation impairs your immune system, it causes foggy thinking and grouchy attitudes. There isn't one benefit to living on 6 hours of sleep a night but there are dozens to getting 8 or more. I stop my evening so I can be in bed at 8:30 p.m every night. If things aren't done it just doesn't matter. I'm sure they will still be there tomorrow. Because I get to bed at 8:30 I am able to get up at 4:30 a.m. to have a good quiet time with God. It's my "breakfast" and the most healthy thing I can do for my body and heart the entire day.

Enlist the help of a friend who will hold you accountable for your rest. Ask God to show you each day the areas you could do better in. He loves you and will be quick to answer you.

Remind yourself resting is not sin or laziness. It is mandated in the word. God knows we need it. Someone told me recently that all the nutritional things I am doing are very good and beneficial but my healing will come from Resting In The Lord!

You may not need a physical healing but I am sure the Lord will heal you of many other things as you purposefully begin to enter His rest on a daily basis.

REMEMBER TO
REST AND
RELAX!

I would love to hear what God does as you enter that place!

Putting Things Into Perspective

2007-12-01T08:48:00.000-08:00

I have found on this cancer journey with God that He is causing me to see things with a new perspective. The things that used to bother me and cause me stress have become insignificant as I have had to face a battle for health and life. Each of us can choose to face our day with optimism and thankfulness. Yes, I still have bills to pay but I am thankful that He has provided great jobs for my husband and me. I still have a house to clean but I am thankful that is warm and filled with people that love each other. My to do list is still longer than I have hours in my day but I am grateful He is going to give me many good days of health to accomplish what is most important. Eating and drinking has become purposeful,disciplined and hard work but I am grateful for juicers, food processors and friends and family who are helping me stay the course.

Can you imagine if every time we started to grumble or complain we turned it into a prayer of Thanksgiving? We each have the ability to do this but we often don't choose it. What I have found is when I praise more and complain less stress falls off me and my mind is filled with more pleasant and peaceful thoughts. Purpose each day not to complain or be negative. Give those thoughts to God instead of giving them to the listening ears of those around you. You will be amazed at what happens inside you! Your family will appreciate it too! God is big enough to handle all your problems, all your concerns, all your fears, all your doubts. He is your dad and He loves you so much! It's when you are at His feet or in His arms you will gain a new perspective on your life. If we could each see our life as He does I believe our hearts would be overwhelmed with gratitude for the wonderful and amazing plan He has for us. There would be no room or need for complaining. Why wait until we get to Heaven to get His perspective? I believe He will give it to us right now! Don't wait for cancer to come along to gain it.

Nothing is impossible with God

2007-11-29T05:06:00.000-08:00

"For nothing is impossible with God." These words were spoken by an angel to Mary concerning her cousin Elizabeth's pregnancy. The angel was telling Mary she would bear Jesus as a virgin. Elizabeth was used as an example of God doing the impossible in order to give Mary faith to believe and not doubt. The very next verse after this one is Mary's response. She says, "I am the Lord's servant..."

I think most of us don't live believing we serve a God of the impossible. Our daily worries and concerns demonstrate our fear and lack of faith. We look at our circumstances and listen to what the world whispers in our ear about them. This morning in my quiet time I read these words, "...even if we took our circumstances and cast all the darkness of human doubt upon them and then hastily piled as many difficulties together as we could find against God's divine work, we could never move beyond the blessedness of His miracle-working power. May we place our faith completely in Him, for He is the God of the impossible."

For the first time in my life I have really had to place my faith completely in God as I have faced cancer. Doctors are telling me what I am doing is impossible. They don't believe taking the nutritional route will heal cancer. Their prediction of death over my life is enough to cause me to be tempted to run off the path I believe and am trusting God has called me to. Daily I remind myself that my Father is a God of the impossible. My faith is stretched and strengthened with every supplement I take and every glass of carrot juice I drink. He is a God of the impossible and He loves to show His miracle working power through us.

No matter what circumstance you find yourself in today, remember He is a God of the impossible. He will give you the strength to forgive. He will give you the courage to apologize. He will give you the ability to face your day with joy and thanksgiving. You are so blessed no matter what is happening in your life because you have a giant slayer on your side! Nothing is impossible with Him. If you truly believe this you will face each day with joyful anticipation of what God is going to do in and through you. By your attitudes and actions choose to be a miracle in the making!

Thanks Giving

2007-11-28T05:01:00.000-08:00

Since I last wrote we had my father-in-laws service, I ate a turkeyless Thanksgiving and we watched Taryn run at state. All first time experiences for me. Sewell did a beautiful job at giving the eulogy for his father. I know his dad would have been proud. It was a perfect day and we had a view of the ocean from where we sat during the service. I know that would have pleased dad since he spent so much of his life on the water. It was a sweet time of remembering a man who poured his life into ours.
Thanksgiving came and in spite of not eating turkey and all the trimmings I have so much to be thankful for. As I look back at these past few months I have been surrounded by friends and family that have loved me and supported me. Without them I don't know what I would have done. I am especially thankful for my youngest sister Sani who flew out from New Mexico to help me during this time. For the past 3 months I haven't gotten anything done on my to do list and she helped relieve my stress by doing a good majority of them. Thank you Sani and to all of you who have prayed for me, sent cards, fixed meals, juiced carrots, gave me gifts, bought books for me, worked in my yard and loved on my family during this very difficult journey. I am rich because of you!
The day after Thanksgiving we drove to Fresno to watch Taryn run in the state meet. There were 198 girls in her division and she placed 97th. We were very proud of her. It was by far the fastest race she has been in this year and she ran a tough race.
Yesterday I received an email from someone I don't know but who is a friend of a friend. She had battled breast cancer 10 years ago and was healed going a nutritional route. She outlined what she did and then she said something she went on a "just say no program". Meaning she stopped going and going. She stayed home at night and allowed her body to rest and heal. She removed every stress she had the power to remove. She went on to say stress is a killer.
As I thought about that I realized how much stress we all allow and have in our lives. Over and over I read how stress is so damaging to the immune system which is our greatest source of protection from disease and illness. I hope you will embark on a "just say no program" and begin to eliminate the stress you can from your life. It isn't healthy for any of us. Since reading her email I gave back a responsibility I had taken on at school. I am going to ask God to show me any further stresses I could get rid of. I am no longer doing things out of a sense of obligation. Time is precious for all of us and we need to learn to invest our time, not just spend it. If this is difficult for you to do ask people that love you to help determine what things you could get rid of in your life. An outside perspective is always helpful. I know Joni and Sani have helped me in this area this year. I pray you will not wait until you are sick or diagnosed with a serious illness before you slow down. Learn from those who have gone before you. You can say No! He will give you the courage. There are always others that can do what you are doing, even if you don't think there are. Pray more, stress less!

Celebrations In The Midst Of Storms

2007-11-18T07:55:00.000-08:00

Even in the midst of storms God will bring us moments of celebration. Yesterday was one of them. Taryn ran in the CIF Cross Country championships and placed 8th overall out of about 100 girls which qualified her for the state meet next weekend in Fresno! Our entire family plus 2 aunts were there to cheer her on. The last meet she had was the League Championships which qualified her for CIF. We celebrated by visiting Dad and sharing our joy with him. He died the next morning. I know he would be very proud of Taryn and happy for her. She has worked so hard all summer and fall to get where she is.
Right after the meet we went and celebrated Ashley's 21st birthday which is tomorrow. There was much healing laugther as we sat around the table enjoying one anther's company.
These are a few quotes from my devotional this morning that encouraged me. "God knows that you can withstand your trial, or else he would not have given it to you. His trust in you explains the trials of your life, no mater how severe they may be. God knows your strength, and He measure it to the last inch. Remember, no trial has ever been given to anyone that was greater than that person's strength, THROUGH GOD, to endure it. Rise up today to face the circumstances in which the providence of God has placed you. Your crown of glory is hidden in the heart of these things-the hardships and trials pressing in on you this very hour, week, and month of your life. Yet the most difficult things are not those seen and known by the world but those deep within your soul, unseen and unknown by anyone except Jesus. But I must believe that when difficulties remain, it is that I may learn to trust Him completely-to trust and not be afraid. And it is through my mental and emotional struggles that I am being trained to tutor others who are being tossed by the storm."
Today remember that God trusts you and He wants you to trust Him completely. Through God, and God only you can endure anything. The providence of God places every trial into your life. You are being trained to tutor others who are being tossed by the storm. And while you are in the storm look for moments to celebrate the goodness of God. Don't wait for the seas to be calm and your feet to be standing on solid ground before you give thanks to God. Maybe your praise is the very thing that will calm the winds that are beating against your life.

He instructs me in the night season

2007-11-14T05:07:00.000-08:00

One of the most daunting tasks these past few months has been to decide what course of treatment I should take. As I explored all the options I felt strongly that God was not leading me to do chemotherapy or radiation. Taking a nutritional approach has been a step of faith. The majority of people diagnosed with cancer probably don't take this route because it is not one the doctors are familiar with or educated in. My doctors have been skeptical and one has even told me I will die if I don't do chemo or radiation. These are words that can strike fear in anyone's heart. And yet I have to trust what God is speaking to me more than what man is.

Psalm 16:7 says,
"I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel,
My heart also instructs me in the night seasons.
I have set the Lord always before me;
Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices,
My flesh also will rest in hope."

I thank God every day that He is directing me to doctors who are helping me nutritionally. He has used people to recommend books and web sites that support what I am doing. Daily I come before God in quietness so he can instruct my heart in this night season. I have not seen my oncologist since before surgery and she does not know I am going to refuse chemo and radiation. She has already told me there isn't anything nutritionally that will help me. Because God is at my right hand, I will not be moved emotionally by my discussion with her. I will rest in hope, trusting God. I have always said I have faith in God but now He has called me to step out in faith and trust my life(literally) to Him.

Have you come to that place where you have let everything go? Is all of your life placed into His hands? Do you wait in silence to hear Him speak to you? Are you certain of the path He is directing you to and are you obediently walking on it?

More than being healed of cancer I want to be obedient to my Father and to honor Him in every decision I make. When I am healed of cancer it will not be because I drank 6 glasses of carrot juice a day, or ate a vegan diet or took 84 supplements a day, or slept better or exercised more. It will be because I was obedient to listen and follow my Father and it brought Him glory to heal me. On that day we will throw a great party! Carrot juice for everyone! :)

God is our Refuge and Strength

2007-11-10T07:05:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday night we went to visit Bud (my father-in-law) in the care facility. He was hospitalized in the beginning of September to repair a hematoma that occurred when the doctors replaced the battery on his pace maker. His lung collapsed and they eventually put in a trach so they could help him breathe. He got well enough to be transferred to a rehab facility.
We had just come from Taryn's league final cross country race and she was able to tell dad that she had finished 4th which placed her on the All-League team and qualified her for CIF. Cori and Taryn told him about being voted for homecoming court and the lyp synchs they were in following the football game. We held his hands and prayed for him.
The next morning his heart stopped and he went home to be with the Lord. As you can imagine it was devastating for all of us since they said he was getting better. We were expecting him to come home in a few weeks.
Dad was a sweet man who never complained about anything. He was patient and kind. He always treated me like a daughter and not a daughter-in-law. He was a wonderful grandfather to our girls. We all have great memories of him and we will miss him terribly.
It seems like the weight of cancer and the loss of dad is unbearable. I find comfort in Psalm 46.
"God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though its waters roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with its swelling.
The Lord of hosts is with us, The God of Jacob is our refuge.
Be still and know that I am God."
These past couple of months have found Sewell and I in the midst of a ferocious storm. It has pounded against our hearts and spirits.
David Jeremiah says in his book A Bend In The Road, " Perhaps the storm is raging for you as you read these words. Perhaps you're lost in a wilderness of shattered hope, or shut away in a prison of debt. Perhaps you face a hospital ward of health concerns, or family problems are rocking your boat and you feel you'll be lost forever.
Wherever you are, whatever the crisis, there is an important principle at work. If you feel helpless, you've become eligible for the assistance of God. You need only cry out for His salvation, He will do the rest in His time, and He'll do it well.
When the storm is over, you'll be a new creature-wiser, stronger, and ready to serve Him. The sea will be calm, the breeze will be soft, and the silence will present itself as a sanctuary to exalt His name and sing His glorious praises. If He can control the storm, what other wonderful works might He bring to pass in your life? Run into His waiting arms, for that's what He most desires. He is your refuge, your city wall, your cool and refreshing stream, and your impenetrable defense from the enemy. He is a very present help in times of trouble."
The only way I am able to put my feet on the floor and face my day is by facing God first. I am trusting God to bring me through this storm and into calm seas. But I won't wait for that moment to praise Him. He loves me and will keep me from sinking no matter how hard the waves pound against my boat. I know this because He's in the boat with me. I am keeping my eyes focused on His face and not the storm. I am thanking Him for His undeniable presence. I don't know how long this storm will rage but it doesn't really matter. I know the longer I am in it, the deeper the work He is doing in my life. I long for the gentle breeze and the calm seas that signal the end of this storm but I will continue to trust Him no matter how long or how hard it beats against my life.
And knowing that my heavenly Father and Bud are together now cheering me on gives me strength and hope to finish this race and finish it strong.

Running with endurance

2007-11-03T07:31:00.000-07:00

"Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith." Hebrews 12:1-2

My goal is to someday run again. It is something I miss terribly. There's just something about the feeling of a good sweat that comes from a hard workout. O.K., maybe I'm a little crazy! I feel like I'm running a race right now even though my Adidas haven't taken one step. It's the race for health. I'm finding it's taking daily discipline and endurance. This morning I was reading a book my brother sent me by Max Lucado called Mocha With Max. This is his perspective.

"For some of you, the journey has been long. Very long and stormy. Some of you have shouldered burdens that few of us could ever carry. You have bid farewell to life-long partners. You have been robbed of life-long dreams. You have been given bodies that can't sustain your spirit. You have spouses who can't tolerate your faith. You have bills that outnumber the paychecks and challenges that outweigh the strength.
And you are tired.
It's hard for you to see the City in the midst of the storms. The desire to pull over to the side of the road and get out entices you. You want to go on, but some days the road seems so long.
Let me encourage you. God never said that the journey would be easy, but he did say that the arrival would be worthwhile.
Remember this: God may not do what you want, but he will do what is right...and best. He's the Father of forward motion. Trust Him. He will get you home. And the trials of the trip will be lost in the joys of the feast."

I am asking for strength just for today. I am choosing to trust God to give me the endurance to keep moving forward one step at a time. I want to find joy in the trials of the trip. Are you doing the same?

Praising God's Presence and Provision

2007-11-02T05:19:00.000-07:00

So much has happened these past 10 days. Fires raged in San Diego. Thankfully we did not have to evacuate. I flew to North Carolina for a 3 day nutrition seminar that was very educational and encouraging. My drain finally came out after 3 weeks! The doctor said it drained so long because my lymph nodes are working and I'm healthy! My blood pressure was also the lowest it has ever been- 104/66! This is an indication that my arteries are very elastic and healthy! YEAH!

I also saw 3 other doctors and they all feel like I am doing exactly what I should be doing nutritionally to get my immune system strong to fight this cancer. They took a Carotenoid Antioxidant test to check my improvement. This test measures the overall level of antioxidants in my body which are the things that are going to kill the cancer. My first reading was 39,000 which is about a C+. The test this week was 58,000! They were impressed that it had gone up that much. The highest reading is 59,000!

My next step is to make an appointment with my oncologist to talk to her about how she is going to follow my progress. I had not decided to forego chemo and radiation when I first talked to her so I am preparing my heart in case she tries to convince me otherwise.

Lately I have been reading Psalm 142 and 57 which were written by David while he was hiding in the cave. Psalm 142:3 says, "When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then you knew my path." I have felt overwhelmed several times on this journey. Trying to figure out the right nutritional path is a daunting task. And yet I find comfort that God knows the path. Every moment I feel overwhelmed by problems, God is
busy dealing with them. God is as present in my "cave experience" as he was in David's. He's also in yours.

Verse 5 says, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living." Caves are not the refuge in the times of trials! God is. He will provide whatever I need during this time.

In verse 7 David says, "Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name." I was intrigued by this. Do I want to be set free from cancer just so I can be well? Ultimately when God heals me, it will be so I can praise his name and give him glory.

Psalm 57 has two very interesting verses. Right in the middle is verse 5 which says, "Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." This psalm ends with verse 11 which repeats verse 5. In the middle of this trial I am to praise God and again at the end of it.

I believe the key to being free from any trial is to learn to praise God right while you are in the midst of it. If you remember when Paul was in prison he began to sing and praise God and his chains fell off and he was set free.

If you find yourself taking refuge in a cave of your making, I encourage you to begin to offer a sacrifice of praise to God. He is always present to provide whatever you need. He is your strong tower and refuge in times of trouble. He will hold you tight even in the midst of the fire.

When the Winds Blow

2007-10-23T06:35:00.000-07:00

In Southern California we get Santa Ana winds that can gust up to 80 mph. They blew in on Sunday and brought destruction with them. Trees fell, roofs ripped off, fences went down and storage sheds collapsed. Facing winds and giants can be daunting. What do you do when the winds blow into your life unannounced?

You can choose to focus on what you've lost or what you have.

Part of our fence blew down but we have another gate that leads to our side yard so we can still keep our dog Suki in our back yard when we go to work. Our shed that we had painstakingly put together (maybe that was the problem!) is completely destroyed but I am grateful that God has blessed us with the things we put in it. A good part of our roof came off but we have insurance and they can put it back on. What we lost is insignificant in comparison to what we have. At this point we are not one of the 300,000 people that have been evacuated in San Diego due to the fires. Ours is not one of the 1,000 homes that has burned. We are safe, warm and have food in our refrigerator even if the power keeps going on and off.

How you face winds and giants is a matter of what you choose to focus on. When I think of the greatness of the winds that blow into my life or the giants that taunt me, I remind myself of the greatness of my God. He will respond faster than any insurance company to my cry for help.

Psalm 138:3 says, "You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul."
Verse 7 says "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me; you will stretch Your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand will save me."

In A Bend In The Road David Jeremiah says, "Every believer knows that when we walk through the valley of tears, God walks beside us; when we pass through the fire, He draws close to deflect the flames; when we wade through the flood, He is nearby to keep our heads up. In the storm or in the earthquake or in the midst of any disaster threatening to engulf us-that's the time we feel the presence of the Lord as we've never felt Him before. God is closest in the crises, surrounding us with His presence. He promised He would do it, and our Lord is always as good as His word."

When the winds blow into your life and you feel like you won't be able to stand, remind yourself of what you have, not what you have lost. Praise him in the middle of the storm. It is your strength to face it.

Tomorrow I am supposed to leave for North Carolina for a 3 day nutrition seminar at the headquarters of Hallelujah Acres. I am following the Hallelujah diet in my quest to beat this cancer. The word Hallelujah literally means "Praise God." I hope I will come back with new knowledge and fresh encouragement to continue on the path God has placed me on. I am very excited because my sister is meeting me at my layover in Houston and we are going together. I have not seen any of my family since I was diagnosed. Thank you to my sweet father for making it possible.

I am praying the fires will not head this direction so I can go with peace in my heart. It is also Sewell's birthday tomorrow and I have never been gone on that day. I am grateful for a husband who loves me and supports me unselfishly.

I am praying that as you read this you will stop and thank God for all the blessings you have even in the midst of the raging storm. You may lose everything you have but you can never be separated from the love of God.
Either we can fall to our knees and lament our circumstances or we can fall to our knees and praise God who is Lord over them.

He's Holding My Hand

2007-10-18T02:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I fell. I wasn't standing on a chair. I wasn't out walking. I was sitting in my living room. You might ask how I fell sitting on my couch. Simple. I let go of my Father's hand.

I began to think about this long road I'm on and the difficulty and loneliness of it. Being diagnosed with cancer changes your entire life in one sentence. Nothing will ever be the same. There is a loss and grieving over life as it was.

My birthday is today and I was thinking about celebrating it without hot chocolate for breakfast, chocolate chip cookies for lunch and chocolate cake with ice cream for dinner. As you can tell I love chocolate! Because I know cancer feeds on sugar, I'm not sure I will ever eat it again. On August 29th I was told I had breast cancer. The next day I gave up dairy, all sugar, white flour, and meat. I went to an 85% raw and 15% cooked diet. I began juicing greens and carrots and drinking 6-8 glasses a day of it. This isn't just for this month or until I'm cured. It's for life. Putting cancer into remission does not mean it will not come back in 10-20 years. I know this lifestyle change is not temporary. Yesterday the loneliness of the path I am on and the reality of this disease hit me hard. I cried and cried and felt my hand slipping from His. Even Sewell did not know how to comfort me. I went to bed with a weary and troubled heart. God woke me up at 1:30 this morning. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn't. I came out to the same couch I sat on yesterday when I fell and pulled out my Bible. He directed me to Psalm 18:35-36 "You have also given me the shield of Your salvation, And Your right hand upholds me; And Your gentleness makes me great . You enlarge my steps under me, And my feet have not slipped."

Today is October 18th and God gave me the gift of Psalm 18. It says that when I gave my life to Him my salvation would be my shield. It would protect me. His right hand holds me up and keeps me from falling. His gentleness tells me He understands. I can cry on His shoulder. Because He has a firm grasp on me I may slip but I won't fall and hurt myself. He will hold onto me if I hold onto Him.

Psalm 37:23-24 "The steps of a man are established by the Lord; and He delights in his way. When he falls, he shall not be hurled headlong; because the LORD is the One who holds his hand."

Psalm 63:7-8 "Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me."

Because of the surgery I can't hold onto much with my right hand without causing pain. It's a reminder that even in my weakened emotional state God reaches down and holds onto me tightly as I cling to Him with my soul.

Have you ever been at that place where you have to cling to God? Have you felt the desperation in your Spirit that nothing can comfort? God is faithful and will not let you go. When your heart is troubled run to His word for comfort and strength. You will find it there.

I love Ron Mehl's book God Works the Night Shift. I grabbed it off the book shelf tonight since I wasn't sleeping and here's what he says. "Go ahead and call me simplistic but I think many of us have made this business of walking with the Lord way too complicated. We throw heavy five-syllable, theological terms, come up with all kinds of evangelical checklist, and sometimes make new believers feel they'll have to study Greek, Hebrew and Aramaic before they can really get along in the Christian life. All of that stuff's fine, and I'm grateful for Christian scholars and intellectuals but is it possible that in all our sophistication we've missed the bottom line of life in Jesus? Doesn't the Christian life really boil down to being held by God and, in turn, holding onto Him?"

In Psalm 18:39 it says, "You armed me with strength for battle..."

I am grateful for His strength in the midst of this battle. He knows I don't have any apart from what He gives me.

Each day, wake up, look up at your Father, place your hand in His and hold on for dear life. He won't let you go. You will find strength for your battle.

Sweet dreams!

God is Good

2007-10-16T08:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I received a call from my surgeon. She told me there wasn't any cancer on the margins of the tumor so they got it all. She removed 17 lymph nodes and there was only cancer in 2 of them! YEAH! I was so excited. I was told before I went into surgery that they may have to remove up to 20 lymph nodes because they are imbedded in fat and they don't know the exact number that are removed until they take them. I was hoping for less but I know God can heal the lymph system so I don't get lymphedema. I am home recovering and hoping to get the drain removed on Friday.

I have been reflecting on all the things God has been doing in and through me. Trials have a way of refining a person. I know there is so much more He is going to do in the days ahead. Meanwhile, I will rest in Him and trust Him with my future.

Psalm 91: 1-2 "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress., my God, in whom I trust."

Please pray for my mom, Sally. She is going into surgery this Thursday(my birthday) to have a 4x5" mass removed in her abdomen. Her heart is not real strong. Sewell's father Bud is starting his 7th week of being in bed with a collapsed lung. They have moved him from ICU to a care facility. He has a trach and is on a ventilator. We are praying his lung will heal enough so he can get off the ventilator and start to get out of bed. He has been on a feeding tube for weeks.

Facing the Future

2007-10-14T08:31:00.000-07:00

Psalm 28:7
"The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped, therefore my heart greatly rejoices and with my song I will praise Him."

This morning I was reading from Pastor Jeremiah's A Bend In The Road.
He says, "When anxiety for the future built up-and it did time and again-David faced it with the testimony of the past. What a terrible danger it is to become trapped in the claustrophobia of the present during a crisis. That's our first impulse. The clear and present danger is so huge, so imposing, that it blocks our view behind us and ahead of us. We desperately need perspective. We can't change the future until it arrives, but we can gain wisdom from the past. It should hold for us an absolute conviction on the question of who God is and what He's done for us previously."

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know what treatments I will need. The only sure thing I know is God has always been faithful to me in the past and His character does not change. Each day I wake up I know His steadfast love never ceases and His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22)

In Habbakuk 3 you can read about a dire situation Habbakuk found himself in. Jeremiah says, "Habbakuk you see, made a choice. His country was in turmoil, his God had no answers that made sense. When there was no explanation for things that he could wrap his mind around, the prophet said, "I do have one option. I can praise God. The world around me may be in turmoil, yet though all of it falls apart, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation." That same choice faces you. You can demand answers, neatly gift-wrapped. You can insist that God quickly resolves every trail and injustice in your life. You can hold out for the world, your life within it, to become suddenly fair and rational, though they've never been so in the first place. Or you can choose to lift up your eyes to the heavens, pour out your tears and grief and anger, and say in the very midst of them, "God, I have no clue what this turmoil is all about or where it is leading, but this is my resolution: I will put my trust in You, and I will praise You with all of my heart unconditionally!" The same God who has been there in the past is the God who is going to be there for you in the future. He will bring resolution in His own time, according to His own purposes. We become preoccupied with our circumstances, God is preoccupied with our character. He will allow the tough times for the higher good of our character until He is finished with the great work that is invisible to our earthly eyes."

My prayer for you and I is that each day we will get up and reflect on God's faithfulness. He has what we need to get through this day and each that is to come. May you embrace your day with joy and unconditional praise. Don't fear the future. He holds it in His hands. He is molding and shaping your character. Look for the ministry opportunities He will bring your way. Find the purpose in the pain. It's there. Like David, I choose to say, "I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me." Psalm 13:6

An Army Of Prayer Warriors

2007-10-11T20:46:00.000-07:00

Yeah! I am through surgery and resting at home. Sewell and I got up early and drove to La Jolla Cove so we could walk along the ocean before surgery. I have always felt God's presence when I look at the waves, seagulls and seals. I took all the scripture cards I was given and read them. I had to have a wire put in to the tumor to be able to guide the surgeon. That was pretty painful but I kept reciting a verse from Habbakuk that talks about God being my personal bravery. I was able to talk to the anesthesiologist about how I usually get sick when I wake up from surgery. She gave me something during surgery and then a drip all day after surgery and I didn't throw up! My surgeon told me she knew I wasn't going to do chemo or radiation and how I was concerned about the lymph nodes. She said she would be as conservative as she could be and yet get the ones she thought looked enlarged. I prayed with her and asked God to guide her and give her wisdom. She was very encouraged by the prayer. I didn't have much pain yesterday after surgery and didn't have to take any pain medication. I do have a drain from the lymph nodes that I have to empty. There just isn't any good way to attach that thing to your body. :)
I saw my doctor today and she said the lump was very small and she only took the lymph nodes that looked enlarged. She told me she had my voice in her head during surgery about keeping the lymph nodes. I wonder who could have put it there? :) It was a direct answer to the prayer I prayed with her before going in. She also said she left the blood vessels which they usually take. I had a beautiful room overlooking the golf course with a view of the ocean. I could see about 10 hang gliders out taking a ride. They just seemed to float so effortlessly along. Sewell and I have gone to the cliffs above the ocean many times to watch them take off and land. I've always thought it would be great to take a tandem ride. The novice sits in front and the expert sits in back and takes control. As I watched them out my window it was as if God was reminding me that on this journey he would guide me and carry me. I can sit back and relax, trusting His ablility to bring me in for a safe landing. He is in charge. I am certainly a novice at trying to figure out how to cure cancer through nutrition but God is the expert. He will faithfully guide me.
I was able to talk to my roommate about what the Lord is doing in my life through cancer and pray for her recovery from the knee surgery she had.
I know that there were hundreds of people praying for me yesterday. I could feel those prayers comforting me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. God is so good. Now I wait for the pathology report, try to rest and recover and read the two books I have left about curing cancer with nutrition. Please continue to pray God will reveal the answer to me for my complete healing.

In His Care

2007-10-10T05:08:00.000-07:00

Well, the day has arrived. Surgery is at 10:30 this morning and should last about 3 hours. This will be my 5th surgery for various things. I don't think any of us like going through surgery. I have not had very good experiences with anesthesia. The whole process and recovery makes me kind of anxious.
This morning I was reading Psalm 94:17-19 "Unless the Lord had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."
I know my Shepherd goes before me and leads me. He restores my soul. He comforts me.When I am in the operating room He will be watching. His angels will be with Him to attend to me. There is great comfort knowing I will not be alone. Your prayers will be guiding the surgeon's hands. I am and will continue to have a peace that can only be given by my Heavenly Father.
I was so comforted by the kind responses to my writing yesterday. Complete strangers wrote to encourage me! Just yesterday I was prayed for by the teachers at my school, my advisory girls had the entire student body pray for me during our chapel, two students gave me books, one student got out of a class to come find me to give me a hug and tell me she was praying for me, a friend sent a Bible study to me, my mom and dad both sent me something in the mail which is the first time that has probably ever happened in my life, a friend brought some beautiful pink roses to me and scripture cards, another friend did all my xeroxing for my classes, several friends left encouraging messages on my phone, I received 4 movie tickets and a gift card in the mail, my Bible study group all prayed for me and loved on me and I was told that I am on many, many prayer chains! How can I not feel encouraged through all of that? And I know it was God who prompted each person's heart to reach out to me. I want to thank all of you who have so graciously thought of me and ministered to me. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug. Thank you for wrapping me in your love and prayers. It is very appreciated.
I am excited to see what ministry opportunities await at the hospital. I know I am His ambassador! I am going to pray for anyone that will let me including my surgeon and anesthesiologist.
Today as you face your day, know that God will send His comfort and peace no matter what is ahead for you. Run, don't walk into His arms. He has more than enough strength to help you face the day and all of your tomorrows.

Trusting In The Lord

2007-10-08T05:10:00.001-07:00

I have always trusted in the Lord but it is only since I have been diagnosed with cancer that I have truly come to know the full meaning of Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." The road of cancer is not a straight one. There are forks in the road and choices must be made. These are not simple choices that are inconsequential but they are choices of life and death. This reality at times causes me to want to trust other people to make the choice for me. It would be easier than wading through tons of research, web sites and other information. And yet I know God is the only one who knows what the correct choice is for my life. It is much harder to hear God's voice speaking than man's. His voice is the one that will put me on the path of healing. As I have sought alternative methods to healing cancer I have come to realize there are hundreds if not thousands of options. Which one(s) will work? Knowing I do not have the knowledge to make this decision could cause fear and panic to set in. So I go to God's word and I am comforted by scriptures like Proverbs 3 that says He will make our paths straight.
Another one I cling to is Isaiah 30:20-21 "Although the Lord gives you the bread of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
I am trusting God to bring the people into my life who will teach me and help direct my path towards complete healing.
Do you have choices you need to make? My encouragement to you is create a daily time where you listen. Mine happens to be from 4:30-5:30 a.m. each day. This is the only time there is complete silence in my home. When I stop the noise of life I can hear his voice. When do you stop the noise of your life to kneel at His feet and quiet your spirit so you can listen? Listening is a discipline in our spiritual lives that many of us do not exercise.
Proverbs 4:1 says, "Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding."
Your Heavenly father is longing to speak to you because He loves you. Have confidence that He will not leave you alone to make your choices in life. He will be behind you whispering, "This is the way, walk in it."

The Rush of Angels Wings

2007-10-05T12:41:00.000-07:00

I encourage you to read this mornings blog before reading this one.
Today I had 10 pairs of angels wings rushing in to comfort and encourage me. Each teacher at Christian High has been assigned to meet daily for 15 minutes with a group of students. I meet with 10 of the most precious senior girls. Today when I met with them they were all wearing hot pink bracelets that said "Facing Your Giant" "Mrs. Dunton." They have purchased 200 of them and got permission from our superintendent to sell them for donations to the students on our campus for my "carrot juice fund." They said they know there are extra expenses at this time and they want to help. As you can imagine I just broke down and cried. My mind quickly raced back to a few weeks ago when they made me close my eyes while they did something. When I opened my eyes they were all sitting with little cups of carrot juice that they drank in support of me. It was another tearful moment. I thank God for using young teenage ladies to be His angels rushing in with hope and encouragement. Thank you Brooke, Kaylyn, Alyssa, Brittany, Sharon, Sarah, Amanda, Danielle, Rebecca and Cathy. I love you all! And thank you God for choosing these girls to be part of my advisory.
What is really amazing is that for 6 years I have been a freshman advisor and this year the administration gave me seniors! God knew I would be facing this breast cancer giant and these would be the teens He would minister His love through. I have taught all of them in the past. Together we will mture as women of the Lord, strengthening and praying for each other. I am excited to see the growth that will take place in each of our lives as we journey together this year.

The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me!

2007-10-05T05:17:00.000-07:00

This morning in my devotions this is what I read.
"The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me..." Psalm 138:8
"There is a divine mystery in suffering, one that has a strange and supernatural power and has never been completely understood by human reason. No one has ever developed a deep level of spirituality or holiness without experiencing a great deal of suffering. When a person who suffers reaches a point where he can be calm and carefree, inwardly smiling at his own suffering, and no longer asking God to be delivered from it, then the suffering has accomplished its blessed ministry, perseverance has "finished its work" (James 1:4) and the pain of the Crucifixion has begun to weave itself into a crown.
It is in this experience of complete suffering that the Holy Spirit works many miraculous things deep within our soul. In this condition, our entire being lies perfectly still under the hand of God; every power and ability of the mind, will and heart are at last submissive; a quietness of eternity settles into the entire soul; and finally, the mouth becomes quiet, having only a few words to say, and stops crying out to God, why have you forsaken me?" Psalm 22:1)
At this point the person stops imagining castles in the sky, and pursuing foolish ideas and his reasoning becomes calm and relaxed, with all choices removed, because the only choice has now become the purpose of God. Also, his emotions are weaned away from other people and things, becoming deadened so that nothing can hurt, offend, hinder, or get in his way. He can now let the circumstances be what they may, and continue to seek only God and His will, with the calm assurance that He is causing everything in the universe, whether good or bad, past or present, to work "for the good of those who love him" (Romans 8:28).
Oh, the blessings of absolute submission to Christ! What a blessing to lose our own strength, wisdom, plans and desires and to be where every ounce of our being becomes like a peaceful Sea of Galilee under the omnipotent feet of Jesus! The main thing is to suffer without becoming discouraged. "
The heart that serves, and loves, and clings,
Hears everywhere the rush of angel wings.

I have only been on this journey for 2 months but I am beginning to reach the point of being calm and of inwardly rejoicing over what God is doing in and through me at this time. I sense a quietness of eternity settling into my soul. I am seeking God's perfect will for me with the assurance He will cause this to work together for His good and glory. Everyday I sense the rush of angels wings as He sends them to minister comfort, hope and encouragement to my heart.

Each day, give your life to God. Look to Him to be the stillness in your storm. Lay your cares and concerns at His feet. There is nothing to difficult for Him. He can heal any heart and any body. He will keep you in perfect peace if you completely trust Him.

Peace While Facing A Giant

2007-10-04T04:45:00.000-07:00

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal." Isaiah 26:3-4
This past month I have been diligently researching my options for treatment. I have talked to 10 doctors, read 9 books on nutrition and cancer, had 7 diagnostic medical procedures and spoken to over 2 dozen people to hear their stories and seek advice.
Every day I have asked God to direct me down the correct path for my healing. I believe He is. Yesterday I met with a cancer specialist and received the final confirmation about surgery. I will go ahead with the lumpectomy next Wednesday at Scripps Green in San Diego. They will also be doing a conservative Axillary Lymph Node Dissection to remove a sample of lymph nodes since there is cancer in at least one. I will be at home resting and recovering for 12-14 days.
When I met with the cancer specialist he told me I was on the right track with my nutrition and vitamin therapy. They will do some further testing after surgery to determine the cause of cancer and begin to address any weak areas in my system. On October 24th I will be flying back to North Carolina for a 3 day seminar to find out more about healing cancer through nutrition. At this point I am not going to do chemotherapy or radiation. Continue to pray God will fine tune what I am doing with my nutrition in order to kill all the cancer cells in my body.
It is because of prayers and support from my friends and family that Sewell and I have the peace we do at this point. We will continue to seek counsel from experts in the field because the Bible says there is wisdom in the abundance of counselors. But mostly we will seek the counsel of our Heavenly Father who is the only one that knows my future and the plan for my complete healing. I believe He is revealing it to us day by day.
Thank you for reading these posts, leaving your encouraging comments and praying for us. We are so glad you are part of our winning team.

Take Goliath Down

2007-10-01T05:19:00.000-07:00

"He vies for the bedside position, hoping to be the first voice you hear. He covets your waking thoughts, those early, pillow born emotions. He awakes you with words of worry, stirs you with thoughts of stress. If you dread the day before you begin the day, mark it down: your giant has been by your bed.
You face giants by facing God first.
Write today's worries in sand. Chisel yesterday's victories in stone. ...before ascending to fight, David descended to prepare. Don't face your giant without doing the same. Dedicate time to prayer.
Prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Ephesians 6:18 Message Bible
When David soaked his mind in God, he stood. When he didn't he flopped. David saw Goliath as a chance for God to show off! Did David know he would exit the battle alive? No, but he was willing to give his life for he reputation of God. What if you saw your giant in the same manner? Rather than begrude him, welcome him. Your cancer is God's chance to flex his healing muscles. David ran, not away from, but toward his giant. Do the same!"

As I read these words in Chapter 19 of Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado I was again reminded of the importance of running to the battle equipped with His promises to me. Each day before I get out of bed I focus on God. Yes, the giant is still there but I choose not to focus my attention on it. Focusing on giants will cause stress and rob us of our joy. Each day we can pick up our 5 stones and face our Goliaths. We can choose to focus on God's faithfulness in the past, the power available through prayer, the priority of God's reputation, running with passion towards our giant and persisting by never giving up. I believe I will exit this battle alive but I am willing to give my life for the reputation of God. I believe the cancer will be God's chance to flex His healing muscles in my life. I am trusting God with my life because I know He loves me.

Called to Battle

2007-09-30T10:30:00.000-07:00

I was reading a devotional this morning called Streams In The Desert. This it what today's said.

He guarded him...like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions. The Lord alone led him, no foreign god was with him. Deuteronomy 32:10-12

When God places a burden upon you, He places his arms underneath you. ...do you understand that God may take away your comforts and privileges in order to make you a stronger Christian? Do you see why the Lord always trains His soldiers by not allowing them to lie on beds of ease but by calling them to difficult marches and service? He makes them wade through streams, swim across rivers, climb steep mountains, and make many long marches carrying heavy backpacks of sorrow. This is how He develops soldiers-not by dressing them up in fine uniforms to strut at the gates of the barracks or to appear as handsome gentlemen to those who are strolling through the park. No, God knows that soldiers can only be made in battle and are not developed in times of peace. We may be able to grow the raw materials of which soldiers are made, but turning them into true warriors requires the education brought about by the smell of gunpowder and by fighting in the midst of flying bullets and exploding bombs, not by living through pleasant and peaceful times. ...could this account for your situation? Is the Lord uncovering your gifts and causing them to grow? Is He developing in you the qualities of a soldier by shoving you into the heat of battle? Should you not then use every gift and weapon he has given you to become a conqueror? Charles Spurgeon

Our family has been thrown into the battle. I know that I have already grown and become stronger during this time. Each day I put on my armor of faith and trust and go to war against this cancer. I have been wading through a stream of information, swimming across rivers of advice and counsel, climbing a steep mountain of a radical nutritional lifestyle change, and marching through the hard days of emotions that are fragile. I know His arms are holding me up and giving me strength.
My life is in God's hands. This is His battle. I will praise and trust Him as He fights for me.

2007-09-29T07:33:00.000-07:00

Doctor's make predictions, God makes promises!
I have found this road to be an emotional one. Every day I have to choose how I'm going to face my day. I can face it with the predictions of doctors or the promises of God. The only absolute truth I can be certain about concerning my life is what is written in the Bible.
Many people have asked what they can do for us at this time. I have told them to write encouraging scriptures down on 3x5 cards and give them to me. I take them everywhere and I'm constantly reading them. They stop the tears when I'm sitting in yet another doctor's office. They give me the strength to keep juicing and drinking spinach and carrots. They enable me to focus on my students and not the cancer. They guard my dreams at night. They are the solid ground I am standing on when all around me seems life shifting sand. They calm my heart and give me joy.
I know for many of you the road ahead may take a bend you did not expect. When it does, what will get you through? What will be your source of strength? Your friends and family will not be with you ever second of the day when the tide of emotions roll in. What will keep you from being thrown into depression and despair?
For me it is promises like these that have been given to me over these past weeks:
Isiah 41:10
"Fear not, for I am with you, do not look around in terror and be dismayed , for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you (to difficulties); yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with my victorious right hand."
John 14:27
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you, not as the world gives, give I unto you. Let not your hear be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
Isaiah 43:1-2
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you: I have called you by your name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you."
Jeremiah 29:12
"Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you."
At this time surgery is scheduled for Oct. 10th. I got a call from my surgeon last night and she is recommending I have the surgery done by the head surgeon at Scripps because I have concerns about removing my lymph nodes and she says he has the most experience. I have met this surgeon and I don't feel a real peace about him. I am looking into the Cancer Treatment Centers of America and into UCLA's cancer center. I need medical support and counsel as I fight this cancer with my own immune system and not chemotherapy and radiation. God has been leading me to many people that have been cured by not doing either of those. It takes a radical shift in diet (which I have made) and the willingness to do the research to become educated. I will be flying back east this month to spend 3 days at the Headquarters where the nutrition program I am on was established. This program is being used in some cancer centers. I am actively and aggressively fighting my cancer through nutrition and supplements before the medical doctors have even done one thing to treat me. I have met with immunologists and medical personnel that believe cancer can be cured without chemotherapy and radiation. I have spend hours in prayer and have the peace in my heart that this is what I am to pursue at this time. I don't have any fear in my heart about foregoing chemo. Please continue to pray God will bring the right people to help us on the road God is leading us down.

Making a Giant Decision

2007-09-26T04:56:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a giant decision to make? The kind where you desperately need to hear from God? Sewell and I need to make one concerning the path we should travel down for my healing. There are so many options which have been recommended by my doctors. They include surgery, removing lymph nodes, chemotherapy and radiation. We have been reading, questioning others, talking to people in the medical field and seeking God. The answer still is not clear. But today the chapter in Facing Your Giant was about hearing from God. After reading it I was so excited because I know we are doing all the right things to hear his voice. Here are some excerpts from the book.

"God hasn't changed. He still promises to guide you.
Psalm 32:8 "The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you."

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way;walk in it." Isaiah 30:21

"Don't make a decision whether large or small, without sitting before God with open Bible, open heart, open ears, imitating the prayer of Samuel: Your servant is listening." I Samuel 3:10

"Sometimes a choice just "feels" right. When Luke justified the writing of his gospel to Theophilus, he said, "Since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, it seemed good also to me to write an orderly account for you, most excellent Theophilus." Luke 1:3 Luke pondered his options and selected the path that "seemed good."
The same God who is "working in you to help you want to do... what pleases him." Phil. 2:13
God creates the "want to" within us.

A century ago F.B. Meyer wrote
"Are you in a difficulty about your way? Go to God with your question; get direction from the light of his smile or the cloud of his refusal...get alone, where the lights and shadows of earth cannot interfere, where the disturbance of self-will does not intrude, where human opinions fail to reach..wait there silent and expectant, though all around you insist on immediate decision or action-the will of God will be made clear, and you will have...a new conception of God, and a deeper insight into his nature."

Lucado finishes by saying, "You all have a need to face the giant-size questions of your life. Most of all you have a God who loves you too much to let you wander. Trust Him."

Since being diagnosed with cancer I have felt an urgency pressed in on me by the world to take immediate action. And yet in my heart I have not had the peace to take such action. The more and more I research and talk to women the more I do not feel God is leading me to do chemotherapy. There are so many reasons which have resulted in not having the "want to" in my spirit from God. And yet I have the "want to"within me to fight this giant with nutrition and my own immune system. I have been diligently reading, seeking professional counsel from the medical field and mostly praying for God's guidance and direction. At this point I am going to schedule a lumpectomy but I need clear direction as to whether I should take any lymph nodes or leave them alone. I am asking God to guide me to a Medical Doctor who can shed some light on the benefits of leaving vs. taking if I am going to fight cancer with my immune system. Please pray for us that we will find that answer before surgery. I should have a date for surgery today. I am hoping it will be around October 15th.

If you need to make a decision, heed your heart for God. Consult your family of faith. Read your Bible and then silence your heart before Him. He will be faithful to direct your paths. And while you wait remember the words of Isaiah 41:10 "Fear not for I am with you. Do not be dismayed. I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand."

Your gift

2007-09-22T06:52:00.001-07:00

This morning I was reading Emilie Barnes' book A Journey Through Cancer. She is a writer and speaker who had cancer. Her first chapter is titled "The Gift I Didn't Want To Open." Here is what she says. "I think we often feel that way about what the Lord sends into our lives-the gifts of our days, our circumstances, of the things that happen to us. They come to us all wrapped in mystery. Some look ugly and forbidding and terrifying. They're not the kind of thing we'd like to have in our lives at all, and we're certainly not eager to open them, even when our faith reminds us that God is in charge. Well, today I can state with full confidence that those days of my life, that came wrapped in illness, weakness, pain and fear also contained gifts of comfort and love and courage. They contained joys little and large, as well as the more sober but precious lessons that come from suffering. Best of all, every one of those fearful cancer-wrapped days turned out to be full of God-permeated by his presence. And ultimately, they contained the miracle of healing. The gift he most passionately wants to give us is the gift of himself. Whatever the gift life has left on your doorstep, no matter how ugly the package, I invite you to open it in the confidence God is in it. He will not leave you desolate. One way or another, if you open your arms to him, he will use the gift of your days to fold you closer to his heart and make you truly his."
I don't know what God has brought to your doorstep but I encourage you no matter how ugly the package consider it as a gift from God. How we see our circumstances I believe will determine the amount of joy we embrace life with.
James 1:17 says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."
My prayer is that God will use this gift of cancer in my life to change not just me and my family but all of you that are reading this. Thank you for joining me as I discovery the mystery of this package my Heavenly Father has sent me.

2007-09-21T04:54:00.000-07:00

I want to thank all of you who have left encouraging messages and verses for me and my family. It is comforting to know that so many people are praying for us.
This morning in my devotions I was reading about David's trials as he fled from Saul who was trying to kill him. It was talking about the weariness of the battle. An example was given of Florence Chadwick who in 1952 attempted to swim between Catalina Island and California. She was swimming in fog and after 15 miles just couldn't go on. They pulled her from the water and when the fogged cleared she saw she was less than half a mile from the shore!
I was thinking of how far the end might be in sight as I battle this cancer. It could be months, years or probably the rest of my life. That thought alone was overwhelming! And then I continued reading Max Lucado's book and he says, "Take a long look at the shore that awaits you. Don't be fooled by the fog of the slump. The finish may be only strokes away. God may be, at this moment, lifting his hand to signal Gabriel to grab the trumpet. Angels may be assembling, saints gathering, demons trembling. Stay at it! Stay in the water. Stay in the race. Stay in the fight. Give grace, one more time. Be generous, one more time. Teach one more class, encourage one more soul, swim one more stroke."
I am choosing to take one day at a time. I will trust God to give me strength to face the challenges of this day. I know His mercies are new every morning. I won't worry about tomorrow because I know today has enough troubles of its own. I changed I Samuel 30:6 and inserted my name. "Linn found strength in the Lord her God."
No matter what you are going through or how long you have been there, continue to focus your eyes on God, not your giant. Trust Him for the strength to face the day. Thank Him for the gift of the trial He has allowed to come into your life. He is using it for amazing things that will change who you are. Today I am choosing to consider cancer as a gift, not a curse. What Satan has meant for evil, I know God has meant for good. How do you see the giants in your life?
If you are going through something difficult right now I encourage you to read Psalm 91. David talks about the security of the one who trusts in the Lord.