He's Holding My Hand

Yesterday I fell. I wasn't standing on a chair. I wasn't out walking. I was sitting in my living room. You might ask how I fell sitting on my couch. Simple. I let go of my Father's hand.

I began to think about this long road I'm on and the difficulty and loneliness of it. Being diagnosed with cancer changes your entire life in one sentence. Nothing will ever be the same. There is a loss and grieving over life as it was.

My birthday is today and I was thinking about celebrating it without hot chocolate for breakfast, chocolate chip cookies for lunch and chocolate cake with ice cream for dinner. As you can tell I love chocolate! Because I know cancer feeds on sugar, I'm not sure I will ever eat it again. On August 29th I was told I had breast cancer. The next day I gave up dairy, all sugar, white flour, and meat. I went to an 85% raw and 15% cooked diet. I began juicing greens and carrots and drinking 6-8 glasses a day of it. This isn't just for this month or until I'm cured. It's for life. Putting cancer into remission does not mean it will not come back in 10-20 years. I know this lifestyle change is not temporary. Yesterday the loneliness of the path I am on and the reality of this disease hit me hard. I cried and cried and felt my hand slipping from His. Even Sewell did not know how to comfort me. I went to bed with a weary and troubled heart. God woke me up at 1:30 this morning. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn't. I came out to the same couch I sat on yesterday when I fell and pulled out my Bible. He directed me to Psalm 18:35-36 "You have also given me the shield of Your salvation, And Your right hand upholds me; And Your gentleness makes me great . You enlarge my steps under me, And my feet have not slipped."

Today is October 18th and God gave me the gift of Psalm 18. It says that when I gave my life to Him my salvation would be my shield. It would protect me. His right hand holds me up and keeps me from falling. His gentleness tells me He understands. I can cry on His shoulder. Because He has a firm grasp on me I may slip but I won't fall and hurt myself. He will hold onto me if I hold onto Him.

Psalm 37:23-24 "The steps of a man are established by the Lord; and He delights in his way. When he falls, he shall not be hurled headlong; because the LORD is the One who holds his hand."

Psalm 63:7-8 "Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me."

Because of the surgery I can't hold onto much with my right hand without causing pain. It's a reminder that even in my weakened emotional state God reaches down and holds onto me tightly as I cling to Him with my soul.

Have you ever been at that place where you have to cling to God? Have you felt the desperation in your Spirit that nothing can comfort? God is faithful and will not let you go. When your heart is troubled run to His word for comfort and strength. You will find it there.

I love Ron Mehl's book God Works the Night Shift. I grabbed it off the book shelf tonight since I wasn't sleeping and here's what he says. "Go ahead and call me simplistic but I think many of us have made this business of walking with the Lord way too complicated. We throw heavy five-syllable, theological terms, come up with all kinds of evangelical checklist, and sometimes make new believers feel they'll have to study Greek, Hebrew and Aramaic before they can really get along in the Christian life. All of that stuff's fine, and I'm grateful for Christian scholars and intellectuals but is it possible that in all our sophistication we've missed the bottom line of life in Jesus? Doesn't the Christian life really boil down to being held by God and, in turn, holding onto Him?"

In Psalm 18:39 it says, "You armed me with strength for battle..."

I am grateful for His strength in the midst of this battle. He knows I don't have any apart from what He gives me.

Each day, wake up, look up at your Father, place your hand in His and hold on for dear life. He won't let you go. You will find strength for your battle.

Sweet dreams!